Monday

Future Relationship Challenges Revealed During the Courtship

You can predict what a future will be like with the person you are dating simply by listening to what he or she says about personal interests, family relations, work partnerships, eating habits, and more!

Most dates will not tell of their weaknesses, you have to figure those out for yourself.  However, there is a lot said in a joke, a quick retort, a roll of the eyes, or a deep sigh when you bring up sensitive subject matter. 

The problem with many individuals who date is that they fear bringing up controversial issues because they think the person will no longer want to go out with them.  Being "the trouble-maker" so to speak is actually a good thing, because you can cut your losses early if the date doesn't pass your tests.  Remember, you are considering a future with someone who might be possibly impact the rest of your life!

Think of the many couples that started off happy, but are now miserable around you.  Consider the many individuals who rush to get married only to fantasize about getting a divorce with every dispute that arises between the two.

Study your date like you do a textbook.  What are some signs that simply say, "The future just won't be too bright with this one!"

1.  "I am a big fan of...I  love watching sporting events, reality shows...just about everything there is to watch on TV!"  You know that if you aren't a big fan of the television, you most likely will run into issues in the future with him about it.  For instance, the house needs to be cleaned, babies need to be fed, and errands need to be ran, and the TV lover prefers to sit on his behind all day!

2.  "I love my family!  We are so close.  I wouldn't even think about moving to another state!"  This is a definite deal breaker for the one who loves traveling, doesn't mind relocating and isn't that close to his family.  Also, keep in mind, people who have close knit family ties will get parental input on just about every matter in their lives.  Independent, free thinking, "I couldn't care less about family" types might want to keep away.

3.  "I have many female friends and we all get along.  I help them out."  When a guy says this most likely someone or a group have seen him naked and feelings still exist between the two, three, or four more.  If you have a problem with a man having female friends, he isn't going to get rid of them because of you; rather he will keep his female connections a secret or won't mention them until you see a name or two pop up on his cell phone or see photographs on his computer.

4.  "I have a lot of guy friends, we hang out...we are the best of buddies."  When a woman says this she may not have had sex with any of them, but if you screw up, one just might be in her future.  If you are a man who can't stomach the fact that your girl has a lot of guy friends, you will have arguments about them in the future especially if she parties with them!

5.  "I was in jail..." Use discretion as advised depending on the offense and how long he or she had been in will determine whether service in jail will impact your courtship/relationship.  Unfortunately, there are those individuals who may have went in the jail straight, but came out a different way along with a disease or two.

6.  "I had been sick in the past, missed work, my partner broke up with me..."  Some people don't come out and say that illness is sometimes associated with recurrent sexually transmitted diseases and relationship break up.  A incurable disease will affect your future especially when you can't have sex because the person has a long outbreak.

7.  "I don't have friends."  Now why might that be?  What are the chances that this person might do or say something that will end your friendship too.  Be cautious of people who have no contacts outside of yourself.

When you hear statements like these, think twice about being the Good Samaritan who wants to save the troubled guy or gal.  You don't know what all is connected to this person that caused them to have so much hardship in life, have a strong connection to family and church, have a history of breakups including divorces, or why they can't keep a job for long.  Think about all of these things before you commit to them physically, mentally and spiritually.

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Sunday

Relationship Blues: Dating Issues, Couple Challenges will Come

From forgetting to do something that a partner was expecting you would get done to disciplining  children who tend to cause more problems than solutions depending on the season, relationship conflict will happen.  More money, more children, more things, more family, more friends, more activities, more work hours, more of anything, and one day a lover, who didn't normally have an issue with one's partner, will!  Less truly is best if it is an interference in your relating to one another in a positive way! 

Being in an intimate relationship will not always be "nice, understanding, better than those other people, or anything else," you thought it might be.  Selecting a mate can be like buying a car, chances are you're dating, engaged or married to a lemon, someone's reject from yesteryear--a real problem!  Sounds harsh?  Well, it's true.  Why do so many singles deceive themselves into thinking that every new face will always be The One--the answer to one's problems?  A new romance will have its share of new challenges, the ones you see and the ones you don't. 

Jimmy cheated on his last girlfriend for many reasons and it wasn't just because he had an itch in his pants.  Tina was rejected by boyfriend after boyfriend because of something she did, but she won't say.  Bob can't seem to keep a girlfriend, a wife or even a female friend because of one thing or another.  Jimmy, Tina, and Bob may tell family and friends, "I am no longer with XYZ because..." and their reasons might sound heart-wrenching, but the truth is there was a lot more going on than their telling.  So along comes their new love interests and they don't have a clue what mess they are inheriting.  You see this mere example, just might be a wake-up call for some who have come to a point in a relationship where you are tired of "trying to make it work."  Keep reading.

Think twice before talking negatively yet again about a lover's ex or exes, use caution when siding with "Honey," and don't be so quick to defend one's lover in a quarrel with someone else just because he or she made you feel good last night.  At times, relationship blues shows up because people either see far too much or far too little of one another.  Then when they are in the presence of one another communication lacks substance, people aren't honest with feelings, and priority issues end up being placed on the back-burner because the troubled lover doesn't feel like bringing up the truth for fear it will cause an argument.  In time, resentment and bitterness begins to grow along with a cold heart and before long, a mate is hoping, wishing and praying to rid his or herself of all the drama!

When you find yourself almost obsessing over getting away from someone and out of a commitment to him or her, it's time to move on!  But if you know that the issues are new and haven't been around that long, you might want to stick it out if they don't involve physical violence, cheating and other very serious issues.  Relationship blues is typically a temporary thing, like a partner having a PMS moment, it comes and goes.  Take a break from one another, direct your attention to something that is healthy and beneficial to you, and when it's time, come together being positive and forgiving.  Tell yourself, "This too shall pass." (taken from the Holy Scriptures) then work on you!


Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love Myself, see YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 

Friday

Multiple Personality Disorders from a Spiritual Perspective...Learn more.



The last thing you think about when you are dating is meeting someone with a personality disorder.  Beware.  If you know you don't have the patience to deal with someone's "issues", get out while you can.  Avoid the temptation to save the damsel in distress or the poor, lonely guy.

Monday

Saying "I Love You" on the Internet to Strangers

What is it about the Internet that makes Internet surfers say things like, "I love you" without knowing, better yet, even meeting the one reading the note on the other end?  He or she may have sent email back and forth for awhile and even promised to meet a love interest in person, but is such a relationship truly about love or is it more a lust for adventure?  One whose life is routine, mundane and in need of a spark is tempted by the world wide web of possibilities even if they really don't love him or her.

There is something exciting about getting to know someone in a way that is still very new to our society still.  You may have seen romantic movies in the past that made Internet love look and feel so romantic.  But is it really?  Let's face it, when you really think about it, it is quite strange, even a little scary, to frequently chat with a stranger online only to allow one's emotions to get the best of him or her, and before long sit in the presence of the stranger only to realize you really don't know that guy or gal on the picture you used as wall paper for your computer screen.

"I love you..." sure.  Some people use this phrase to get a person to pay more attention to them online.  The chatting keeps going, some will even continue to send money and gifts to the stranger, while making plans to meet yet again.  "I think you are great...I really love your smile...You are special...I hope to make you my wife/my husband one day xoxoxo"  These phrases look good on your computer screen don't they?  But do you really know whether the one writing them really is into you as much as he or she claims.

People allow an invention that is quick with information and used to help many escape reality to guide them in their personal lives.  They treat their relationships like they do the Internet, input information and expect results.  Buy a product, expect it to be shipped.  Tell someone you love them, and expect him or her to show up one's doorstep ready to please.   There is just far too much expected from the Internet, but where does one draw the line?

As much as it is tempting to spill one's guts online, keep some things to yourself until you meet a loved one or friend in person.  Quality relationships will always be in need of those special moments where you can sit comfortably next to the person and truly tell him or her how you feel--something that the Internet can never give you!

Nicholl McGuire

Wednesday

How Much Do You Weigh? And Other Questions You Shouldn't Ask Your Date So Soon

Some people are always getting caught with their foot in their mouth on the first few dates.  Why bother dating, if one feels like he or she should say whatever is on his or her mind.  It isn't any wonder why some people remain single.  Know when to talk and also when to shut up!  Maybe just maybe some will stay committed long enough to get married.

How much do you weigh? 

Does it even matter?  The date might be planning to lift you up one day or buy you clothes or maybe he or she is letting you know in a nice guy way, "You are too fat or too skinny for me, not interested." Who knows?

What is your faith? 

Then the date follows up with a question that goes something like this, "So why do 'fill in the blank' act like that...do you visit...?  My mom (dad or whoever) use to be..."  Should I care?  Meanwhile, the person has no plans of supporting one's faith much less anything religious unless one has vested interest in the person.

Why are you eating that, I don't eat it, ugh!?

So the date doesn't eat it, does he or she have to reinforce how disgusting one's food choice is with the tone of voice and turned up face?

Wow, so you got that from your parents?  Where do your parents work?

Why does one want to know?  It isn't like they are going to help you, do I even know you that well, yet?

So how did you get that mark on your face, on your arm...?

I would have told you, but I am still steaming about your turned up face while I was eating my food.

How much money do you make?

I don't recall saying that we were moving in together.

Why did you dye your hair that color?

Because it hides my grays better than yours, next question.

I think you get the point, just watch what you ask of your date.  Not everyone takes what may appear like innocent questions so lightly.

Nicholl McGuire

Wednesday

Make Your Partner Feel Secure in the Relationship


She rolls her eyes, takes a deep sigh, acts irritated every time her partner speaks to anyone female including his own mother, what’s wrong with her? A boyfriend seated near his girlfriend overhears her talking and laughing on the phone with the father of her children, he breathes heavily and murmurs something about, “getting off the phone.” Two examples of insecure partners in relationships, but why?

Lack of communication and understanding.

You can talk until your blue in the face about your love for a mate, why you only want to be with him or her and so on, but are your actions sincerely demonstrating what you say? Maybe you haven’t communicated as well as you think to your insecure, and at times, jealous partner. Does he or she really know how much you love him or her or does the subject only come up when he or she notices that your attention is on someone else other than him or her? What about affection, sex, being helpful, and other factors in the relationship? Are issues being addressed and changes made? A mate needs to understand what part he or she plays in one’s life. Roles must be clearly established. You want your partner to feel as if he or she is really in your world and not of it.

No established boundaries that make a mate feel comfortable.

When it comes to the opposite sex, do you have boundaries that will not be crossed or does anything go? From a hug to a gentle kiss on the lips, is that okay with you and your mate? Most likely, it isn’t even if he or she says that “It’s cool.” Be sure that relatives and friends know how far to go with you. There are many people who do strange things with others in and outside of the relationship, family or not. If your partner is showing signs that he or she is no longer on board with the way you do things, respect his or her wishes if you want peace; otherwise, end the relationship.

An attraction for an ex.

New partners aren’t all blind to love. Some can see a mile away when his or her “Baby, Sweetie, Honey” is liking another man or woman, has an intimate history, or the person is very interested in having a future relationship. Don’t try to convince your mate that what he or she is seeing is “okay, alright, nothing to worry about” when you know deep inside there is more to meets the eye. Make every effort to create distance from those who would love to have more with you than friendship.

If you take up some time with your mate, show you really care, and are doing the best you can to ensure a quality relationship, some of the insecurity and jealousy just might die down. However, if you continue to do questionable things such as: hide mail, click off a computer screen when your partner comes into a room, stop talking when your mate sees you with the opposite sex, react negatively every time your partner embraces you publicly, and other similar things then expect issues and lots of them depending on whether you have previously violated trust. Some ways that you can make your mate feel more secure are: share positive messages, return phone calls as soon as possible, avoid the exes unless you have children, if so, limit your phone conversation and try not to do too much laughing and smiling when he or she is around, don’t lie when you can speak truth, and above everything else, if you have a faith, use it! Pray for your partner.

Nicholl McGuire also contributes and maintains another relationship blog: http://tipsdatingoldermen.blogspot.com
 

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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