Internet Romance Moving Way Too Fast? Book excerpt from Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues by Nicholl McGuire
"I know you are excited. You really want to meet this guy but you might want to slow down. Listen, you don't even know this girl! What's up with you, stop moving so fast?" family members and friend warn over and over again. Sometimes those admonitions grow old, because the truth is some loved ones are just meddlesome and have their share of personal hang-ups especially about Internet dating, but others are really concerned for your safety. If you or they have a history of dating violent women or men or lost a loved one due to domestic violence, it is understandable why they are protective of you.
Unchecked emotions will move you to do much for a potential date even when you don't know one's middle or nickname, a birth city or a mother's maiden name. So let us look at some of those Internet issues that most singles don't think about before thoughts of sleeping with a stranger come into play.
1. Distance
2. Work hours
3. Job related travel
4. Money woes
5. Religious differences
6. Spends a lot of time with family and friends
7. Ethnicity related issues
8. Problems with exes
9. Unhealthy habits
10. Unruly children
You most likely can add many more to this list, but these are just some of the common ones to think about and I will share some thoughts about some on the list as follows.
Long Distance Love
Let's say you are dating someone who lives a plane ride away, you will need much money to maintain a decent relationship. However, if you don't have the money, what do you think you will end up doing after a few months of dating? Either stop dating this person because it is getting to costly or convince him or her to start coming to see you or split the costs. You might also feel the need to live with him or her or vice versa to defray the expenses. It is never a good idea to cohabitate with someone because you like them and want to save money.
Opportunists
One fact we can't overlook when it comes to Internet dating are those individuals who are unhappy and looking for any way to be fulfilled. There are plenty of people going online just to find someone who they can date in a coveted state because they don't like where they live. Therefore, they need a connection that will help them move to the new location. If things take off, the opportunist will move in with the person while using him or her as a springboard to help them in the new town. Foreigners will marry to gain citizenship.
Workaholics
What about those long work hours that eventually leaves you little time to be together? Is an online date's schedule really going to be any different once you two start dating offline? Maybe in the beginning, but in time, the job will get in the way of the relationship. Most likely, that is why the workaholic is online seeking a partner yet again.
How about the one who is often traveling due to a "job," sometimes that excuse is untrue. If the person is doing much travel for the "job" when is he or she going to have time to work on a relationship with you?
What Does it Take to Make a Difficult Partner, Friend See the Light?
Whether you are dating this person, kin to him or her, or been with a partner for many years, it can be emotionally challenging dealing with someone who refuses to see the truth about a relative, partner, friend, or themselves. The person you like/love goes on about his or her way ignoring what you have said or acting meanly toward you because he or she didn't take too well to your feedback.
What is the truth? You probably shared the kind of statements that convicted a partner or friend mentally, physically or spiritually and he or she doesn't like you too much because of it. Truth brings you to an awakening, a realization that someone who you once worshiped, admired, respected, and more has something about him or her that is twisted, emotionally toxic, or physically controlling.
People who are in like or love with someone never want to see the light. So what does it take to make a person see truth and walk in it? Sometimes it takes distancing one's self from the troubled individual and moving on with your life. He or she will see truth when there is no distraction and when pain becomes much more frequent than pleasure.
I recall a time in my life that no matter what relatives and friends said about someone I was with, I refused to see anything wrong with him or her. I was emotionally and physically entwined. The man touched me in ways that others didn't. I felt he was there for me and was genuinely concerned about me, but boy was I wrong! Read Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
Once we discover that someone is no longer listening to wise counsel and rather proceed ahead in misery, it is always best to safeguard our hearts during the process. When we allow the individual and all that is connected to him or her to negatively impact us, we become caught up in their web of mess. Do you want that? Some well-meaning advisers wear their hearts on their sleeves and when they do that they also reap much. They become verbal and/or physical punching bags. Others find their money and time repeatedly wasted on someone who isn't the least bit interested in changing his or her evil ways. Who has time for that?
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of many books including: When Mothers Cry, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and Laboring to Love Myself.
What is the truth? You probably shared the kind of statements that convicted a partner or friend mentally, physically or spiritually and he or she doesn't like you too much because of it. Truth brings you to an awakening, a realization that someone who you once worshiped, admired, respected, and more has something about him or her that is twisted, emotionally toxic, or physically controlling.
People who are in like or love with someone never want to see the light. So what does it take to make a person see truth and walk in it? Sometimes it takes distancing one's self from the troubled individual and moving on with your life. He or she will see truth when there is no distraction and when pain becomes much more frequent than pleasure.
I recall a time in my life that no matter what relatives and friends said about someone I was with, I refused to see anything wrong with him or her. I was emotionally and physically entwined. The man touched me in ways that others didn't. I felt he was there for me and was genuinely concerned about me, but boy was I wrong! Read Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
Once we discover that someone is no longer listening to wise counsel and rather proceed ahead in misery, it is always best to safeguard our hearts during the process. When we allow the individual and all that is connected to him or her to negatively impact us, we become caught up in their web of mess. Do you want that? Some well-meaning advisers wear their hearts on their sleeves and when they do that they also reap much. They become verbal and/or physical punching bags. Others find their money and time repeatedly wasted on someone who isn't the least bit interested in changing his or her evil ways. Who has time for that?
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of many books including: When Mothers Cry, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and Laboring to Love Myself.
The Makings of a Bad Relationship
Are you noticing some things about your relationship that is just plain bad, not normal, or unhealthy? Listen up. You might be on your way toward a new life without even knowing it. When warning signs increase, doing for the other starts to decrease.
Love the One You're With -- You Can Do It
I didn't want to tell you this, but I think I will, you have got to get over yourself.
Why would I say such a thing, I don't know you. But what I do know is you are on this site, a relationship blog, hmm. I suspect you probably either had a past dating experience or a current relationship with someone that isn't or wasn't so nice. You might carry a bit of unforgiveness, hidden aggression, and a wish that the one you are with just might experience a taste of what he or she has put you through. If I'm wrong, forgive me, but if I'm right...yeah, I know the feeling. I have been there. But negativity, especially in relationships, simply makes you more negative. If you really want a relationship to work, you have got to rise above some things like forget about the yelling the other day, the partner forgetting to do something for you, and the past thing he or she did that you still hold against him or her. Remember, you made a connection with an imperfect human being--someone who will never live up to your standards--that is if you have any.
The more we self-examine, the more we realize that we can either deal with the cards we have been dealt in this game called, Life or change the game. I personally think nowadays it is simply too costly to keep jumping from one man or woman after the next, so changing might not be a good idea. Not only that, your youth begins to fade away sooner rather than later. Arguing, physically fighting, having children with multiple partners, working long hours to keep up with the family...all prematurely ages you just look at some of those heavily made up celebrities. All that makeup and costly clothes to cover over pain--another relationship bites the dust.
Sometimes it is just best to stay and work things out with someone who isn't so bad. The partner isn't beating you up emotionally or physically to the point that you need a therapist and a police officer. He or she has their share of bad days, but overall that one is a decent person. So why not keep loving your "babe, sweetie, love, shawty" rather than spend time fantasizing about others?
It doesn't have to be Valentine's Day or any holiday for love to be in the air, it should be everyday. Welcome this spring by learning to love the one you are already with.
P.s. Don't ponder on the dating apps--wishing to be a part of that world, from what I learned, you aren't missing out on anything!
Nicholl McGuire is not only the owner of this blog, but she ghost writes for various clients. Learn more about her and Nicholl McGuire Media.
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