Deceptive Lovers: How They Can Drive You Crazy

There are people in this world that simply could care less about others.  They lie, connive, abuse, and do other things that mentally and/or physically break down others.  They are uncaring and seem to only react when negative things occur to them.  They are unavailable to advise, assist those in need, and would prefer to be alone most of the time.  Although many individuals are aware of how negative they can be when dealing with others, there is still an innate need to want to be loved.  Mean-spirited people associate love with sex and desire "obedient" or "loyal" companions that will do more listening than talking to them.

Deceptive lovers dress well or poorly, they can be beautiful or ugly.  They can have many interests or few.  They can be kind at times or ruthless.  Some things they do that drive those they claim to love include:

1.  Accuse you of misunderstanding a story, thought or request.

A tricky person doesn't want you to ever know the full truth about them so they will withhold information or converse in ways that are vague.  This way when you question them on things they can say, "You were mistaken...that's not how long I said I will be there...You are confused, what I said was..."  Even though the evidence and proof is everywhere to be seen, they will attempt to convince you that you are wrong.

2.  Lie about his or her whereabouts.

When someone is acting mischievously, they will not tell the truth.  So is the case of a cheating lover, lying friend, or crazy spouse.  They never want you to be two steps ahead of them, so once again, they will withhold information, make up a story, or create a situation that looks like the truth or comes close to it, but really is not.

3.  Label you as "immature," "ignorant," "insecure," "stupid," and other choice negative names depending on the mood and situation so as to appear better than you.

When one is trying to appear as if he or she is Mr. or Ms. Right, this person will keep up the act even during a dispute.  However, when one's weakness is being controlling, argumentative, or something else similar, it won't be long before who you thought was Mr. Right or Ms. Right is really Wrong.  Every couple will have disputes, but not every couple name-calls, chokes, kicks, bites, curses, yells, pushes, or makes threats to hurt the other.

These are only three ways a deceptive lover will drive you crazy, but there are many others such as:
  • Steal from you while making you think you misplaced something.
  • Stalk you, but later claim he or she was no where in the area.
  • Claim he or she supports you (usually in front of others) when it comes to things like:  new job, project, parenting, etc., but then criticizes you often while rarely saying anything supportive.
  • Pretend like he or she is in love with you while touching you publicly or bragging about you to others, but behind closed doors wish to end the relationship when he or she feels you no longer are good for him or her i.e.) finances, status, connections, etc.
Plan your escape from someone like this.  It may take days, months, or even years, but try hard to maintain your sanity through the exit process.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.  See her blog here.


Dating Tips: Don't Let Pretending to Act Nice Kill Your Spirit

You may have been in a situation where you felt like you had to pretend to be nice and agreeable, because you didn't want a date or partner to think negative things about you.  However, when you walked away from the person, you beat yourself up about what you said or did for him or her.  You really didn't want to go along with "the plan," you really didn't like "the idea," or you preferred to do something else other than what was suggested.

Think of the many people who died because they were behaving nicely.  They reasoned they would help another or do something "nice" while ignoring all the signs within and around them to do something different.  This type of behavior goes on with many people, little do they know they are creating a path of destruction for themselves that will cost them things like:  jobs, relationships, and even their lives, because they just couldn't discipline themselves to do the following.

1.  Just say, "No."

Whenever you know that you just can't do something for someone, don't feel like it is the right thing to do, or simply don't want to do it, say, "No."  Try not to tag on a reason why you can't, just don't do it.  Of course, the person who believes they will benefit from you will attempt to convince you, but you can always walk away.

2.  Avoid agreeing to go places you really don't want to.

How many times has this happened to you?  A lover, friend, or family member provides you with a list of reasons why you should go somewhere even though inside you feel like the timing isn't right.  Then you go with him or her only to discover you could have been more productive staying home or at work.  Sometimes when we agree to doing things we really didn't want to do in the first place, we become the party poopers--having something negative to say about everything.

3.  Don't expect a date/partner to make important decisions for you.

For some people they think that they are keeping up their "nice" persona by letting someone else think through things that they should be doing for their selves.  Then when things don't turn out in the way that they want, they blame others.  They might see that those they are confiding in are getting more out of "the deal" then they are, but because they wanted to play the part of easy-going, fun-to-be around, etc., they missed out on favor that could have been theirs if only they hadn't permitted others to make decisions for them.  Sooner or later one's nice cover is blown--especially when he or she relinquishes control to others.

4.  Keep away from the temptation to suppress who you really are.

No matter who we are good, bad, rich, poor, we should never compromise ourselves (thoughts, behaviors, ethics, culture, style, etc.) so that we can appear to others like we are so perfect, great, and have our lives together all the time.  People, particularly a partner, should see something about you that makes you who you are and be content with being in your presence.

5.  If your date isn't acting nice, why bother?

Sometimes we act nice to others, even when they don't deserve it.  Those that are spiritual know that being kind to an enemy is like raining hot coals over a fire.  Yet, once you realize that one is unapologetically and repeatedly taking your kindness for weakness, there comes a point that you must walk away from the relationship.  As we all know, Misery loves company, so if you don't want to be recruited in Misery's group, keep your distance.

6.  Save your money.

When was the last time you spent money that you know you needed to bring a smile on someone's face?  Once again, you were behaving nicely, but in time you won't be acting so nice when a bill is due.  Think ahead, save your money.  This way you will be less likely to have an external or internal debate about money in the future.

7.  Protect your mind, body and spirit.

Let's face it, there are leeches in this world that don't mind draining you of your life force.  They will manipulate situations to get what they want and then leave you with your mind, body and spirit destroyed.  People that know you, might recall times when you were "nice" and wish for the "old you" to come back, but what if the old you was a mere actress or actor walking unconsciously in life while allowing others to toss you back and forth?  No one wants to return to a life that is blind of relationship wisdom and oppressed by others who merely take more than what they give.  

Keep in mind the many women who said "yes" who really meant "no" in loveless relationships who are now divorced, diseased, pregnant, angry, bitter, jobless, or six feet deep sleeping in their graves.  Think about the many men who said,"yes" to jobs, marriages, relocation, poor wages, problematic automobiles, and other things and now are taking their anger out on others, or worse, sickly or deceased, because they just couldn't say, "No."

Nicholl McGuire 

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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