You discovered one day that the man who pledged to make you his wife and build a future with you is now disinterested in the relationship for a number of reasons. You talked, pleaded, and cried hoping to find one simple reason from him that could bring you peace, but after all of the probing you still feel miserable inside. What do you do? How do you make this man fall back in love with you? The answer to both of these questions is very simple, “Do nothing.” Stop analyzing, trying, suggesting, conversing, yelling, or anything else that will only leave you feeling frustrated and angry. Rather, look inward, focus on loving you. The following tips will help you get on the path to healing while you’re in your deadbeat relationship so that once you are free, you won’t be like so many other women rushing back into their partner’s arms or the next man’s rebounding from your heartbreak.
One. Stay true to yourself. This statement means a variety of things depending on who you ask, but for the purpose of this article, it will be defined as not trying to be something you are not, doing or acting in a way that isn’t like you, trying to appease others but behaving in ways that aren’t you. You know that every woman in this world is flawed, so embrace both your strengths and weaknesses and work on the things about yourself that will make you feel better. Chances are the man who you are with has been exposed to a single woman or many women that he would rather be with and since he isn’t quite ready to give you up, he will try to suggest things you should say or do that are similar to what another woman in his past or present life has done or does. Don’t take on that responsibility. Stay true to yourself, if you don’t cook, you don’t cook. If you don’t like sports, you don’t like them. Why put unnecessary stress on yourself to appease him?
Two. Don’t try to make him fall back in love with you. If you have already saw the evidence that he is definitely not in love with you anymore such as spending a lot of time away from you, ignoring you, not keeping promises, and lying, then why feel obligated to work on the relationship? It takes two people to want to commit on making the relationship work. If one is in love and the other is not, chances are the relationship will not last. Save your time, money and passion for the next person you meet. If you make a wise choice in men, the next one will almost always be better than him anyway.
Three. Find a hobby or some other extracurricular activity that is beneficial to your health and wealth. Creative people are very good at designing things that not only showcase their talent and make them feel good inside, but are profitable as well. You could use the extra money when the time comes to move if you currently live with your partner.
Four. Be open to the possibility of falling in love with someone new. Being open to a new relationship starts while you are in your deadbeat one. If you choose to close off the possibility of meeting someone new due to your disappointment and hurt being in your current relationship, then you are creating your own personal baggage full of unresolved issues. Resolve your problems while you are in the problem. Vow to be a better woman in the next relationship, embrace some of those criticisms he has mentioned about your personality, work on them and be good to yourself. The new and improved you will look good for the next guy you meet. This is the sweetest form of revenge!
You had a life before you met your current man and you will have one after him. So use the time while you are with him to find out about what interests you. People evolve and you may have changed significantly while being with this man. Ask yourself, “What is it that you once did that you enjoyed, but stopped doing since being with him?” Pick up where you left off with this hobby. If not, then find a new hobby. People find out what their hobbies are by going to events, attending religious services, reconnecting with old friends, reading newspapers and magazines, surfing the Internet, watching television shows they normally wouldn’t, eavesdropping on other people’s conversations, talking about the past with family and so many other ways. Remember redirect your focus off of him and on your activity. If you are passionate enough about your hobby, career goals, etc. then in time you just won’t care about what he is doing or who he is doing it with, because you have your own life. Once you start to feel this way, start packing your bags. This is a clear sign you are ready to embark on your new life without him!
Five. Avoid the need to overachieve. You will notice sometimes when people are in an unfulfilling relationship they never mention their mate, their mate never bothers to attend any event with them, they always have an excuse for his absence, and most of all, the unhappy lover works late often and expects everyone else to do what she is doing. Watch it, this may be you. Keep in mind, not everyone is in your situation, so be careful making broad statements and behaving in ways that say, “I hate men.” You may lose friends that way. There are many couples in this world that are in love and they know when to leave work. Overachievement looks good on paper, but it isn’t good for one’s health. Find a healthy balance between work and play.
Six. Make time to mediate. One of the worse things you can do, while you are in this unfulfilling relationship, is surround yourself constantly with a bunch of distractions. You drive while the music is playing, you walk while talking on the cell phone, you turn on the television as soon as you hit the front door, you are surfing the Internet for long hours, and more. You will need to give yourself some quiet time to reflect on whether there has been any change in the way he treats you, a plan to leave the relationship and anything else that requires careful thought. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself with so much activity that you make rash decisions then realize you want him back. When the time comes you will want to make a clean break and never look back. Couples, who don’t make clean breaks in relationships, find themselves later cheating with the ex while being in a new relationship. Therefore, they kill any opportunity for building a healthy, prosperous relationship.
Seven. Gradually break off all ties. Now that you have come to a place where you know that you know! You will need to tell him, but you don’t want to rush to do it without handling all sensitive and legal matters first such as the checking, savings, credit accounts, unpaid debt, taxes, property etc. The key to breaking up with someone is to do everything gradually. When you make any sudden movements, such as rushing out the door with just the clothes you’re wearing, cutting off all credit cards, draining bank accounts, and packing all in a single day, you may put yourself in harm. Even though he doesn’t act as if he cares about you, doesn’t mean that he won’t react negatively to the news, so do everything with much thought and slowly. Get others involved such as the police if you ever feel threatened. Protect yourself from any future legal issues by documenting conversations, phone calls, promises, making copies of important papers, recording conversations, having witnesses, using spy cameras or anything else if you feel your situation has evolved into a serious matter.
Utilizing these seven tips will not only provide you with the confidence to leave a loveless relationship and better yourself and circumstances, but they will also help you meet someone new without carrying so much baggage in your new relationship.
By Nicholl McGuire
