Men Wake Up! A Good Woman is Man's Best Friend

Yes dogs are loyal. They will stick by you to the very end. They will still love you even when you forget to feed them, stay away too long, yell at them, and so on. But dogs can't give you what you need when your spirit is reaching out for someone to complete you. Let's be real, dogs aren't a man's best friend, but a wise woman is. Notice the key word here is "wise." A foolish woman is a man's downfall. We see that all the time in the media. A political, entertainment, or sports figure decides to go out with a woman who has strategically placed herself at the right place at the right time to obtain one's material wealth. After attempting to destroy the man's reputation, she may find temporary fame and fortune (many women don't) and then when the lights are off she is by herself name-dropping to some friends.

Men overlook wise women all the time for the ditz. The reasons are endless from beauty to status, but whatever the reason, a wise woman will come out on top every time. For purposes of this writing, let's define wise as "having or showing wisdom, good sense, or good judgment, sensible, aware of what is going on, informed," according to the Webster's New Ideal Dictionary. So to be with a wise woman is essential for a young man striving to become a better man and an older man looking to make the remaining years of his life something special.

So why is it that men in the beginning of a relationship want the wise woman, but later on find her unattractive, boring, not what they had in mind, different, strange etc.? Could it be that the man overlooked beauty over brains? Maybe he still wanted to party and travel as a single man? Or he simply couldn't handle the challenge of thinking deeply, acting honestly, and being sensible? Not every man is ready for adult conversation and responsibilities. Some men as they grow older become weary of being the focused professional, able to handle challenges in a single bound. The superman title gets old for some. Just like women at certain times in their life just want to let their hair down and have a good time, there are men who want to do the same. But what's wrong with having it all with a wise woman who can be a help mate in fulfilling your dreams and aspirations?

I have personally talked with men over the years who are confused as to what it truly means to have a serious relationship with someone. Their take on a good relationship is similar to that of a high school crush. They expect to be in love forever--holding hands, kissing, and playing under the covers. However, they don't anticipate the stormy days when they aren't the likeable, funny guy that their mate fell in love with in the beginning. These clueless men's feelings become easily wounded when she objects to a silly joke, wants some space, or finds fault with them about something. They have associated a bad day or bad mood with a "throw the baby out with the bath water" type of relationship drama. Before you know it, they are holding grudges and looking for the next woman who they can feel those butterflies with. Yes, there are women who act the same way, but this article is not about them, it's about men who need to understand the importance of having a relationship with a wise woman and not a foolish one.

The men that I have talked to unfortunately didn't have a mother or a father around them who taught them what type of woman they needed that could be an asset to their lives. Instead, they were told to get involved with certain women for shallow reasons such as "she is pretty, she is older, and she has money..." But what they weren't told was that the woman who can complete them is the one who will be a beacon to their lives. Like a lighthouse, she will show you the way in a storm. When you have lost your job, succumbed to illness, witnessed a relative die, or fell into a depression, she will pick you up and usher you were you need to be in life.

So what are the character traits of a wise woman? She is kind, considerate, and respected by family and friends. She is a planner, organizer, and detailed oriented. She is an independent thinker and no longer needs her mother, father and other relatives to guide her life. She has stopped saying, "Well my mother said...grandma told me...daddy reminded me..." She has a faith and is spiritually gifted. She may possess any one or all of the spiritual gifts as defined in the Christian Bible. For those who do not understand her, she is looked upon as a know-it-all type. Wise women who have allowed compliments to go to their heads are not looked upon with favor by those closest to them, because they are not disciplined enough to know how to communicate with others in a loving manner. However, in the public, they are admired. These women also tend to be bossy, arrogant, and sometimes unforgiving. They use their intellect to cast revenge and anger on others purposely. "God told me to tell you...You are stupid...You are a fool...that's why you are going to hell!" These are the kind of things that wise women will say that make them look no better than a fool! They can be too wise in their own eyes at times and turn people completely off. "You should do this...why don't you say that...do this because I said so..." She is always talking, but never listening. Yet, a wise woman who is in control of her emotions, humble, and loves others is a person who can be cherished. She is saying, "I am here for you, if you need me."

A wise woman watches your back. She sees trouble coming from all angles even from your own family and friends. She may have never interacted or seen some of them, yet she knows that this person(s) is a potential problem or may threaten the household in some way. When your mother or other family members are being controlling and want to make you do what they want you to do when they want it, a wise woman will remind you about your current responsibilities and advise you to take a stand. For those of you who are married, you should already know this, and if you don't then here's your wake up call. A wise woman will tell you about that gut feeling she has about certain women at your workplace and although you maintain your innocence it doesn't mean that you won't slip up, so watch what you say and do. Wise women will also warn you when things in the house aren't working, the car needs a tune up, and the children are misbehaving. She isn't telling you these things to aggravate you, but she wants you as the man of the house to do your part. She knows she can't do everything and she doesn't want to take over unless pushed. And being pushed is never a good thing for anyone. You can defile your wise woman at home and turn her into a bossy nag who will make you wish you never laid eyes on her! However, if everyone does their part the household will run efficiently.

A wise woman will create a schedule on how the household should best operate. She will manage dates and times so that everyone knows what is ahead. She isn't trying to control your free time, but she wants to be sure of the following: there is time for the two of you, time for the children and time for the extended family and friends. She knows that if she doesn't make some time for all parties particularly the in-laws, she will be blamed and looked at by your family as someone who is keeping you away from everyone while henpecking you for her own benefit. She knows how people think and she wants to be sure that you and the family is always looked upon with favor.

Wise women are very good at saving money. She isn't interested in spending every dollar in the house for herself; rather, she knows that bills need to be paid, groceries, toiletries, and other household goods are needed. It makes sense to her to buy in bulk and save; rather than buy in singles and pay double. She is the master at seeing what the future holds. She knows that an emergency savings will be necessary, an education fund will need to be set up, holidays are coming, and so much more. So she spends hours researching, heads to the store with sales papers and coupons in tote looking for the best deals.

A gift that most wise women have is one of instinct also known as women's intuition. She may have tapped into it in the above examples when she came to you with a series of warnings and questions. Some of these wise women have dreams, visions, and unexplained feelings. They just know when something is wrong or when it is right. She may tell you suddenly to do something that you would have rather put off or stay away from something or someone, if you listen to her and do what she says at that time, you may benefit. She also knows when she is being lied to or betrayed, but she won't always say, because if she is one of faith, she knows that God will deal with you or those around her accordingly. It is better to avoid lying to a wise woman at all costs. The consequences aren't ever worth the price of putting your relationship with her at risk.

So before you do the following: write that smart woman off who may be interested in you, end your current relationship, or think the grass is greener on the other side, consider this, wise women are rare nowadays. There aren't many who come from stable homes with a mom, dad and siblings. There are few who aren't materialistic and even fewer who grew up amongst prayer warriors. If you are one of those men who have fallen out of love with your wise woman, then work real hard to fall back in love with her. Take some time out and remind yourself about the good ole days and do something special for her and yourself. A wise woman is a keeper.

For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!

How To Find A Husband The Wrong Way

Too many times single women will go hunting with girlfriends in search of a potential mate only to come home heartbroken once again, because no one seemed to be right for them. There are many good reasons why that occurs, here's one main reason: don't look for a man with women! The following information in this article will provide you with all the things women do wrong to get a man and may answer the question why some of you are still single after 35.

Some single women have either an extreme positive attitude or an extreme negative attitude. Where is the balance? No one wants Bubbles for a wife, maybe a lover, but not a wife. If everyone tells you how bubbly you are, it isn't always meant as a compliment. There are men who don't respond well to a woman who thinks that even a gloomy, rainy day with ice and snow is just "great!" Know how to tone your voice and body movements down a notch. No one is asking you to kill who you are, but you will have to consider making a few adjustments.

Now, Bubbles has a negative friend, named Attitude. Attitude is angry at every man who has ever lied, cheated, or showed up ten minutes late. She falsely assumes that anyone she meets will treat her like a b*tch, because everyone else did. Well, if they have, maybe you like Bubbles, will have to remember to tone it down. Toning the attitude down doesn't mean being a weak mouse, but what it does mean is you will have to make some adjustments in your personality if you want to be talked to by a man, maybe even asked out on a date.

Avoiding others to help you find a husband. What is wrong with asking someone who knows you well? If you have in the past and it didn't turn out well, consider who you asked and how many people you asked. Finding a husband should be a project that you would want everyone who cares about you involved.

Telling men too much about yourself on the first date. No man wants to hear about your sexual conquests with other men no matter how open he seems to act. He is just testing you to see if you are wife material or "slam bam thank you ma'm" material. Go ahead and tell him only what he wants to hear and you won't last a year with him. He has dated women like you before, so he knows "the type." Ever hear that statement before? Do less talking and more listening.

He isn't interested in all your money and achievements. If you list everything you have ever done that was outstanding, he may feel like you are more of a competitor than a lover. Once again, think balance when you are talking to your potential husband. Think: "A little about me, with a tad about the family, add a cup of my interests, stirred up and served with my boundaries - sex tonight, tomorrow, months from now or we will talk about it when the time is right."

Tacky appearance. In other words, you don't bother to keep yourself up physically. Like men, too many women make excuses for how they look yet they dare criticize another for being too tall, fat, ugly, smelly, etc. Be sure that you aren't looking like the way you despise. If so, do something about it, before someone boldly calls you out on your flaws in the future and if you can't help certain things, then enhance your stronger attributes.

Going places to find men in places you don't like. If you don't like meeting men at a club, then why go there? if you rather meet men at a fitness center, then make yourself go. Don't go to places that you know in the past has brought you the kind of men you rather live without.

Assuming you know yourself better than everyone else. You don't always know what's best for you, because if you did you would be married by now. Consider what everyone has been telling you about yourself. Take the good, bad, and ugly about yourself and make the needed changes.

Not allowing yourself enough time to heal. You haven't gotten over the last man who hurt you before you are in bed with another. How do you expect to heal from your past wounds when you are bringing those into your new relationships? Enjoy truly being single without allowing a man to visit, stay the night, or even call you. You will know when you are ready when your family and friends notice that you haven't been seeing or mentioning any man in your conversation.

You don't bother to "really" pray. When you have prayed it probably went something like this, "God you know I am lonely, send me a man about six foot with dark hair, handsome, with a job, etc, etc. In Jesus name Amen." What kind of prayer is that? Instead, you should pray, "Lord help me to become a better person, strengthen my relationship with you and if it is meant for me to have a husband then let it be so. I won't bother praying about a man any more since I have more important things to do such as needing your help with..." You already prayed without ceasing on the husband part for years I am sure, there has been potential husbands...now it's time to pray without ceasing in other areas of your life.

From checking your attitude at the door to praying to God for guidance, whatever you have done or will do to get a husband, remember to focus on what matters the most and that is your own personal happiness. Many times women who have found husbands found them when they weren't looking for them. Allow yours to come to you without you holding up a big sign of desperation stating, "I need a husband, are you the one for me?" Utilize the tips, then come back and tell the world your story.

For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!

Dating a Victim of Domestic Violence? What You Should Know and How You Can Help

Her abusive boyfriend from the past cheated, lied, robbed, raped, abused, and misused her. When you first laid eyes on this gorgeous woman, the last thing you thought was you would be inheriting her wounds from yesteryear. Yet, you did and now you feel at times stuck with both his and her mess. You aren't ready to break up with this woman you love, but you can't see a future with her either. So what do you do about this past baggage that tends to show up on days that you think everything is perfectly okay? The following tips should help you get some peace of mind, reach a decision about the relationship, and help you help her to heal.

There is a big difference between a woman who calls herself a victim of domestic violence and one who calls herself a survivor. The survivor most likely has evolved from her experience and shows no signs of having ever been a victim. She has received the support she needed to move on and has taken the necessary changes to live her life to the fullest. However, a victim has not, will not, or doesn't know how to get pass the experience. She may even still call herself, "a victim." Somehow she continues to play the victim in her words and actions with every challenge that comes before her. She hasn't bothered to get the help she needs, and you may be her only counselor.

Women who have been abused don't necessarily get over everything they have gone through in the past. Some of the residue still remains. She may have some strange behaviors that tend to pop up every now and then. If he robbed her, she is possessive about her belongings. If he raped her, then she may have sexual problems. If he choked or smothered her, she may have problems sleeping at night or you touching, staring, or standing over her her while she sleeps. If he lied about his whereabouts a lot, then she will be bothered when you don't say where you are going and how long you will be gone. If he cheated, then she won't trust you when you say "...that woman is just a friend." If he kept her from seeing or talking to family or friends, then she now feels obligated to tell them everything and not pass up an opportunity to attend a family gathering. If he expected her to report to him about everything she does, then she may tell you more than you ever needed or wanted to know or do the complete opposite and appear secretive. If he beat her, then she may flinch if you playfully try to grab her. These are only a small list of some of the things that trigger her misunderstood behaviors.

She may also have some phobias as a result of being in such a life threatening relationship. She may be afraid to go to certain places, avoid certain people and discussions that remind her of her abuser. She may have trust issues because of the many times her abuser violated her. She may not be as affectionate as other women you may have been involved. She may also have problems with budgeting because her abuser may have been very controlling with the finances or she may be domineering about the finances herself. There will be those times that she will appear very strong-minded and other times where she will be extremely sensitive over the simplest of issues. However, despite all of these issues, many women who have been in abusive relationships do well in society. They find the strength to get over many personal obstacles and oftentimes help others see things in relationships that their relatives and friends may have otherwise overlooked.

Going back to the issue of trust, your partner isn't always mindful of her trust issues. You may think that she is deliberately making your life a living hell with all her questions, but some women do this without thinking. They may not have been "called out" on their insecurities prior to meeting you so how do you expect her to be self-aware? If she calls you too much to "check up on you" then say so and let her know you won't always be available to answer her call, if it makes her feel better, let her know when you will be available to talk. If that still doesn't help, and you just so happen to miss calling her, remind her that she should be treating you like how she wants to be treated. Disrespecting you will not be tolerated no matter how many times she tried to call you and you weren't available.

Too often men put themselves in situations that call their character into question such as going out with other women without telling the woman they have made their partner, hiding details of their whereabouts, not being available emotionally, making important decisions without their mate, lying when asked simple questions, etc. When you are with someone who has had an abusive background, she will be more sensitive to what you are doing than most women, because she most likely dealt with these issues with her abuser. You can be a big help to her emotionally by doing two simple things: keep promises and be honest. Let her know what your relationship boundaries are before you think about committing to her for the long-term. An example would be telling her that you don't want the kind of relationship where she acts like your mother rather than a girlfriend. Then list specific examples of the behaviors that are turning you off.

Communication is important in any relationship regardless of what type of experience someone has had prior to entering a new relationship. Without it, you will have trust issues, arguments, repeated break ups and so on. As soon as an issue comes up that bothers you, talk it over in a respectful manner. If she loves you, she will respect you and if you love her you will return the respect.

Being with someone who has been abused requires some degree of patience. You will have to allow her to get to know you through her making mistakes. She may have forgotten that you don't like a certain thing she does, forgive and forget. She may have checked up on something you said you had completed, don't be so easily offended. Be open to mistakes and allow her to learn from them. If you find that she is consistently doing something that is robbing you of feelings for her, then before you break up with her, talk to her about it. See if she can meet you half way, and then sit back and watch her behavior to see if anything changes, if not, then you will have to make the decision to end the relationship. Don't create a scene or do something to get her to break up with you, the last thing you need is a domestic violence situation yourself.

Some formerly abused women tend to be overbearing at times. This may be due to feeling powerless in their past abusive relationship. They want things to go their way, they expect others to do what they say when they say it, they yell instead of talk, and most of all they can be extremely demanding, because they are hard on themselves due to someone being hard on them. When you find your mate is acting this way, once again you will have to talk to them about how it makes you feel, ask them to stop certain mannerisms, and if you are not living with them at the time, don't. Until she understands how you feel about her behavior and have made some serious changes, you will not want to live under her rule. These women have not allowed themselves enough time to heal and they are better off living alone.

Another major concern about women who have not healed from their abusive past is that they may be hiding the fact that they may be equally abusive. Some women turn into abusers themselves. She may have cut herself, threatened to hurt you in some way. If she has children or a pet, you will be able to see signs of whether she is abusive to them. If the children and pet tend to act afraid of her, most likely she has been violent toward them. Look for recent bruises and scars on the children along their face, neck, arms, and legs. Watch how the animal walks, he may have been repeatedly kicked by her and the children. If you are in her home, look for damaged walls and furniture. Sometimes children are responsible for the mess in the home, and if so, then ask yourself the question, "Why would the children ruin the house?" They may be affected by the past or the past is still going on and she just hasn't said anything about it.

Not every woman who has been in an abusive relationship has gone through professional counseling. So be mindful of how she reacts when put under stress, the way she talks to you, and how she handles conflict. If you don't pay close attention to the warning signs, then you will be inheriting an abuser yourself along with her abusive children. Instead of being her lover, be a friend and direct her to some help and if you are spiritual, pray for her and invite her (and the children) to your church, but whatever you do, don't make her feel ashamed for what she has done, belittle, or disrespect her, she has already had enough of that kind of behavior from her abuser.

Nicholl McGuire maintains other blogs including: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Tips Dating Older Men, Younger Women