Craig David - Walking Away (Official Video)

Healing After a Breakup

How to Let Go of People who are Still Holding on to You

How To Get Over A Breakup (Tips For Moving On Quickly) Exs

Adele - Hello

Breaking Up When You're Still In Love

Someone Out There is Better for You But...

It is nice to think about how there is someone somewhere who is better for you then that person you are currently with, but before we go too far in our imaginary worlds, know that we wouldn't necessarily be right for those people.

Everyone has their share of flaws and some partners can tolerate everything from their loved ones who have a long history of lying to those who yell and curse far too much.  Sure, you could drop that zero and get with a hero, but is that what you really want?

Some people stay in relationships far too long and become tainted with their abusive partners' mess!  They act like fools, just like them, without realizing just how infected they have become with all their partner's negativity over the years.  These same troubled individuals will say, "I am going to breakup with my boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and find someone better!"  Meanwhile, the wishful thinker has become nothing more than a poison in his or her current relationship that just wants to get out and infect others.  It would be best to slow down, get one's house in order, disconnect one's self from the drama, and take a long vacation from relationships before jumping into another one.

There are far too many men and women getting married due to heavy infactuation (not love) and money-saving opportunities that they fail to give themselves time to heal from the past.  Some will even slip and call the new person a former partner's name--now that is just too soon to be dating someone else!

It isn't any wonder why some will stay in challenging relationships, because they just don't have the energy to even think about starting anything new with someone else.  Think of the years you have invested in someone trying to get him or her to understand you.  Notice how much money you have spent to keep love alive.  Consider the children you might have had with this person.  Do you really want to go on a search again trying to find someone new that you hope will complete you?

If it brings you peace knowing that someone out there is indeed better for you, then don't let me ruin your dream, but while you are wishing, fix yourself up mentally, physically and spiritually before you become someone else's nightmare.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself.

What You Need to Know About Relocating after a Relationship Break Up

You have made the decision to end a relationship and now the time has come to prepare to move out of the residence that you and your former partner have shared.  Now if you will be moving in with someone else, you want to be sure you are not bringing any of your drama to that person’s home.  If you plan to get your own place, then you will need to be sure that you have enough money to support yourself for the long haul, so that you don’t later find yourself back at home with the ex, not for love, but because you have nowhere else to go.

One.  Take the time to begin to take your name off of all joint accounts, bills, insurance, etc.

Never leave business unattended to or assume your partner cares enough about you that he or she will handle your matters.  You have broken up with this person and most likely said or did some things that offended him or her, so be sure your name is cleared off of all documentation.  For instance, if the phone and other utilities are in your name, disconnect them.  It will be up to he or she, to get them turned on.  Don’t have pity on them or enter into agreements to keep things on in your name or believe promises that he or she will pay bills, most likely these issues will become problems for you later and unfortunately ruin your name with creditors.

Two.  Communicate with your partner about your needs.

You will need to discuss anything that may be beyond your control.  This means that if there is some business that he or she has access to and you don’t, you will need to communicate whatever your concern.  If he or she is acting unreasonable, consider consulting a legal service to help you. 

Three.  Be sure you have packed up all your keepsakes and memorabilia.

It is better to have these items moved out and in a safe place the sooner the better.  The longer your items remain in the shared location, the more likely someone will be tempted to want to take or destroy them.

Four.  Avoid talking to his or her relatives about your concerns unless you have a business partnership with his or her people.

There is no reason to get his or her family involved unless you have business with them.  The more people you get involved, the uglier the situation will get.  Make a clean, gossip free break!

Five.  Start making arrangements to have your mail sent elsewhere.

You will want to immediately put a stop to all of your mail.  If you have a new address, have your mail forwarded and change your address directly with each business.  In this way, your partner has no excuse to get in contact with you about your mail.

Six.  Talk with your landlord about your new arrangement.  Put your request to move in writing.

If you haven’t signed a rental lease with this person, then you don’t have to get in contact with the landlord, but if you did, then most likely you will have to wait until your lease date is up to request a move (unless you can provide something like a police report or something else that shows that you can no longer live there.) 

Now if you can reach a compromise with your former partner, you can contact your landlord to request your name be removed from the lease.  He or she will most likely want to meet with your former partner to ensure that he or she is taking over the lease without you.  In some cases, the primary leaseholder or co-signer will not income qualify to take on the lease exclusively.  If this should happen to you, then your name will remain on the lease until the contract expires.  If this should happen and you still move, you will just need to hope and pray that your former partner doesn’t skip out on rent or do anything to the apartment that will mess up both of your names.

Seven.  Consider that if you move, you will lose some of the furniture, security deposit, and other things you may have contributed.

Once you’re gone, your stuff is gone too!  So don’t assume that your partner will do the right thing and give you what is due you.  You can either fight with him or her about your stuff, take it with you on moving day, hope that he or she has a change of heart and just gives you your stuff, or forget about all of it and give yourself a worry-free new start in life.

Eight.  Be prepared to go to court if you should take anything that doesn’t belong to you, leave your partner with a bill that you agreed to pay, or decide to take or leave any children you may have had with this person.

If you thought that you could just walk out the door and leave all responsibilities behind, think again!  Disgruntled partners will attempt to make life difficult for you.  So if you want to get a jumpstart on the future drama, start documenting everything, taking photographs, recording conversations, and whatever else that could possibly help you in the future if you should be sued.

Nine.  Don’t assume that your partner will always act cordial or always act mean.  People do change, at least temporarily, especially if they see benefits.

It may be a difficult time or simply a breeze breaking up, but remember things can change.  She may be okay with your moving out today, but later turn crazy with grief.  He may seem to be managing well, but secretly ready to orchestrate a campaign to get back at you.  The best thing you can do with someone who is unpredictable is live your life.  Move away, don’t go where they are, avoid the telephone, and find some peace of mind until you are no longer weak to their emotional up and downswings toward you.

Ten.  Share with your family your plans only after you have saved enough money prepared your move and have a clear view of what your immediate future looks like.

Prematurely telling your family anything may backfire especially if they like your former girl or boyfriend.  So make sure that you are serious about your breakup.  Sometimes family will not support a relative after a breakup especially when he or she is indecisive about his or her life decisions.  Relationships are like roller-coasters and not everyone likes to ride on one.      

Nicholl McGuire

Right Now is Right Back: Premature Relationship Endings

When you are ready to leave a relationship, you will not hesitate to make plans. You will pack your items, make an announcement to all that you have ended it with your partner and then proceed to live your life without that person. But people who are not ready to leave their partnerships will take their time about ending them. They will continue to romance one another, give gifts, have sex, talk intimately, and do other things that remind one another and the world, “We are together.” Now there are those couples who may say and do some things that tell witnesses, “This relationship is coming to an end.” But the keyword is “coming,” it isn’t over yet. Therefore, anyone who may think that one or both are ready to live a single life and date others might be easily misled. This is why those who want to play “the other woman” or “other man” role become bitter, angry, and confused. They assume that what their lovers are telling them is factual and accurately reflects true feelings, but unfortunately this couldn’t be further from the truth! Couples who have been together for years, need some time to break free from one another.

One who prematurely leaves any relationship without resolving in his or her mind that, “This is it. I am not going back…” will be back! Most likely, he or she will assist the partner, have sex, and be a friend to that person until the next argument. When one leaves a relationship before mind and body are both in agreement, he or she will find memories begin to flood his or her mind, a desire to work on the relationship will start to take over, jealous emotions will arise when the opposite sex gets too close to the ex and a whole host of other issues will manifest.

Leaving a relationship prematurely right now, means “I will be right back.” But a gradual process to end a love affair will often lead to a permanent break up—there is simply no going back. Consider the following:

1. The break up must begin in one’s mind first.

2. Cease physical contact.

3. Personal conversations should lessen between one another.

Before long, thoughts of how much one dislikes the former mate and the things he or she did in the relationship will increase which makes it easier to disconnect. If you are not officially broken up just yet, don’t make any steps toward leaving your soon-to-be ex until you are sure. If you do this, you will be less likely to come back to him or her. 

Nicholl is the author of the following books:
Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/904839
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3113926 

When You Know You Are Headed for Breakup...

Living together or living apart?  You aren't ready to pack just yet those things you left over his or her house or those things you brought with you when you moved in together.  You also aren't ready to announce to the world you are single despite fantasizing about it often.  But what you are ready for is that slow mental break up.

Some of you know what I am talking about because you are in it right now.  You have sounded the alarm enough times through all those, "Let's talk" conversations.  You said things like, "I hope that we can do XYZ to improve the relationship."  Chances are you didn't really mean it.  You may have also said, "We really ought to make some changes here and there."  So you put some effort, but not much.  Then you threw in, "I sincerely do have feelings for you..."  But, you know this person is not your "one" anymore.

Maybe your partner was listening during your feel-good speeches, but obviously not close enough because it is still business as usual with this person.  He or she is still doing those things you asked him or her not to do.  The minor irritations are now pains.  Lately, your mind has been headed toward that place we call, "Break up."

So what is mental break up like these days despite still being in a physical relationship?  Well for starters, you know you aren't in love.  You rather not ever make love to this person again.  The excuses to avoid being intimate come more frequently.  You also find that just looking at him or her can be too much.  Your eyes begin to wander and you feel like anyone would be better than the person you are with now.  You get along enough with him or her to get some things accomplished around your living quarters, but that's about it.  You might even make a couple's appearance here and there, just to throw people off.  But a future together?  Well these days, that is out of the question!

Your best conversations with this person is when you are talking about important things because you have to, not because you really care much about conversing with him or her.  What really concerns you is no longer any of his or her business.  You save those conversations for family and friends.  Whether your soon-to-be ex knows it or not, your mind has checked out.  You are officially broken up.  Now all you have to do is get your feet to agree.

When He Attempts to Break Up With You

How to Spot Relationship Breakup to Make Up Signs

You have noticed that things have been very different in your relationship lately since the early days; he seems withdrawn, no longer interested in you, considers you a burden rather than a blessing, and other related issues have surfaced. He or you have been trying to be “adult” about this pending crisis and have had “the talk” the one where you or he says, “Maybe we need some space…” or “Maybe it would be best that we break up.” What this really means is, “Get ready for a bumpy ride” if you or he are not sure that this is the best decision for the both of you. Let’s review what the relationship “break up to make up” signs are that he may have already exhibited and how you may be reacting toward them.

Various conflicts have occurred in the relationship and rather than talk about the issues as they come up, he keeps a record of wrongs and then brings them up during conversations you initiate. He doesn’t bother to bring any issues to your attention until you may point out some problems you have with him. He isn’t interested in your feelings as much as he is bothered that you would be critical of him.

He tells you it’s not you but him. After soul searching about the events that have led up to yelling, rejection, and a loss of “feeling in love,” he wants out the relationship and takes responsibility for what he may have done to cause problems. You would be convinced if he wasn’t using this as a tactic to try to control the situation before it escalates.

He places blame on you for things out of your control. After you probe for details, he wants to say how you have changed since the new job, the pregnancy, the death of a loved one, or some other life changing event. How would he have reacted had the shoe been on the other foot?

He cries, yells and apologizes all within 24 hours of having the “maybe we should break up” conversation. He realizes what a break up means: finances change, relocation, cook, clean, run errands, childcare, and other tasks he really isn’t ready to face. Don’t be easily deceived by those tears, he isn’t just crying or yelling about you, he is upset about how this break up will impact his life. It is never easy to have to start all over again.

He agrees that maybe you both need space, then when you are ready to leave, he attempts to renegotiate. He may have not reacted at all during “the talk,” he may have acted very happy almost relieved. However, later when the reality hits him, suddenly he changes his mind. This isn’t like the movies; suddenly he understands you and things will get better, hardly, keep walking at this point. If he really loved you, he would have never had let it get this far.

He allows you to leave peacefully, but then calls you often or drops by your new place hoping that you won’t meet someone else while he “figures things out.” He sees you are managing well without him and now he wants to capitalize on your happiness, wealth, or maybe sit in your new recliner watching your new television. Once you have gotten to this stage in your life, you should be telling yourself, “There is not enough closet space for old baggage.”

He starts dating someone new or if he was cheating on you during the relationship, he speeds things up with this person only to find out the grass isn’t greener on the other side. You may have sent a message loud and clear that he will never have the opportunity to get you back, so he may quickly marry someone else --although drastic-- this rush to get married is his desperate attempt to avoid being alone. He may sleep around trying to get over you. He may even return to an ex in the hopes that he can experience that spark again he calls, "love." He may use any one of these temporary fixes to make it look like he made the right decision breaking up with you. You will know if he is sincerely happy breaking up with you if his new relationship has any longevity and he has completely left you alone.

He may not have anyone else he is interested in pursuing; instead, he is overwhelmed about his life and rather than state that, he brings up things you confided in him about your own life. This is his attempt to persuade you into believing that the break up would be good for you too. He may say, “You know you always wanted to achieve your dream, you will be able to do that without me in the way…”

He tells you how much he misses you, but isn’t willing to commit to you until you give him an ultimatum. Absence does make the heart grow fonder so the saying goes. You tell him what you expect if you recommit to the relationship and its all “yes” until you realize he hasn’t received any professionally counseling, obtained any medication for some health condition, or something else. Now you are back to square one, “the talk” leading to “break up to make up” all over again.

He realizes why he can or cannot live without you. He will either: pursue you with a marriage proposal, distance himself from you, get someone to talk to you about him, or if you are willing, he will drift in and out of your life for as long as you let him. Too many women allow this to happen and then they wonder why the men in their lives lose respect for them. (See my article, “Twelve Reasons Why Men or Women Don’t Respect You.”)

In the meantime while he is still trying to figure out his emotions and whether he should take back what he said about breaking up, you aren’t sure what to think, there may not be enough information he has given you to warrant a break up or no closure for you.

You try to figure out what you did to cause his feelings to change toward you. You think of how you met and all the events that occurred in between to lead up to a discussion about breaking up and you still can’t seem to rationalize where things went wrong or you do but you aren’t ready to face the truth.

You often find yourself defending your action or inaction in the relationship. When he criticized you for some things you did wrong in the relationship; rather than, agree with anything, you disagree with everything. Instead, there is an exchange of blame going back and forth between the two of you.

You are heartbroken that you are even considering that the two of you should spend time apart and try to reason why this would be good for the both of you. For some absence does make the heart grow fonder, but for others that is nothing more than a bad saying. When one is in love, they want to be together, not be apart.

You are confused that after you both decided to go your separate ways, he wants to reconsider. You may have spent money at this point reserving a moving truck, purchasing some plane tickets, or wrapping up loose ends and now he wants you back. You may not be welcoming his open arms at this point.

When you have finally left, you are annoyed, irritated, and at times angry he wants to keep up with your every move. You go through with your plans, hopefully about the future with or without him and then you start seeing him at places you two use to frequent, he stops by dropping something off frequently, he leaves messages on your phone, and he invites you to come over to his home. He is sending you all the signals that he has regretted making the decision to break up with you.

You find out after you leave that there was more to this separation than meets the eye and are further angered that he couldn’t be honest with you. Family and friends may have spotted him with someone else and reported back to you. He may be looking handsome with no traces that he was ever heartbroken about the break up. You become jealous and want to look and feel your best too—out comes the new hair cut and color, makeup, painted nails, and new wardrobe!

You decide that you have had enough of his “I love you” signs and give him an ultimatum. You want him to either accept you or not. Marry you or not, stop cheating or else, quit drinking or say goodbye forever, whatever your request the end result: you want to see some positive changes made.

You either come out of this “break up to make up” romance a winner if you get what you want, or a loser if he gets what he wants. For some men, they just want to play the field so if you have reopened your heart and now your door, he will come and go anytime he feels like it.

By Nicholl McGuire

Premature Breakups: Nothing More Than Break Up to Make Up Drama

So you decided you want to break up with your partner, are you sure? If you think so, but you aren’t necessarily convinced it is the right thing to do, consider this, once the cycle of break up to make up starts, things will never be the same. Unfortunately, most relationships only get worse the more freedom to roam is given. The mind starts adjusting to a new life and the heart soon follows then low and behold, the past shows up to disrupt a little harmony! Now the mind is frustrated, “I thought you didn’t want me?” He tells her. “But I do, I do…” She pleads. “I love you,” He says. “Me too! Let’s try again.” She cries.

A healthy break up doesn’t begin once bags are packed and you are walking out the door; rather, it starts while you are still in it. Gradually you notice that this person is not who you thought he or she is. You begin awaking each day hoping you don’t hear from him or her. You begin living a life separate from this person and you actually feel good about it.

The early signs of separation may look something like this, he is in a room and she is in another for reasons that were never there before. He drives his car and she drives hers to events that they may or may not attend together. He used to want her to go to family functions, now he hopes she doesn’t ask. She leaves the house without telling him where she is going and when she comes back she says nothing. These are all signs that this relationship is nearing the finish line and there are so many more signs to look out for like how money is spent, what kind of time is being spent with friends versus partner, and how much communicating is really going on in the relationship. When things like this are happening in the relationship, the couple will be ready to break free once and for all. However, those “other” relationships, you know, the ones where people are still fussing over the bottle of ketchup being left out, who took money out of the joint account, and whether we should go to mom’s for Christmas, while talking about, “I can’t stand her! I wish I never met him!” Well those relationships are headed for break up to make up cycles. The kind that say, “I hate you” today and “I love you” tomorrow. If you are single, you don’t want to trust anyone who says, “My relationship is complicated. We are having problems.” All that means is the person has yet to get over his or her partner. You don’t need nor want that kind of drama!

Some people may prematurely break up with a partner soon after an argument only to find out that isn’t what they really wanted to do, so before long they are back in bed humping and bumping only to be mad at one another again. It is so sad that this sort of thing keeps happening especially to those couples who everyone says, “They are soooo meant to be! I wish I had that in my life!” But it happens. You don’t want to find yourself breaking up, only to meet someone else, still have feelings for an ex, and then back in his or her arms you go while still dating someone. Now you have gotten an innocent bystander caught up in your game! When you have come to that realization that your relationship simply isn’t working anymore, keep others out until you have your paperwork processed, signed and dated with the current partner. That means a divorce, a joint account is no longer joint, a door key is no longer able to unlock your apartment or house anymore, a car is no longer shared between the both of you, your partner is no longer a beneficiary on your insurance policy, and on and on. Until all those things are handled, don’t promise any new person in your life the sun, moon or stars. I guarantee you that false promises will back fire, that scorned ex partners will show their ugly face for awhile in your new life trying to make things difficult, and unwanted babies might be born amidst all of the premature break up drama.

A man or woman who truly doesn’t want to be with someone (or doesn’t want to keep his, her or “we” things) will do everything it takes to rid him or herself from the past. But people who are selfish, vindictive, or inherently evil will keep things going long past love’s expiration date. Think about all the people who have psychological issues as a result of being with someone who couldn’t, or wouldn’t love them back.

Now if the current relationship isn’t that bad in your eyes and you honestly love the person, then you seriously have to figure out what is keeping you from peace in the relationship. However, ending a relationship without the answer to this question as well as others might put you on the path of break up to make up drama. Stay in the relationship until you know that you know it’s over. But never stay in an abusive one.

By Nicholl McGuire

How to Stop a Breakup Right Now With Confidence

We all love when our relationships are filled with fun, joy, and love. However when the relationship starts to head south we want to stick our heads in the sand and hide. Well if the relationship means anything to us we simply can't hide, we have to stand up straight and fight for our love. Might sound kind of corny but it is a time tested strategy that will work. Other than just out right fighting for her here are a few tips that will aid in finding out how to stop a break up.
1. Build Up Your Confidence: Do whatever it will take to bring on a strong healthy demeanor. No one is even going to think of taking you back if you are depressed and full of sadness. Before you even think about trying to stop a break up, go out and exercise for about a week. Get your adrenaline pumping on the inside and you will get a renewed self confidence on the inside. Take this self confidence and go talk to your girlfriend
2. Learn Your Lines: Were you ever in a school play? Well if you were I'll bet you read over and over your script to memorize your lines. You did this so you would not get up on stage, draw a blank and look like a total fool. Well it is going to be the exact same way when you talk to your girlfriend. Obviously you will not have a script but seriously try to think of what you are going to say. Have it memorized so you will not get side tracked by your emotions. If you are serious about winning back the woman of your dreams, make sure you get your words down correctly.
3. Be Secure In Your Emotions. Know is the time to let your emotions out, but try not to become a crying mess. In other words, let her know exactly how you feel about her. Do not hold anything back because you think you will feel week. remember you have already built up your self confidence and have your words picked out. Now is the time to put it all together and let her know that you want her back and she wants you. You are willing to do whatever it is going to take to win this relationship back.
In conclusion stick to your guns and do not take no for an answer, unless of course she threatens to prosecute. Hopefully we are no where near that stage in the relation, because more than likely it is a hopeless cause. However, in all seriousness, make a battle plan, and stop that break up before it becomes permanent!
By Dorothy J. Hudson

Best Ways to Overcome the Breakup Blues

Breakups are never fun but they are often necessary to get to the place in life where you belong. Although you may believe that there are brighter days in your future, it does not make the present any less painful. You do not have to spend weeks locked in a dark room in order to overcome this obstacle. Here are ten baby steps to assist you out of your breakup rut.

1. Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia - Ok, so you don't want to go overboard with the indulgences, but go ahead and enjoy some good old fashion comfort foods.

2. Cry - There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a good cry. Let it out, scream at the universe, whatever gets it off your chest.

3. Treat Yourself - Go shopping, get a manicure, visit your favorite restaurant. Now is the ideal time to treat yourself well.

4. Bury the Nostalgia - It is not necessary to burn everything associated with your ended relationship, but tuck it away. Out of site and out of mind.

5. Rekindle Relationships - Call up some friends you may not have spoken with for a while. Sometimes friendships get neglected in these situations. Let your friends be there for you, both to lean on and as a distraction.

6. Avoid the Rebound - It is never a good idea to try and substitute one relationship with another. It is unfair to all parties involved.

7. Look for the Silver Lining - Focus on the good things. Look for any good thing, even the smallest will make a difference.

8. Volunteer - Move you focus outside of yourself. Doing good for others will boost your self-esteem and give you a good perspective on life. There is always someone out there that is going through something far tougher that what you are facing at the moment.

9. Be optimistic - Approaching life with a good attitude will radically alter the course of your life. Truly believing life will get better is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

10. Give yourself a Pep Talk - There is no person's voice you hear more often than your own. Talk your self through the hard times and you will be just fine.

Telling the Truth About The Breakup

I know why many people who beakup won't tell certain family members and friends the truth about why they broke up with their partner, in one word, FEAR. They are fearful of the "I told you so" comments, fearful of the way they will be viewed if they were responsible for the breakup, fearful that they will be told off, fearful that no one will listen, and fearful of what might be done to them for breaking up. So they develop a fantastic story, one that will make it look like it wasn't their idea to end the relationship. They will use the popular statement of, "We just couldn't see eye-to-eye, we couldn't get along..." Of course, we all know that there are two sides to every story, but let's be honest, which one will you believe? And do you really think that both people are responsible for the breakup? The truth is one usually started the "breakup ball" rolling and the other had no choice but to go along with it!

Usually the one who is responsible will say what he or she thinks happened and describe the breakup in such a way so that you can't say much of anything but, "Oh..." In my own personal experience, I can tell you that the men knew early on that I was fed up with them, but they wanted to gain some control over the situation by taking some action such as looking for a place to stay behind my back or telling others what their intentions were and leaving me out the loop while trying to convince me they are willing to work on the relationship. I think that is the worst thing you can do to a partner that you claim you love is wear two faces! One for he or she and another for the rest of the world. To walk around in the family home and agree to do some things differently to help grow the relationship while thinking in your mind, "I'm not interested in this person anymore." Is downright mean and deceitful and I can't help but wish that "what goes around comes back around" to those who want to behave in this way! A great smokescreen to keep one off balance, but eventually it falls off and the truth comes to light!

I hate liars, I do. I hate when someone comes to me with their story of breakup and then they want to lie about the details. Why bother telling your story if you are not going to be honest? The truth is that most often the one coming up with the "PR (public relations) campaign" is the one who caused the most damage to the relationship.

Sometimes telling the truth about a breakup opens up doors that many just want to keep closed, but there is a way to do just that without being deceptive. I guess the moral of this blog entry, is to be careful what public relations campaign you come up with, because it will only be a matter of time when the truth comes out!

Written by Nicholl McGuire, http://www.twitter.com/datingdramas

How Do I End A Relationship?

If you are in a relationship that has run its course - meaning the relationship seems to have fizzled out how are you going to end it? One of you has to. Often times relationships will continue long after the "magic" is gone because ending a relationship can be difficult. Does breaking up have to be hard? If you've been wondering "how do I end a relationship" so that neither person gets hurt here is some helpful advice.

1. First you need to be crystal clear as to why you want the relationship to end. The "easiest" reason that jumps into your head may not be the real reason at all. Dig deep and be sure you have a clear understanding of why you want the relationship to end.

2. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Now is not the time to beat around the bush or fabricate lies. In most cases people deserve the truth. In the end each of you will be better off if you are truthful regarding the break up.

3. Whenever possible, end the relationship in person. Avoid breaking up over the phone. If you and your soon to be ex live far from each other then it is better to break up over the phone vs. waiting for a time when you can be together. Do it sooner than later.

4. Be compassionate. The break up shouldn't be mean or angry, especially if you want to stay friends afterwards. Be sympathetic to their feelings as well as your own.

5. When considering "how do I end a relationship" remember not to put your partner on the defensive. Don't throw out accusation after accusation. Talk about the good times and the memories that you will embrace. Try to respond to their needs during the break up if possible.

6. Although difficult - don't make it (or take it personally). This is an emotional time and things may be said that are hurtful. Let them go.

7. Try to be there for your partner. They may need to discuss the break up more than once before they can come to terms with it. On the flip side of that they may need space and distance from you. Give them what they need to get through this difficult time.

8. Avoid feeling guilty about the break up. Your partner may try to make you feel guilty for ending the relationship. This is normal but it should not stop you from moving on. If you are breaking up for the right reasons then there is no reason that you should feel guilty.

9. Is this break up final? Only you can decide this. You may just need some space from each other and time to work through whatever is bothering you. Most relationships can be saved.

How do I end a relationship? If you are determined to walk away it's best to just do it and move on.

Ending a relationship is difficult most of the times. If you are wondering "how do I end a relationship" without hurting someone of course there are no guarantees. We can't predict how another person will react or how emotional they will get. But if you follow this advice breaking up can be made a little easier for both parties involved.


About the Author:

Are you wondering "how do I end a relationship" to minimize hurt feelings? See ebook "Understanding Why Men Leave A Relationship" (link no longer active). Peter Harris is a health care professional with a specialty interest in promoting healthy relationships.

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."

That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads.

It's a matter of common knowledge that we are supposed to maintain, service, and tune up our cars if we want them to run well and last.

In my experience, it rarely occurs to us to do the same thing with our love relationships.

More and more of the couples I see are not in need of long term therapy, they are more in need of a short term relationship tune up.

7 Key Points

What first attracted you to each other? - This is the first question I ask most couples because it helps to be reminded that your partner has some great qualities that led you to want to be in this relationship.

What are some of the strengths of your relationship? - Instead of all the things that are wrong with your relationship, what I want to know is what are some of the strengths of the relationship upon which we can build in order to solve the problems with which they are struggling.

When have you been the closest? - One of the easiest ways to tune up your relationship is to do the things you were doing when you were the closest.

You may have noticed that the first 3 questions were all focused on positives in the relationship.

This is done on purpose. One of the dangers of traditional marriage counseling is a focus on what is wrong or defective with an individual or the relationship. One of the many benefits of relationship coaching is a focus on using the strengths in the relationship to build up the areas where the relationship is weak.

What are your partner's emotional needs and what are your own? - If you do not know, hear are the two crucial questions to ask:

1) In order to feel loved by me, what do you need to feel in our relationship?

2) What are some ways I can meet those needs?

What is your partner's love language and what is yours? - Some folks need to hear it, some folks need to see it, and some folks need to feel it.

How do the two of you "do conflict?" - Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Fighting is optional.

What is your vision for your relationship? - Without a vision, a relationship can perish. Here are a few questions most couples never take the time to even think about, much less ask:

1) If we could design our relationship any way we wanted, how would we like it to be?

2) What goals do we have for our relationship?

3) What do we want to give, and what do we want to get in our relationship?

For more immediately useable tips and tools for your relationship, visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's interactive website at SecretsofGreatRelationships.com


Author: Jeff Herring