Is it possible to mourn the loss of a beloved spouse and, while still grieving, to not only meet someone special, but fall in love and begin to build a new relationship that includes a commitment to sharing your lives? Can we overlap our loving and our grieving? The answer is a profound: YES! But, to smooth the path, keep these helpful Do’s and Don’ts in mind:
• Do allow yourself the joy of healing and moving on.
• Do allow yourself to feel good when this happens.
• Don’t feel guilty. You have been respectful, loving and caring towards your late spouse. Time has passed. It is healthy to want your life to move forward. Try to recognize your emotions every step of the way and not shy away from inner scrutiny, or back off from facing your emotions.
• Do know that it is possible to combine families with adult children no longer living at home.
• Do know that it will not always be smooth sailing; there will be moments of arguments and disagreements to work through.
Commonly, jealousy, fear, abandonment and money issues come up, even for your grown children. Will he leave “her” in “his” will? Will he forget about us? Will he respect our grieving? Be aware that often even the adult child feels, “I am not ready for this.” I want my dad/mom to be happy but not so fast….I’m still grieving for my mom/dad; I’m not ready to think about a “replacement” for his or her love. It may be hard for children at any age to fully understand that the bereaved are lonely and, if the widow or widower had a good marriage, this can further motivate the longing for another partner. There is also the sense of urgency, i.e., “time is running out and life will not go on forever”.
Tactfulness, thoughtfulness, and consideration for the feelings of children of all ages are so important, as well as the understanding that fathers and mothers grieve differently than their children who have their own important timetable. One cannot hurry the process of your grief, your adult children leading their own lives, or that of younger children.
While you want your life to move forward, a sensitive and understanding parent needs to recognize and be especially responsive to the needs of children living at home; children who are grieving the loss of their mother or father. The child needs the "daddy" or "mommy" that’s left. They need them to be emotionally available. Equally important, children commonly have expectations that they have exclusive rights to this parent. Dealing with young children still at home, requires an added set of challenges.
• Do listen carefully to what your child is, and is not saying.
• Do not have a new partner or romantic interest stay overnight too soon.
• Do be sensitive about the messages that you are giving your children about this new person in your life.
• Don’t have someone spend the night until they are special in your life, so that your child doesn’t feel the emotional confusion of a string of overnight guests.
• Do continue to impart important values to your child, reinforcing that love is special. Remember your behavior as a role model for your youngster.
• Do understand that someone new entering your life is confusing for your child and may come along with resentments needing to be understood and dealt with.
• Do be aware that the children are smart and can resent a new “mother,” even if she is not posed as such.
Grieving adults are entitled to happiness. Yet the grieving family members may experience confusion, conflict and rage. “I want mom back.” “I never wanted her to leave.” I want you (as my parent) not to be alone….but I’m not ready for this. Sometimes, it can’t be articulated but felt.
Keeping the channels of communication open for discussion, dialogue and sharing of experiences requires listening, and not necessarily agreeing. Each party needs to be heard and wants to be understood. Joy is to be treasured; the challenge lies in working it out in a way that is respectful to all family members.
About the Author
Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D., L.M.F.T is the co-author with Gloria Lintermans of THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE: Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to New Love, http://www.championpress.com. Visit with Gloria at: http://creativegrief.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label losing your mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label losing your mind. Show all posts
Men Wake Up! A Good Woman is Man's Best Friend
Yes dogs are loyal. They will stick by you to the very end. They will still love you even when you forget to feed them, stay away too long, yell at them, and so on. But dogs can't give you what you need when your spirit is reaching out for someone to complete you. Let's be real, dogs aren't a man's best friend, but a wise woman is. Notice the key word here is "wise." A foolish woman is a man's downfall. We see that all the time in the media. A political, entertainment, or sports figure decides to go out with a woman who has strategically placed herself at the right place at the right time to obtain one's material wealth. After attempting to destroy the man's reputation, she may find temporary fame and fortune (many women don't) and then when the lights are off she is by herself name-dropping to some friends.
Men overlook wise women all the time for the ditz. The reasons are endless from beauty to status, but whatever the reason, a wise woman will come out on top every time. For purposes of this writing, let's define wise as "having or showing wisdom, good sense, or good judgment, sensible, aware of what is going on, informed," according to the Webster's New Ideal Dictionary. So to be with a wise woman is essential for a young man striving to become a better man and an older man looking to make the remaining years of his life something special.
So why is it that men in the beginning of a relationship want the wise woman, but later on find her unattractive, boring, not what they had in mind, different, strange etc.? Could it be that the man overlooked beauty over brains? Maybe he still wanted to party and travel as a single man? Or he simply couldn't handle the challenge of thinking deeply, acting honestly, and being sensible? Not every man is ready for adult conversation and responsibilities. Some men as they grow older become weary of being the focused professional, able to handle challenges in a single bound. The superman title gets old for some. Just like women at certain times in their life just want to let their hair down and have a good time, there are men who want to do the same. But what's wrong with having it all with a wise woman who can be a help mate in fulfilling your dreams and aspirations?
I have personally talked with men over the years who are confused as to what it truly means to have a serious relationship with someone. Their take on a good relationship is similar to that of a high school crush. They expect to be in love forever--holding hands, kissing, and playing under the covers. However, they don't anticipate the stormy days when they aren't the likeable, funny guy that their mate fell in love with in the beginning. These clueless men's feelings become easily wounded when she objects to a silly joke, wants some space, or finds fault with them about something. They have associated a bad day or bad mood with a "throw the baby out with the bath water" type of relationship drama. Before you know it, they are holding grudges and looking for the next woman who they can feel those butterflies with. Yes, there are women who act the same way, but this article is not about them, it's about men who need to understand the importance of having a relationship with a wise woman and not a foolish one.
The men that I have talked to unfortunately didn't have a mother or a father around them who taught them what type of woman they needed that could be an asset to their lives. Instead, they were told to get involved with certain women for shallow reasons such as "she is pretty, she is older, and she has money..." But what they weren't told was that the woman who can complete them is the one who will be a beacon to their lives. Like a lighthouse, she will show you the way in a storm. When you have lost your job, succumbed to illness, witnessed a relative die, or fell into a depression, she will pick you up and usher you were you need to be in life.
So what are the character traits of a wise woman? She is kind, considerate, and respected by family and friends. She is a planner, organizer, and detailed oriented. She is an independent thinker and no longer needs her mother, father and other relatives to guide her life. She has stopped saying, "Well my mother said...grandma told me...daddy reminded me..." She has a faith and is spiritually gifted. She may possess any one or all of the spiritual gifts as defined in the Christian Bible. For those who do not understand her, she is looked upon as a know-it-all type. Wise women who have allowed compliments to go to their heads are not looked upon with favor by those closest to them, because they are not disciplined enough to know how to communicate with others in a loving manner. However, in the public, they are admired. These women also tend to be bossy, arrogant, and sometimes unforgiving. They use their intellect to cast revenge and anger on others purposely. "God told me to tell you...You are stupid...You are a fool...that's why you are going to hell!" These are the kind of things that wise women will say that make them look no better than a fool! They can be too wise in their own eyes at times and turn people completely off. "You should do this...why don't you say that...do this because I said so..." She is always talking, but never listening. Yet, a wise woman who is in control of her emotions, humble, and loves others is a person who can be cherished. She is saying, "I am here for you, if you need me."
A wise woman watches your back. She sees trouble coming from all angles even from your own family and friends. She may have never interacted or seen some of them, yet she knows that this person(s) is a potential problem or may threaten the household in some way. When your mother or other family members are being controlling and want to make you do what they want you to do when they want it, a wise woman will remind you about your current responsibilities and advise you to take a stand. For those of you who are married, you should already know this, and if you don't then here's your wake up call. A wise woman will tell you about that gut feeling she has about certain women at your workplace and although you maintain your innocence it doesn't mean that you won't slip up, so watch what you say and do. Wise women will also warn you when things in the house aren't working, the car needs a tune up, and the children are misbehaving. She isn't telling you these things to aggravate you, but she wants you as the man of the house to do your part. She knows she can't do everything and she doesn't want to take over unless pushed. And being pushed is never a good thing for anyone. You can defile your wise woman at home and turn her into a bossy nag who will make you wish you never laid eyes on her! However, if everyone does their part the household will run efficiently.
A wise woman will create a schedule on how the household should best operate. She will manage dates and times so that everyone knows what is ahead. She isn't trying to control your free time, but she wants to be sure of the following: there is time for the two of you, time for the children and time for the extended family and friends. She knows that if she doesn't make some time for all parties particularly the in-laws, she will be blamed and looked at by your family as someone who is keeping you away from everyone while henpecking you for her own benefit. She knows how people think and she wants to be sure that you and the family is always looked upon with favor.
Wise women are very good at saving money. She isn't interested in spending every dollar in the house for herself; rather, she knows that bills need to be paid, groceries, toiletries, and other household goods are needed. It makes sense to her to buy in bulk and save; rather than buy in singles and pay double. She is the master at seeing what the future holds. She knows that an emergency savings will be necessary, an education fund will need to be set up, holidays are coming, and so much more. So she spends hours researching, heads to the store with sales papers and coupons in tote looking for the best deals.
A gift that most wise women have is one of instinct also known as women's intuition. She may have tapped into it in the above examples when she came to you with a series of warnings and questions. Some of these wise women have dreams, visions, and unexplained feelings. They just know when something is wrong or when it is right. She may tell you suddenly to do something that you would have rather put off or stay away from something or someone, if you listen to her and do what she says at that time, you may benefit. She also knows when she is being lied to or betrayed, but she won't always say, because if she is one of faith, she knows that God will deal with you or those around her accordingly. It is better to avoid lying to a wise woman at all costs. The consequences aren't ever worth the price of putting your relationship with her at risk.
So before you do the following: write that smart woman off who may be interested in you, end your current relationship, or think the grass is greener on the other side, consider this, wise women are rare nowadays. There aren't many who come from stable homes with a mom, dad and siblings. There are few who aren't materialistic and even fewer who grew up amongst prayer warriors. If you are one of those men who have fallen out of love with your wise woman, then work real hard to fall back in love with her. Take some time out and remind yourself about the good ole days and do something special for her and yourself. A wise woman is a keeper.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
Men overlook wise women all the time for the ditz. The reasons are endless from beauty to status, but whatever the reason, a wise woman will come out on top every time. For purposes of this writing, let's define wise as "having or showing wisdom, good sense, or good judgment, sensible, aware of what is going on, informed," according to the Webster's New Ideal Dictionary. So to be with a wise woman is essential for a young man striving to become a better man and an older man looking to make the remaining years of his life something special.
So why is it that men in the beginning of a relationship want the wise woman, but later on find her unattractive, boring, not what they had in mind, different, strange etc.? Could it be that the man overlooked beauty over brains? Maybe he still wanted to party and travel as a single man? Or he simply couldn't handle the challenge of thinking deeply, acting honestly, and being sensible? Not every man is ready for adult conversation and responsibilities. Some men as they grow older become weary of being the focused professional, able to handle challenges in a single bound. The superman title gets old for some. Just like women at certain times in their life just want to let their hair down and have a good time, there are men who want to do the same. But what's wrong with having it all with a wise woman who can be a help mate in fulfilling your dreams and aspirations?
I have personally talked with men over the years who are confused as to what it truly means to have a serious relationship with someone. Their take on a good relationship is similar to that of a high school crush. They expect to be in love forever--holding hands, kissing, and playing under the covers. However, they don't anticipate the stormy days when they aren't the likeable, funny guy that their mate fell in love with in the beginning. These clueless men's feelings become easily wounded when she objects to a silly joke, wants some space, or finds fault with them about something. They have associated a bad day or bad mood with a "throw the baby out with the bath water" type of relationship drama. Before you know it, they are holding grudges and looking for the next woman who they can feel those butterflies with. Yes, there are women who act the same way, but this article is not about them, it's about men who need to understand the importance of having a relationship with a wise woman and not a foolish one.
The men that I have talked to unfortunately didn't have a mother or a father around them who taught them what type of woman they needed that could be an asset to their lives. Instead, they were told to get involved with certain women for shallow reasons such as "she is pretty, she is older, and she has money..." But what they weren't told was that the woman who can complete them is the one who will be a beacon to their lives. Like a lighthouse, she will show you the way in a storm. When you have lost your job, succumbed to illness, witnessed a relative die, or fell into a depression, she will pick you up and usher you were you need to be in life.
So what are the character traits of a wise woman? She is kind, considerate, and respected by family and friends. She is a planner, organizer, and detailed oriented. She is an independent thinker and no longer needs her mother, father and other relatives to guide her life. She has stopped saying, "Well my mother said...grandma told me...daddy reminded me..." She has a faith and is spiritually gifted. She may possess any one or all of the spiritual gifts as defined in the Christian Bible. For those who do not understand her, she is looked upon as a know-it-all type. Wise women who have allowed compliments to go to their heads are not looked upon with favor by those closest to them, because they are not disciplined enough to know how to communicate with others in a loving manner. However, in the public, they are admired. These women also tend to be bossy, arrogant, and sometimes unforgiving. They use their intellect to cast revenge and anger on others purposely. "God told me to tell you...You are stupid...You are a fool...that's why you are going to hell!" These are the kind of things that wise women will say that make them look no better than a fool! They can be too wise in their own eyes at times and turn people completely off. "You should do this...why don't you say that...do this because I said so..." She is always talking, but never listening. Yet, a wise woman who is in control of her emotions, humble, and loves others is a person who can be cherished. She is saying, "I am here for you, if you need me."
A wise woman watches your back. She sees trouble coming from all angles even from your own family and friends. She may have never interacted or seen some of them, yet she knows that this person(s) is a potential problem or may threaten the household in some way. When your mother or other family members are being controlling and want to make you do what they want you to do when they want it, a wise woman will remind you about your current responsibilities and advise you to take a stand. For those of you who are married, you should already know this, and if you don't then here's your wake up call. A wise woman will tell you about that gut feeling she has about certain women at your workplace and although you maintain your innocence it doesn't mean that you won't slip up, so watch what you say and do. Wise women will also warn you when things in the house aren't working, the car needs a tune up, and the children are misbehaving. She isn't telling you these things to aggravate you, but she wants you as the man of the house to do your part. She knows she can't do everything and she doesn't want to take over unless pushed. And being pushed is never a good thing for anyone. You can defile your wise woman at home and turn her into a bossy nag who will make you wish you never laid eyes on her! However, if everyone does their part the household will run efficiently.
A wise woman will create a schedule on how the household should best operate. She will manage dates and times so that everyone knows what is ahead. She isn't trying to control your free time, but she wants to be sure of the following: there is time for the two of you, time for the children and time for the extended family and friends. She knows that if she doesn't make some time for all parties particularly the in-laws, she will be blamed and looked at by your family as someone who is keeping you away from everyone while henpecking you for her own benefit. She knows how people think and she wants to be sure that you and the family is always looked upon with favor.
Wise women are very good at saving money. She isn't interested in spending every dollar in the house for herself; rather, she knows that bills need to be paid, groceries, toiletries, and other household goods are needed. It makes sense to her to buy in bulk and save; rather than buy in singles and pay double. She is the master at seeing what the future holds. She knows that an emergency savings will be necessary, an education fund will need to be set up, holidays are coming, and so much more. So she spends hours researching, heads to the store with sales papers and coupons in tote looking for the best deals.
A gift that most wise women have is one of instinct also known as women's intuition. She may have tapped into it in the above examples when she came to you with a series of warnings and questions. Some of these wise women have dreams, visions, and unexplained feelings. They just know when something is wrong or when it is right. She may tell you suddenly to do something that you would have rather put off or stay away from something or someone, if you listen to her and do what she says at that time, you may benefit. She also knows when she is being lied to or betrayed, but she won't always say, because if she is one of faith, she knows that God will deal with you or those around her accordingly. It is better to avoid lying to a wise woman at all costs. The consequences aren't ever worth the price of putting your relationship with her at risk.
So before you do the following: write that smart woman off who may be interested in you, end your current relationship, or think the grass is greener on the other side, consider this, wise women are rare nowadays. There aren't many who come from stable homes with a mom, dad and siblings. There are few who aren't materialistic and even fewer who grew up amongst prayer warriors. If you are one of those men who have fallen out of love with your wise woman, then work real hard to fall back in love with her. Take some time out and remind yourself about the good ole days and do something special for her and yourself. A wise woman is a keeper.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
How to Know Your Boyfriend is Abusive
When a woman first meets a man she doesn't know his upbringing, the company he keeps, what he likes to do in his spare time and most of all whether he has a disease or not. She can only make a determination of the man's character initially by how he looks, his mannerisms, what he says and how he treats her and the people around them. As she becomes increasingly more interested in him, she begins to trust him and will gradually let her "guard down". She will buy him gifts, offer to help him with cooking and housework, impress his family and friends and take part in his interests. While she is growing a fondness for him, he may be ready to have a relationship with her, but struggle with a dark past in the process.
What is in this man's dark past that the woman is not aware? For some men, it is a pattern of abusive behaviors toward women. It may have started when he witnessed his mother being beat by his dad, a live-in boyfriend or someone else. There may have been a time that a woman sexually abused him. Other instances of abuse could have occurred to him by a controlling mother or some other female authority. Whoever or whatever the situation, the man is aware that he exhibits inappropriate behavior with women, but no matter how hard he tries he can't seem to stop. This man may have prayed, visited the local church, talked with friends, read books, saw a counselor, took drugs, etc. but for whatever reason he just can't seem to break the cycle. This unsuspecting new mate doesn't know what she is about to experience with this man unless she recognizes the signs early and gets out permanently.
Every relationship starts off similar to what was described in the beginning of this article. No one really knows what they are getting themselves into until later, but in time the darkness comes to light and it is up to the woman to get out of the relationship as quickly, safely and peacefully as possible. The signs don't always show up right away. When people who have not had similar experiences make comments such as, "Why didn't you see the signs?" or "Why did you stay?" Some women may have turned a blind eye to those signs, been too busy to really notice, felt comfortable with him because a relative or friend did similar things or simply didn't care because they didn't want to date anyone else.
The following is a list of signs to watch out for early in the relationship to determine whether the man has abusive tendencies or has abused women in the past.
Someone tells you or he admits that he has hit women in the past.
He refers to all women he has dated in the past with derogatory terms. He may also refer to his mother using such terms as well.
An extensive collection of pornography and videotapes some of which are violent. He may try to tempt you into trying sexual acts that go against your better judgment. If you object, he may threaten to do them with someone else.
He tells you of abuse he has witnessed or has been a part of toward women. When asked if he has ever sought counseling, he says, "No, I never felt I needed it." He may feel guilty about it and promise that he won't do it to you.
Finds fault with all your family and friends once you have confided in him about them or he has met them. Later, he will use what he knows against you in an argument. (More details on this in point 10.)
Shows up unannounced at your job, home, or places you visit (may lead to stalking). May offer to take you to any of these places on a daily basis so that you may grow dependent on him.
Calls you often wanting to know your plans and in some cases you may have already told him, but he may be checking to see if your story has changed. He expects you to call him wherever you go and will become angry if you don't.
He doesn't like who he is and makes regular references about himself as being "stupid," "ugly," "dumb," and asks you, "Why do you want to be with me?" He will also resort to name calling whether he is arguing with you or "just being funny."
He attempts to control money you have earned and abuses possessions that you have acquired. He often asks for financial assistance, takes over your car and tells you how you should conduct your household. He may encourage you to live with him so that he can further control you.
He threatens to commit suicide when you try to break up with him.
He threatens to kill you over anything from wanting to end the relationship to talking to other men.
When you object to negative behavior he has done in the relationship such as mention he is cheating, caught him in a lie, hold him accountable to a promise, etc. he pushes, shoves, kicks, bites, chokes, grabs, or performs any action such as these to control you. (Note: some men may not do any of this, but will use mental abuse such as place blame - make you feel as if you are going crazy, use sensitive stories you have shared with him to belittle or degrade you, talk negatively about your family and friends to make you feel as if you have no support system.)
When he is angry with you he keeps you in a room with no access to a phone. He may lock you in the room.
If he doesn't like how you are acting around others whether it is being too friendly, talkative or affectionate, he will make false accusations to insight an argument so that he has an excuse to verbally or physically assault you. His attempt is to get you to "behave." Another attempt at controlling you. For many women this tactic works over time, particularly if you are dependent on him financially and/or physically.
When you want to visit with a friend, go out to the movies or some other past time, he oftentimes vehemently objects or he uses tactics to make you feel guilty so that you will stay home.
He will try to convince you that he is sorry for what he has done and will never do it again, only to do it again, and again.
Every man who has a history of abusing women knows the kind of mental struggles they contend with behind closed doors. Recalling when a female authority figure such as their mother was abused or his self. They remember how devastating it was to witness and/or experience such violent behavior during their childhood. Yet, some men rather than handle the pain positively, will encourage the hate they have toward women, using them for their own desires and then abusing them when they don't comply. Without mental help, some men will emulate the male mentors that were around them. If they witnessed a man they looked up to hurt women, then they may do the same things. This is one of the main reasons why women must remove their children out of an abusive relationship otherwise their children will only repeat the same behavior later in life.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire,Click Here!
What is in this man's dark past that the woman is not aware? For some men, it is a pattern of abusive behaviors toward women. It may have started when he witnessed his mother being beat by his dad, a live-in boyfriend or someone else. There may have been a time that a woman sexually abused him. Other instances of abuse could have occurred to him by a controlling mother or some other female authority. Whoever or whatever the situation, the man is aware that he exhibits inappropriate behavior with women, but no matter how hard he tries he can't seem to stop. This man may have prayed, visited the local church, talked with friends, read books, saw a counselor, took drugs, etc. but for whatever reason he just can't seem to break the cycle. This unsuspecting new mate doesn't know what she is about to experience with this man unless she recognizes the signs early and gets out permanently.
Every relationship starts off similar to what was described in the beginning of this article. No one really knows what they are getting themselves into until later, but in time the darkness comes to light and it is up to the woman to get out of the relationship as quickly, safely and peacefully as possible. The signs don't always show up right away. When people who have not had similar experiences make comments such as, "Why didn't you see the signs?" or "Why did you stay?" Some women may have turned a blind eye to those signs, been too busy to really notice, felt comfortable with him because a relative or friend did similar things or simply didn't care because they didn't want to date anyone else.
The following is a list of signs to watch out for early in the relationship to determine whether the man has abusive tendencies or has abused women in the past.
Someone tells you or he admits that he has hit women in the past.
He refers to all women he has dated in the past with derogatory terms. He may also refer to his mother using such terms as well.
An extensive collection of pornography and videotapes some of which are violent. He may try to tempt you into trying sexual acts that go against your better judgment. If you object, he may threaten to do them with someone else.
He tells you of abuse he has witnessed or has been a part of toward women. When asked if he has ever sought counseling, he says, "No, I never felt I needed it." He may feel guilty about it and promise that he won't do it to you.
Finds fault with all your family and friends once you have confided in him about them or he has met them. Later, he will use what he knows against you in an argument. (More details on this in point 10.)
Shows up unannounced at your job, home, or places you visit (may lead to stalking). May offer to take you to any of these places on a daily basis so that you may grow dependent on him.
Calls you often wanting to know your plans and in some cases you may have already told him, but he may be checking to see if your story has changed. He expects you to call him wherever you go and will become angry if you don't.
He doesn't like who he is and makes regular references about himself as being "stupid," "ugly," "dumb," and asks you, "Why do you want to be with me?" He will also resort to name calling whether he is arguing with you or "just being funny."
He attempts to control money you have earned and abuses possessions that you have acquired. He often asks for financial assistance, takes over your car and tells you how you should conduct your household. He may encourage you to live with him so that he can further control you.
He threatens to commit suicide when you try to break up with him.
He threatens to kill you over anything from wanting to end the relationship to talking to other men.
When you object to negative behavior he has done in the relationship such as mention he is cheating, caught him in a lie, hold him accountable to a promise, etc. he pushes, shoves, kicks, bites, chokes, grabs, or performs any action such as these to control you. (Note: some men may not do any of this, but will use mental abuse such as place blame - make you feel as if you are going crazy, use sensitive stories you have shared with him to belittle or degrade you, talk negatively about your family and friends to make you feel as if you have no support system.)
When he is angry with you he keeps you in a room with no access to a phone. He may lock you in the room.
If he doesn't like how you are acting around others whether it is being too friendly, talkative or affectionate, he will make false accusations to insight an argument so that he has an excuse to verbally or physically assault you. His attempt is to get you to "behave." Another attempt at controlling you. For many women this tactic works over time, particularly if you are dependent on him financially and/or physically.
When you want to visit with a friend, go out to the movies or some other past time, he oftentimes vehemently objects or he uses tactics to make you feel guilty so that you will stay home.
He will try to convince you that he is sorry for what he has done and will never do it again, only to do it again, and again.
Every man who has a history of abusing women knows the kind of mental struggles they contend with behind closed doors. Recalling when a female authority figure such as their mother was abused or his self. They remember how devastating it was to witness and/or experience such violent behavior during their childhood. Yet, some men rather than handle the pain positively, will encourage the hate they have toward women, using them for their own desires and then abusing them when they don't comply. Without mental help, some men will emulate the male mentors that were around them. If they witnessed a man they looked up to hurt women, then they may do the same things. This is one of the main reasons why women must remove their children out of an abusive relationship otherwise their children will only repeat the same behavior later in life.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire,Click Here!
8 Signs that Show You Are Losing Your Mind in a Relationship
You ever wonder why some people you meet seem to be "out of their right mind" when talking about their relationships with the opposite sex? They tend to laugh often when nothing is funny, say things that make no sense, become extremely anxious over the littlest of things, and their judgment when it comes to relating to the opposite sex seems rather toxic. What is it about these people that make you say, "She's crazy or a little off. He's odd?" In some cases, he or she may be on a prescribed medication, participating in drug use, had a past injury or even a nervous breakdown, but in a not so obvious case, he or she may have had a traumatic break up with a mate they had been head over heels in love. Now some of you reading this would say, breaking up with someone can cause mental issues? Yes it can. The following information will tell you how to spot signs in your own behavior that show you are gradually losing your mind in your current relationship.
One - Obsessively thinking about him or her. No matter what you do you think about your mate all the time to the point that it is hindering how you work, eat, sleep, and play. This isn't the kind of rational thinking like, "I forgot to tell her I will be home late." Instead, this is the kind of thinking that questions everything he or she does. "What is she doing? Where is he going? Did I tell her I love you? Should I tell her about this, I should have never told her about that?" These thoughts play like a broken record in your mind. For the average person, the thoughts may come and then go once you did whatever you needed to do for your lover. However, for the obsessive thinker, he or she is constantly questioning his or herself on issues regarding their mate. They lose sleep over these issues, feel afraid about what they should do about them, or nervous that his or her lover will do something harmful to them if they say or do certain things.
Two - Obsessively talking about him or her. Whenever someone calls you or you go out with family and friends, you are always making a point to talk about every little detail about your lover. "Did I tell you he is working on a project. He doesn't like that seafood place. I don't know why he chose me. He is going out of town this weekend." He, he, he, she, she, she, do you have a life that you can talk about without talking about your lover? Next time watch how often you mention your lover in your next conversation, this will tell you whether you are losing your sense of self with him or her. Then ask the person you are talking with, "Do I talk about my man or woman too much?"
Three - Acting compulsively and/or irrationally. Think about the way you behaved in your daily life before you met him or her. Are you participating in behavior that causes you constant worry? Do you find that your life prior to meeting him or her was exceptionally better? He or she may have a problem with how you organize, clean, cook, fold your clothes, or something else and you find that no matter what you do to appease them, it is never good enough. You find yourself constantly checking on whether you did an action that he or she may have complained about and you feel as if you are losing your mind trying to fix the situation. Some examples include: turning labels on can goods so that they are in perfect order like in a grocery store, being extra careful not to let dust show up anywhere on furniture, arranging shoes and folding clothes in a way that only suits him or her, and making meals in a certain way that you know you can't seem to get right. These are only a few examples, but think of those extreme details you now pay attention to that you didn't before.
Four - Justifying your mate's negative behavior. He threw a tantrum at the local restaurant, because he had to wait longer than expected. She told the sales clerk off because she didn't like her attitude. When you share an incident with a family member or friend about your lover, and they may a comment about your man or woman's behavior, are you defending him or her? Your chest begins to tightened and your stomach is getting upset, because you are offended by what your family or friends said about your mate's actions, "But you don't understand...you weren't there...you don't like him anyway...I should have never told you." If you remove yourself from the situation, could your mate have handled the matter better? When you find that you are doing a lot of defending and being offended, look out, you will eventually be pushing the people out of your life that love you the most, do you really want to do that?
Five - Condoning him or her for abusing you. "He was drunk he didn't mean it. She had a bad day, we are okay." If you find yourself talking yourself out of good ole fashion common sense, then you are indeed losing your mind in this relationship. Being verbally or physically assaulted is not okay, no matter what the reason.
Six- Blaming yourself and/or others for your mate's unhappiness. "If you hadn't talked to him, mom, that way he would come over more often!" If your mate seems to have one issue after another with someone who has always been close to you, chances are they are more than unhappy, but jealous of your relationship with that particular family member or friend. Be careful listening to all their criticisms about your family and friends, they may be trying to keep you all to him or herself. Behavior like that isn't to be praised; it is a sign of bad things to come.
Seven- Isolating oneself from family and friends. Are you beginning to hear concerns from well-meaning family and friends about your not coming around them anymore? If so, then you are on your way to becoming successfully manipulated by your mate. He or she doesn't want your support system around you, because this means that you will be able to get the help you later need to get away from them. Your mate knows his or her own weaknesses, but they will work real hard to ensure you never find out about them. Don't be a fool for love and lose your mind in all of the wonderful things they do and say to you. Without family and friends, you will not be living up to your full potential and staying true to who you really are on the inside.
Eight - Needing him or her to approve of what you do. Find yourself always asking, "What does he think about this and what does she think about that?" Sometimes you will have to question how your mate feels about something you would do, but how often are you doing it? Do you find that you have to consult with your inner voice about everything, from what to buy to where to go and what does he or she think? Some choices are best made without your mate's input. Your opinions are what make up who you are, without them; you are nothing more than your mate's puppet.
Take the time to analyze some of the things you are doing right now that may potentially set your relationship up for failure. It's okay to love someone, but when you make he or she your life, you have just lost your mind. Then, when your relationship breaks up, whether by mutual agreement, surprise, death or something else, you may be the unlucky person with a nervous breakdown.
Protect your heart and mind in all of your relationships by staying true to yourself and doing the things that reflect who you are in the best possible light.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
One - Obsessively thinking about him or her. No matter what you do you think about your mate all the time to the point that it is hindering how you work, eat, sleep, and play. This isn't the kind of rational thinking like, "I forgot to tell her I will be home late." Instead, this is the kind of thinking that questions everything he or she does. "What is she doing? Where is he going? Did I tell her I love you? Should I tell her about this, I should have never told her about that?" These thoughts play like a broken record in your mind. For the average person, the thoughts may come and then go once you did whatever you needed to do for your lover. However, for the obsessive thinker, he or she is constantly questioning his or herself on issues regarding their mate. They lose sleep over these issues, feel afraid about what they should do about them, or nervous that his or her lover will do something harmful to them if they say or do certain things.
Two - Obsessively talking about him or her. Whenever someone calls you or you go out with family and friends, you are always making a point to talk about every little detail about your lover. "Did I tell you he is working on a project. He doesn't like that seafood place. I don't know why he chose me. He is going out of town this weekend." He, he, he, she, she, she, do you have a life that you can talk about without talking about your lover? Next time watch how often you mention your lover in your next conversation, this will tell you whether you are losing your sense of self with him or her. Then ask the person you are talking with, "Do I talk about my man or woman too much?"
Three - Acting compulsively and/or irrationally. Think about the way you behaved in your daily life before you met him or her. Are you participating in behavior that causes you constant worry? Do you find that your life prior to meeting him or her was exceptionally better? He or she may have a problem with how you organize, clean, cook, fold your clothes, or something else and you find that no matter what you do to appease them, it is never good enough. You find yourself constantly checking on whether you did an action that he or she may have complained about and you feel as if you are losing your mind trying to fix the situation. Some examples include: turning labels on can goods so that they are in perfect order like in a grocery store, being extra careful not to let dust show up anywhere on furniture, arranging shoes and folding clothes in a way that only suits him or her, and making meals in a certain way that you know you can't seem to get right. These are only a few examples, but think of those extreme details you now pay attention to that you didn't before.
Four - Justifying your mate's negative behavior. He threw a tantrum at the local restaurant, because he had to wait longer than expected. She told the sales clerk off because she didn't like her attitude. When you share an incident with a family member or friend about your lover, and they may a comment about your man or woman's behavior, are you defending him or her? Your chest begins to tightened and your stomach is getting upset, because you are offended by what your family or friends said about your mate's actions, "But you don't understand...you weren't there...you don't like him anyway...I should have never told you." If you remove yourself from the situation, could your mate have handled the matter better? When you find that you are doing a lot of defending and being offended, look out, you will eventually be pushing the people out of your life that love you the most, do you really want to do that?
Five - Condoning him or her for abusing you. "He was drunk he didn't mean it. She had a bad day, we are okay." If you find yourself talking yourself out of good ole fashion common sense, then you are indeed losing your mind in this relationship. Being verbally or physically assaulted is not okay, no matter what the reason.
Six- Blaming yourself and/or others for your mate's unhappiness. "If you hadn't talked to him, mom, that way he would come over more often!" If your mate seems to have one issue after another with someone who has always been close to you, chances are they are more than unhappy, but jealous of your relationship with that particular family member or friend. Be careful listening to all their criticisms about your family and friends, they may be trying to keep you all to him or herself. Behavior like that isn't to be praised; it is a sign of bad things to come.
Seven- Isolating oneself from family and friends. Are you beginning to hear concerns from well-meaning family and friends about your not coming around them anymore? If so, then you are on your way to becoming successfully manipulated by your mate. He or she doesn't want your support system around you, because this means that you will be able to get the help you later need to get away from them. Your mate knows his or her own weaknesses, but they will work real hard to ensure you never find out about them. Don't be a fool for love and lose your mind in all of the wonderful things they do and say to you. Without family and friends, you will not be living up to your full potential and staying true to who you really are on the inside.
Eight - Needing him or her to approve of what you do. Find yourself always asking, "What does he think about this and what does she think about that?" Sometimes you will have to question how your mate feels about something you would do, but how often are you doing it? Do you find that you have to consult with your inner voice about everything, from what to buy to where to go and what does he or she think? Some choices are best made without your mate's input. Your opinions are what make up who you are, without them; you are nothing more than your mate's puppet.
Take the time to analyze some of the things you are doing right now that may potentially set your relationship up for failure. It's okay to love someone, but when you make he or she your life, you have just lost your mind. Then, when your relationship breaks up, whether by mutual agreement, surprise, death or something else, you may be the unlucky person with a nervous breakdown.
Protect your heart and mind in all of your relationships by staying true to yourself and doing the things that reflect who you are in the best possible light.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
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