What to Do When You Discover a Date Has Been Lying to You

It can be disheartening when you find out a date has been lying to you about any number of things, what's worse is you have had sex with this person and thought you had an intimate connection, but realize you can't trust him or her.  So what to do when you discover your dating a liar?

1.  You confront him or her on every lie.  Sometimes there are those little white lies and then there are those bigger lies that enter into a relationship.  As much as you want to believe a partner didn't lie about someone or something, when it is proven that he or she did, burying your hand in the sand is the last thing you want to do.  Welcome the warning sign, stay guarded, and always confront the liar on his or her lies.

2.  You remind him or her of your deal breakers.  You will need to remind a lying partner what your deal breakers are and maybe he or she will think twice in the future.  This person may have forgotten what you might have gone through in your last relationship and how his or her repeat performances are drawing out the worst in you.

3.  You do some investigating of your own.  Liars don't just lie about one thing, they have a series of lies about other things and you just might have to do double-check on some past stories he has told you.  Most liars lie because they want to appear like they are good people when they know they aren't.  So he or she will lie about cheating in the past or even now.  This person will claim to always be honest with you when you know it wasn't that long ago when he or she couldn't even tell you where he or she went, how much money was spent, or who the individual was talking to on the phone.

4.  Think about why he or she might be lying.  Much of this lying with dates occurs because for years it was acceptable by others.  The liar may have been influenced by his or her lying relatives who did it out of fear, personal gain, freedom, etc. Could you be doing or saying something that makes this person feel unsafe to tell the truth?  Liars don't just lie to partners, but to bosses, co-workers and family members.  

5.  You think deeply whether or not you want this person in your life.  Whatever the background of the liar, the point is you will need to let this person know how you feel about his or her lying.  There is no arguing about what this individual has said, but the focus should be on telling you the truth.  For every lie told, have some consequences like: no visiting you, take a time out from talking, no intimacy, or no dating ever again.  Like a child, a liar has to learn the hard way that making things up, exaggerating, leaving details out, remaining quiet when he or she should be speaking up, or making false assumptions is unacceptable.  Being clear about your standards will keep some lying men and women away.  If you should make things comfortable for a liar, he or she will keep behaving that way.  Some men and women simply can't help themselves, and if this is the case, strongly reconsider dating them.

Life is stressful enough and when you know you don't have the patience to deal with a liar, consider a future without him or her.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet,Privately Cruel Abusive Men, She's Crazy, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, and other books.

Should I contact a guy who blew me off

Failed Relationships, Disappointments - A Blessing in Disguise

You probably thought the miserable relationship you or someone else is in is nothing more than a mere mess and all you want is to see yourself or a loved one out of it!  But not so fast, these failed attempts at make up and tearful moments thinking of all those disappointments and hurtful things said are actually blessings in disguise!

Take every argument, painful story, and other negative things related to a bad relationship and turn them all around for good!  Challenge yourself or the friend to do better in other areas of his or her life until you or the individual is ready to make a difference in the intimate relationship.  In the meantime, it goes on the backburner and you press forward using the hurt to get up off the floor of life and start playing again!

What in your life (other than a relationship) needs to be changed and rearranged?  What about other connections that are drama free--have they been nurtured lately?  Could you be doing something to make a difference in other people's lives while you think of a plan to break free from your own negative stuff?

You see the failed romance is a stepping stone on a bigger and greater you!  I know you can't see this right now, but it is!  Oftentimes we make mistakes, but learn not to do certain things again.  We get this on the job, when teaching young children and reflecting on our lives when we were teens.  So now use the same thinking now.  Sometimes it only takes one time to burn your hand on the stove or it just might take half your life to stop burning your hand on a hot stove, but you eventually get it and can then caution others.

Consider what those disputes, mistakes and mayhem is calling your attention to and what is it that you still have yet to accomplish in your life?  For instance, if a partner is cheating could this be a sign you need to step your game up and be more loving and caring toward yourself?  Notice I didn't say toward the partner--he or she messed up and will most likely cause further damage to the relationship.  Instead, you are going to use the pain you are suffering (whatever he or she did to you) and better you! 

People who undergo a true healing process don't fix themselves up for others.  These determined individuals learn to make changes to build up their own self-esteem, wealth, appearance, and more.  They redirect their focus from the bad that is going on in their personal lives and turn it all into something good in other areas.

This is what I have done myself for years and you can do it too!

Nicholl McGuire manages Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, When Mothers Cry, and other blogs and has authored over 10 books and recorded many spiritual messages on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7. 

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire - a book for men in bad relationships with bad women

A man doesn't suspect after great food, sex, and cool conversation with a beautiful companion that there is a dark side to her. He doesn't anticipate that one day his partner might hurt him with her words and hands. Yet, there are crazy women who will not hesitate to abuse a man over almost anything! In this non-fiction book, Nicholl McGuire, author of "Tell Me Mother You're Sorry" and "Say Goodbye to Dad," speaks to the man who has been berated, misunderstood, wounded, and beaten down by a frequently irate and abusive woman. He might be your son, brother, father, uncle, cousin, or best friend. He hides his shame. He tells you that everything is okay when it is not. He shares nothing that would make you suspect that he is hurting inside due to his controlling girlfriend, emotionally abusive wife, or violent companion. He grins in front of you and grimaces when at home with her. He hates what his bad relationship is doing to him and possibly his children. He needs peace! If you are this man, let this book inspire you to speak and break free from a dysfunctional relationship with a controlling partner.

In this compassionate and thought-provoking guide you will receive:
- Guidance on using the past to gain control of your present.
- Tips on recognizing warning signs a woman is abusive and not just having a bad day.
- How to exit a miserable relationship.
- Insightful information to help you rebuild your life.

You can feel confident knowing you are doing the right thing for yourself and family when you start working on having a new mindset about this abusive situation. Hitting, shoving, spitting, punching, slapping, biting, and other violent acts are abusive! Name-calling, isolating, economic abuse, ignoring, withdrawal of sex, and more are forms of emotional abuse. Get this book today, what you do with the content just might save your life! Purchase the book today, click here.

Relationship Advice For Women Five Tips For Avoiding Heartache

Bad Relationships - 3 Common Causes of a Bad Relationship

Had Enough of the Relationship/Dating Drama Yet?

You might be partnered with someone who is really starting to work your nerves.  It seems that whenever he or she comes around, your flesh crawls and you walk on egg shells.  You might even have to tell yourself, "Try not to say anything...remember what happened the last time...do better."  Then before you know it, you are caught in that trap of discord again.  You start thinking about breaking free from your misery, but then...you opt out.  You recall just how much you love this person you can't seem to dismiss out of your life.  (For some of you reading this, a break up is not an option at this time--keep reading).

So what will you do the next time an argument breaks out?  Run to a relative or friends house?  Break every wall or door in the house?  Gossip about your mate to anyone willing to hear?  Argue until you both cry?  What, what will you do?  If you are doing any of the things previously mentioned, it is only a matter of time that all hell is going to break loose until the point of no return--police are called, someone is arrested or worse beaten, family show up and make your partner their business, etc.  If you really want to be with your mate, you have to make a change!

One.  Plan for the next argument.

It will happen especially if you are in a relationship with someone who is stubborn, strong-willed, or even crazy.  So you will need to plan what you are going to do.  Choose an exit from the disagreement that has the least amount of drama and then work yor way up to whatever it is that you truly want to do (ie. get married, stay married, break up, move, relocate...)  Don't hide your emotions and don't fight like a boxer either.  Figure out what your strategy might be when the yelling or crying starts.  Is this person someone you sincerely want to be with?  Then don't do anything that will jeopardize that.  Downplay the friction by not contributing to it.  Cursing, screaming, and fighting is not going to do anything more than damage your reputation, scare the witnesses, and make your partner want to handle you in whatever way is going to get you off his or her back.

Two.  Don't assume that everything your mate says is right, honest, and clearly illustrates how he or she truly feels.

You may disagree with the way your mate does things, yet agree that every negative thing he or she threatens is correct and you are going to do something about it too.  Hold off on the revenge tactics.  Not everyone in the heat of battle means what they say.  "But he said...and you just don't know...and if she ever acts like she is going to...I believe he means it this time!"  I could hear someone say. 

When someone really means something, they begin making their exit out of the home, they stop calling and coming around, they may even change their name and relocate to another city.  If your mate is still doing the typical things you are use to seeing him or her do, this person isn't going anywhere.  However, just in case he or she is acting like it is over, you might want to do the necessary things to start severing your ties to the relationship--only after there is significant proof.  Check out the break up articles on this blog.

Three.  Stop checking up on your mate, going through his or her things, surfing the Internet behind him or her, thinking negative things, etc.

The drama will continue to go on as long as you keep doing the kinds of things that say, "I don't trust you and I never will.  You are going to leave me, I just know it!"  The more you look for drama, the more you will upset yourself and those around you (ie. children).  People pick up on tension.  When you know that someone has a long history of being dishonest, you don't need any further proof.  Rather, you ought to think about why you are still with this person. 

Four.  Avoid trying to do more if you know you have already done enough.

How many things do you have to buy to prove your love?  How much sex do you have to put out to show you are interested?  How many family events do you have to attend to show everyone you stand by your man/woman?  What more do you have to say and do to show your mate you love him or her? 

You may be the one who is acting unappreciative or vice versa in the relationship.  If this is the case, then it would make sense to stop expecting more from your mate when it is obvious that he or she is still very much interested in you.  On the other hand, if you are the one trying to do your best, if your best is still not good enough, there is obviously something wrong with the person you are with.  Don't give more, start scaling back.  Less is best, at least for a time, because you are sending your mate a message, "You are taking advantage of me, if you want to keep me, stop critiquing/lying/asking/demanding more from me!"  However, if you withhold too much, too soon and for too long, you will create more drama that you just might not be able to manage.  Hold back enough to disrupt the atmosphere a little, pray (if you have a faith) then do your part to assist your loved one.  For instance, he constantly offers his opinion on something you do around the house, stop doing it for a time and leave it up to him.  She feels the need to check up on you often, don't answer her phone calls for a time and then explain why.

Consider the tips discussed and ponder on what else might be going on in your relationship that could be causing so much drama.  Write a note or make a recording of your thoughts.  Then reflect back on what you said or did during your last argument.  Listen or re-read your notes.  Chances are you might discover what role or lack thereof you might be playing in your relationship/dating dramas.  Put a stop to whatever is tearing you two apart!  God bless.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. 

Bad Women to Avoid

As much as we would like to forget the past, most of us women were bad girls before we became "good" women (which the term is "good" is being stated loosely, because we are all works in progress).

If you are a single man whether spiritual or not, you may want to read this article just to get a refresher on what kind of woman you really ought to stay away from.

Bad Women to Avoid