Monday

Social Butterflies and Geeks: Can a relationship like this work?

In 2008, there was a reality show entitled, Beauty and The Geek.  It was advertised back then as a social experiment.  Beautiful women with low IQs were paired up with men high in intellect, but weak in social skills.  After watching episodes of this show and thinking back to my own dating experiences, I reasoned the only way that one could manage to stay with the other is if he or she would be able to compromise a big chunk of who he or she was when the lights and camera were put away.  Unless a person is constantly evolving and willing to try new things, in other words come out of his or her shell, a relationship like this simply can't work.

There are always those exceptions to the rule.  The married couple who have been together for 30 plus years.  The college guy dating the ditz.  The broke, busted and disgusted beautiful girl dating the geeky looking computer guy.  Kudos to them!  However, let's just be honest.  How many times did the thought go through their minds, "What do I see in this guy besides his money?  What do I see in this gal besides her beauty?  Seriously, I can do better!"

As much as it's the nice thing to put aside appearances and quirky things in one's personality in order to see the jewel underneath it all, let's face it, it's a lot of work!  You have to tell yourself over and over again, "There's gold somewhere, I know it!  This guy is going to make me fall in love with him one day, I just know it!  She will one day become the apple in my eye, I just believe it.  That's if I can look pass, what I feel, is her illogical reasoning!"  Keep on brainwashing yourself, my friend!

There comes a point in every relationship where it will go through some trying times.  Will the geek come out ahead and be there for you when you really need him?  Will the beauty stop looking at herself long enough to help you?

Sometimes we make relationships more difficult than they ought to be, because we pair ourselves with "special cases" for the sake of being tied to someone; rather than choosing someone who is more our equal.  Some people reason, "Well there is no fun in that..."  Then I would have to ask this question, "Do you want a long-lasting relationship or a challenging one just because you think you need someone different who you 'believe' is fun?" 

Being with someone, like you ie.) similar interests, personality, background, etc. is better emotionally and physically then going out in search of someone who doesn't have much of anything that compliments you.

Nicholl McGuire
I've dated my share of beauties and geeks and it's no walk in the park.

Sunday

What Do Guys Really Want?

If you are a woman currently dating men who seem to be frustrating you about what they really want in a relationship, you might want to read this interesting article on Match.com.  Check it out here.

Monday

You Can't Make Someone Love You...

How many times have you argued with your mate and thought, "Does he/she really love me?  Why does this person keep causing drama between us by doing dumb things?  Doesn't he/she care about how I feel?"  Anyone who continues to do more of the same hurtful things to you, doesn't love you.  Therefore, why do you keep trying to make this person do things that he/she just isn't willing and/or capable of doing?

We have all been guilty of trying to make someone do something that we want in past or current relationships.  We try explaining our dos and don't list, manipulating situations to generate a desired outcome, and getting others to talk to this person.  Some of those past dates just didn't get it, so what did we do? We either kept trying until one or both called it quits.  You can't make someone love you, so we have heard in love songs.  But some of us, are hell-bent on making something work that obviously doesn't work anymore.

The relationship experts tell us to communicate.  So we do.  The best friend whom you confide in advises to, "Stick it out."  But what does your gut say?

Stop arguing, making love, using the silent treatment, gossiping about your mate, and anything else that keeps you upset, and just listen to that quiet voice within, "I can't make you love me if you don't."
Sooner or later that knucklehead will get it, and hopefully he or she will get the message before it's too late.

Nicholl McGuire
Check out my love poems .

Thursday

What You Should Know About Your Partner this Year

It's a new year, happy new year to you and yours!  You know when a new year comes, people can't help but start looking around for things to clean up.  One area of their lives they start to take a closer look at is their relationships--uh oh!  Now this article doesn't suggest any break up tips or anything that would cause more challenges in your relationship.  But what this article does do is encourage you to learn more about that person you are dating, living with, engaged to, or just creeping with on the side.  Oh yeah, some of you reading this have been playing two even three partners and you know that it's time to get serious this year!  Narrow your choice down to one, so that you can focus on other things like your career for starters!

So what should you know about your partner?  You should know more than your neighbors that's for sure!  Some couples are so busy doing other things that the neighbors know their schedules.  These couples are nothing more than roommates.  When is there time to really get to know your mate other than his or her Facebook status update?  These couples come and go and are rarely seen together. 

You should also know more about your partner than your best friend!  There is a problem when couples don't bother to know even the simplest details about their partners, yet if the friend comes over this person is taking notes like a student preparing for an exam.  He or she can tell you all about your woman or man, now that's bad!  There is a serious problem developing in your friendship and possibly relationship when this happens.  You may want to also learn more about your friend's wants in life--hmmm. 

Anyway, so you have selected or have been selected by someone who really cares about you.  This person is for the most part nice to you.  He or she has expressed interest in drawing closer to you.  What you will want to do is pay close attention to your partner's interests (both new and old.)  You can grow a closer bond to someone when you care about the things that they care about. 

Ask yourself, "Has my man/woman changed since the first time I met  him/her and how so?"  What could you do differently to show your support?  You will want to think about what your mate said to you in the past about his or her goals.  Is he or she really working toward them?  Could you be encouraging or hindering your partner?  Know what your mate likes to do.  There are those things that the public knows about, but do you sincerely know what your sweetie likes to do privately. 

Also, consider where you are spiritually as a couple.  Now is your partner on-board with your spiritual beliefs or disbelief?  How close are you to tying the knot that is if you haven't already?  Have you discussed a marriage date with your partner?  If you are already married, what more should you be doing to build your relationship up?

Now these kinds of thoughts and questions will make you want to sit down with your loved one and find out more.  Some of you reading this may want to snoop in his or her things too (which I don't suggest.)  But if there are some things that are bugging you and you can't get straight answers, then do what you must by first talking and then acting.  If you know that you really don't know the answers to these questions mentioned in this article, then you should ask them and more questions--a little each day or weekly until you have some peace of mind.  But never bombard your mate with serious relationship questions; otherwise, you will start an argument and you may leave her or him feeling confused.  Also, never ask questions when your partner hasn't eaten, tired, sick, watching a favorite show or just back home from doing whatever, it will only cause problems.

Some singles complain about a partner who cheated on them in the past.  They may also have a bad attitude toward the opposite sex because they have some unresolved issues.  A lot of these challenges could have been dealt with without feelings of regret had only some couples stopped looking inward so much before certain bad experiences happened--the writing was most likely on the wall before things happened. 

Make a point not to be like some of these singles who haven't dated in a long time and who spend a lot of time asking questions like, "Why do I feel...Why doesn't he...Why can't she..."  The pity party does nothing but turn into anger and resentment and before long you are fighting with your mate. 

There isn't anything wrong with occasionally asking yourself questions like the ones above, but at some point, if you care anything about the relationship, you should be looking at the positive that your partner does do; rather than the negative feelings you have about one issue or the other.  As you may have already experienced in your relationship, emotions are temporary, but actions last a lifetime.

Nicholl McGuire

Check out more of my work here.

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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