Relocating After Living Together: How to Move On Once You Know He Doesn’t Love You in Six Steps

After all of the crying, fussing, screaming, and adult talk, you have finally awakened to a reality that is hard to swallow, he doesn’t love you. So what steps do you take to move on with your life while still living with him? Further, what if you have no support system or the one you do have lives over 3000 miles away? Those questions are answered in the following plan that is created to help you make it on your own without him.

So what is the first step you take? Think of where you want to go and who might live in the city you choose that could possibly help you. From a MySpace acquaintance to a long lost cousin, if you can have at least one person who could possibly help you get your foot in a door or two, that may be hard for you to do on your own, would eliminate some of your stress. If you still can’t think of anyone, then conduct research using the words “human service agencies” in the city you are thinking of moving to, these organizations can be very helpful to people in similar situations as yourself. You will also need to know approximately when you plan on moving out. If you follow this plan, depending on how much money you have already saved, you will be out within weeks. However, if you have no money it may be months. If you find that you are pressed for time to move out and nowhere to go, then those human service agencies I mentioned earlier will direct you to a shelter if need be.

Money

Evaluate what money you already have available to you including credit cards. Be sure to look around your apartment to find any items that you no longer use or want that can be sold. In addition, you will not want to rely on your current job or business venture as your sole source of income, but you may have to post some fliers around the neighborhood letting people know of a service you may be able to offer them on a part-time basis. For instance, let's say you are capable of watching children, why not offer to babysit a few hours during the week? You may have a degree from college that you haven't put to good use, put your name on the flyer along with your educational background and tell people what you may be able to do to help them. If you have time to consult people on a problem for say, $50 or more an hour—do it. Maybe you can spare 30 minutes each day to write until you have a complete report that you can sell on Clickbank or an auction site like EBay; however, keep in mind that it has to be a physical product if you sell it on EBay, they no longer accept digital downloads. Visit links attached to the resource section of this article, check out videos people have made on this site as well as YouTube on making money from home, conduct an Internet search for more money making ideas by using search terms such as virtual income, home income, freelance, telecommuting, etc. and visit your local library. Try to find the opportunities that you don’t have to pay anything to join and who will pay you through PayPal. You won’t want any paper money being sent to you while you are trying to move.

The second step is to save money. Total up all of the money on a weekly basis that you are able to save. Don't buy anything you don't need and put generosity on hold during this time in your life. This is the time to start harvesting the seeds you have sown when others had problems and nonprofit organizations and schools asked you for a donation, now it's time for you to collect. If you have participated in any program or did anything in the past that you have yet to see any promised money for then get on the phone and start asking about your money (this includes family and friends who borrowed from you.) Let them know briefly what changes you will be making in your personal life, but whatever you do, try not to stay on the phone talking negatively about the one who broke your heart. When you spend more time bad-mouthing and less time working toward your goals you end up procrastinating. People who sincerely care for you will offer to help you in any way they can, so don't be prideful and tell them, "No thank you." Then they will say, "Are you sure?" Meanwhile, you will be thinking, "I really do need some help." This is a time to put your so-called loving family and friends to the test, so test them!

Third, you now have an idea of how much money you have and you have estimated about how much more you need. If you haven't figured out the cost of all of the expenses, surf the net for transportation costs such as the plane ride, an apartment, new clothes for a job interview, and any money your family or friend might request for you to stay with them or contribute to gas (you can eliminate the gas expense by calculating how much a monthly bus pass will cost) until you get on your feet. Now it's time to start packing. Since you are relocating out of the state, you will want to visit the post office and find out approximately how much it will cost to ship your boxes to your family or friend's home (that is if they say it's okay for your items to be stored in their home, if not maybe you can make arrangements to take them to a storage location as soon as they arrive. This way your boxes won't inconvenience them. You will need to send them out a day or two before you leave the state that way they will be in transit and won't have to stay at your family or friend's house for long.) The smaller the box the cheaper it is to mail. Add the estimated cost to your total of expenses. Be sure you know where you will be going, so that you put the new address in the return address section too. You don't want any of your packages going back to your old address giving your former partner and excuse to continue communicating with you or worse yet taking your belongings.

Job Search

Fourth, you should be updating your resume with the address you are moving to and include the new phone number, preparing cover letters including your new contact information, and sending them out to companies in your industry at your new location. You should also inform whoever you are living with of this so that they will take your phone calls and pass them on to you. Further, ask them to help you look for a job as well. Send them copies of your cover letters and resumes along with a list of additional companies that may still need to be contacted via mail or fax. Add postage and any money you may be willing to pay them to your list of expenses. Once you know that a company is interested in interviewing you, you will need to obtain money from your savings to get to the interview. Some companies will want to interview you a second time. If so, you may want to try to get around the second interview because it will cost you additional money if you haven't left the old residence yet and have left your belongings behind or you can always stay longer between visits. Wait for an offer letter before you book a moving truck, reserve plane tickets, or sign a lease. Being over anxious will cost you money every time, so be wise!

Apartment Search

Fifth, if you don't want to overstay your welcome with family, then start looking for an apartment now. You can do this by visiting sites that will give you a walking tour of vacant apartments online and floor plans. To be sure that you won't be disappointed with the apartment you may be moving into soon after you have relocated, have a family member or friend visit these apartments for you. Once you have decided on one, take the money you have saved and put money down on the apartment to hold it. Most property management companies will hold an apartment with money on it for as little as 48 hours while some private owners will hold an apartment, if you have agreed upon a payment plan, as long as you keep paying on it until you are ready to move in which is no longer than 30 days. Some will expect you to move in with the security deposit, first and second month's rent within 15 days or less, so ask in advance before you pay for application fees or put money down, "How long will your company hold an apartment with or without money? How much will I need to put down?" There are many who will not return your money once you have given them a move-in date and signed an agreement.

Lease, Utilities & other paperwork

Sixth, be sure to remove your name and his name off of every legal binding document. From the insurance papers to the lease, leave no stone unturned. Make phone calls, send emails, and write notes to confirm. The last things you want to do is leave the relationship and find later a letter in the mail requesting your court appearance. Whatever you can’t complete by the time you leave, document, take a photograph, or have some type of proof even if you have to give him a letter with your finger print on it at the last minute promising to complete, fix, pay for whatever has been left unresolved. However, remember if you don’t keep your word that letter will come back and bite you. Be sure you are specific on what you paid already with copies of the check and money orders and include anything you gave him before you left (food, furniture, TV, etc.) Ask him for his signature which proves he agreed to the details of the letter.

Complete All Tasks

Lastly, set a deadline for yourself to complete all tasks including: when you will return any items that don't belong to you but to your partner, when to pay your portion of any bills you agreed to pay, and most of all doing any cleaning or repairs you may need to make. At this stage of the break up, the only information you should be sharing with your former partner is when "I will be moving..." and where "I will be leaving the key..." Avoid being tempted to give them details about your new job, new residence, new phone number and any other information that he can use to keep in touch with you. Now if you have children you should give them contact information if you or children are not at risk of being harmed, but you should avoid giving them any personal details about yourself. Let's say you tell yourself, "Well I should let him know where I will be staying in case a bill shows up at the house, or maybe I might forget something, then he could send it to me." Most likely he won’t care to remember, because he isn't interested in you anymore. Rely on the post office change of address form to send your mail to you. If you fill out the card at least two weeks prior to your move, you will be able to see that your mail stops being delivered. As for the thing you might have forgotten, most couples who no longer like one another will toss personal items in the trash, give them away, or sell them. They reason, "He won't need this." They may even use those items to try to lure you back in during their time of loneliness, don't fall for it. Most heart-breakers are just lonely, not in love. They usually start back to their old ways soon after make-up sex while still not being interested in you.

So what happens after your partner sees you are taking all of these steps to move? If he sincerely doesn’t love you and feels like you provide no added benefit to the relationship, he won’t be difficult. However, if there is still some feeling he has for you, he may act negatively about your actions and will bring up the past. Notice some key phrases like, “I still care about you. I want what’s best for you. Do you need help with that? I can drive…Would you like me to mail that…?” Remember he may be trying to avoid conflict by being cooperative, so don’t misunderstand his actions by thinking “he still loves me.” If he sincerely did, you wouldn’t be moving you would be planning your wedding.

By Nicholl McGuire

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