Men: When Single Women Say Most of My Friends Are Men
At one time I use to hear this often especially during high school years, “I don’t have many female friends, most of my friends are boys.” I didn’t think much of this statement back then because I use to be one of those girls who would say the same thing. I found that I had more male friends as a girl because there were certain attributes about me that boys liked more, so of course they would want to get to know me. Back then girls were jealous just like they are today of the same things such as: hair, body weight, skin tone, popularity, intelligence, and associations. If you were the one who was jealous of your share of females back in the day, then you may have been more likely to build friendships with boys because it was less threatening. If you were the one who was the victim of jealousy, then you leaned toward male friendships, because you didn’t trust females. However, sometimes there were girls who just had problems with other girls and their issues were deeply rooted as a result of what their mothers and other female relatives did to them as a child. It is unfortunate, but even now years later; some girls who are now grown women are reminded of their unresolved issues of the past so when they see their high school and college alum they continue to spread their venom of insecurities.
Once I became a woman, I gradually learned (and am still learning) that a discerning spirit is a must when it comes to stating who is really a friend whether male or female. Believers know about a discerning spirit and why it is so important to have one. This discerning spirit I speak of is a gift that helps you to identify whether a person is a friend or foe without any special training or education. It is an innate ability, a spiritual gift from God. Some of these so-called male friends back in the day were really just standing by hoping that one day they could be the next lover in a girl’s life anyway. I started thinking deeply about this statement of “not having many female friends” that I used to make (which now wouldn’t be true) and hear others still saying. It speaks volumes about you and your experiences and it also sends a loud warning to other women (and men), “She has issues, keep this woman at a distance!”
You see, a woman who says that she can’t get along with her own gender is like a black person saying that he can’t stand his or her own people so he moves far out into predominately white areas, marries someone outside of his race for reasons that have nothing to do with love, and disowns his own family, because he “just can’t stand black folks!” Surely, not everyone that you have encountered is bad whether black, white, female, male, rich, or poor. But these conversations go on behind closed doors, when you and I aren’t within earshot.
So here you are seated in front of a woman who says, “I don’t have many or no female friends.” As you get to know her, you learn a thing or two. She has a poor relationship with her mother or other female relatives in the family. She isn’t happy with who she is as a woman and often is very critical of herself and other women. She tells you how she can’t stand women! When the truth of the matter is that if you interviewed the women who she has had disagreements with, they will tell you the truth. Maybe she is a liar, disrespectful of another woman’s relationship, promiscuous, a religious freak, argumentative, easily offended, etc. I personally found that in the past my personal issue with women stemmed from listening to older women in my family warning us that most women could not be trusted. The sad truth was that their fathers and other male relatives told them that about women so that they couldn’t build a relationship with one another to find out anything about their lying, cheating husbands. What better way to keep women disconnected from one another is to tear them down and pit them against one another! Some men would tell their wives just to hide their infidelities, “I told you women can’t be trusted!”
This title of “friend” on sites like Facebook and MySpace is loosely used, because the way I see it my true friends are those who understand me even during those times when my smile is turned upside down! And lately God has been blessing me with relationships that don’t require much, a phone call here or there and an outing once in awhile (a time for just us friends not errand running, babysitting, husband watching, and party going types of visiting either!) and that’s alright with me! So I have women friends and I love them and I am no longer one of those women who say, “I don’t have many women friends or I just don’t trust females…” For every woman who has been wounded by another woman, I say, woman up (like man up)! Don’t let one rotten apple spoil the batch!
By Nicholl McGuire
Once I became a woman, I gradually learned (and am still learning) that a discerning spirit is a must when it comes to stating who is really a friend whether male or female. Believers know about a discerning spirit and why it is so important to have one. This discerning spirit I speak of is a gift that helps you to identify whether a person is a friend or foe without any special training or education. It is an innate ability, a spiritual gift from God. Some of these so-called male friends back in the day were really just standing by hoping that one day they could be the next lover in a girl’s life anyway. I started thinking deeply about this statement of “not having many female friends” that I used to make (which now wouldn’t be true) and hear others still saying. It speaks volumes about you and your experiences and it also sends a loud warning to other women (and men), “She has issues, keep this woman at a distance!”
You see, a woman who says that she can’t get along with her own gender is like a black person saying that he can’t stand his or her own people so he moves far out into predominately white areas, marries someone outside of his race for reasons that have nothing to do with love, and disowns his own family, because he “just can’t stand black folks!” Surely, not everyone that you have encountered is bad whether black, white, female, male, rich, or poor. But these conversations go on behind closed doors, when you and I aren’t within earshot.
So here you are seated in front of a woman who says, “I don’t have many or no female friends.” As you get to know her, you learn a thing or two. She has a poor relationship with her mother or other female relatives in the family. She isn’t happy with who she is as a woman and often is very critical of herself and other women. She tells you how she can’t stand women! When the truth of the matter is that if you interviewed the women who she has had disagreements with, they will tell you the truth. Maybe she is a liar, disrespectful of another woman’s relationship, promiscuous, a religious freak, argumentative, easily offended, etc. I personally found that in the past my personal issue with women stemmed from listening to older women in my family warning us that most women could not be trusted. The sad truth was that their fathers and other male relatives told them that about women so that they couldn’t build a relationship with one another to find out anything about their lying, cheating husbands. What better way to keep women disconnected from one another is to tear them down and pit them against one another! Some men would tell their wives just to hide their infidelities, “I told you women can’t be trusted!”
This title of “friend” on sites like Facebook and MySpace is loosely used, because the way I see it my true friends are those who understand me even during those times when my smile is turned upside down! And lately God has been blessing me with relationships that don’t require much, a phone call here or there and an outing once in awhile (a time for just us friends not errand running, babysitting, husband watching, and party going types of visiting either!) and that’s alright with me! So I have women friends and I love them and I am no longer one of those women who say, “I don’t have many women friends or I just don’t trust females…” For every woman who has been wounded by another woman, I say, woman up (like man up)! Don’t let one rotten apple spoil the batch!
By Nicholl McGuire
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