A Good Man is Hard to Find & Why You Might be Killing Yours
You may not have wanted to get married when you first met this wonderful man who is now in your life, so you told him so and now that you want to get married, he isn’t as interested as he was when he first asked you a year or so ago. You wanted a good man and now that you have him you are destroying the relationship. So what exactly do we do as women to kill our men? What are we saying or doing to make them grow distant? Over the years I have talked to different men and read their opinions in various media outlets and here are just some of the things that we say and do to kill a good man.
We don’t know what we want. In the beginning of the relationship we are sending them all these messages of how we love them, enjoy being around them, and even talk about the future, so when he shows up with a ring we act strange. These mixed messages make them think that we don’t really want them, when we do, but we always follow up with, “Let’s take it slow…I’m not ready yet…We need some space…I consider you a good friend…” Of course, he is going to respond to our behavior with the following: distance, dating someone else, marrying someone else, or resorting back to bad habits that he thought and we thought he was over!
We think they are supposed to do everything for us that we ask. He may have promised you a trip to the moon and because he didn’t deliver when he said he was, then he is “just like the rest!” Well a trip to the moon is hard to obtain and maybe he suddenly realized that his finances are just not able to make it happen. It doesn’t mean that he will never take us anywhere or never do anything nice for us, it just won’t be that expensive, that far way, that beautiful, or that unique. Does that mean we should kick him to the curb? No! Sit back and wait and see what he comes up with next, it may be better than what he originally promised.
We want him to be our ideal man. For some women their ideal man is their father or some other relative in the family. For other women their ideal man is a celebrity or some man that no man could ever be. Even the man in the magazine or on the Internet has people who help him become that way, he wouldn’t know the first thing about creating himself to be that irresistible hunk in a magazine if it was left up to him.
We expect him to tell us the truth always. Men are not going to always tell the truth just like we don’t always tell the truth. There are intentional lies and unintentional ones and we have all been guilty of both. So we caught him in a lie he told on purpose or one that appeared to be a lie but he just shot off the mouth faster than what the facts were, big deal! But some of us will crucify him because of it as if we are perfect!
We want him to be handsome. Why is it that a woman who isn’t a head-turner wants a man who is? What planet are we living on folks? Not every good man is going to be “fine, sexy, debonair…” There are more ordinary men in this world then extraordinary and those extraordinary men have to get old and some of them lose all their beauty, while some of the ordinary looking men are like fine wine they get better with age!
We want everyone to like them. Let’s face it someone in your family or in your circle of friends will not like your man and if we live for these sorry excuses for family and friends, then we will be forever alone. Remember you are the one who chose him and you are the one who will have to put up with him. I’m sure if he turns out to be a bad man, you will be the first to know.
When he’s down you kick him to the ground. That’s right the good man who had the nice job, nice car, nice whatever is now not worth our time, because everything that made him a good catch is no longer decorating him like a Christmas tree, now he is dull and boring. Remember there is still a good man there without all the stuff, it is up to you to question whether you are a good woman?
When he wants to do something for himself, we take that to mean he is no longer interested in us. Just as we change, men change too. He may want to skydive, make a career change, attend college, start a business, or buy a new car, if that is what he wants to do what does that have to do with you? You will have to remind him of your existence when he seems to be so involved with his new hobby he has no time for you, but telling him don’t will only make him say, “I will!”
He isn’t allowed to socialize with anyone but you. Now we aren’t talking about those men who call women their friends, but they really are lovers. No, we are talking about those men who have business partnerships, male friends they hang out with on Saturday, or a mother he takes shopping on Wednesday. These men know how to maintain positive relationships with family, female co-workers, and male friends and not cross the line. Insecure wives and girlfriends scare these men away by being possessive. Find your own relationships and just be sure you are conducting yourself in a way that is respectful to him.
There are many other things that women do that kill the relationship they have with a good man because they misunderstand him and don’t bother to study him. They make their standards so high to the point that even Superman can’t meet them and then they wonder why they can’t keep a man. Those of you reading this re-evaluate whether the man you have really is a good man and you just can’t see it yet. There are positive signs to look out for now in your relationship that will determine whether there is a future with this man and those signs can be found within you if only you will watch what you say and do when dealing with your good man.
By Nicholl McGuire