Thursday

The Highs and Lows of Online Romances

The warm feeling that comes over you when you see that special someone online and offline.  He or she makes you feel alive!  You haven't felt this good in years!  You can't get enough of talking to that special friend and drooling over his or her photos.  You want the world to know just how you feel, but you can't say everything or do as much as you want due to concern that the individual might sooner or later let you down or worse not be the one!

It is understandable to feel this way.  You don't always know whether a person is sincere about you like you are about him or her.  It is always best to slow down a bit.  Spend time talking and watching the person's mannerisms.  Find out whether he or she is in fact right for you and not just right for the moment.

I personally witnessed a friend go from enormous highs in her infatuation of the people she met online to great lows within days of meeting her dates.  She would start off with starry-eyed conversations of these guys like how good they look, how well they treated her during a date, and how wealthy they were, only to later be very disappointed with them.  "He's conceited...he's cheap....all he wants is sex...I don't know what I was thinking...I need to stay offline for awhile."

The poor woman refused to spend more time getting to know those handsome hunks outside of bedroom romps.  She would become defensive when I said anything that would burst her bubble.  I tried to get her to think about the good, bad, and ugly about each of her dates so that she wouldn't be going into these romances wearing rose-colored glasses, but she didn't act on the wisdom she attained.  Then when she would learn that they just wasn't into her, she would look so sad and sometimes not say much if anything to me.

Be careful of those romantic highs!  The upswing of online dating are times when you feel like you are on top of the world and all seems to be so right with a date.  You are getting along with that special friend, going to fun places, enjoying your time with him or her and sharing your plans about the future.  But then the lows, those down moments, come along:  someone is working too much, has some annoying habits, controlling relatives, unattractive once the make up or dress clothes come off, and has his or her share of past baggage and issues that get in the way of good times with you.

Online dating is comprised of a lot of people being on their best behavior for a limited time before everything starts to unravel.  When the low moments show up, you have to ask yourself, "Is a date really worth it?"  Be real with yourself and that person you are dating, do you really want to work on a relationship with this person or just a body?

Nicholl McGuire
Blog Owner and Author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues


Saturday

The Rush - Dating Too Soon

A rush to find someone, look for the right look for a first date, communicate one's needs, touch, have sex, fall in love, get married, and have children.  Welcome to Internet dating!  Where the lonely, desperate, confused, crazy, and horny are in a rush to do everything only to crash and burn later.

I was one of them.

Yes, the inspirational speaker and author of many books, (I wasn't who I am now back then--although I wish maybe I wouldn't have been in such a rush) set out to connect online after a divorce (can we say vulnerable and an easy target).  My ex was cheating and seemed to be quite content with his mistress--a co-worker.  So me, being the kind of gal who wasn't going to sit back and watch their movie unfold right before my eyes, applied for a divorce and started looking online months later.  It felt so nice to be admired online.  I was ready to have some fun--woohoo!

As we all know, who have been there and done that, fun doesn't come without a price, a compromise, and a broken heart.  I share my story, observation and lessons learned in Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues by Nicholl McGuire.

The rush comes in phases as I discussed on a video.  There are three parts and the one that I eventually got trapped in months later the baby and many years later a new marriage--both of which I thought I was ready for--NOT!

Internet dating blues, we reap what we sow.  Plant to quickly, don't care for your garden, trample on your seeds to plant new ones, and then before long nothing grows.  You are like a beautiful flower so wonderfully made and without the right treatment you die a slow death in a miserable relationship.

So choose wisely!

Nicholl McGuire
Blog Owner and Author of Too Much Too Soon, Internet Dating Blues

Tuesday

Thursday

In a Relationship with a Controlling Partner?

Do you feel suffocated in a relationship?  Is the partnership all about your mate?  Do you often feel powerless and frustrated?  Check out audio by inspirational speaker and author Nicholl McGuire on Sutros.  Podcast available here:  http://sutros.com/songs/47231-in-relationship-with-controlling-person

October is domestic violence awareness month.

Saturday

On Loving Those Who Were Once Abused - Past Abuse, Present Day Issues

Dating Tips - Crazy Women Rarely Look Crazy

The woman you might call, "Crazy" wasn't that way when you first met her. You wouldn't have thought to call her such back then. The words you chose were most likely positive. "She is cute, funny, sweet, and smart," you said. In the past, there was no possible way for you to know about a date's oddities; therefore, start forgiving yourself (if you haven't already) for missing the clues. The odd woman didn't wear a t-shirt that said, "I'm a bit off," but if she had, you probably would have avoided her, unless of course the t-shirt was wet. Then you probably would have at least considered talking to her if nothing else.

Some men think with their eyes and body parts then wonder why they can't seem to find the right partner, while others have been burned so much that they learn not to dismiss those warning bells that go off in their minds no matter how sexy, pretty, wealthy, or smart a woman might be. Chances are you have steadily outgrown this mindset too since meeting your mad dame and others like her. All the sexiness in the world means nothing when you are being emotionally or physically abused! You probably believed there was nothing about your fine-looking female early on that alerted you to what was dancing around in her mind. But there were signs and this book is going to cause you to think about much so that you can be at peace about whether you should stay or go. -- excerpt from She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

Monday

In Love Again -- What Does it Take?

Do you want to feel that "in love" emotion?  Well you can do some things to awake the sleeping heart in a relationship full of mundane routines.  Try the following:

1.  Plan special times together monthly discovering new activities you never experienced together.

2.  Separate for awhile.  Focus on goals, dreams, assist a relative in another state...getting away for an extended length of time is not only liberating, but will help you decide whether the relationship is worth saving.

3.  Find the time to communicate with one another outside of the norm.

4.  Share new things about one another or fun stuff that has happened during the day.

5.  Upgrade your appearance.  Do away with some things that don't enhance your look.  Exercise, watch your eating habits, and rid yourself of toxic behaviors from gossip to recreational drug use.

6.  Stop spending so much time with family, friends, co-workers...and bragging about everyone but your partner.

7.  Buy your partner something when its not a holiday.

8.  During tough times, encourage your partner by sharing personal stories of triumph.

9.  Be happy for your partner when good things happen.  Ask if he or she needs assistance in meeting goals or performing tasks.

10.  Take the children on an outing for at least once a week and help with chores.  Give your partner some free time.

Express your love through writing, song, dance, video, etc. whenever possible, your partner needs to know that you love him or her.  Remember what you are unwilling to do, someone somewhere will fulfill the void especially if your partner is attractive.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

Give It Some Time - Online Dating and Watching for the Crazies and Manipulators

Months go by and still one is trying to meet that special person, what gives?  You have been ghosted, lied to, analyzed, mistreated, manipulated...these people online are crazy, wild, wounded, and desperate.  It isn't you, right?  It's always them.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when dating on or offline is they simply don't be themselves.  They go about the dating world pretending to be easy-going, fun, sweet, nice or whatever else they wish to be.  Yet, as time goes on true colors are revealed and what was once so beautiful or handsome turns out to be a minion from hell!

Give yourself some time when online dating.  Allow at least four seasons to go by before committing to an exclusive relationship.  Also, don't assume that you know someone very well after a week of talking and a month of dating.  People who are good at deceiving others can keep up a false persona for a long time before their act begins to unravel.  Watch out for the following red alert signs when dating people who might potentially be a problem for you:

1.  They often say things that are inaccurate, misunderstood or downright strange.  You find yourself often puzzled, worried, or upset after talking to them.
2.  They pretend to know things that they really don't.  When asked specific questions, they contrive answers that are not comprehensible, deviate from the subject, or act as if you misunderstood them.
3.  They are easily upset or confused when under pressure and curse much about the littlest of things.
4.  They are often unhappy, miserable or ill.
5.  They fake happiness, but upon closer inspection you quickly realize the individual is messed up.
6.  They don't have any good relationships with others.
7.  They mismanage many things including: finances, household, children, job duties, etc.

Online dating isn't easy no matter how workable and convenient the dating apps and websites.  People are complex at times and don't always look or act in ways that we expect.  Brace yourself for the future disappointments.  As much as we want to believe that someone will always be one way or the other, we know that when life throws a curve ball, people do change.

Avoid assuming the worst about others, but don't be naïve and lose your common sense either--like shunning away those warning bells that tell you things like, "I don't trust this person...something is wrong...I suspect she is crazy...not my type." 

Keep in mind manipulators hope that you fall in love fast.  They hope you think the world of them so that they can start getting whatever they want from you sooner rather than later.  They know that one day you will find them out.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

Dating Too Many People, Spending Too Much Time and Money

How many is too many lovers?  How much time is too much time when it comes to staying online meeting and communicating with new friends?  What is the dollar amount on spending too much when dating?

Some people go into the dating world blindly and they don't bother to put any limitations on time, money or anything else.  When this sort of thing happens it isn't any wonder that people argue, fuss, break up, obtain STDS, have unwanted pregnancies, go into debt, end up in jail, and more.  There are simply no boundaries!

When you date far too many people, you exhaust yourself of them sooner or later.  They all start looking and sounding the same in your mind.  You find yourself disinterested in those you should be interested in and settling with those in between sheets that you really don't like that much.

Spending much money on dates has caused many hardships for singles as well as married individuals.  Falling behind in bills won't bring a smile on anyone's face during a date while looking at a dinner bill that could have paid a cell phone bill for two months maybe even three.  Married people should know better not to date singles, but they still chance it.  Now an affair that cost a few hundred dollars or more is now costing them thousands in divorce court.

You may have found that your personal life isn't all that great and so many hours are spent online, texting, video chatting, calling, or meeting people that could have been better spent improving you.

You know when you are dating (or sexing) far too many people when you are:

1.  Often having some issue with your health.
2.  You have to borrow money just to go out on a date.
3.  You are frequently disappointed with your selection of dates.
4.  Your family begin to question or criticize your dating lifestyle.
5.  You find that people, places and things seem to bore you much and you no longer feel excited about anything anymore.
6.  You quarrel much with dates (or physically fight with
them).
7.  You don't have a clue anymore about the future.
8.  You fake interest in people.
9.  You worry much about money and hope that your dates will foot the bills.
10.  You are starting to resent dressing up or impressing dates.

Nicholl McGuire



Sunday

Detective Owl’s: Online Dating Safety Guide for Women

Online dating is a great way to meet your future partner. Last year alone, twice as many marriages occurred between men and women who met online versus couples who met in bars, clubs and at other social events combined.

If you’re new to online dating and considering jumping aboard the Tinder bandwagon, it’s worth taking the time to protect yourself and be safe... http://www.datingmetrics.com/online-dating-safety-guide-for-women/


Men: In Like or Love with an Engaged or Married Woman

Are you in like or love with a woman who is already engaged or married?  If so, take heed to the following spiritual message.  There is much challenge ahead for you if you choose to ride the waves of such a relationship.  Prepare yourself for unfavorable treatment with her family and children, added emotional stress, and listening to her many stories about her husband/fiancé/boyfriend.

Click here:  http://yourlisten.com/nichollmcguire/in-love-with-a-married-or-engaged-woman


Sunday

On Predicting the Future of Your Relationship

You can't say for sure what might happen to your relationship, but you can pay close attention to enough signs early on to determine whether it will survive and become a reasonably quality relationship or a dysfunctional one that might eventually come to an end.  Consider the following signs there are storms ahead.

1.  You or your partner is buying much of the stuff related to the relationship from the gas in the car to go out on a date to the rent for the place you both have sex in.

Most likely, you will also be the one paying for more things in the future like his or her child from a previous relationship, a family trip, bailing him or her out financial problems, or paying for medical bills.  Disagreements will occur about money.  If you or partner is in control of paying for most things, you might eventually act prideful and disrespectful about all of what you are doing for this person.

2.  Sex happens either too much or not enough and when you bring the topic up your partner is nonchalant about it.

The likelihood that someone will be tempted to cheat emotionally and/or physically is probable.

3.  A partner is either inconsistent with employment or works way too much.

He or she has issues with staying employed or works alot.  This will definitely cause problems when a mate is not addressing the problems while wanting you to be more understanding, patient, kind, etc.  You have a life too and when you agreed to be with this person you thought there was going to be some kind of benefits; instead you have a parent child kind of relationship or lack thereof.

4.  You know you will have problems and more problems in the future when he or she is often talking about disagreements one has had with others (family, co-workers, friends, etc.)

Sooner or later that tough exterior you might have (or your mate) will turn on you.  How much cursing, name-calling and yelling can you tolerate?

5.  He or she is not a kid and or pet-lover.

Whether you or your partner has children (plan on having them) or a pet, if this person is not interested in animals and kids or don't really love or like the ones they got, you most likely will have  issues that will affect your relationship if you should choose to have either or bring yours into the mix.

The problems previously mentioned and others can be dealt with by using healthy strategies to mediate and resolve conflicts.  However, if one or both parties are not in agreement, then the challenges will only increase over time leading to an unfortunate break up, or if not that, a long-term dissatisfying and troubled relationship.

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.

 

Friday

Blog Owner Shares Spiritual Wisdom on Messages for the Soul on Your Listen

Is there someone that you don't feel comfortable enough with to share how much you love, need and want him or her?  Inspirational speaker Nicholl McGuire also author of Socially, Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy is sharing spiritual wisdom about relying on people and our vulnerabilities.  Click on audio message:  Spiritual Encouragement

Tuesday

In Every Date One Sees a Family Member

It is time to take a long break when you see a bit much of your daddy, mommy, sister, brother, uncle and others in the people that you date.  What is happening are familiar spirits at work.  You are attracting the people that you may not want in your life.  Dysfunctional relationships with loved ones tend to spill over in intimate relationships.

A daughter has daddy issues, a son has mommy issues, and all have issues with other loved ones as well.  Think of those you dated in the past that reminded you of someone and why things didn't work with them and why they are still not working with the person you are currently with possibly.

We focus on those positive things that make the relationship and dismiss those that don't.  So if you respect, admire, and love a trait in someone, it would make sense to seek that.  However, what some will do is receive all that is wrong and negative with someone because he or she reminds them of some things they experienced growing up.  They enjoy being on familiar territory.  Therefore, the mind will sooner or later be triggered with negative emotions too from yesteryear and in time one will resent the person who reminded he or she of the past if there are still unresolved issues.

Family members can be a great lens into what might the future hold, but what they aren't supposed to be are our future partners in others.  When we see a pattern in the kind of people we are attracting, it is then that we must stand down.  Take some time to examine your choices readjust your thinking and experience some healing for those broken areas in your life.

Here's to your dating success!

Nicholl McGuire

Friday

Get Over the Past But Don't Deny the Truth - Relationships

He was there for you back in the day.  She had done much for you way back when.  But lately things don't look very good because there is far too much arguing.  You start to forget about the positives of the past and you ponder much on why the relationship is just not going to make it in the future.

You might need to sit with your social circle and hammer out some details about YOU!  Notice I didn't mention your partner.  A lot of what we go through has much to do with us.  We have issues that go beyond just the minor infraction that caused a disagreement in the first place.  Sometimes we have personal desires to just move on--break up.  However, we self-deceive.  We tell ourselves we want to remain in toxic relationships when we really do not.  We notice the emptiness, the lack of appreciation from a partner, the declining attraction between one another and more early on in relationships, but refuse to do anything about those moments.

So many couples just don't want to get over the past.  They just can't go beyond the pain, so rather than focus on building themselves up and staying positive, they rather tear one another down.  When you notice a repeated pattern of misery, anger, tepidness, etc, talk with your partner.  If he or she doesn't acknowledge your pain, no worries.  You can get through this!  Problem solve by continuing to focus on you and your healing.  Ask yourself, "What is best for me?"

The sooner you realize what hurts rather than ignore the red alert signs that something is indeed wrong within and around you, the better.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of books like: When Mothers Cry, Say Goodbye to Dad, What Else Can I do on the Internet, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and many others.  See here.

Sunday

Your Partner will Change and It Isn't Always Positive

The death of a loved one, a job loss, a relocation, sudden wealth, pregnancy, illness, new opportunities, group affiliations, addictions, aging, etc. will change the attitude and behaviors of a partner.

Too often couples overlook change while hoping that they both treat one another the same and others. However, this doesn't occur as we mature and new responsibilities and other life challenges begin to grow on us.  The one who wishes/hopes/prays for some things to be unchanging is in for a rude awakening!  This is why some relationships that started off so sweet, nice, ad wonderful end up spiraling down fast.

When one is relating to others he or she has to realize that people will change.  They won't always be respectful, kind, considerate and in love or like with the individual.  It hurts, but it is a harsh reality.  The sooner one wakes up to the fact that things are much different in the relationship since the early days the better.  We all have to learn to adjust as the strong tides of life roll in while thinking when to call it quits or keep riding the waves.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other dating books.

Saturday

What is a True Relationship?


Messages for the Soul with Nicholl.  Podcasts at Your Listen http://www.yourlisten.com/nichollmcguire

Monday

Audio Podcast for Men in Relationships, Dating from a Woman's Perspective

Check out this new podcast by Nicholl McGuire, blogger of this site.  Thought-provoking commentary regarding relationship and dating topics that affect men and women.

Why Men are Drawn to Weak Women


Sunday

Seeking Writers, Bloggers, Poets, Videomakers

Do you talk about relationship and dating topics?  Would you like to be featured on this site too?  We share some of the best information around the web about dating and relationships. 

This dating blog has been around for many years and has been a help to hundreds.  So if you have something inspiring, useful and really want to help our readers, then send your links, video, etc. for a future blog post to nichollmcguire@gmail.com and we will highlight your work here. 

Looking forward to viewing your material! 


Friday

Why Do People Go Back to One Another After a Break Up?

About nine years ago, I was curious as to why people go back to one another after a break up.  I had noticed this pattern after a few honeymoon periods between victims and their abusive partners (as well as myself--thank God I have been free for over 20 years now) and men who I dated who were still thinking about and sexing the so-called ex.

The answer to that question provided results that were, too put it plainly, common sense, but didn't make the reasons right, good or altogether true.  The answers from real people with real life experience can be found in the discussion I started here: Why People Go Back to One Another


"Why are they back together, why?"

Thursday

Ms. Online Date Turns Into Another Bad Mate - Dating

You might be angry with yourself for all the times you believed that your companion was into you when the truth could be she pretended like she enjoyed everything you were into. You see this now, but you didn't back when you were having a good time with her. It doesn't help matters when we persuade people to go along with doing things that we know they just aren't into or we appease them just to make them smile while we hurt within. Yet, inside you are thinking, "I don't like any of this! The things we do for love!"


Once again, you spoiled the woman or maybe she ruined you by doing everything you wanted. She went along with your selection of places to eat; exaggerated how good you were at doing something, your pick in a movie selection, or what you do for others.


Too much of the actress can be unnerving, so you pull back and you want time alone or you want to go places without someone in the passenger seat. She probably gave you hell for speaking up for yourself and leaving her at home sometimes. You might still be mad about those times you permitted your woman to "go off" on you for not answering your phone when she called as well as things you said that you really didn't mean to upset her, but she took what you said and ran with it and didn't let you live it down.


After an explosive incident, you began to cater to her while apologizing and promising you wouldn't do or say those mean things again. "Whatever you want Honey, I still love you. We are going to make it--just me and you!" you probably said something like this and so she wins and you lose. She rides in the car, attends every event, and tells you where to go if you leave her out again. But you are human, you made mistakes and she is still "tripping" as one man described the way his insecure girlfriend acts over the littlest of things.


Ms. Insecure will remind you of everyone who has hurt her and why she doesn't like, trust, or want to be around certain people or all people, "Because I always get hurt in the end," she claims. How about the truth is, she is often hurting others first--the kill or be killed philosophy is one of many beliefs she carries, "I will do that one in before he gets to me!" Most likely, she has broken up with you a thousand times in her mind, compared to the few times the thought of breaking up with her crossed your mind.


Things Get Personal with Ms. Extremely Insecure


After realizing once again that Ms. Extremely Insecure was over-the-top when she slashed her man's tires, threatened to hurt someone in his family, and did some other things to make a point, she wanted to apologize for all the wrong she did. I saw Ms. Extremely Insecure and crazy woman when I was a child. She looked me in the face with those demonic eyes that made my stomach shake; I had been forewarned that if she came around to go into the house, but not before I listened to what she had to say.


Ms. Extremely Insecure told me all she wanted to do was talk with my uncle and that he hadn't been returning her phone calls. I said nothing; I didn't believe that was all she wanted to do. I became nervous and went into the house. I told an adult she was outside. By the time my relative went to the door, she was gone. I learned later she had broken into his apartment and helped herself to his bed. She was naked and had been waiting on him for hours! He never showed, but another relative did and ran that crazy woman out of his home. Some nutty people have enough sense in their minds to know when they have done wrong, but when someone goes from hot-tempered to relatively calm in sixty seconds you can't help but watch your back. There was something not right that day with the woman who smiled back at me.


"There is no one else better than me...I am all he has...Where would he be if it wasn't for me?" a wife/mother/mistress preaches. A woman like this will also say, "There is no relationship like mine...Those other couples have issues, I don't believe they are in love as much as they say. I don't believe he makes that kind of money. Surely, her home isn't as nice as she claims." Ms. Insecure is going to pull you into a conversation that you really don't need to have with her, but because you don't want to end up hearing her mouth for the next hour and a half, you will go along with whatever she says. "Yes Babe...Okay Honey. You're right," you might respond.


From attending sporting events to watching her favorite team on television, the temperamental woman doesn't like to lose. She is not in good spirits if she or someone she knows loses a game. "What a fool! That's why I hate that coach...What the...? Why do I bother to play on this team?" Throwing things, cursing, and ready to fight over a game she isn't even getting paid to play. As long as you listen and don't provide advice and/or act critical of her behavior, she probably won't redirect her anger onto you. Yet, say the wrong thing and she is going to let you have it!

Excerpt taken from She's Crazy a book for emotionally and/or physically abused men by Nicholl McGuire.


Tuesday

Things are Never the Same - After First Episode of Abuse

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Things are Never the Same - First Insult, Slap, Ki...: You don't understand how did we go from talking about something so simple to blowing up.  Two people had personal qualms with the other...

On Defending Dysfunctional Family Members and Friends

If you aren't too careful, defending your dear mother, father and other relatives and friends when your partner brings up issues more than a few times just might cost you your relationship. Is it really worth it? Many people ended up in divorce court because selfish, manipulative and controlling relatives put just enough pressure on their relationships to send them there.

Sunday

It's Okay Not to Like Your Partner Sometimes

Where in the rulebook does it say you have to like your partner all the time?  Don't beat yourself up about your personal feelings or let others who may have observed your mood change to guilt you.  When a mate isn't giving you much reason to like or even love him or her lately it's okay.  Simply find ways to either rekindle positive emotions, communicate concerns, distance yourself for a time (absence makes the heart grow fonder), or use the quiet and space to grow from this difficult season and redirect your attention on the things that matter in your own life rather than pay so much attention on him or her. 

Most mature couples reconcile gradually, but those that are seriously thinking about separating or divorcing, they usually never connect in the way they once did.  Sex is a mere bandaid for them, and doesn't satisfy emotionally.  Check yourself, think about what your partner may be going through, and say a prayer for you both.


Wednesday

Interracial Misfits, Dating

With the rise of black men dating white women, just a friendly reminder, just because someone is white doesn't make them right and once you go black, you can always go back to what you know. 

If you listen to how some black men down their mothers, exes, and more and white women talk about white men on places like YouTube, you can't help but think that hate is what they are advocating.  Some of the more popular channels are most likely paid or encouraged to continue to broadcast stupidity. 

Interracial relationships are challenging enough, but when you are in a relationship with someone who promotes self-hatred, has low self-esteem, or has a misogynist mindset, whether he or she is indirect or direct with personal offenses, it is only a matter of time that the self-hating, smiling white woman or black man will turn on one another (and others) like snakes.  This is also true with other mixed couples like: Latino and Caucasian, Asian and Caucasian, and so on. 

Running to a different ethnicity in the hopes that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is nothing more than a myth and a wish.  All people of all races, sexualities, genders, etc. have ISSUES!  I tend to think that the push for interracial dating during recent years especially between white women and black men is systematic and is designed to create more of a mixed race for obvious reasons such as: raise intelligence, create more of a seemingly attractive or unique appearance, challenge culture, increase the populace, etc.  Some groups have researched, reviewed studies and know what the benefits are when race mixing and probably spent much time watching bi-racial President Barak Obama.  Evidently the results were intense, because the push is everywhere!

As much as we think our dating preferences are exclusively our own, there are various manufactured programs specifically created to change humanity, thinking and traditions as we have known them to be.  However, one must be aware that simply promoting interracial relationships is not good enough.  There are personalities, upbringing, past experiences, social class, education, culture, and more to consider.  Of course not every person is dysfunctional in these relationships, but there are a lot who do have issues that can't be overlooked and are emotionally and physically draining to listen to such as:  stories of repeated rejection by parents and those one might have admired, child abuse, racism, etc. like in any other relationship. 

One should not ever think that an ethnicity as a whole is far superior than another; therefore, "I will date the white man because he has...I will start seeing white women because they will give me...I heard that black guys got...or I need an Asian lady because I heard she will treat me better."  Keep in mind, there are those who have a few screws loose in every group and this is why some people can't and won't date some of these self-hating individuals in their own race.  Interview mental health professionals, relatives and former partners and they just might share a story or two about how a troubled individual always had issues with the way they looked or felt ostracized or couldn't fit in, struggled with mental illness, was abused or abandoned as a child, etc. and why they aren't surprised that they chose to date exclusively this ethnicity or that one. 

So if one's own race doesn't bother or put up with them or they can't seem to get along with people who look like them, then what makes you, me or anyone else think for one minute that we won't be affected sooner or later by a partner's self-hating or past issues?  I have personally experienced the dark and light skin challenges despite being the same ethnicity.  The truth is, like with most relationships, dating interracially doesn't solve old wounds, if anything, it amplifies them.

When one dates or chooses to marry, do look beyond skin tone.  There is more than meets the eye.

Check out She's Crazy a book written for men in relationships abused by girlfriends or wives.  If you are a woman in an abusive relationship, do check out Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

One Piece of New Relationship Advice

It's not what a lover does that makes him or her so special.  There are plenty of great actors out there. 
Ask yourself, "What am I willing to put up with after the niceties begin to fade?" -- Nicholl McGuire

http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Thursday

Are You Thinking About Divorce Alot?

You didn't think it would ever come to this, thoughts of breaking up, but considering recent events, you are about ready to call it quits.  Do you really want this?  See here: Divorce



She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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