Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Selfish Love - You Can't Leave Me: You heard the songs that talk of a man or woman in a relationship not being able to live without one another. Some talk of dying if they c...
On Relationship Issues: Do You Want to Go Home Tonight?
It can become increasingly difficult to come home when trouble is there. You wish to be anywhere else than with a partner who is showing all signs that he or she is falling out of love with you. Some bitter partners resent those keys turning locks while secretly wishing that soon-to-be exes would get gone sooner rather than later.
If anyone told you that they have been in worse and "don't worry about it, things get easier..." they obviously have a higher tolerance for upset than you when it comes to his or her own relationship. Sure, things are easy when you have grown accustomed to the flaws of another human being, but when you aren't in that frame of mind where you are ready to settle with the idea that a partner is wild, crazy, rude, mean, cold, etc. it can be hard to want to stick it out. In addition, you will have to reach a level of maturity in your relationship that has been long-suffering for years (not months) and be willing to accept the good, bad and ugly with someone while refusing to control or change that person--this is a feat! When you often watch media that tells you how relationships should look and when you read about what comprises a good relationship and compare it to your own, it can be disheartening. The good news is that most relationships don't look anything like what the movies portray.
Relationship reality doesn't typically have couples holding hands while walking to the store or kissing passionately waiting for service at an event; instead, most don't touch or talk much to one another. They are typically busy working, getting ready for work, tending to basic needs, and preparing to go to bed usually with no sex. Take a look at relationship polls around the web and you will realize just how normal your relationship is as compared to others. There are up days and down days and those in between where not much happens and it is all okay. The couples get through the storms and life goes on.
Now there are those relationships where coming home tonight will bring unwanted issues. Some will scream, fight, threaten, and do other things. These people, who worry much about a partner's potential meltdown, have cause for concern. They don't want to come home, but do anyway. It isn't until they no longer want to face another day of physical and mental abuse that they will stop returning. See http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com
If you often feel like you don't want to come home, do the following:
1. Self-reflect on why this is. Does your partner say and do things that make it hard to forgive him or her? Do you like the environment? Could you be confusing what you are feeling about the partner with the community and building that you are living in?
2. Be prepared to discuss your feelings and observations with your partner in a way that isn't critical of him or her. You want this person to really hear you and this won't happen if you approach the him or her in a way that is combative and judgmental.
3. Ask your partner to share his or her personal observations about you when you come home from work and how does what you do and say make him or her feel? Although this is difficult to hear, it will help in the process of making some changes if you and your partner are willing.
3. Do what you can to bring peace to your home. You live there too; therefore, whatever you can do to make yourself look forward to coming home do it! Don't assume your partner will always be available and do the things you want to make you happy. Remember you are responsible for your own happiness!
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
If anyone told you that they have been in worse and "don't worry about it, things get easier..." they obviously have a higher tolerance for upset than you when it comes to his or her own relationship. Sure, things are easy when you have grown accustomed to the flaws of another human being, but when you aren't in that frame of mind where you are ready to settle with the idea that a partner is wild, crazy, rude, mean, cold, etc. it can be hard to want to stick it out. In addition, you will have to reach a level of maturity in your relationship that has been long-suffering for years (not months) and be willing to accept the good, bad and ugly with someone while refusing to control or change that person--this is a feat! When you often watch media that tells you how relationships should look and when you read about what comprises a good relationship and compare it to your own, it can be disheartening. The good news is that most relationships don't look anything like what the movies portray.
Relationship reality doesn't typically have couples holding hands while walking to the store or kissing passionately waiting for service at an event; instead, most don't touch or talk much to one another. They are typically busy working, getting ready for work, tending to basic needs, and preparing to go to bed usually with no sex. Take a look at relationship polls around the web and you will realize just how normal your relationship is as compared to others. There are up days and down days and those in between where not much happens and it is all okay. The couples get through the storms and life goes on.
Now there are those relationships where coming home tonight will bring unwanted issues. Some will scream, fight, threaten, and do other things. These people, who worry much about a partner's potential meltdown, have cause for concern. They don't want to come home, but do anyway. It isn't until they no longer want to face another day of physical and mental abuse that they will stop returning. See http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com
If you often feel like you don't want to come home, do the following:
1. Self-reflect on why this is. Does your partner say and do things that make it hard to forgive him or her? Do you like the environment? Could you be confusing what you are feeling about the partner with the community and building that you are living in?
2. Be prepared to discuss your feelings and observations with your partner in a way that isn't critical of him or her. You want this person to really hear you and this won't happen if you approach the him or her in a way that is combative and judgmental.
3. Ask your partner to share his or her personal observations about you when you come home from work and how does what you do and say make him or her feel? Although this is difficult to hear, it will help in the process of making some changes if you and your partner are willing.
3. Do what you can to bring peace to your home. You live there too; therefore, whatever you can do to make yourself look forward to coming home do it! Don't assume your partner will always be available and do the things you want to make you happy. Remember you are responsible for your own happiness!
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
A Love Letter to Singles - Happy Valentine's Day
Dear Singles:
I would like to thank you for being who you are, single and content with discovering more about you rather than getting married, having babies, and looking for yet another person to bed.
To those who are grateful for your alone time, may God bless you! Value the peace of going home, lying in a bed alone, reflecting in your bathroom mirror without interruption, and staying in there for as long as you want. Enjoy those times you cook for yourself, shop for what you want, and go to work without feeling like there is someone at home disappointed with you for one reason or another.
I know you have noticed those couples who walk by holding hands, appearing to be happy, and comfortable with one another, but those moments are few for many. Days prior, many quarreled, paid someone, and even prayed to have that much needed time to be together.
There are bills, children, in-laws, work responsibilities, and more that are in those hands that they hold. Death of loved ones, past cheating, lying, accidents, relocation, and the birth of children bring tears to eyes when witnesses think it is nothing more than tears of joy.
One doesn't truly know what he or she is asking for when the prayer goes up for a mate. You are saying, "Yes" to the person and all that comes with him or her. You are saying you are ready to weather the storm. You are choosing to love and care for someone for the rest of your life which might include loving and caring for in-laws too.
Love your singleness and embrace you! Find the satisfaction of being alone and recognize the fact that if you have been trying to find your match for years, that there is the possibility you have been divinely set aside or set apart to live your life differently. A mate doesn't complete you. He or she is a mere extension to your life's journey, another person who needs what you need. Then in time this person goes away by choice or by death. Then you are once again single.
Enjoy freedom, walk in love, guard your heart, and most of all enjoy peace in being single.
Nicholl McGuire
Sharing spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
I would like to thank you for being who you are, single and content with discovering more about you rather than getting married, having babies, and looking for yet another person to bed.
To those who are grateful for your alone time, may God bless you! Value the peace of going home, lying in a bed alone, reflecting in your bathroom mirror without interruption, and staying in there for as long as you want. Enjoy those times you cook for yourself, shop for what you want, and go to work without feeling like there is someone at home disappointed with you for one reason or another.
I know you have noticed those couples who walk by holding hands, appearing to be happy, and comfortable with one another, but those moments are few for many. Days prior, many quarreled, paid someone, and even prayed to have that much needed time to be together.
There are bills, children, in-laws, work responsibilities, and more that are in those hands that they hold. Death of loved ones, past cheating, lying, accidents, relocation, and the birth of children bring tears to eyes when witnesses think it is nothing more than tears of joy.
One doesn't truly know what he or she is asking for when the prayer goes up for a mate. You are saying, "Yes" to the person and all that comes with him or her. You are saying you are ready to weather the storm. You are choosing to love and care for someone for the rest of your life which might include loving and caring for in-laws too.
Love your singleness and embrace you! Find the satisfaction of being alone and recognize the fact that if you have been trying to find your match for years, that there is the possibility you have been divinely set aside or set apart to live your life differently. A mate doesn't complete you. He or she is a mere extension to your life's journey, another person who needs what you need. Then in time this person goes away by choice or by death. Then you are once again single.
Enjoy freedom, walk in love, guard your heart, and most of all enjoy peace in being single.
Nicholl McGuire
Sharing spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
Too Busy to Find and Keep Love
Working singles, career minded moms, busy divorced dads, you name it and someone somewhere on an Internet dating website is too involved with life to connect with people offline, so he or she believes that logging on is much easier to connect with fellow singles than attempting to find someone to date offline. But the underlying issue remains when it comes to being too busy to do this or that. It will come back to reveal itself sooner or later in a relationship.
For many singles, as well as new couples, they make the time getting to know their love interests, but for how long will they keep the act up? If you didn't have much time to connect with someone offline, how much time will you have to connect online and keep connecting long after the first meeting?
The issue of busyness has destroyed many relationships. A couple that once knew how to sit down, look at one another during conversation, and nurture the relationship, eventually burns out. Then what? Excuses are made. "I'm sorry, I'm too busy to...I know you want me to talk with you more and go places together, but can't you see I'm busy?" In time, familiarity breeds contempt and now all some have time for is two to 10 minutes of sex, a one to two hour long show, and a sixty second text conversation. And then someone in the relationship has the audacity to say, "What happened to us? I'm so bored...things isn't like they use to be!"
Just like it took making some sacrificing of time and energy to get that woman or man interested in one's mind, body and spirit, it will take the same amount of time and energy (if not more) to keep him or her. How bad do you want to keep love alive?
Something to think about.
Nicholl McGuire is on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.
For many singles, as well as new couples, they make the time getting to know their love interests, but for how long will they keep the act up? If you didn't have much time to connect with someone offline, how much time will you have to connect online and keep connecting long after the first meeting?
The issue of busyness has destroyed many relationships. A couple that once knew how to sit down, look at one another during conversation, and nurture the relationship, eventually burns out. Then what? Excuses are made. "I'm sorry, I'm too busy to...I know you want me to talk with you more and go places together, but can't you see I'm busy?" In time, familiarity breeds contempt and now all some have time for is two to 10 minutes of sex, a one to two hour long show, and a sixty second text conversation. And then someone in the relationship has the audacity to say, "What happened to us? I'm so bored...things isn't like they use to be!"
Just like it took making some sacrificing of time and energy to get that woman or man interested in one's mind, body and spirit, it will take the same amount of time and energy (if not more) to keep him or her. How bad do you want to keep love alive?
Something to think about.
Nicholl McGuire is on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.
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