Suffering in Silence - What to Do When a Relationship Has Run Its Course

Relationships are often messy and complicated. At times, we might be head over heels in love with our partner, while at other times we might feel like we're stuck in a rut. Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to last forever and sometimes they run their course. It can be challenging to come to terms with the end of a relationship, but it's important to know when it's time to let go. In this blog post, we'll explore the signs that indicate a relationship has run its course and what you can do to move on when you're suffering in silence.

Communication Breakdown

Communication is an essential component for any healthy relationship. If you find yourself unable to communicate effectively with your partner and constantly feel misunderstood, that's an indication that your relationship might be on the rocks. It's important to have open and honest communication when addressing any issues in your relationship, but when there's a communication breakdown, it's tough to resolve things and move forward.

Different Goals and Objectives

If you and your partner have different goals and objectives for your future, it's difficult to make a long-term relationship work. This could be related to career aspirations, life goals, or having entirely different values. If you're unable to come to a compromise or find common ground, you might need to reconsider your relationship.

Lack of Emotional Connection

Emotional connection is what makes a relationship meaningful and fulfilling. If you feel like there's a lack of emotional connection between you and your partner, it's a clear sign that your relationship has run its course. It's vital to be honest with yourself about your feelings and not try to force the relationship to work when deep down, you know that it's not working.

Constant Disrespect and Distrust

Relationships require mutual respect and trust. If your partner constantly disrespects you or doesn't trust you, that's a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It's not easy to regain trust once lost, and constant disrespect in a relationship weakens the bond between partners. If this is the situation, you must consider ending the relationship.

You're Not Happy

If you're not happy in your current relationship, that's a strong indication that it's time to move on. Happiness is essential to our overall well-being, and if you're not happy in your relationship, it's unlikely that it'll magically improve with time. It's important to be honest with your partner and yourself about your happiness levels in the relationship.

Relationships are dynamic and require effort to make them work. However, when a relationship has run its course, it's essential to recognize the signs and plan for moving on. It's imperative to be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings and know that it's okay to let go if things aren't working out. Remember that ending a relationship is difficult, but when you prioritize your happiness and well-being, you can start to heal and move on.

Are you feeling like your relationship is coming to end? Feel free to comment below. If you would like to be featured on this blog, feel free to fill out the contact form.

Check out Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues on Amazon.com for those singles and couples who feel like they are simply moving too fast in a relationship or many and wish to slow down. This short read is jam packed with advice and before long you will feel motivated to make some changes swiftly before its too late!

15 Things Exs Will Do to Control You and Your Partner in a New Relationship

Never trust a charming but crazy ex! No matter how nice, sweet, generous, and saintly like, never trust the man or woman that your current partner ended a relationship with for reasons you may never fully know.

Some of you are gullible. You want to be in with the family, in with the ex, in with the children, in the In Club.  Listen, let's just be real, everyone is not entirely welcome in a family and in many cases not at all.  It doesn't matter if the family is prejudice, homophobic, rich, poor, young, old, political, party people, or religious, someone is not going to like you being with their beloved relative. Enemy number one is an ex. A scorned ex with an axe to grind may not do everything mentioned in this post, but he or she might depending on how long, how close, and how much family members talk or don't talk about you and your family.

As much as we would love to think that people will not do any of the following things and that you can carry on in a relationship without the worry of a partner's ex verbally and/or physically attacking you, let's just be real, there is always the possibility that a weak-minded individual will snap! The ex is angered about the way things ended, miserable because he or she can't find love, saddened that children will now have to listen to the children's cries alone, bitter because of all the dirt your partner may have done to him or her, and the list goes on! 

So get your head out of the sand my brothers and sisters and wake up, watch as well as pray that you won't have to go through any of these things because an ex refuses to move on and your partner's family may not have wanted that ex to move on!

1) The ex may pop up at your new partner's home without notice needing "to talk" or claiming they "left something" or there is an "emergency" and they "need to drop off the children." Whether true or not, boundaries apparently weren't established, it's time to talk with your partner about them.

2) Miserable Mary or Nosey Nate may look you up via the Internet, check out your friends, and may want to discuss things about you and the new relationship. Put your friends and acquaintances on notice that there is a creeper on the loose wanting to learn more about you. Advise them not to say anything, ignore, block or report them to the police if they are displaying signs, they might be a threat.

3) The crazy ex-girlfriend or boyfriend may have the nerve to show up at your workplace or home. If that should ever occur, don't open the door, snap photos from your window and call the police. You might have to dust off Old Betsy in the cabinet and install some cameras.

4) They may have a family member or friend call or come around you. Now why would they do such a thing? The plan is to wear you down so that you won't remain in a relationship with your new partner and because the crazy ex believes you are more trusting of your partner's relatives; therefore, you are more likely to spill the information he or she wants to know.  Having a bond with people isn't the only reason people stay connected, sometimes children are involved, business connections, etc. but the benefit of the bond is also to learn as much detail about an ex's new relationship i.e.) marriage, children, employment, relocation, etc. because they still like/love/lust the ex. Sometimes staying updated about the ex via his or her family is for sinister reasons like hoping that he or she is hurt by the new partner like they had been hurt. So, exes linger wishing for bad things to happen in the new relationship.

6) They may lie just to get close to your partner once again. Whether the ex fakes pregnancy, makes up something about a child they share, or claims he or she has to tend to important business, lies are eventually uncovered but sometimes without a fight that you witness or you might end up engaging in.

7) They may act as if they have moved on, but their behavior shows otherwise. Your current partner and/or the ex might be pretending, but secretly there may still be a desire to be together again. No one wants to be in the middle of someone else's drama, but here you are trying to figure out something that more than likely is just what you suspect, these two still want to be with one another.

8) They may send the police over falsely accusing you or your partner of doing something to him or her, the pet, or the children. If this should ever happen, strongly reconsider being with someone who obviously has driven their ex mad whether he or she wants to admit to any wrongdoing in the relationship or not. You don't know how deep the rabbit hole is with these two and you don't need to stick around to find out!

9) They may attempt to hurt your partner's credit score by running up unnecessary bills or taking credit out in his or her name and not paying. Lock yours up and don't leave any of your important documents accessible.

10) They may use strangers to mess with your home, technology, car, or other personal belongings. Be on the lookout when you are walking, driving, or riding with a relative or friend. Check your possessions before you handle them. Install cameras, use security tools, and other devices to alert you of anything that might be suspicious.

11) They may get children to misbehave by acting disrespectful toward you or doing destructive things in your home. Handle children with care, but also discuss with your partner what you will not tolerate and what might be the consequences if the children insist on behaving inappropriately.

12) They may contact your employer or your partner's in the hopes of getting him or her terminated. Address any issues of concern that might arise, provide helpful information about this person including any police report you have filed and leave a photocopy of this person with the security team. Don't alert your company unless you feel it is necessary.

13) They may buy a rigged gift or make a meal that may cause you or your partner harm. So, he or she is a great cook or is very knowledgeable about fixing things, never trust that this person will not do something to make you and your new partner miserable like he or she is. 

14) They may stall a device in your home or your partner's to listen to your conversations or spy on you and your family. The unexpected visit or stopping by for the holidays could also be a great opportunity to leave something behind in the home. A need to be picked up from a location is a great excuse to leave an item behind in a car.  Don't open your home or car up to an ex no matter how nice-looking or charming he or she is!

15) They may befriend your children to get them to communicate information about you and your partner. It is very easy to swindle a child into doing things in exchange for money, candy, a party invite, favorite toy, or fun place to visit, so if a scorned ex is determined to make a former partner's life a living hell, he or she will not hesitate to use a child as an accomplice. Never assume a child doesn't know, wasn't told, or would never...that is what any parent would love to think about his or her little sweetheart, but that isn't always the case especially when they are old enough to know better.

So, with these 15 tips may you stay clear away from a scorned ex and do what you can to improve your relationship. When all else fails, break it off with a partner! Stalkers, jealous exes, bitter wives, abusive ex-boyfriends are so not worth it!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of She's Crazy, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and owner and contributor of this blog.

Failed relationship, test, trial - Keep the faith anyway!

Ms. Online Date Turns Into Another Bad Mate - Dating

You might be angry with yourself for all the times you believed that your companion was into you when the truth could be she pretended like she enjoyed everything you were into. You see this now, but you didn't back when you were having a good time with her. It doesn't help matters when we persuade people to go along with doing things that we know they just aren't into or we appease them just to make them smile while we hurt within. Yet, inside you are thinking, "I don't like any of this! The things we do for love!"


Once again, you spoiled the woman or maybe she ruined you by doing everything you wanted. She went along with your selection of places to eat; exaggerated how good you were at doing something, your pick in a movie selection, or what you do for others.


Too much of the actress can be unnerving, so you pull back and you want time alone or you want to go places without someone in the passenger seat. She probably gave you hell for speaking up for yourself and leaving her at home sometimes. You might still be mad about those times you permitted your woman to "go off" on you for not answering your phone when she called as well as things you said that you really didn't mean to upset her, but she took what you said and ran with it and didn't let you live it down.


After an explosive incident, you began to cater to her while apologizing and promising you wouldn't do or say those mean things again. "Whatever you want Honey, I still love you. We are going to make it--just me and you!" you probably said something like this and so she wins and you lose. She rides in the car, attends every event, and tells you where to go if you leave her out again. But you are human, you made mistakes and she is still "tripping" as one man described the way his insecure girlfriend acts over the littlest of things.


Ms. Insecure will remind you of everyone who has hurt her and why she doesn't like, trust, or want to be around certain people or all people, "Because I always get hurt in the end," she claims. How about the truth is, she is often hurting others first--the kill or be killed philosophy is one of many beliefs she carries, "I will do that one in before he gets to me!" Most likely, she has broken up with you a thousand times in her mind, compared to the few times the thought of breaking up with her crossed your mind.


Things Get Personal with Ms. Extremely Insecure


After realizing once again that Ms. Extremely Insecure was over-the-top when she slashed her man's tires, threatened to hurt someone in his family, and did some other things to make a point, she wanted to apologize for all the wrong she did. I saw Ms. Extremely Insecure and crazy woman when I was a child. She looked me in the face with those demonic eyes that made my stomach shake; I had been forewarned that if she came around to go into the house, but not before I listened to what she had to say.


Ms. Extremely Insecure told me all she wanted to do was talk with my uncle and that he hadn't been returning her phone calls. I said nothing; I didn't believe that was all she wanted to do. I became nervous and went into the house. I told an adult she was outside. By the time my relative went to the door, she was gone. I learned later she had broken into his apartment and helped herself to his bed. She was naked and had been waiting on him for hours! He never showed, but another relative did and ran that crazy woman out of his home. Some nutty people have enough sense in their minds to know when they have done wrong, but when someone goes from hot-tempered to relatively calm in sixty seconds you can't help but watch your back. There was something not right that day with the woman who smiled back at me.


"There is no one else better than me...I am all he has...Where would he be if it wasn't for me?" a wife/mother/mistress preaches. A woman like this will also say, "There is no relationship like mine...Those other couples have issues, I don't believe they are in love as much as they say. I don't believe he makes that kind of money. Surely, her home isn't as nice as she claims." Ms. Insecure is going to pull you into a conversation that you really don't need to have with her, but because you don't want to end up hearing her mouth for the next hour and a half, you will go along with whatever she says. "Yes Babe...Okay Honey. You're right," you might respond.


From attending sporting events to watching her favorite team on television, the temperamental woman doesn't like to lose. She is not in good spirits if she or someone she knows loses a game. "What a fool! That's why I hate that coach...What the...? Why do I bother to play on this team?" Throwing things, cursing, and ready to fight over a game she isn't even getting paid to play. As long as you listen and don't provide advice and/or act critical of her behavior, she probably won't redirect her anger onto you. Yet, say the wrong thing and she is going to let you have it!

Excerpt taken from She's Crazy a book for emotionally and/or physically abused men by Nicholl McGuire.

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Why You Don't Want to Grow to Hate an Ex or Current Partner

I know you want to hate him or her for everything this person ever did to you.  The pain within is terrible, forgiveness isn't even a topic of discussion, and if something bad were to happen to him or her, you don't believe you would shed one tear. 


When the heart is this heavy, you have to pause, take a breath, and think about how you are feeling for a moment.  Before you say yet another bad word about your partner or ex, think about the negative energy you have been putting out into the atmosphere up to this point.  Notice how mean-spiritedness has been traveling within and around you lately.  From mood swings to people acting ugly toward you for no apparent reason.  Evil doesn't just stop on the one you are growing to hate, but it has a way of coming back on the sender.


One day, I thought deeply about an abusive man who hurt me physically not just once, twice, but many times between "I love you" and promises he wouldn't do it again.  I eventually got out of that relationship only to get into an emotionally abusive one.  The individual thought that cheating was okay just so long as he didn't get caught and disagreeing with him about anything was a cardinal sin.  I started feeling very hateful toward them both and wished the worst for these people. 


I will tell you there is power in hating someone, but what people who do this don't tell you is that the negative energy has a way of eating you up inside over time.  You begin to see some things in your eyes that wasn't there before.  You find yourself walking around with a void in your spirit that needs to be filled.  You resent other people's happiness and sometimes wish ugly things about them.  Overall, you allow the poison that someone dripped on you to seep out and drip onto others.


It was a process for me to recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships.  I was disappointed to see just how much I had been played by individuals who had a long line of people who came before me who also hated them once.  Although we all started out liking and loving one another, over time we just couldn't keep the act up.  There really wasn't much love, but infatuation would be the better word to describe the rush to want to be connected physically, to get married, to have children, to move in together, etc.


So I write this blog entry to warn some of you, who really wish ugly on your mates or former partners, that it just isn't worth it.  Your life will be impacted in so many ways usually for what appears to be the better, but in time ends up being worse in some ways.  Sooner or later, you will have to pay the piper (the evil one), so to speak.  That one who did your bidding will want to be paid and the cost just might be your soul.  Keep in mind, one doesn't have to participate in black magic, evoke spirits, chant, or do anything to create dark energy that works on his or her behalf, simply thinking ugly and doing ugly things is all it takes to welcome it. 


A few things you might want to start doing to turn those hateful emotions into positive ones would be:


1.  Take care of yourself.  Focus on who you are, what you want, and what will make you happy if you were to die tomorrow.  For example, exercise, take classes, join an emotionally healthy support group, travel, and more will keep your mind on you!


2.  Disconnect from those people, places and things that keep reminding you about all that is wrong with the person you are with as well as that one you use to be with.  I know that for some people they may not want to do this, because those people were good listeners and guided you through difficult times, but oftentimes those who are willing to keep the negativity going, have their share of demons they are grappling with and their issues just might become your issues.


3.  Stay true to who you are and don't let any man, woman or child take that away from you!  When you give your best self to others and do all you can to make them happy, you lose your identity in the process and eventually become who they want you to be.  I gave up my ideas and dreams to invest in someone else's, now I am living a dream that was once his--I guess I won when I got wise enough to see my dream unfolding through my suffering!


4.  Avoid the argument.  No matter what the personality type/disorder is, you aren't going to come out ahead if you find yourself yelling about the past with someone who is destined to be your past!  My question to you is, "So what about the present?  Is this person really going to do anything different?  Can you envision yourself happy without this person?  If so, start walking in that happiness!"


As much as we frown at advice that says, "Love your enemies," know this, the kind of love mentioned in the Holy Bible comes from a holy God and if you ain't following Him, then his precepts do not apply.  Enjoy your life!


Nicholl McGuire also maintains Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Tips Dating Older Men, Younger Women

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