Dragging your feet, a sound like someone sweeping the floor.
As you carry your half-broken heart from yesteryear's loves.
Head turned to the left as you pass me by
Careful not to look my way.
Hoping I can't see what you are thinking.
You don't like me.
But if you closely look into my glaring eyes,
you would see I don't like you.
I am settling, standing on your empty promises.
When I speak, you are annoyed as you take your seat.
It's only a commercial.
"What?" You say.
"Nothing." I retort.
I really don't like you!
That's why I hold my nose as you sigh.
Hoping I don't smell your breath.
It's stale, old just like this relationship.
Please don't exhale, keep that to yourself!
It's not like anything will change!
You will just stink up the atmosphere like you always do
then find a way to blame me.
What happened to the young guy I once knew anyway?
He was full of life.
Freshened up a room with an inviting odor like fresh flowers of bright reds and yellows,
you use to brighten my day.
Then again I misunderstood those happy feelings I once had for you.
I gave you credit you didn't deserve --
that was God, his mercy, his joy, my bad.
I guess too much sex over the years wilted you.
Didn't have enough manhood to sustain your inner being, huh?
Fall apart at every moan, every rejection, and every lie.
That's right you lie, always hiding your "real" emotions.
Replacing them with incomplete thoughts decorated with past memories.
Oh how I sicken of hearing what we did in the past!
You move like a grandfather, you will be dying soon -- I know it.
There is nothing more you can give to anyone unless you are strangled, and beaten emotionally. Your ex taught you well.
Its too much to give to another without he or she having to ask, you always want to know, "What's in it for me?"
Who are you anyway?
Sometimes I think, "a minion of the devil."
Trying to claim a mystery that you really don't possess.
The only secret you have -- boredom.
You bore easily, because you are boring.
There is nothing more to you.
What great wonder are you?
You abandoned the one who created you - He made you the once interesting, entertaining happy-go-lucky being that people use to talk about.
Without him, you are fruitless, meaningless -- always looking to blame others for your short-comings.
We already seen your movie.
I held my applause.
I'm not offering you a tissue.
Too busy wiping my own nose.
Don't want to see the replay all over again.
Let's break up, okay?
No making up this time.
Won't stay connected to your draining spirit through sex.
That liberating action is now a holy inaction reserved for the one who I couldn't wait for -- that's why I got you.
But I can wait...now! Oh Lord I can wait!!!
Looking at your mean face everyday,
taught me to wait for the one my heart so desires!!!
The wait won't be long. I can feel it!
My bus is coming and this time I won't be answering your call.
My boxes are already packed.
The best feeling of never being in your sorrowful presence again!
Nicholl McGuire is the creator of http://lovepoetrybynicholl.blogspot.com
All the sweet talking about how great a family would be is nice when there is no family to worry over. All the wonderful visions of a daughter with eyes like yours and a son with a grin like his are beautiful, but put that off for as long as you can! Spend a lot of time appreciating, learning, and spending time with one another. If more couples would have taken this kind of advice seriously, they wouldn't be openly or secretly resenting their husband, wife, and/or children. They wouldn't be on the phone gossiping about how he or she "can't stand...hate...dislike...or wish things would have been different..."
If you happened to stumble on this site and you are presently in a new relationship, please heed this advice it will save you both money (buying diapers, formula, health care bills for a baby and more when you are not ready) and feelings of resentment in the long term! When we get involve in relationships that knock us off our feet we fail to plan for the long term and before long short term plans of "we could do this" and "we could do that" go out the window. Don't let it happen to you! If you haven't been to a ski resort in awhile, click on the link below. Do take the time to enjoy one another outside of the sheets!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and she tweets @nichollmcguire about a variety of things including relationships.
Getting a date in this time and age can be a daunting task; lots of people seem to only want a one-night stand nowadays. If you're not one of those people, and are looking to go out with someone special, then there are a few things you can do in order to make your date successful.
First off, make sure you are presentable. Nobody wants to go out with someone who hasn't showered or shaved for days. Take a look at your wardrobe as well. If your clothes scream "hobo at the train station begging for quarters", you might want to steer clear of them and find something else to wear. Although it might seem shallow, first impressions are very important on a first date, so choose your look wisely.
It is usually customary for the man to pick up the woman when going on a date, because it shows that the man is responsible enough to own his own car. A man picking up his date on a bike isn't exactly a bad thing, but it can end up sending the wrong signals to his date. If a girl picks up her date, however, it's often looked down upon. It is more polite for the man to pick up the woman. Also, if your date happens to be running a little late inside their house, apartment, bamboo shack, etc., it's impolite to honk your horn to get them to hurry up. That's just showing that you are impatient. Instead, get out of the car and knock on the door or ring the doorbell. Perhaps someone will let you inside so that you may wait in there instead of the car.
When you've finally gotten your date in the car and are driving to your designated destination, let them pick out what they want to listen to on the radio, or let them pick out a CD from your collection. This is also polite of you to do so. Perhaps your date doesn't like listening to death-metal, and would prefer to listen to country, but you hate country. Just grin and bear it. You'll earn points with them for being so nice.
Now you've finally gotten to the brand-new Italian restaurant that you two agreed to eat at together. It's polite for the man to open the door for his date, but it's not necessary; it can be considered old-fashioned by some. So, you've made it inside. That means you've got to sit down and start talking to each other! Don't panic, it's not as hard as you might think, but there are certain topics of conversation you should steer clear from. For instance, never start talking about people you've dated in the past, even if they were terrible. Keep yourself in the here and now. Also, you shouldn't ask them awkward questions, like if they've slept with anyone before or if they've ever done drugs. It's just impolite. In fact, stay away from any really personal questions for now, because you might learn the answer to them later on, if they choose to date you again. If you're a complete social misfit and put your foot in your mouth every time you open it, let your date do most of the talking. It's not going to kill you.
Ah, your plate of fettuccini alfredo has arrived. Little do you know you've ordered possibly the worst meal you can eat on a date. It's extremely messy, and the last thing you want your date to think is that you have no manners. Make use of the napkin the restaurant provides you with and place it in your lap. Try not to slurp the noodles into your mouth, either; twirling the noodles around your fork and popping them into your mouth is an easy way of eating them without any real fuss.
Whew, so you've finished your desserts and you're ready to take your date home. The man should always show his date to the door, whether or not he plans on getting a good-bye kiss. If your date was not impressed by this little outing, they'll probably just tell you they had a great time, they'll see you later, and that will be that. However, if you're lucky, your date might give you a kiss. This can be anything from a peck on the cheek to a full-mouthed kiss, depending on how the night went, but don't expect your date to let you inside for some coffee just yet. After all, this was just the first date. But if it was a good one, who knows what might happen next time!
Dating to engagement should take minimum of one year because the real question is: how long does it takes to develop the type of friendship that leads to long-lasting marriage. That's crucially important because best marriages are based on being best friends and it takes 'time' to develop as best friends.
How long that takes depends upon how well you and your prospective mate have mastered Communication Intimacy. That is communication at its deepest level. That's the goal of marriage-to work together in union as one team. This unity of heart, soul and spirit bonds couples as soul mates.
A soul mate is someone who has the unique ability to bring out the best in us. The chemistry ignited between partners turns their souls on physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The only way this can be accomplished is by "knowing" each other's inner workings that bond with ours in shared outlook and purpose. Does your prospective partner bring out the best in you?
You've heard it said often, communication is the key to a good relationship. Communication is what it's all about. This communication probes for compatibility assessing how to handle differences, how to manage disagreements.
It scrutinizes likes, dislikes, habits, thinking on politics, religion, health, future parenting, financial matters, career expectations, housework, conflict resolution, vacation time preferences, responsibilities toward parents, anger, jealousy, insecurities, neediness and so forth. This requires effort, maturity and TIME!
If the potential for lifetime love is there, couples begin to talk about their deepest thoughts, feelings, dreams, fears and joy. This is where you discover if both are similarly endowed intellectually. Doesn't necessarily mean education because some very smart people never make it to college, but it means a couple needs to be in the same league intellectually.
Couples need to see things similarly and speak about them in similar ways. It doesn't always matter so much how smart the partners are, but it does matter how close they are intellectually.
Another area of deep concern is that couples need to agree upon the same values--Especially how to handle MONEY. You must be on the same page because money and finances are emotional issues. Often our self-worth is tied to how much or how little money we make. This could erupt into power and control issues.
Individual have different money histories and styles that they bring into the relationship-one may be a BIG spender; the other a penny pincher. If money issues are not clearly laid out on the table, problems will surface later and trust in the relationship can erode.
Couples need to communicate on a monthly basis about their financial status. If there are major problems you need to seek financial counseling BEFORE entering into marriage with each other.
So how long should you date before getting engaged? Depends on how long it takes to get to know each other in the two areas mentioned above. And how long it takes to master 5 other steps in the dating process.
So take your time to develop a deep friendship first, and date at least a year or two before getting engaged for marriage.By Donna Patterson
Many people have been taught that the best way to deal with a problem is to simply wait for the problem to go away or to ignore it. Both men and women will admit that they sometimes deal with conflicts by pushing down their emotions instead of confronting them.
While conflict might seem like something best avoided, the truth is that conflict must be dealt with. If conflict is left unresolved, it will simply fester and grow. The key to dealing with conflict, as any trained counselor will tell you, is knowing how to properly communicate with each other to work through a problem. Here are some hints:
1. Use "I" statements. Instead of telling your husband or wife all of the things that they are doing that make you angry or upset, tell your husband or wife how you are feeling. For example, say "I feel taken for granted when the cleaning is left for me," instead of "you never throw away your trash!" The first way tells your partner how you are feeling. The second way blames your partner for your feelings. Nobody likes to be blamed for things.
2. Ask clarifying questions. If your husband or wife says something that you do not understand, ask them to clarify their statements. Instead of saying "that doesn't make any sense at all!" try "I don't understand what you mean by that. Could you give me an example" or say "so are you saying that..." and insert your interpretation of his or her words.
3. Don't automatically assume that you understand exactly what is going on inside your partner's brain. Your marriage therapist will work with you to keep you from telling the other person what they are thinking or feeling "you always think that" or "you always feel" are not good examples of good communication. Instead ask "do you feel" or "do you think that" and allow your partner to answer the question!
4. Open ended questions are vital to good communication. If you ask a question that can be answered in a yes or a no, you give your spouse the opportunity to shut down and shut you out. Asking questions that need real answers will help you get the conversational ball rolling.
A marriage therapist will help you work on non confrontational communication that will help you resolve conflicts faster and in ways that make both of you feel better about the problems that you have been facing.
By seeking the help of a marriage therapist, you can address the various problems and concerns of your marital life and ensure that you find marital bliss soon.
- Confront your man/women after you have had time to calm down - Yes, I know this will be incredibly hard to do if you are upset, but when you are emotional and out for blood, you will never get him to answer your questions. Furthermore, it will just make you more upset and it will emotionally drain you. Calm down, let the initial shock wears off, and then confront the cheating boyfriend/girlfriend.
- Do not blame yourself for his actions - I know how difficult this will be even if you are upset, as women, we tend to wonder what we did, if anything, to cause him to act that way. In this case however, there is no excuse for a boyfriend to cheat on you.
- Do not rationalize his behavior - The mother instinct in women tends to make them want to find out what is wrong with their man, and fix the problem by any means necessary. However, your boyfriend/girlfriend has just cheated, so there is no reason for you to give him excuses for his poor behavior.
- Take time for yourself if you need to - Some women do need to take time after finding out a boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating to get back in touch with who they are, and more importantly what they want from a man. If you are clear on your goals and expectations, and do not settle, you will eventually find the right man that is worth your time, love, and dedication.
- Do not take him/her back no matter how much he begs - This is sometimes hard to do, especially when a boyfriend found cheating apologizes and promises to never do it again. Now, in some cases he really is a changed man, but perhaps more importantly you should look at how you will feel if you take him back. Will you feel like you are settling? Will you feel like you are saying it was okay to do? Think about these things before you look into his sad puppy dog eyes and decide to take him back.
- Do not mope, get back out there and have some fun - Be social, yes you have just had to deal with a boyfriend cheating, but if you have followed the steps above, you will be ready to move on from the situation and be social in the single life once again. Get your hair done; treat yourself to a new pair of shoes. Do whatever it takes to help you get over that cheating boyfriend as soon as possible!
We usually hear the question why do men cheat on their women, but statistics are showing that women are cheating at a much higher rate than in years past. Is this really so or is the stats just catching up to what has been going on all along? So what are some reasons that may be causing women to cheat on their men?
There is probably no exact reason for why men or women are cheating but in recent surveys several issues were brought up as to why women were cheating.
· Unfulfilled at Home - Just like men, women have certain sexual desires that they expect to be met as well. For the men that are concerned with just getting off, they better beware. While their woman may not be openly expressing her dissatisfaction with him, she may be on the prowl for the Don Juan that can fulfill her every desire.
· To End a Relationship - For certain women, it is hard for them to emotionally break off a relationship so by sleeping with someone else it allows them to emotionally disconnect. Once this is done, they are now able to end their stale relationship.
· To Feel Young Again - As a woman get up there in age, she will sometimes get self conscience about her appearance a and will sometimes seek out an affair with a hot lover to get some kind of validation of her beauty.
As mentioned above, it is usually men that are typecast as a cheater, but as I also mentioned is that women are just as likely to cheat in today's society.
The main thing you should get from this article is that if you don't mind your relationship, someone will. Take the time to do the little things that you did when you first fell in love.
Please keep reading for the complete guide on "Why Do Women Cheat on Their Men?"
Although, your opinions, beliefs, judgments, preferences and reactions to other people’s voice are a part of your conditioning, they are all caused by none other than yourself. No doubt, they would be have been triggered by someone else. More often than not, we think that our conditioning is right and that of others is wrong. This attitude often leads to differences in relationships and results in stressful living. Hence it is better to allow others to be what they are and be different from us. This will not only ensure that relationship will be stable but also the emotions would be under check as well. Problems related to relationships are not just confined to homes but also at work places. You need to mature as an individual and act responsibly all the times.
Healthy relationships are those, which remain stable even at rough times. Two or more people involved in a relationship have to realize that there is a thin line separating each one of them. This imaginary line could be related to either individual behavior, interests or opinions. A forceful attempt to cross this line could be dangerous to the relationship. Individuals who fail to realize this line and its importance end up in broken relationships and are left wondering what went wrong. You can still go wrong if you attempt to resurrect the relationship with the help of money. No amount of money can build a relationship. This is what everybody has to realize at one point in time or other.
You might be tempted to ask what can be done to keep tensions arising out of a stressful relationship at bay. Well, there can’t be a single answer to this question. Healing a broken relationship is never easy. However, that should not stop you from trying to resurrect it. You have to first realize that the foundation of a healthy relationship lies in love and understanding. If these two things exist between two individuals, there is no way relationship can go wrong. You will do well to understand that it takes a lot of time to build a strong relationship, however few minutes is all it requires to break it down. You have to love family to realize the importance of a relationship. Healing relationships can be done any time. But the real challenge lies in maintaining a healthy relationship all the time, in spite of all stresses and strains that can accompany it.
Lynn is author of this article on Healing Relationships.
Find more information about Healthy Relationships here.
I am communicating with somebody from a dating site and we are close to getting out on our opening date. Wherever are the most proficient places for our first date?The bulk of online daters hold their first date at a café. It is a very instinctive and easy surrounding where you are able to create an immediate departure or stay on for hours depending on how the date advances. So what is the most common spot was for a first date, more importantly “the best spots”. Here are a few more options…
1) Miniature golf game.
What’s neat about miniature golf is that it's an activity date where you aim to experience the new person whilst undergoing some fun. In a locale such as this, it’s more comfortable for your persona (and your date’s persona) to shine.
2) Hole in the Wall Eat Out.
This constitutes among those humble spots that hardly any people know about that deliver absolute great table service and food. It can involve a lot of research on your part uncovering it, but once you discover this gem, it will very much impress both your date and you.
3) Local Comedy nightspot.
Let’s face it,partaking in an entertaining experience during a first date could help build a fast bond. Plan on getting to the comedy club early with your date to get time to know one an other prior to the “main event”. Being able to joke and experience fun on your date is a recipe for a great night. But if you consider your date might be shocked by forceful language or sexual insinuations from a comedian, perhaps it’s better to look somewhere else for a first date.
4) Local carnival or Theme Park.
Reports indicate that proceeding on a date at a theme park assists building a bond as the playfulness related to the event is every bit related with who the event is shared with. Hence getting together at a theme park or local funfair can offer great interactivity and amusement.
While imagining a site for a first date, be creative, but not over the top. Be sure the locale is a spot your date can meet you at (it is never a smart thought to pick up your date or permit yourself to be picked up on a first date). Your initial date might have been to a café, however being a shade imaginative (and unusual) will assist you to stand out from the bunch.
Free Internet dating sites can often be a great place to start for dating ideas. The Internet has many free online dating sites and free chat rooms that offer dating related articles for singles who are looking for dating ideas. Participating in singles chat rooms is a fantastic way check out what other singles are getting up to on their latest dating adventures.
Recent Internet dating research suggests that 30% of singles now use free chat rooms and online dating sites in an attempt to meet new friends and singles.by Mr Online Dating
There are no foolproof guarantees that your relationship will last forever but you have a better chance at it if you avoid the common mistakes in your relationship:
1. Compare your partner with your ex - it's a bad idea to talk about what your ex has and what your partner hasn't. Or talk about how great your ex was and expecting your partner to be the same. If you had to compare, don't say it out loud.
2. Judging your partner based on passed experience - just because your ex cheated on you or treated you badly doesn't mean your current partner will do the same. It's unfair to mistrust your partner or accuse him for doing something he has not done because of the emotional baggage you carry.
3. Disrespecting your partner - never insult your partner or call him names especially in public. It doesn't matter how angry he made you. It's not an excuse for you to make a scene.
4. Getting too jealous - just because your partner has female friends, it doesn't mean that he's romantically interested in them. Don't jump into conclusions; start monitoring his activities or worst, secretly reading messages on his phone. You're only making yourself look bad.
5. Too much nagging and complaining - if he's too lazy or forgetful, don't start ranting about it. If you remind him of things over and over again, he'll just end up ignoring you or it might even trigger a fight.
6. Don't try to control him - men likes independence and they also want to hang out with his friends. Let him be as long as he doesn't overdo it.
7. Over analyzing the situation - if your partner hasn't called when he's out with his friends or off somewhere else, don't start thinking negatively about what he could be doing. There has to be an explanation why he hasn't called so don't call him and start asking unreasonable questions.
8. Don't expect your partner to know what you're thinking - your partner is not a psychic and he can't read your mind. It's not enough to just give him hints and expect him to understand what it is you want. If you want something, say it.
9. Too much expectation from your partner - unfortunately, men are not like women so you can't expect them to naturally be more sensitive, understanding, and caring. If you need something from him, you need to let him know what it is and how he can help.
10. Don't try to change him - you need to accept him for who he is and what he loves to do.
Janet Grace Ortigas is a freelance writer and online blogger.
First, you have to have a serious talk to each other about it. Admit to each other that the relationship is difficult and needs to be worked on. Get rid of the ideals of what it should be and start focusing on what's going on.
Talk to each other about what is making the relationship difficult. You might find out things that you are doing that you didn't know hurt the other person or was causing a problem. Some of these things will be trivial and can be fixed quickly.
Stop fighting or blaming each other for who the other person is. At times you might not like something about the other person. Getting into fights about it is not going to fix or help your relationship.
Consider planning some time apart. At times when getting to used to someone, problems occur. Separate for awhile and start appreciating who the other person is again.
Start planning simple dates where you can spend quality time with each. Do things that you can really get to know who the other person is or learn new things about each other. Consider doing new things that you have never done before and make it fun.
Talk about what you both want out of the relationship and even out of life. You can then see if your future goals are meeting up and if it's worth fighting for this current bond that you have with the other person.
Don't take the little things for granted. Start doing the little things that you did originally to get the other person to like you. These are things that should never be stopped so the other person feels appreciated and thought of.
"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous words for your relationship and marriage.
But over and over in my office and on the phone I hear it: "We are just friends, there is nothing going on."
The majority of extramarital affairs begin as "just friends." While it is certainly true that there are affairs that begin with impulsive one-night stands with a stranger, the most common ones that I see begin as "just friends." In fact, if you find yourself thinking or saying "but we are just friends" you are probably already in trouble.
Gary Rosberg of America's Family Coaches states that there are at least 19 stages a person will pass through on the way to physically consummating an extramarital affair. There are at least two important notions that we can lift from Rosberg's statement:
1) At each and every one of the 19 steps, you have a clear choice between going further down or stopping the process. In other words, these things don't "just happen."
2) An affair - by the way, I hate that term!
It makes it sound like it is this wonderful experience with no consequences ... as in "It was a grand affair." In my marital counseling and relationship coaching experience, adultery breaks up marriages, wrecks families and crushes kids.
Anyway, now that my rant is over, an affair becomes adultery long before the physical act. In fact, emotional affairs can be stronger and more difficult to get out of than physical affairs.
The late Shirly Glass was a pioneer in the area of emotional affairs. In her 2003 book "NOT Just Friends: Protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the trauma of betrayal," Glass identifies three red flags that indicate that you have progressed from a safe friendship to a romantic emotional affair.
1) You feel closer to your friend than you do your spouse.
You find yourself thinking of this person more and more often and looking forward to the next time you are together. When something happens during the day, the first person you think of telling is this friend, not your spouse.
2) Keeping secrets.
You no longer feel comfortable telling your spouse about this person. You begin to cover up so as not to be found out.
3) An increasing sexual tension.
You admit your attraction for each other, but promise (complain) that you can never act on it. You fantasize what it would be like to be with this person. This helps to create a pretend world where everything would be wonderful if the two of you could just be together.
One of the most overlooked and dangerous facts about emotional affairs is that we are all vulnerable. If you believe that this fact does not apply to you, then you are even more vulnerable than everyone else.
How to protect yourself and your relationship
Keep clear boundaries. A boundary is simply what kids mean when they say "don't go there."
Avoid being alone with and/or emotionally close to someone to whom you are attracted.
Talk often about your spouse. "Spouse bashing" does not count. Talk about what you have done lately and what you are looking forward to with your spouse.
If you are going to talk about emotional issues in your marriage, make sure you are talking to your spouse, a trusted friend who is on the side of you and your marriage or a professional who is on the side of your marriage.
Be especially careful at work. More and more emotional affairs are occurring in the workplace. You spend time together, you go through crises together, you solve problems together. Do not make a habit of taking private lunches or breaks with the same person over and over.
Set up a review committee in your mind. Ask yourself, "Would my wife, my mom, my wife's mom, my sister approve of what I am doing right now?" or, "Would my husband, my dad, my husband's dad, my brother approve of what I am doing right now?"
If the answer is no, then I offer you what I call my RLH prescription.
RHL stands for Run Like Hell!
Here is a cold dose of reality: 75 percent of marriages between affair partners result in divorce.
Not at all the result wanted at the beginning of an emotional affair.
All from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring - host of Relationship Radio in Atlanta.
Men need to know how a woman feels, what makes her tick and what she expects out of a man. To know all this, one has to really understand a woman's psychological make-up and what she wants in a relationship. Most women look for certain things in a relationship that will ensure happiness and success. A quick look at these points below will give you an insight into a woman's expectations.
Women need to be satisfied on all counts
This means that she needs you to satisfy her mentally, physically and emotionally. This sounds like a tall order but if you really look at it - all she is asking for is pure attention and love which is not difficult to give considering you love her.
Very rarely you would come across a woman who is not looking for some sort of commitment in a relationship. No woman likes being taken for a ride. Neither does she like to be dumped after a while. So if you are a man who is willing to take a step towards commitment - you will make her very happy and content.
Honesty from her man
A woman can't stand lies and infidelity in a relationship any more than a man does. Honesty and truthfulness from her partner will make her secure and relaxed. A partner who is a cheat will only ruin the relationship.
Help and support
By this we don't mean that it is absolutely necessary for you to tie on an apron and help out in the kitchen - though many men are more than wiling to do that much to the delight of their women - but women are looking for men who are willing to be there for them.
A sexually satisfying relationship
Women need to be sexually satisfied and love a man who is physically compatible. Though sex is just one of the factors that are necessary in a relationship, it is an important one. The man should know how to keep the excitement and the flames of desire burning.
A need to be loved
A woman wants her man to love her and show it by hugging, kissing and telling her so. She will automatically be happier and have no moods if she you can prove to her that she is loved and cherished. If she is not sure and unhappy then be prepared for nagging as she will make your life a nightmare!
A shoulder to cry on
No matter how mature the woman is, she will always want a shoulder to cry on. She expects her guy to be her best friend, someone she can confide in at any time and someone who she can share her worst fears with.
Now listen carefully-
What you are about to discover something most men will never know when it comes to attracting women. This is one thing which is an absolute must know for every man out there. You are about to discover an ultimate secret weapon which will make women chase you around like crazy Even If You Are Bald, Fat Or Ugly!.....Trust me....You don't want to miss this one. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page because it might be the most important message you ever read- Click HereBy Rahul Talwar
1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!
2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"
3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!
4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"
5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.
6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need...x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then...begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.
8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?
9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
Yes, it is very troubling for you to discover that your wife does not love you anymore - this is really heart breaking. The thing is, your wife has got to have a reason to feel this way about you, and it is more than likely the way you treat her that is possibly making her think that she is very unhappy in her marriage at the moment. Just as plants need water to survive, so does a marriage need certain elements to keep it alive and well over the years. Your wife has probably let you know all along just how important you are to her, and how much she wants and needs you in her life. She also more than likely tells you all the time that she loves you.
However, over the years, probably without realising it, your demonstrations of how you feel about her have dwindled to almost nothing. This will obviously make your wife feel that you are losing interest in her and make her very unhappy and confused. In other words, your wife does not love you anymore, because you have not given her any reason to. The love in your marriage has been one-sided for too long now, and you MUST do something about it right now, if you want to save your marriage.
Make sure to let your wife know ALL the time that you love her - this will make her positively bloom. Also, let her know every day just how much you need her and how important she is to you. Your wife does not love you anymore, but you can rest assured that, with a little pampering from time to time, her views about you will change dramatically, and you can once again enjoy your wife's attentions. Make sure to reciprocate your wife's love and attention ALL the time, and her love for you will grow deeper as the years go by.
Whether you are still together and having problems or you are already separated and want to save your marriage... the next step is absolutely crucial!
Don't make the mistake of saying or doing something that will kill your chances of getting back together with your wife. Find out what you need to do to save your marriage and emotionally reconnect with her again.By Sharon Taibbi
Everything was going perfectly well that night, when all of a sudden, a woman splashed a glass of water on Rudy’s face. She was angry, and ready to brawl. What is more, she was cursing and yelling at us. It turned out to be Rudy’s wife! Of course I was so embarrassed! My blind date was a two-faced lying jerk! Everybody was staring at us that night, even the passers by stopped to watch the drama.
I was so humiliated. So, I made it clear to the Mrs. that I didn’t know he is married then I hurriedly went out of the place. To add insult to my humiliation, that night, when I was on my way to get my laundry, I bumped into Mrs. Frederick, the old lady who lives 3 doors away from me.
“Are you okay, dear? I saw what happened this afternoon.” She said. “I’m alright Mrs. Frederick. Thank you.” I said. “Next time, you should know better before dating a married man!” She finished off almost scorning. She turned her back before I could explain myself. It took me awhile to accept anymore blind dates after.
Learning from my experience, here are some important guidelines on what to do on a blind date. When going out with a stranger, you have to remember “Safety First”-- tell a trusted friend when and where you are going and who are you going out with. It’s also wise to suggest a public place on your first meeting and never forget to carry a fully charged cell phone in case of emergency.
If possible suggest a double-date, it’s safer and can ease up the tension. Once you’ve got your safety measures covered, here are a few tips on where to go and what to do on a blind date. Avoid having dinner dates or movie dates; because if the rendezvous doesn’t go well, you are bound to get stuck with him the entire meal or the whole movie together.
It’s best to go for coffee or a dessert after meal. You might also want to consider the expenses of the blind date. Practically speaking, going to a low- to- mid price range café is always advisable. And to liberate the pressure of who is paying the bill, offer to pay half.
It’s also to avoid the feeling that you owe him something. Now that you are aware of the dos and don’ts, watch out for these things: A wedding ring is always a big “No-No”. You should also be observant for ring marks on the ring finger, if you notice the mark on the ring finger; don’t hesitate to ask about it.
Bottom line is; you don’t have business dating these men because they only spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E! Lastly, be keen with his attitude. Watch out for these character traits: He treats you and/or the waiters rudely. He talks about nothing else but his past relationships, and he talks ill about his ex or his mother.
The date hasn’t started yet but he is on his 3rd shot of scotch, or he pays more attention to his phone or the other women in the café. Most importantly, be aware of anti-social signs, abusive and/ or criminal behaviors. And when you decide to cut your blind date short, always have a valid excuse.
No matter how the blind date went, be polite and thank the other person for the time spent with you.
Ruth Purple is a Relationship and Dating Expert. Click here to get access to her ebook on how to attract the RIGHT men. http://www.relazine.com
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