Good friends like good men are hard to come by and that is why some women will fight tooth and nail about their partners. They want to know that their partners will stick closer to them than they would their best friend. However, that is oftentimes not the case. Usually the friend outlasts all the relationships. You can’t help but think was the friend also responsible for some if not all the breakups? So how do you know that you are no longer your husband’s closest friend? Here’s how you can tell.
You don’t occasionally set some time aside to learn more about his interests and hobbies.
You do well listening to him when he tells you about things that matter like groceries, bills, doctor’s appointments, and children, but when he starts telling you about his game of golf, the workload at his job, or other things that you aren’t a least bit interested in, you zone out. If you remember, when you first dated him you managed to find a way to stay interested in what he had to say.
You talk negatively about him to family, friends and strangers.
When he does something right that doesn’t get as much of your media coverage as the bad news! Everyone knew about him screwing up the checkbook, destroying something in the house, or forgetting to get the car fixed, but when he does something thoughtful or nice, that news is buried somewhere between the celebrity news and the personals.
You lie to him without remorse.
You don’t have a problem telling him a story or two. In fact lies come off your lips faster than you can blink your eyes. Even if he knew the truth, you wouldn’t even feel a little bit sorry for what you said, because you don’t care. Now if one of your friends did what you are doing to your husband, you would chew her out! “How dare you lie to me! After all these years we have been friends. You know me better than that!” So why do you do that to your husband?
You cheat on him.
Maybe it was only one time, maybe it wasn’t really cheating just a peck on the lips, or maybe your old friend just tapped your behind, whatever “the it” was, would you be okay with him doing it to you. You may reason that he probably has already, but then again he probably hasn’t. Surely, you don’t want to carry that guilt around forever, repent of your sin to God and yourself and make some changes. He doesn’t need to know what you did unless you are sure he wouldn’t lose his top and possibly harm you!
You take money from him without asking.
Some women don’t mind taking their man’s ATM card or writing a check from his checking account. They may tell themselves, “Well he took money from me in the past. He promised to pay me back but didn’t. He won’t miss this and just a small amount.” Put yourself in his shoes, if you have plans to make a purchase with that money or pay a bill would you want you taking it? It’s just the principal of the thing.
You sell his things without talking to him first then keep the money for yourself.
So you didn’t bother to talk to him about his stuff that his been sitting over in that corner for months, does it give you the right to sell it? At some point he is going to want to look at his baseball card or stamp collection, that old dirty football with the signature on it, or take out his gun and give it a cleaning, what are you going to do, lie?
You abuse him mentally or physically behind closed doors or in front of others.
He may be a big man and you may be a little woman, but that big man has feelings. He may not look like he cares about what you say, but he does. He wants to know why you feel the need to embarrass him whenever family and friends come around. He wants to know why you don’t respect him. You may want to be an example to him and show him what love and respect looks like and maybe he will behave better with you too.
You blame him for everything.
Sometimes we all are in moods where it is everyone else’s fault but ours. But if that is your mood every day, see a doctor. There are vitamin deficiencies, hormonal imbalances, and other women related issues that cause us to feel angry, sad, depressed, or often irritated.
You often think of the past things he has done to you and act vengeful toward him.
How long is he going to have to pay for his mistake from years ago? You agreed to forgive him, but that doesn’t give you a license to keep hitting him with the same stuff over and over again. If you are still severely wounded by what he has done to you, get free, let him go.
You avoid talking to him intimately.
You refuse to share your feelings with him, because he isn’t worth it. Every time you attempted to in the past he was critical and threw things back up in your face, so now you just don’t bother telling him things. If this is the best way to handle your issues with him so be it. But if not, try sharing a few things and see what he does with them even after you have instructed him not to be critical or abusive with what you have told him. If he continues to act negatively, then go back to cutting him off until you see signs of change.
These signs have been picked because many women go through these changes in their marriages. They want to know if their husband is not only a provider, but there friend too. Sometimes it is helpful to re-evaluate your relationship to get the most out of it. The best relationships last 30 plus years because couples have learned to be each one's friends. They accept one another just as good friends do no matter what!
By Nicholl McGuire