Tuesday

Internet Romance Moving Way Too Fast? Book excerpt from Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues by Nicholl McGuire

"I know you are excited. You really want to meet this guy but you might want to slow down. Listen, you don't even know this girl! What's up with you, stop moving so fast?" family members and friend warn over and over again. Sometimes those admonitions grow old, because the truth is some loved ones are just meddlesome and have their share of personal hang-ups especially about Internet dating, but others are really concerned for your safety. If you or they have a history of dating violent women or men or lost a loved one due to domestic violence, it is understandable why they are protective of you.

Unchecked emotions will move you to do much for a potential date even when you don't know one's middle or nickname, a birth city or a mother's maiden name. So let us look at some of those Internet issues that most singles don't think about before thoughts of sleeping with a stranger come into play.

1. Distance
2. Work hours
3. Job related travel
4. Money woes
5. Religious differences
6. Spends a lot of time with family and friends
7. Ethnicity related issues
8. Problems with exes
9. Unhealthy habits
10. Unruly children

You most likely can add many more to this list, but these are just some of the common ones to think about and I will share some thoughts about some on the list as follows. 


Long Distance Love
Let's say you are dating someone who lives a plane ride away, you will need much money to maintain a decent relationship. However, if you don't have the money, what do you think you will end up doing after a few months of dating? Either stop dating this person because it is getting to costly or convince him or her to start coming to see you or split the costs. You might also feel the need to live with him or her or vice versa to defray the expenses. It is never a good idea to cohabitate with someone because you like them and want to save money.

Opportunists
One fact we can't overlook when it comes to Internet dating are those individuals who are unhappy and looking for any way to be fulfilled. There are plenty of people going online just to find someone who they can date in a coveted state because they don't like where they live. Therefore, they need a connection that will help them move to the new location. If things take off, the opportunist will move in with the person while using him or her as a springboard to help them in the new town. Foreigners will marry to gain citizenship.

Workaholics
What about those long work hours that eventually leaves you little time to be together? Is an online date's schedule really going to be any different once you two start dating offline? Maybe in the beginning, but in time, the job will get in the way of the relationship. Most likely, that is why the workaholic is online seeking a partner yet again.

How about the one who is often traveling due to a "job," sometimes that excuse is untrue. If the person is doing much travel for the "job" when is he or she going to have time to work on a relationship with you?

Want to read more?  Purchase your copy of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues by Nicholl McGuire.  Available in print and eBook.

Friday

What Does it Take to Make a Difficult Partner, Friend See the Light?

Whether you are dating this person, kin to him or her, or been with a partner for many years, it can be emotionally challenging dealing with someone who refuses to see the truth about a relative, partner, friend, or themselves.  The person you like/love goes on about his or her way ignoring what you have said or acting meanly toward you because he or she didn't take too well to your feedback.

What is the truth?  You probably shared the kind of statements that convicted a partner or friend mentally, physically or spiritually and he or she doesn't like you too much because of it.  Truth brings you to an awakening, a realization that someone who you once worshiped, admired, respected, and more has something about him or her that is twisted, emotionally toxic, or physically controlling. 

People who are in like or love with someone never want to see the light.  So what does it take to make a person see truth and walk in it?  Sometimes it takes distancing one's self from the troubled individual and moving on with your life.  He or she will see truth when there is no distraction and when pain becomes much more frequent than pleasure.


I recall a time in my life that no matter what relatives and friends said about someone I was with, I refused to see anything wrong with him or her.  I was emotionally and physically entwined.  The man touched me in ways that others didn't.  I felt he was there for me and was genuinely concerned about me, but boy was I wrong!  Read Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Once we discover that someone is no longer listening to wise counsel and rather proceed ahead in misery, it is always best to safeguard our hearts during the process.  When we allow the individual and all that is connected to him or her to negatively impact us, we become caught up in their web of mess.  Do you want that?  Some well-meaning advisers wear their hearts on their sleeves and when they do that they also reap much.  They become verbal and/or physical punching bags.  Others find their money and time repeatedly wasted on someone who isn't the least bit interested in changing his or her evil ways.  Who has time for that?

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of many books including: When Mothers Cry, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and Laboring to Love Myself.

Thursday

The Makings of a Bad Relationship



Are you noticing some things about your relationship that is just plain bad, not normal, or unhealthy?  Listen up.  You might be on your way toward a new life without even knowing it.  When warning signs increase, doing for the other starts to decrease.

Wednesday

Love the One You're With -- You Can Do It

I didn't want to tell you this, but I think I will, you have got to get over yourself. 

Why would I say such a thing, I don't know you.  But what I do know is you are on this site, a relationship blog, hmm.  I suspect you probably either had a past dating experience or a current relationship with someone that isn't or wasn't so nice.  You might carry a bit of unforgiveness, hidden aggression, and a wish that the one you are with just might experience a taste of what he or she has put you through.  If I'm wrong, forgive me, but if I'm right...yeah, I know the feeling.  I have been there.  But negativity, especially in relationships, simply makes you more negative.  If you really want a relationship to work, you have got to rise above some things like forget about the yelling the other day, the partner forgetting to do something for you, and the past thing he or she did that you still hold against him or her.  Remember, you made a connection with an imperfect human being--someone who will never live up to your standards--that is if you have any.

The more we self-examine, the more we realize that we can either deal with the cards we have been dealt in this game called, Life or change the game.  I personally think nowadays it is simply too costly to keep jumping from one man or woman after the next, so changing might not be a good idea.  Not only that, your youth begins to fade away sooner rather than later.  Arguing, physically fighting, having children with multiple partners, working long hours to keep up with the family...all prematurely ages you just look at some of those heavily made up celebrities.  All that makeup and costly clothes to cover over pain--another relationship bites the dust. 

Sometimes it is just best to stay and work things out with someone who isn't so bad.  The partner isn't beating you up emotionally or physically to the point that you need a therapist and a police officer.  He or she has their share of bad days, but overall that one is a decent person.  So why not keep loving your "babe, sweetie, love, shawty" rather than spend time fantasizing about others?

It doesn't have to be Valentine's Day or any holiday for love to be in the air, it should be everyday.  Welcome this spring by learning to love the one you are already with. 

P.s. Don't ponder on the dating apps--wishing to be a part of that world, from what I learned, you aren't missing out on anything!

Nicholl McGuire is not only the owner of this blog, but she ghost writes for various clients.  Learn more about her and Nicholl McGuire Media.

Relationship Goals and What God Wants - marriage, married life

Wednesday

5 Unflattering Things Expectant Dads Need to Know About Their Pregnant Partners

5 Unflattering Things Expectant Dads Need to Know About Their Pregnant Partners: Parenting blog for families of multi-age groups - newborns, tweens, and teens. Basic facts on raising children. Tips on shopping for children.

Healing After a Breakup

Christians Single and Mingling - Dating Observations w/ speaker Nicholl McGuire



Check out blog owner's latest audio on Your Listen.  Dating wisdom to make you think twice about some things you are doing or not doing.  Does your date really want a relationship with you or vice versa?


Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: It's Not Over Once You Leave - Abusive Men, Women ...

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: It's Not Over Once You Leave - Abusive Men, Women ...: We saw recently what one can do when a handgun is in the wrong hands.  In the San Bernardino shooting  involving an abusive husband and his ...

Sex Changes Your Life

You want change to happen in your life. You are tired of having empty relationships with people. These dating experiences start off well, but then once sex occurs rather than get better they cycle downward. What happens between professing “I like you” and “I love you” while having sex that make people act like fools! This article explores the “why” and challenges you to think about why you shouldn’t waste valuable years, like others you may know, giving your “power” away to ungrateful, non-committed individuals.

First, what does it mean to give your “power” away more specifically your “sexual power”? In all of us we are comprised of mind, body, and spirit. When we agree to have sex with someone who may not be someone that is right for us, we are giving various parts of who we are mentally, physically, spiritually (and when moving in together) materially. We falsely assume we will receive something in return for all the energy we have vested into the relationship. Unfortunately, for many of us we have given so much energy, feelings, thoughts, ideas, belongings, and other things away when we lay down with someone. Having sex makes us vulnerable and when we are engaging in it with the right someone we are mentally and physically charged just like powering up a battery for a car, toy or some electronic device once it’s going the object will do what it was created to do.



When we are powered up spiritually, we will do what we are supposed to do, people who don’t understand things from a spiritual level never seem to be charged up for the long haul, they run a sprint, but when they need to run for miles they give out and never make the finish line (ie. divorce, adultery, separation, abuse, etc.) Rather, they are always mentally and physically “tired.” Here are some examples of what these spiritually draining sexual beings will say, “I’m tired of sex this way…I’m tired of empty sex…I’m tired of sex with her…I’m tired of having to wait for sex…I’m tired of you asking me for sex…I’m tired of worrying over whether he is having sex with someone else.” Sex does sap your physical energy, but it doesn’t have to take away from everything else too!

Now while we are thinking consciously about sex, we are also thinking about it subconsciously and this is when we tend to make the most mistakes. We allow our subconscious mind to fantasize about the “use to” and the “hope to” rather than face the facts that the conscious mind gives us like “I know she isn’t always a nice person so she could just be acting this way because she misses sex with me…and I need more than just sex from him and I hope he realizes that.” If the subconscious mind says, “We are having sex…”and the conscious mind says “We are not, I rather wait” then that is when we get into trouble for sending “mixed messages” to others.

Let’s meet Sam, known for being a player in the neighborhood. He use to be an attractive, fit young man, but the years have taken their toll on old Sam and now he looks like he is a year or two from the grave. When you listen to Sam talk about his past, he brags about the many sexual escapades he had and how he “use to do… use to have…use to look like…”

Notice how often washed-up Sammy mentions “use to” in his conversations. The reason why he does this is because his past and his present is pitiful and to make him feel better about himself in the presence of most likely nice-looking you he will brag about the past. In fact, Sammy didn’t know how powerful he could have been back in his day if he allowed his spirit to override his flesh. Meaning that if he had a bit of self-control and wasn’t so anxious to see the next hot body naked, he probably would have had and kept a “good” woman that would have slowed old Sammy’s prematurely aging body.

Sam is what some would call an “old fool,” simply because he never bothered to sit down and create a plan for his life and actually live it out. Instead, as “the feeling” moved him he went with it. If the feeling was warm he would act on impulse, cold he would open up his black book to find someone to make him warm again. The problem was that everything in his life was affected by his sexual encounters. When he slept with a woman she would later ask for a commitment, he would make her feel like she was the one and then when another came along he would tell her the same.

Eventually, one of the two women would get smart to his game and unfortunately poor Sam has a few nasty scars on his body as a result of his cheating ways. Not only that his children aren’t in his life, friendships were broken, money was long spent, precious family heirlooms stolen due to Sammy’s obsession with sex and the few minutes of pleasure it gave him until the woman, game or both grew old then he had to find something else to fulfill him such as drugs, gambling, and alcohol. If Sam would have told the young men he was supposed to be mentoring the truth, he would say, “I messed up my life. I let the “little man” dictate major life decisions. Now I am old with no wife and no children who bother with me. I wish I knew my children and they knew me, but I messed up and I don’t want you to do the same.” But as mentioned before, Sammy is a player and those who aren’t about to get their player card revoked by the young players in the game will not admit their faults in life – for they have too much pride.

Now, women can’t be left out of this article. There are those Jezebels out there who think that all they have to do is decorate their selves up like a Christmas tree and life will be happy ever after. The truth is that often Jezebel is mentally and physically abused because of one thing, she like Sam, performed sexually without a “real” commitment and we aren’t talking about promise rings, engagement rings that rest on fingers for years, or a wedding date that gets postponed every time there is a challenge that comes up in the relationship. She justifies her mistake with, “Well I didn’t want to get married anyway.” The truth is that somewhere down deep in every man and woman’s spirit is the word “commitment,” because if it wasn’t why do we experience that envious feeling that comes over us when our partner says, “I am going out on a date…” although your “partner” is just “a friend,” “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” or fiancĂ©. Why do you wonder what they are up to, why call them hoping to find out details of where they have been, why say you like or love them, why even care about them if you could care less about a commitment?

So what if you don’t want to be like Sammy or act like Jezebel and you just want to be with a nice woman or man and “try” to live happily ever after, then don’t have sex until you know that you have a date in mind to tell your woman or man, “I love you and I am willing to spend the rest of my life with you this month on this specific date. We can have a wedding later, but a marriage as soon as possible!” Then you go down to the Justice of the Peace and make it happen. Even better, wait for sex which I know from personal experience can be extremely difficult! That’s right wait until he picks you up and drives you to the courthouse, wait until your mom and dad can help you pay for a “real” wedding, wait until he relocates to where you are, wait until your partner accepts God and actually walks the walk and talks the talk, wait until he is off of probation, wait until your children are living with the other parent, but wait! Whatever your wait is, do it! If you are a Christian, you may even say I am waiting on God – good for you! If more people waited at the stoplight until it turned green, there would be less car crashes. Whatever your red light is in your life at this moment, sit there and wait until you have enough signs that show green!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy


Saturday

How to Stop Ongoing Domestic Violence at Home

It can happen without notice an argument leads into a physical fight between a couple.  One of the first things you do if you are a witness is to call the police, but if you are a victim, you fight for your life!

Avoid spending time alone with someone who you recently broke up with, has a history of putting his or her hands on you violently, and who has threatened to hurt you.  No matter what they say, your life is at risk if you should agree to let the abusive man or woman in your home, in the car, or anywhere else where there are no witnesses.  Have your camera and/or audio equipment ready if you should be caught off guard.  Sometimes a person hell-bent on getting close to a victim will break into a home, office or car and wait for a long time for your arrival.  Don't ever underestimate your online, creepy date, a moody ex, or a flamboyant partner.


Oftentimes couples fighting doesn't end in death, but it might and you don't want to be the one six feet deep in your grave.  You can scream, "Help!" "Fire!" and other attention-grabbing words as loud as you can repeatedly while looking for weak points on the abuser's body.  Eyes, nose, private part, ankles, shins, temple of head, throat...strike these areas frequently while yelling.

If you are near a window during a fight, grab something and throw it at the window to create attention to your home.  If you are not in a fight, but you feel it may lead to one, turn on your computer with a camera and record live.  Favorite sites that permit live streaming.  Someone will hopefully see that your video is not an act and will call the police.

Whatever you can do to keep yourself alive, do it!  If children are around, tell them to run to the phone or out of the home.  Train them to listen to your instructions in advance so that they will know what to do during an emergency situation.

Before things get out of hand again, create an exit plan.  Visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.

Saturday

In A Rush to Date Her? Dating Tips for Men


"What part of take it slow don't you understand?"

Establish boundaries before you go out on a date.

by Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

LFGdating® | Gamer Dating - For the Love of the Gamer

Join a growing dating site exclusively for gamers!  Don't worry over whether or not someone will communicate with you any longer after you have shared that you are a gamer.  This site is made for gamers.  Whether you want to join other gamers or look for love, this is the site for you!  Learn more LFGdating® | Gamer Dating - For the Love of the Gamer

Wednesday

Crazy, Strong Women - Men, Do You Have One?

A strong-willed and scorned woman will not give up making her point and stating her position; no matter how unreasonable it is until she knows there are consequences for her actions. She doesn't care what others think and feel as a result of her evil ways, but you don't know how dark she can be until you test her and check yourself too. 
 
 A lot of men think of women as weak, because the Bible (1 Peter 3:7) refers to them as such, but this isn't the kind of weakness that worldly minded people think, it simply means that generally women have less physical strength than men. But a woman on a performance enhancing drug to build muscle, or one who is abnormally strong and skilled to defend herself, as well as those ladies who take mind-numbing drugs and health supplements that make them go berserk, all can do strange things including act abusively. Some men have felt the teeth, fists and kicks of such women. So let us never underestimate the physical strength of a woman.
 
According to a study that appeared in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that men were attracted to nice women; women did not feel the same about men. There were over 100 volunteers for the study that was performed at a university in central Israel. During an initial encounter, men who were responsive to the women like being nice and attentive, the ladies didn't find them as desirable. These strangers were viewed as inappropriately nice, cunning, and less sexually appealing. So when it comes to knowing what a woman wants, despite all the nice things you might do for her, she will take longer connecting with you. Now think of how crazy women might react in similar situations where strange men are attentive to them. They might be very open to the point that they look desperate, and may act all over the place with their emotions or be as cold as ice during an initial meeting.
 
Some women are conditioned to believe that nice men are weak and are push-overs. Do you recall how your companion first reacted to you when you showed interest in her? Has she since called you weak in so many words? Did you ask why? Is she correct in what she inferred about you? What could be the cause of her acting so disrespectfully toward you?
 
Nicholl McGuire is the author of She's Crazy

Marriage - valentines day, cheating


WARNING: Valentine's Day Dating WILL Lead to Relationships


Monday

What Does it Take to Maintain a Quality Relationship?

You don't realize just how much you do when it comes to connecting with a partner until you sit down and think about it.  Any one who says that a relationship is easy to maintain is most likely with someone who doesn't expect to much.  But for those who are with individuals who are demanding, have a personality disorder, or a long history of emotional as well as physical baggage, it isn't easy being in a relationship with them.  So here is a brief list of the many things that couples do to keep their relationship going:

1.  They talk to one another and share things like: household responsibilities, work days, children's needs, family events, and personal issues.

2.  They make time to connect with one another emotionally and physically such as complimenting, joking, sharing fun moments, etc.

3.  They remember to do things for one another.

4.  They enjoy going out with one another.

5.  They know how to give one another space.

6.  They feel good about the relationship.  In other words, they are not concerned about one another leaving, cheating, separating, plotting revenge, etc. every time they do something wrong.

7.  They typically exercise their faith or do positive things that keep them mentally and physically strong whether together or elsewhere.

lovedatingadvice.blogspot.com





Friday

Boring Boyfriends - Do You Have One?

Boring Boyfriends - You don't anticipate that the guy who once swept you off your feet and took you to some great places was really boring.

Sunday

Stuff You Must Know About Relationships - Issues will Arise, Relationship Challenged

We seek out people to date or we involve ourselves in committed relationships not thinking twice about all the potential issues we might face as the connection grows older and sometimes colder.  You see a nice-looking, friendly person seated across from you in a romantic setting.  You don't envision what the future might look like when things aren't so pretty and friendly.  This list below is to help those of you who are considering on dating someone new as well as those currently in a relationship.  Be mindful of what is ahead in the coming years and if you have a faith, use it--you will need it if you want your relationship to go the distance.

Dating Violence

Dating Violence | OVW | Department of Justice


Relationship Therapy

Therapy for Relationships , Relationship Therapist

5 Principles of Effective Couples Therapy


Relationships and Money

Couples and Money: Test Your Money Relationship - Money Clubs

Managing Marriage and Money Problems - WebMD

Top 6 Marriage-Killing Money Issues


Health and Sex

Check out "Sex guides" and include your specific problem in the search engine.


Pregnancy

Postpartum depression - Mayo Clinic


STDs

Sexually Transmitted Diseases - Information from CDC


PMDD

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder: Different from PMS ...


Menopause

WebMD Menopause Center: Symptoms, Hot Flashes, Age ...


Mid-life Crisis

Men's Midlife Crisis: What to Do - webmd.com


Addictions

10 Addictions You Might Not Know You Have

How to Support a Spouse in Addiction Recovery

For Spouses and Partners of Those with Sexual Addiction

So You're Married to An Addict: Is Divorce Inevitable ...


Personality Disorders

List of Personality Disorders | Symptoms, Signs of Personality

Personality Disorders in Spouses - Marital Healing

The Spouse / Mate / Partner of the Narcissist - HealthyPlace

Living with & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality ...


Adultery

The Truth About Emotional Affairs | Focus on the Family

The Difference Between Emotional and Physical Affairs

5 Signs Your Partner is Having an Emotional Affair - Yahoo


Divorce

Free Divorce Tips – Advice on Divorce – Tips for Divorce

Tips For A Smarter Divorce - Forbes

Christians and Divorce: When a Marriage Ends - Crosswalk.com

How Should a Christian View Marriage and Divorce? | Focus ...


In-laws

Boundaries for In-laws | Today's Christian Woman

The Scary Way Your In-Laws Affect Your Marriage

In-Laws - About.com Marriage: Love, Sex, Romance, Married Life


Family Death

Coping With Death and Grief | Focus on the Family

Death in the Family: 12 Things to Do Now - CBS News


Background Check

Online Background Checks and Criminal Reports ...

How to do a free online background check | Fox News

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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