Friendship - When a Date Wants Nothing More, Nothing Less

Companionship isn't promoted on movie screens and elsewhere between the opposite sex like being lovers to one another is.  Hold hands, kiss, have sex, argue, hug...touch, undress, touch, and so on.  But what about friendship?  What about two people being companions?  No touching, no sex, just talking--enjoying one's company?

When one is getting to know someone for the first time there is much conversing going on, probably too much.  In time, the date feels like he or she knows enough about the person that now he or she feels like they can touch or be ready to experience a touch that eventually leads into an intimate moment that might produce a child, a sexual disease, or disappointment. 

A good friendship will take you away from the bedroom and to the places you always wanted to go.  It will help you discover things about yourself and the other person that just isn't worth risking fun times for sex.  One can experience contentment just by being in the presence of a good friend without the worry of trying to impress.

When a date realizes that the one seated across from him or her at the restaurant is more a friend than a potential partner, this is a good thing--a very good thing!  What this means is that two people are free to be themselves!  There is no facade, no pressure, or stress about following any order of how things should go!  You also don't have to worry over footing any bill-- go dutch!

Whenever the opportunity comes to have a friendship with someone, rather than a sexual relationship, be open to it!  There is nothing wrong with periodic communication, attending an event or two (without touching), and being supportive of one another when one is up or down.  Yet, what is wrong is the following:  when people manipulate one another to get things, are unclear as to what the status of their relationship is, and act disrespectfully toward a partner because of a so-called friend who is really one that receives "benefits."

Take the time and think about what it really means to be a good friend and respect those who simply want nothing more and nothing less.

Nicholl McGuire  

How Do You Know You No Longer Have a Friendship with Your Husband

Good friends like good men are hard to come by and that is why some women will fight tooth and nail about their partners. They want to know that their partners will stick closer to them than they would their best friend. However, that is oftentimes not the case. Usually the friend outlasts all the relationships. You can’t help but think was the friend also responsible for some if not all the breakups? So how do you know that you are no longer your husband’s closest friend? Here’s how you can tell.

You don’t occasionally set some time aside to learn more about his interests and hobbies.

You do well listening to him when he tells you about things that matter like groceries, bills, doctor’s appointments, and children, but when he starts telling you about his game of golf, the workload at his job, or other things that you aren’t a least bit interested in, you zone out. If you remember, when you first dated him you managed to find a way to stay interested in what he had to say.

You talk negatively about him to family, friends and strangers.

When he does something right that doesn’t get as much of your media coverage as the bad news! Everyone knew about him screwing up the checkbook, destroying something in the house, or forgetting to get the car fixed, but when he does something thoughtful or nice, that news is buried somewhere between the celebrity news and the personals.

You lie to him without remorse.

You don’t have a problem telling him a story or two. In fact lies come off your lips faster than you can blink your eyes. Even if he knew the truth, you wouldn’t even feel a little bit sorry for what you said, because you don’t care. Now if one of your friends did what you are doing to your husband, you would chew her out! “How dare you lie to me! After all these years we have been friends. You know me better than that!” So why do you do that to your husband?

You cheat on him.

Maybe it was only one time, maybe it wasn’t really cheating just a peck on the lips, or maybe your old friend just tapped your behind, whatever “the it” was, would you be okay with him doing it to you. You may reason that he probably has already, but then again he probably hasn’t. Surely, you don’t want to carry that guilt around forever, repent of your sin to God and yourself and make some changes. He doesn’t need to know what you did unless you are sure he wouldn’t lose his top and possibly harm you!

You take money from him without asking.

Some women don’t mind taking their man’s ATM card or writing a check from his checking account. They may tell themselves, “Well he took money from me in the past. He promised to pay me back but didn’t. He won’t miss this and just a small amount.” Put yourself in his shoes, if you have plans to make a purchase with that money or pay a bill would you want you taking it? It’s just the principal of the thing.

You sell his things without talking to him first then keep the money for yourself.

So you didn’t bother to talk to him about his stuff that his been sitting over in that corner for months, does it give you the right to sell it? At some point he is going to want to look at his baseball card or stamp collection, that old dirty football with the signature on it, or take out his gun and give it a cleaning, what are you going to do, lie?

You abuse him mentally or physically behind closed doors or in front of others.

He may be a big man and you may be a little woman, but that big man has feelings. He may not look like he cares about what you say, but he does. He wants to know why you feel the need to embarrass him whenever family and friends come around. He wants to know why you don’t respect him. You may want to be an example to him and show him what love and respect looks like and maybe he will behave better with you too.

You blame him for everything.

Sometimes we all are in moods where it is everyone else’s fault but ours. But if that is your mood every day, see a doctor. There are vitamin deficiencies, hormonal imbalances, and other women related issues that cause us to feel angry, sad, depressed, or often irritated.

You often think of the past things he has done to you and act vengeful toward him.

How long is he going to have to pay for his mistake from years ago? You agreed to forgive him, but that doesn’t give you a license to keep hitting him with the same stuff over and over again. If you are still severely wounded by what he has done to you, get free, let him go.

You avoid talking to him intimately.

You refuse to share your feelings with him, because he isn’t worth it. Every time you attempted to in the past he was critical and threw things back up in your face, so now you just don’t bother telling him things. If this is the best way to handle your issues with him so be it. But if not, try sharing a few things and see what he does with them even after you have instructed him not to be critical or abusive with what you have told him. If he continues to act negatively, then go back to cutting him off until you see signs of change.

These signs have been picked because many women go through these changes in their marriages. They want to know if their husband is not only a provider, but there friend too. Sometimes it is helpful to re-evaluate your relationship to get the most out of it. The best relationships last 30 plus years because couples have learned to be each one's friends. They accept one another just as good friends do no matter what!

By Nicholl McGuire

12 Things You Can Do to Have a Friendship That Stands the Test of Time

Good friends like good men are hard to find. There are seasonal friends, the kind that come into your life for a season. They are there for the transition in jobs, the relationship that goes sour, the project that needs to be completed, or the new job you started. Yet, they may leave your life, because their services are no longer needed or you can no longer benefit them. But good friends, they are the ones that are there for you through all seasons. They not only will call you on the phone, take you out in good times and in bad, but send you money whether you asked for it or not, offer to help you even if you insist they don’t and so much more! Good friends usually outlast marriages, are there through the death of loved ones, and support you even when your own family won’t. So what do you have to do to have a friendship that stands the test of time?

One. Take the time to communicate.

So many valuable friendships are lost because people get to busy in their lives to write a letter, an email, make a phone call or commit to a lunch date. Just as communication is important in a marriage, it is just as important in a good friendship. How can you call someone a good friend when you don’t communicate? Conversation was never meant to be a 250 page manual of tips. Most friends just want to know the significant details of your life and the latest happenings such as: your well being, the condition of your family, what projects or affiliations are you involved, and when will you be back in the neighborhood? Periodic communication is essential to a long lasting friendship. It doesn’t matter how many months or years, most likely you will pick up where you left off anyway.

Two. Be sincere, act like you care and ask questions.

One of my personal pet peeves I have with people, who call themselves friends, is the one-sided conversation. They ask you many questions about your life, but you get little if nothing in return from them. The other issues I have is the complete opposite, I ask them questions about what is going in their lives and they are barely interested in asking me any questions about mine. Good friends know the balance in conversing with one another. I ask you something, you answer. You ask me something I answer and so forth. A person who doesn’t know you very well will either hog the conversation—as if you aren’t there or barely say anything – as if you are talking to a wall.

Three. Be a good listener.

Good friends listen well. So well in fact that they know how to read into parts of the conversation that spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e! They will follow up with the popular question, “What’s really wrong?” They will let you talk forever when you really need someone to listen without interrupting you every few seconds telling you what you need to do.

Four. Know when to offer advice.

Sometimes there will be those times when your friend isn’t going to ask for your advice and you may have to keep quiet, but many times friends will ask one another what they think about one thing or another. The best way to give advice is in a form of a question that makes them answer their own dilemma such as, “Well you know in the past you did XYZ and did that work? Why not try doing ABC instead?” This way you have given them a choice and it’s up to them to make a decision, rather than telling them, “You should…You need…”

Five. Allow for space in your friendship.

There are those friends who call or stop by far too often. They wear out their welcome, so to speak. A good friend doesn’t have to be a needy friend, controlling, or a push-over. He or she can still be a friend without showing up uninvited, calling often and expecting a returned call promptly, and obligating you to put her down in your appointment book almost daily.

Six. Remember important holidays.

You know when you have a good friend when he or she can remember birthdays and other significant events better than you can. They will send you that unexpected card, make a phone call, or send a gift. These are wonderful gestures that are remembered for a lifetime.

Seven. Be helpful.

Great friends don’t need to be persuaded or given anything to be there for a friend. A friend will see a problem and offer to help without you having to ask or beg for assistance. Some people you have to offer to pay them to help you (this includes your own family) and others won’t let you forget what they have done either. There are those friends who will make you feel obligated to do something for them whenever they need something in the future all because you asked them to help you once when you needed them.

Eight. Acknowledge a loss.

Whether it is a pet or a relative, a good friend will be sympathetic to your loss. Some people demonstrate poor listening skills or don’t act as if they are empathetic when they jump right in with a story of their own without bothering to listen to your full story. They will say things such as, “I went through that too, and you know what I did…He isn’t worth crying for…You know Jesus will fix it.” The last thing you want to hear about is Jesus when you are grieving your loved one! People aren’t very careful about how and when to say something that could have been encouraging but came off sounding wrong.

Nine. Be supportive.

There is nothing like a good friend who supports you even when you are wrong or right. They won’t embarrass you in front of others, belittle you, or even puff you up. Instead, they know how to balance criticism with praise. They will support you even when no one else will.

Ten. Keep past memories alive.

Sometimes when life gets the best of you, a good friend will reflect on the funny, wild days of the past. They remind you of how far you have come in life and they encourage you to do something great to create new memories.

Eleven. Never forget your friend for important events.

One of the worst mistakes old friends make is to forget about one another for special occasions in life. Even if a friend says he or she is busy, overwhelmed with responsibility, or have a financial hardship, never assume that he or she won’t be able to make an important event in your life, so you don’t bother to mention it.

Twelve. Avoid the temptation to take what isn’t yours.

Once good friends end up being arch enemies, because they covet things in their friend’s life they shouldn’t. Worse, they allow their selfish desires to override the friendship and ultimately kill it. Have enough self-esteem and confidence within you, so that you aren’t taking what isn’t yours and if the temptation is too bad, distance yourself, maybe limit your friendship to the phone. It is better to leave a relationship with your reputation intact, than not.

This is just a short list of a host of things you can do to build a quality friendship that lasts a lifetime. If you sincerely desire a quality friendship, utilize these tips, your friends will be glad you did!

By Nicholl McGuire