Wednesday

10 Signs a Date is Too Old, Tired and Lazy for You - Cut Off Bad Dates this New Year

Some young women make their lives complicated by dating men that they are clearly not compatible with, but due to money, fame, power, daddy issues, or something else they will remain in unhealthy unions.  Make this new year a start in the right direction, choose your dates wisely!


When one feels like she is just not connecting with an older date, she will want to consider that the age gap relationship just might not be something she is still interested in continuing.  People don't get any younger and unfortunately the older we get, the more issues we have.  If you are a young woman who wants more out of life, you might want to reconsider dating a mature man with issues such as, being tired and lazy often.  Many older men have low-T or testosterone challenges.  However, lucky for some of you readers, you may not be in too deep with your mature partner; therefore take notice of signs early on that a tired, lazy older man just might be pretending to be something that he is really not.


1.  His idea of a good time is always at home in front of a television screen.
2.  He has little patience for story-telling.  His eyes wander and he rarely reacts to what you are saying.
3.  He is often forgetful and seems to blame people, places and things for his absent-mindedness.
4.  He pretends he is having a good time in the presence of people younger than him, but subtle signs like: deep sighs, complaints i.e.) loud music and talking, visible irritation on his face, and impatience obviously shows he is not enjoying the company of young people.
5.  He seems to communicate and get along with your older relatives more than he does with you.
6.  He often criticizes you and finds fault with you even when you are in a good mood.
7.  He mentions something negative about your age and at times attempts to insult your intelligence.
8.  He doesn't cook or clean after himself unless he feels he has to or is in the mood to do it.
9.  He sits on his behind far more on any given day than he ever walks.  The television is on for hours!
10.  He doesn't appreciate anything that isn't in his age group and will speak negatively about the accomplishments of those younger than him.  At times, these men tend to be competitive unnecessarily attempting to prove they are still young i.e.) participating in activities that they are no longer good at (if they ever were).


When the writing is on the wall, a young woman has a choice she can either stick it out and hope for the best or do something different.  If she chooses to stay with her older partner, in spite of knowing what she has in a man, she might become resentful and go from being that nice woman he first met to a bitter you know what.  Take your pick.


Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

How Do You Know a Bad Relationship will Get Better?

A relationship that has some light at the end of the tunnel just might survive.  But how do you know if there is any light/hope/better days? 


1.  You and your partner will finally make up in your minds to stop the foolishness.  Anything or anyone who keeps bringing trouble to your relationship will be cut off, cut out, or cut back.


2.  When you look in the mirror and recognize the error of your ways, you come to the understanding that you must do something.  The self-reflection haunts you like a bad memory and you can't seem to shake it until you start doing something.


3.  You or your partner will start seeking out counsel in media and elsewhere for whatever is upsetting the relationship.  You will actually start implementing the advice given to you.


4.  When you make necessary adjustments that have been hindering progress based on what your partner has told you about yourself, you are well on your way to a better relationship.


5.  When your partner comes to the realization to stop blaming and start changing, he or she is still in it for the long haul.  Sometimes you see this when he or she apologizes, cries, and works hard to do some things differently.


There is hope for those couples who are in a downward spiral, but those who have no desire to make it work anymore might stick around for awhile (just after the New Year), but once their minds are made up, they aren't staying.


Nicholl McGuire

Marriage Mistakes: Sleeping on the Issues


Sunday

Educated, Prideful, and Argumentative - Single Women Alone, Miserable

Some women don't want to hear the truth.  They rather falsely believe they are "good" women and the men who walked out on them, divorced, found someone else, or did other things were all bad.  They take no responsibility for driving men away, to the bottle, to the dating website, and elsewhere.  They refuse to correct destructive attitudes, bad habits, and more.  When you think of some of the most educated, prideful, articulate speaking, and argumentative women in your family, what do you see?


In the past, I saw my share of hen-pecked men, those who weren't as educated as their partners and didn't make nearly as much as them, sit quietly in the foreground and do as they were told when called upon.  The women berated, threatened, and even hit them behind closed doors.  These were men who cheated on these women in the past, got laid off temporarily, lost jobs, had part-time hustles, or simply made less money then their women. On the other hand, there were those men, who made more money than their wives, but were just as dominating, if not abusive, at times.  However, due to the topic of this article I will not go into detail about the hen-pecked men, rather let me direct you to an article I wrote on my Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate blog, see here.


Now back to these women, who take no responsibility for the demise of their relationships due to a self-centered spirit filled with pride and argument, it is unfortunate that so many don't see the errors in their mannerisms.  If you argue with any man long enough, throw around some big words, and act as if you know more than him (even if it is true), at some point he is going to weary of you.  Some reading this, are not guilty of such behavior.  They know their men well and they also want to keep a quality relationship with them without rocking the boat.  For now, they are not chasing after dreams that will further burden the marriage and household budget while there is no guarantee one will be satisfied or even find work after numerous classes and bills.  There is a time for everything and sometimes planning to go in a direction that is not feasible for the moment just isn't it. 


I think of all the women who may have did well doing everything they ever wanted while marriages suffered, children were not cared for as well as they should have been, but they got the degree, the big house, the car, and more--wow!  (I know firsthand, because I started on that path).  But their attitudes are poor, spirits are sold out for money, and they are unhappy and lonely.  They awake alone, they live in a large house alone, they drive vehicles alone (or with children), and they sleep at night alone.  Was all the degree chasing, overtime working, disrespecting one's husband/boyfriend during disputes, dropping children off here, there and everywhere, bragging to family and friends about wealth, and the greed for more time to chase dreams really worth it?


I think of the man in a relationship right now who wants out and he is waiting for the day that he will yell from the top of his lungs how much he despises his wife or girlfriend since she started pursuing her selfish dreams.  Things she should have done before she decided to get involve with him and have sex and create babies--now she is playing catch up.  Unfortunately, the dream-chaser connected with a man who didn't want the career-driven type of woman.  Yet she changed and so did her attitude, now she resents her choice in a mate. 


People change and so do relationships and when you know you can't handle the tidal waves, you don't stand there and get swept away by them.  Some couples simply can't withstand all the stuff that suddenly comes with one or both i.e.) relocations, job loss, family business, pursuit of college degrees, new baby, new job, home purchase, etc.  There are those individuals who have little patience, time, energy, and compassion for mates much less the goals, aspirations and dreams that come with them. 


This is why one must choose his or her mate wisely and act like a prophet, attempting to foresee the future.  What type of person am I getting involved with?  Is this person headstrong, stubborn, and has unaccomplished goals?  Will he or she be flexible when it comes to what I want to do in my life?  How has he or she responded to little changes and how might he or she react to big change?  Notice the look on your partner's face and his or her mannerisms when you announce doing something new or sharing a dream.  The moment you notice opposition when it comes to pursuing something you always wanted to do, mark that person as one of the individuals that may not want to be a part of the next chapter of your life.  Converse with him or her, ask how he or she feels, and don't expect the individual to be supportive especially if the family is already overwhelmed with responsibilities.


Nicholl McGuire shares more of her work and other useful material at When Mothers Cry the blog. 

Saturday

Past Unresolved Relationship Issues Can Get in the Way of a Happy Future

As much as many of us in current relationships would not want to admit how the past has affected our present and possibly our future, it did.  Whether the past was a bad break up, financial loss, death, or something else, upon careful reflection, we learned that much of our issues to date in a relationship have to do with past decision-making.


You might have made a choice that is now costing you much year after year.  You may have assumed that a current partner would be all-too-understanding about an ex-partner and your children, but really isn't, or was okay about how many hours you work daily, but now shows signs he or she is a hindrance to progress.  Whatever the issue, it is a disappointment once you discover that if you don't change certain habits, make necessary adjustments, or do whatever it takes to maintain peace in a relationship that it most likely will come to an end.


Sometimes a selection in a mate is detrimental to one's future, because we saw something in that person that reminded us of someone from the past.  Therefore, the ghost of one's past shows up in our choice of a present partner and might negatively impact the future.  Once this is discovered, most individuals typically want out of the relationship.  We are turned off with the idea that we are with an ex all over again.  The point of dating someone new was not to keep an ex's memory alive, but to rid ourselves of the past.  But when one had a good experience with an ex, it can be hard to distance his or herself from a familiar person.  Those who are Christians know from biblical passages to be cautious of familiar spirits.  When one reminds you of others this is usually not a good sign. 


When relationship challenges increase and you know you are at fault, it would make sense to reflect on what you are saying or doing that is disrupting the flow of the relationship.  Most issues can be resolved, but far too many couples are unwilling to make needed changes.  As a result, they find themselves often arguing over the same things that should have long been dealt with.  Past issues will affect the present and possibly the future.


Nicholl McGuire also writes poetry at http://lovepoetrybynicholl.blogspot.com

Short-Term Happiness, Long-Term Relationship Issues

So a lover brought a smile on your face when he or she bought a nice gift and planned a romantic evening.  Flattery makes one feel good and so does a warm meal, but it doesn't mean that a problematic partner is worth staying with just because he or she does a few thoughtful things.


Tired of yelling, fighting, and ignoring a mate, a person might choose to take a temporary break from all the madness.  However, this doesn't mean that a dead-end relationship is suddenly headed somewhere.  Some couples deceive themselves into staying long past the expiration date just because they had a short-term honeymoon period.


If he was ugly a month ago, chances are he is still that ugly guy just taking a break from acting ugly.  If she had been treating her guy wrongly for a long time, a couple of weeks of being nice to him doesn't mean that things are getting better, especially when she is still talking badly about the guy behind his back. 


Temporal happiness is deceitful.  It makes you falsely believe that someone, who isn't good for you, just might be okay for you.  However, the truth has a way of showing back up to remind the wishful thinker, the gullible, and the crazy in love, that there is nothing to what you call a relationship, but smoke and mirrors.


Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

5 Irritating Things About Bringing a Troublesome Husband to a Family Event

Some husbands are just not very good guys although they work real hard at deceiving family and friends.  They trick some into thinking that they love, care and respect their wives, but from the disappointment displayed in their partners' eyes, relatives know different. 


The observant see through the smoke and mirrors.  No eye contact, not the slightest touch (or way too much touch), distance between the couple, and the disrespect displayed when a husband is talking to a woman that is not his wife, are obvious signs, the man would have been better off staying at home.  So what might those irritating things he does that make his ride home with his wife a quiet one?


1.  He smiles and talks too much to the attractive women at the family event.  He manages to find some subject to talk about with them, but at home, he doesn't say much to his wife.


2.  He will pretend as if he is madly in love with his wife when he sees her talking with a handsome man who is not a family member.  Yet at home, he barely looks at his wife or touches her unless he wants sex.


3.  He acts as if his wife is responsible for all things related to interacting with family and participating in events (family gifts, keeping in touch, making and buying food and getting beverages...for his side and hers.)  "Talk with the wife...I don't know about that.  I have nothing to do with it.  Her idea, I stay out of it."


4.  He doesn't recall anything he said or did when the wife re-tells a story.  "Remember honey we were with So and So and she said...then you did...."  He shakes his head, "Uh...what?  No...really? I don't know.  This woman is a great story-teller--I don't recall any of that!"


5.  He brags or takes credit for things he rarely or never does.  The wife thinks, "Why are you lying to your mother, you know you don't help the kids with homework...stop telling your dad you get out with the boys all the time...let's count on one hand how many times you did any thing with them.)  Meanwhile, confidantes know better.


Wives typically don't miss a beat when it comes to their men, they may not say anything or display anger at the family event, but they are watching and listening.  No wonder it is a quiet ride home for some couples.


Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

3 Sex Killers - Snoring, Body Odor, Late Night Internet Surfing and TV Watching

Days of not having a good night sleep, moments where something didn't smell right under covers, and daily late night Internet surfing and TV watching can not only affect sex, but set a relationship back! 


1.  Snoring


Loud noises throughout the day, chatty co-workers, nerve-racking toys, and other irritating things can overwhelm anyone.  The only peace one might have is when he or she lies on a nice, comfy bed and closes eyes at night.  However, if one is sleeping with a partner who snores loudly, how much rest are you really getting?  Think of the mood swings, the tiredness during the day, and overall how you feel, most likely you are not getting a quality night sleep due to snoring.  Those who have struggled with snoring for years need medical help, over-counter medicines simply don't work for some.  If a partner often complains about snoring and not being able to rest, don't wonder why he or she is more interested in sleeping and less interested in having sex.  If you are a victim of a snorer, talk about your concern, if he or she doesn't want to deal with the problem, sleep in separate rooms or discuss other changes so that you can sleep in peace.


2.  Body Odor


Sometimes things happen and one doesn't always keep up with body hygiene.  One bad odor can put sex to a halt for awhile (or for years) especially when you are in a relationship with a person who has a keen sense of smell.  It would make sense to handle the issue, rather than just cover it up with perfumes and colognes.  If there is a problem such as: bad breath, smelly underarms and private parts, or stinky feet that when cleansed the smell doesn't seem to go away, seek medical attention.  If you have a partner who smells terrible and you have yet to communicate your concern, be polite, yet firm about your feelings.  If the issue is still not addressed after weeks have gone by, you might want to make some hard decisions which might include no intimacy until he or she gets the problem resolved.


3.  Late night Internet and TV watching


As much as we all love our gadgets, there comes a point when we have to balance time between them and our partners.  Too much of anything isn't a good thing.  When you find that a partner is spending way too much time up all night pleasuring his or herself, while you feel all-too-ready to have sex, you will need to break up the routine.  Take a nap during the day sometimes, stay up late and make yourself available.  If you find there is frequent rejection, it is time to start communicating and possibly snooping.  If there is still no change, make plans to separate or break up rather than cheat.  If you are guilty, scale back your time viewing these devices and make some time to entertain your partner.


Many relationships tend to break up over what seems to be trivial issues, but become major ones due to one or the pair refusing to deal with the problems.  Stubborn and prideful people don't want flaws pointed out and can be mean-spirited when it comes to dealing with the issues.  You know your relationship better than anyone and if it isn't broke, don't try to fix it.  However, if something is happening in the relationship that is affecting your well-being, speak up!  If a partner sincerely loves you, he or she will have compassion and do what he or she can to restore quality sex and peace in the relationship.


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight about a variety of topics including relationships on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Thursday

What I Wish I Knew About Dating Before I Started

Anyone who has ever loved or been loved, may have wished to do some things differently in their lives when it comes to dating.  One day I thought of some things I had wished I knew about dating before I started meeting people.


1.  Some memories never go away.


It would have been wiser to think longer about things before I did them.  Now when certain things are said or done, my mind goes back to memories that should have never been created in the first place.


2.  Being selective about who you date really does make a difference in how you view relationships in the future.


Going out with just anyone doesn't help with building a healthy view on how to create a quality relationship.  Taking the time to think about why you like or settle with certain individuals will help you discover more about what you do and don't like about yourself and others.  The more troubled people you date, the more you start thinking negatively about relationships in general.


3.  Appreciate loneliness and use it to do the things you always wanted to do rather than find someone to do them with.


It is so popular to see couples in movies and elsewhere, but being alone is also a very good thing.  You are able to get some things accomplished without the worry of checking in with someone else or them possibly hindering you from your achieving your goals.


4.  It doesn't pay to rush into anything.


Whether I had sex right at the moment or later, it didn't really make a difference.  A loser was still the same before, during and after.  It would have been best for my mind, body and spirit had I waited.


5.  It's expensive.


When I think about the years I spent money dating others, those dollars could have been invested.  I would have had an extensive savings by now and probably would have been on my way to retirement before reaching the age of 50.  Most dates were bad investments.


So if you have been reflecting on your dating experiences lately, you may want to think strongly about doing some things differently.  Dating can leave you feeling broke, busted and disgusted sometimes.


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.  See blog here.

Tuesday

Opting Out This Year From Visiting a Partner's Family?

Most people who could get out of spending the holidays with boring, troublesome, or downright crazy in-laws would.  As much as one loves his or her mate, the idea of sitting with people who are not necessarily a likeable bunch can be nerve-racking.  If one's partner really loves you, he or she would be understanding.


Over the years, I have sat out from spending time with boyfriends', lovers' and partner's families simply by stating, "I won't be attending this year.  I prefer some quiet time at home."  Sure, a partner was disappointed at times, but when the time came to visit my relatives, did I even bother to ask?  Nope.  I know what it feels like to be pressured into going somewhere with a mate or a friend to see their people, their events, their whatever they are doing and you really have no interest.  How long will one keep up the act?  So I don't bother to pressure or place a guilt trip on any loved one or friend to be anywhere I will be.  Besides, my current husband is lucky, my folks live 3000 miles away while his are in the same town.  I don't attend all their events either.


The threat of not being liked, talked about, or judged because you didn't show up to an event will happen depending on the person hosting the get-together.  If the special time is honoring a patriarch or matriarch of the family and you are a new comer in the family, then if you know you can make it, then make every effort to attend.  But if you can't, send a card, a gift or a message through your partner.  Some people have to work, care for children, have family emergencies, or end up getting a good deal on airfare to see their own relatives, so if a mate can't be there, he or she just can't.  Making them feel bad about their choice is juvenile, selfish, and will start unnecessary issues especially in an already troubled relationship.


To be honest, when I opted out of meeting a date's family, it was because I knew the guys simply were no longer holding my interest and I wasn't interested in seeing any of them long term.  This is typically a dead give-away that a relationship is really not as serious as it looks.  Friends with benefits don't typically meet mom and dad and neither do fly-by-night sexual partners.  However, those couples who have said things like, "I love you, I want to be in your life, I want what we have exclusive..." to partners are now obligating themselves to attend family events until they are comfortable enough in the relationship to say no to some family functions.  They also have to have some time under their belts being with parents' beloved daughter or son for awhile before saying, "Not this year."


One of my relatives who has a long track record of saying, "No, I'm not going to see the in-laws for the holidays..." has gotten away with getting out of family functions, because he made himself available to the key relatives (just those closest to his wife not everyone) during other times of the year.  If an errand needed to be run, something needed to be fixed, or someone was in trouble, he was typically there.  So he has been able to opt out of family get-togethers, reunions, birthday celebrations, Thanksgiving and Christmas parties, and New Years celebrations, because he has done good things for his wife's family for decades throughout the year. 


So if you are planning to opt out of your Sweetie or Sweetheart's family event or party, be sure of the following:


1.  You have been seen around the family enough to do so.  If you are a new-comer, I wouldn't advise it.


2.  Consider how many years you have invested in a relationship with your significant and how many other family related events you have been to this year with this person.  You are due for a break if it is more than enough.


3.  If you plan on going elsewhere before the day of the event, be sure the main people (your partner's closest relatives) know this. 


4.  Be sure you have discussed your plans before the day of the event.  If he or she grumbles, complains or does other things because, "I really wanted you to be there..." reiterate your reason and then say nothing.  The more you talk about it, the more likely it will lead to an argument.


5.  Don't assume relatives will be okay with your opting out.  Some just might use your absence as a stick to crack your head with later.  Whatever they say or do, make no apologies when confronted by a trouble-maker, just remain quiet and walk away.  I learned this from a man in a 30 plus year marriage.  He will leave an event early if the family acts disrespectful or says one too many rude things.


6.  Above all, stand your ground with partner and in-laws.  If they don't like you, they will respect you. 


Keep in mind, most relatives don't care that much if in-laws come or don't, they are most concerned with seeing their blood kin anyway, so don't think too much about what others are going to think.  Instead, focus on that free time you are going to have yourself and make the most of it!


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself.

Monday

When a Relationship is Coming to an End

A woman leaves her man then returns to him in the hopes that things will get better, but they don't.  A man breaks up with his girlfriend only to wish to be with her again, so he goes back to her and hates it.  In both situations, they broke up times before, but this time something tells them, "This is it."


When you have reached that point in your own relationship, when there is no turning back and it is all forward from here, you are giving up your last bit of energy to make it work.  You know deep within that if it goes bad this go around, there is no getting back together.  You may have felt this way times before, but there is just something different that happens inside when you know a relationship is coming to an end for good.  Exs who have been through something like this have talked about the last break up being worse than others before.  Its as if you are grieving the death of the relationship long before it actually happens. 


Remember when a loved one was dying, how you needed to process the news and then begin to live your life in such a way that you didn't think so much about him or her without being deeply saddened?  Well, when going through the relationship grief process there are things that happen that are similar.  You know the person you once loved is no longer impactful to your life, you know that one day soon he or she will not have any place in your personal world.  So you start to live your life without being dependent on him or her.  You find ways to stop thinking about "we" and more about "I."  The soon-to-be ex becomes someone you use to know.  You might even find yourself talking about the person in the past tense before you have even broke up with him or her.


The last attempt at getting back together and staying for sake of love, children, business, etc. starts off good.  Both of you are loving toward one another, act a bit nicer, and really want to make the other happy.  But routine starts to take root, life disappointments, annoying habits, death of loved ones, parenting challenges, health issues, and more, before long you are wishing you hadn't agreed to get back together. 


What many troubled couples fail to understand is that the process of breaking up never ended after repeated break ups and getting back together.  If it had stopped, you wouldn't think twice about wanting to break up yet again!  The last try is actually helping you break free once and for all from the person who you thought was The One.  Unlike other break ups before, you didn't pay that close attention to what went wrong, why, and what you and the person you are with could have done differently.  Now you are studying what is happening, thinking deeply about things.  Possibly planning a future court hearing regarding custody of a child or children.  There is much analyzing a partner during this last attempt at trying to make things work.  You will come to the realization why things just aren't going to work the more the relationship is challenged.  You  find yourself holding on to every negative thing said and did, forgiveness becomes more difficult.  Your mind will not let you forget the many offenses that an ex has done, the next time when you do exit for good.


Once single, those past as well as current bad experiences with an ex will be your motivation for not returning to misery once again.  Miserable people enjoy the company of one another as long as there is something to talk about, but the day they don't have any misery to contribute, the relationship will come to an end.  One or both of you will grow weary of disputes, jealous feelings, worries about what the other is or isn't doing, the bad habits, and other things that compromise relationships.  Misery loves bad company, but it doesn't love peace and joyful times.


When a relationship is coming to an official end, it just might have a history of repeated break ups. When two people don't smile at one another or care too much about what the other is doing this is a sure sign the relationship is headed nowhere.  Also, when you find that almost anyone is better to be around then the person you claim is your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, this too is a definite sign.


Others will notice your unhappiness and will attempt to comfort you by bad-mouthing your partner, rather than defend the person, you will find yourself going right along with the critics and saying mean things about him or her too.  In addition, you won't do much for your lover and will start doing things a part from him or her while never bothering to say much about your personal thoughts, daily activities and things you hope to accomplish in the future. 


The relationship is burning out and when you are fed up, you find yourself looking to move into a place of your own and you see the future without your current partner.  No matter what he or she does at this point, you have tunnel vision, all you can think of is, "When do I tell this person I want out?"


Nicholl McGuire shares more relationship insight at http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com 

Wednesday

After a Heated Argument...Sleep with One Eye Open

If you were in a physical fight with someone, would you attempt to walk away from the match while fighting with your back turned?  Of course not.  You don't know what that person might pick up and use against you.  You wouldn't want to be blind-sided; therefore you would keep your eyes on your opponent.  Well, when it comes to heated relationship disagreements which might include threats, pushing, punching or throwing things, some couples won't always fight fair.  A jealous, hot-tempered, and often irritated partner just might be after blood if you aren't too careful.  As much as many couples would like to think they could just say whatever is on their minds, then go to bed at night, think again!


A hormonal woman, a man having a mid-life crisis, or two people with personality disorders, substance abuse issues or health problems in a relationship is nothing to sleep on!  Trouble is always right around the corner.  There are many stories both on and off the internet where men and women mistakenly thought a disagreement was over only to later find out a partner was plotting revenge.  There are ways to see if your the partner turned victim.  You will also want to know if that man or woman you are living with is still carrying a grievance about what you said the other day, last week, or last year.  However, don't believe that your detective work is full-proof and that a mate isn't still harboring feelings of resentment.  You will need to play it safe when dealing with a scary, crazy, or violent partner.


1. Bring up a similar issue that you both argued about not that long ago by using someone else as an example and watch his or her reaction.  If he or she still acts angrily about it or brings what you two disagreed about back up again, then he or she isn't over it and may never get over it depending on the personality type.


2.  If a partner has threatened you with violence or acted violently in the past, it would make sense to get out of the relationship.  However, if you can't at this time, then protect yourself in the meantime.  File a police report and fill out a Protection From Abuse (PFA) form.  Also, contact a support system that deals with domestic violence, housing, food, and more--ask for help!  By doing these things, you  are doing your part just in case the emotionally or physically abusive person does anything to attack you in the future for any number of reasons including: disrespect, cheating, lying, and leaving him or her and taking children away.  When children are involved, you will have to work with law enforcement and family court to be sure you get out of the household safely with your children.  Domestic violence support centers in your local area may be of assistance as well as churches and hospitals.


3.  Don't fall asleep before an angry partner goes to bed.  But if you must, lock the door or sleep elsewhere in or outside of the residence.  Set traps so that you can hear when he or she enters the room.  For instance, lie something up against the door, so when it is opened, there will be a loud crashing sound.  If you are a believer, pray before you go to bed.  Unfortunately, not every issue will be dealt with before the sun goes down.


4.  Talk to a trusted relative or friend before you go to bed and share some details as to what happened between you and your partner that day or night.  This way if something should occur, there will be someone who knows what caused your partner to go into a possible rage.


5.  Avoid arguing any further because the longer a dispute goes on, the more attention it will attract.  However, if that is your intent, be sure to scream, "Help" or "Fire" many times so that a neighbor or witness will call the police.


6.  Before you go to bed, be sure to check the house, look at your partner and take notice of what he or she is doing before you retire, and also be sure that any weapons in the house haven't suddenly went missing.  Check your own.


It's unfortunate that some have to take heed to this kind of advice, but this is what happens when you take a chance and get into relationships with people who have angry temperaments, a history of violence or who have unresolved issues related to past abuse.


Nicholl McGuire, survivor of domestic violence and writer about these issues and others, see more work here: http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

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The Dating Den: What Men Really Want To Say To You


Blogger of lovedatingadvice.blogspot.com thanks readers

I am taking this time just to thank those of you who faithfully come to this site seeking a bit of advice to use or pass on to family and friends.  I have been contributing to this blog for years and have spent many hours selecting relevant material for an eclectic mix of people in a variety of relationships who visit this blog.


I find that the more we date or remain in serious relationships, the more we learn about ourselves.  We find that we won't tolerate certain people, places and things and we also communicate better with partners about our wants and needs.  Although we all fail sometimes, we still get right back up and try anyway while hoping that our partners will be receptive.


I sincerely wish nothing but the best for all of you who are seeking partners and are in relationships.  Please do keep reading and don't hesitate to comment.


Nicholl

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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