Are You Able to Withstand a Challenging Relationship?

It seems, many obstacles come up after one decides to commit to a relationship for better or for worse.  Exes call, arguments increase, job losses, unanticipated pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, toxic relatives and friends--you name it, trouble seems to come out of nowhere!  But can you deal with all that comes with you and someone who claims to love you?  When is enough, enough!?
  • When you are exploding on everyone, but the one who is causing you the most issues.
  • When relatives and friends are warning you almost daily to stop being with the person you are with and start planning an exit.
  • When there is a firestorm of concerns and complaints coming from strangers who can't get to your partner, but they can get to you.
  • When you can't seem to go on and feel like you are going to jump a bridge.
  • When your world is falling a part.  For instance, bills aren't getting paid, an increase in personal health issues, and the needs of yourself or loved ones aren't getting met.
  • When you know you can't take one more hit, slap, choke, kick, threat, or curse word coming from the lips who claim, "I love you."  When do you stop believing that?
There are no rewards given to people who have been together for many years, not even from God, he treats everyone the same when it comes to marriage--no matter how much you claim favor.  If you were uneually yoked, when you started out and there was no spiritual change in days, week, months, and even years, you are still unequally yoked as you grow older. 

Your lengthy relationship or marriage might get the occasional, "Congratulations..." but couples who have been together for awhile, know that relationship challenges don't go away just because you have been together for what seems like forever and it doesn't mean that one is sincerely happy with the other either. 

For those of you who are seriously in need of a prayer, prenup, separation, or divorce, rather than wish for a miserable relationship to end through mayhem, death or something else, find the time to reflect, manage what you can in the relationship, and if need be, take necessary action to remove yourself from it without talking yourself into staying until you can think more rationally.  It is never wise to stay in a relationship that is causing you much pain. 

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire


How to Remain Dedicated to a Sexual Fast

People have their reasons as to why they need to stop having sex for a certain time period. Health issues, relationship challenges, work/education focus, children, and more are reasons as to why some people just need to take time out from having sex.

One. Abstain from watching music videos, movies, television shows, and other media that discusses, shows or encourages sexual activity.

When you are being inundated with media that has sexual content, you will begin to desire to have sex from viewing sexual advertising to watching music videos. With problems mounting in one’s life, it can be very frustrating trying to stay dedicated to a sexual fast. Don’t entice your self or others with sexual images.

Two. Avoid dating and/or being along with someone you are romantically attracted to.

The more time you spend with someone who isn’t interested in having sex or vice versa, the more tension increases. Premature sex only causes more problems. Stick to the plan, if you can’t have sex for some reason, you just can’t have sex, find something else to do to occupy your time with your friend in a setting that isn’t so private.

Three. Don’t stare or make eye contact with someone who is revealing one’s sexual anatomy whether discreetly or boldly.

The more you look, the more you will want to touch. So it’s just best to look away and find other images that aren’t sexy, like looking at a church building, the Holy Bible and pointing your eyes on the cross while praying, “God give me the strength…keep me from temptation.”

Four. When tempted to react to sexual advances, remove yourself from the situation, or politely ask the person to cover-up or leave your presence.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But when you find yourself making excuses to do something you know you shouldn’t at this time, leave the situation. Don’t keep contacting the one who is tempting you and don’t be a distraction to the one who just can’t have sex right now.

Five. Don’t encourage sexual activity with flirting.

It can be so fun to flirt, but it can also cause unnecessary drama especially when you are in a relationship with someone else. There are plenty of ways to be nice to people without complimenting the way they look, using a sexy voice, winking, holding their hand, staring, or hugging them real tight. Keep yourself out of trouble!

Six. Watch how you dress.

There are just some people who refuse to admit that their attire is nothing more than a magnet to charm a man or woman into the bed. But appearance can be used to entrap an unavailable man or woman. Before anything gets started between two attractive people, they pretty much know what they want just by what they see. So if you are on a sexual fast, then dress like it!

Seven. Avoid joking or ridiculing others about sex.

The jokes, sex stories, and other comments related to sex can cause you to think things or feel in ways you shouldn’t. Change the topic when you notice someone who is spending time talking to you about another person’s appearance, thoughts, actions etc. or cut the conversation short. Being on a sexual fast is abstaining from all forms of sex including conversation.

Note how you feel while on your sexual fast. Think about the status of your present relationship with someone and whether or not you are happy with the way things are. Find it in your heart to forgive the person who you once were sexually active with without going back to the way things use to be. Think about what you need to do to feel better about sexual activity in the future with your potential marriage partner. If you can’t see yourself being committed to this person, then you definitely want to refrain from having any future sex with him or her.

Make a doctor’s appointment, to be sure you are disease free while you are on your sexual fast. If you do have an illness, focus on treatment rather than having sex in the future. Most likely, there are some challenging things going on in or around your relationship that is causing stress on your mind, body and spirit. If you are not ill, protect yourself from an unwanted pregnancy and illness by looking at all that is positive about not having sex, rather than wishing to have sex. Don’t discuss your sexual fast with anyone who can’t pray or encourage you to stay focused; however you will have to discuss with your sexual partner so that he or she doesn‘t think you are cheating. There are many people who would love to do something like this, but are fearful, nervous, and are enslaved to their flesh; therefore, they can’t come up higher spiritually. When possible, keep your sexual fast between you and your God. Don’t feel like you need to defend your actions if someone should realize what you are doing.

May you experience focus, wisdom, and peace in your mind, body and spirit while you embark on a new journey in your life!

Note:  Get ideas on things you can do to avoid sex for awhile here.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual enlightment based on real life experiences and provides personal advice at

Don't have a study bible? Get one...Study with Nicholl

Nicholl is the author of the following books:

Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic
When Mothers Cry
Laboring to Love Myself
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl


When a Woman Cheats

Cheating on anyone or anything is wrong. Most of us learned very young that to go behind a friend’s back and wrong that person might cause a fight or worse one might lose a potential friend. But just because people know things, doesn’t mean that they will always adhere to a certain code of honor. Such is the case with a woman scorned. One who is unwilling to compromise any further in a miserable relationship will be tempted to cheat. However, before some cheating partners make their exit (or get booted), they have to go out with a bang of sorts usually finding someone they feel more compatible with, possibly better looking than their current mate, while still receiving sex, money, and other things from their present partner. Some things women do that lead up to cheating could have been prevented had their mates picked up on the signs.

1. She often thinks and communicates her concerns about the relationship.

A woman who is on that path toward cheating on her man is going to talk to him, relatives, and friends about what bothers her. If her intimate partner is too busy, emotionally wounded or has other issues, and doesn’t recognize or acknowledge his negative contribution to their relationship woes, then she is going to start contemplating whether the grass is indeed greener on the other side.

One of the worse things a man who still loves his partner can do is to start taking back every nice thing he has ever said or done especially during an angry fit. A woman who reasons that “cheating is okay because he is probably doing it too” will replay every wrong thing her man has ever done to validate her accusation even if it proves to be untrue. Those that usually have some idea that something is going on with the woman and doesn’t see her mate in a good light usually will withdraw or ignore her man because they don’t want to get involved in her relationship dramas. Some will enable the woman because they too are in unhappy relationships. When the woman attempts to discuss her woes with her mate, typically a man busy with work and other responsibilities, cheating, or doing other things that cause him to pay less attention to his partner will not view her needs as important. Therefore, he misses the clues that his mate his thinking about stepping out on him.

2. She becomes more particular about her appearance.

When a man doesn’t bother to express his appreciation for his woman and overlooks the things she does to improve self, she will feel slighted. As a result, she will have just one more reason to want to cheat on him.

If the way she looks wasn’t important in the past, it most likely will be when a new man comes into her life. Now one can’t assume that a woman alters her appearance for a man if there is no proof. But if her partner isn’t complimenting her and others are, watch how she reacts and pay close attention to a certain man’s name that keeps popping up in conversation.

3. She is no longer interested in spending as much time with partner and family.

When opportunities come to vacation with family, visit with relatives, and others, she is often declining invites, not staying home, but out and about. Her mate has no idea where she might be. She is often texting, emailing, or calling someone out of view. A partner might notice that his cheating mate is often bored, argumentative or short with the family and leaves the family home without saying much.


4. She finds the time to do the things she wants while often forgetting or ignoring the needs of her family.

How many times is she going to forget picking up the children from grandma’s house? When does she plan on sitting down and talking with her mate or even having sex with him? Why is she talking so much about her male friend/co-worker and can remember what he likes and what time he needs for her to be somewhere? Why is she always late coming home? When you put everything together, don’t just pick out one or two things to ponder, consider patterns.

5. If she is spiritual, she begins to stray away from God and things related to Him.

Pray for your partner if you have a faith. It is obvious that she is no longer respecting the Holy teachings, and isn’t interested in spiritual things like she did at one time when she use to go to church but stopped going. Sometimes cheaters will go to church more and stay home less. Could it be guilt or is the one she is cheating with at the church? This is why husbands should be going to churches and other spiritual events with their partners. The temptation can be greater in the House of God then anywhere else!

6. She often finds fault with her man.

From how he looks to what he says, it appears that every time her partner says or does something she becomes visibly irritated with him. Sometimes she complains to others about him in such a way that it sounds like she is ready to leave him. She may not have found someone yet or slept with a love interest, but she is preparing herself for the future.

7. She may realize that her lover(s) are not what she really wants and proceeds to stop seeing or talking to them.

When all else fails, she might stop going out with them, conversing over the phone or Internet with them, and doing other things. But most women once they start cheating, need some good reasons to want to stay in a relationship that is unsatisfying, most likely someone or something has changed for her to want to continue being with her partner.

A disgruntled wife or girlfriend who has repeatedly shared her concerns with her partner about things that are bothering her, will look the other way. Some women will cheat with minds and eventually bodies, while others might play with the idea of being with anyone but with their current mate. Women are similar to men when they aren’t happy at home, they will be tempted to go elsewhere.


Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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