Thursday

When They Expect You to Date Your Own Kind

Ignorant people have a way of putting their prejudices off on others.  If they don't like a certain ethnicity, gender, culture, language, etc. they assume that you feel the same way simply because you might look or sound like them.  But with so much marketing of all sorts of relationships, whatever you thought was typical, normal, or okay is being suppressed slowly but surely.  The typical American couple looks nothing like the magazines of yesteryear.

Interracial relationships, divorced partners, same sex partnerships, age-gap dating, open marriages, and more are the new norm.  Despite the stares and the comments, people will continue to date who they want, when they want and how they want.  Some couples simply don't care what anyone has to say about their choice in a mate.

You might fit in one of the above mentioned groups.  You may have received some negative comments from people about your selection in a date.  For some, you might have been pushed out of certain circles because you chose "not to do as the Romans do."  Fighting back with the same hurtful statements, eye rolls, stares, and more does nothing but create more animosity in an already tense setting.  A relationship that just might make it, may not when individuals are under stress about what outsiders say and do.  For many successful couples, they have learned to enjoy their lives, despite opposition, and keep those close who are in support of them.  But keep in mind too, that relationships typically don't last as long as family bonds.  Therefore, making a relative who sincerely loves and cares about your well-being an enemy would be foolish!  Never assume that the effort you put into maintaining your relationship will be met with the same passion by a mate who may not be completely sold out or willing to stand up to others to keep you.

Many of us have spent years fighting people, places and things to accept our personal lifestyle choices.  Notice I said, personal.  What you do behind closed doors is ultimately your business and no one else's--that is until you come out in the open with your love interest.  For some people, especially loved ones, they make your business their business.  From the young woman who chooses to date an older man to the white guy who brings home an Asian woman, people who don't like couples who aren't like them will always have something to say.

"Take the bitter with the sweet," a relative once told me, so I did.  I made a point to enjoy all my love interests prior to choosing a more conservative lifestyle.  Whether he was black, white, red or yellow, I always knew someone somewhere would be waiting for that opportunity to tell me about "Those type..." or question me about "them."  

My advice to anyone in an unusual relationship is to find out what completes the two of you and why you sincerely want to partner with this person.  If it is because of sexual reasons, material wealth, fame, a personal fetish for a certain skin tone or body frame, etc.--best wishes--because most relationships built on shallow reasons don't go the distance.  Sooner or later personal prejudices show up and show out.  "My mother always told me about your kind...why did I bother...you people are something else...my dad told me about your type!"  Uh oh! 

Sometimes it takes a series of breakups to really know what you want.  Personal discomfort, outside influences, arguments, and more contribute to the failure of many relationships.  If you can get pass the issues, forgive one another, and work together, love just might conquer all.

Ignore the negative people and the fearful critics (who only wish they could be so bold,) and allow true love to permeate your mind, body and spirit!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself.

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
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