You're Pulling My Leg by Allen Wolf - a great conversation starter!

 So here I was looking around the room this past holiday season, my relatives were either busy watching TV, gaming in another room, or eating.  I recalled a book I had checked out earlier sitting on my desk, "You're Pulling My Leg" by Allen Wolf.  "The Ultimate Storytelling Game."  

When I first received it, I thought,"I'm going to need this book just in case that awkward silence shows up and we all have nothing more to say."  Well, the time had come, yep, we had little more to say after exchanging pleasantries.  I asked one of my sons, "Would you like to look at a book I have?  I think it might be something you might find interesting."

My eldest son is single.  He is tall, tan, lean and handsome, but he works a lot, and as he put it, "I don't have time for dating."  However, he has expressed interest in women.  I wondered what kind of conversation does he have with these ladies he encounters?  So he took a look at Wolf's book.  His eyebrows raised and was impressed with the icebreakers.  "Oh I like this one....and that one too."  So we decided to role-play, I felt he best be prepared if he wants to have quality connections in the future.  I said, "These are the kind of conversations you can start with anyone and it doesn't have to be someone you are interested in dating."  He was cool with that.  So we began randomly selecting icebreakers.  Others in the household were listening.

"Tell me about a time when you felt alone."

"Tell me about something you have learned about yourself."

"Tell me about a day when everything went right."

"Tell me about a fun vacation experience."

There were so many icebreakers to choose from.  We had a great time just talking.  However, with a book like this you can use it in all sorts of ways: counseling, gaming, advising, teaching, etc.  We talked for about 30 minutes and learned more things about ourselves that we didn't know or bother to think about.

Before long, the energy was back in the room and all were talking about a variety of things: sports, work, friendships, gifts, favorite shows, etc.

I think of the many singles that have long distance friendships, relatives who haven't seen one another in a long time, and just couples who want to have more in-depth conversations that have nothing to do with the day-to-day grind...yes, this is one of those helpful books that could indeed spark great communication.

Thanks for sharing Allen Wolf!

You can get this book on Amazon and wherever books are sold.

Nicholl McGuire is the owner and contributor of this blog.   

Accountability vs Denial

Spiritual Perspective on Communication, Relationship Conflict

Open and Honest - When a Date Knows More About You than You Know About Him

So many women fall into the "open and honest" trap that some manipulative men use to get them to share secrets, future plans, and more.  Meanwhile, they are not nearly as transparent as their lovers/friends/partners.  Some things will never be said because a man, with a plan, is not the least bit interested in spilling his guts.

What would make some women feel like they needed to tell so much about themselves to someone from the start of a relationship?  For some ladies, they have such a strong desire to connect with dates while hopefully knocking out the possible competition.  They believe the more they share with their dates, the closer they are to them.  Others are naturally open and honest and think that because they are that way, the men they meet will be the same.

The open door policy, secret spilling, and confessions work great when you know the individual you are with has learned many painful lessons in life and no longer want to lie, cover up, or keep his or her mate in the dark.  However, those who could care less about what anyone thinks, and chooses to live a life in a way that pleases him or her despite how others might feel is simply not going to tell his or her business.

Naive, gullible, insecure, and jealous partners will argue, defend, treat others wrongly, and do much evil because they don't want to face the truth they are with a handsome manipulator or sexy deceiver.  Any truth that passes before their eyes is wrong, incorrect, inaccurate, and so on.

Those with a bad past, still bitter about life decisions, and carry many secrets, are not going to be forthcoming with information no matter how open and honest a partner claims to be in the relationship.  You can take the person to church, put them in a courtroom, spend money on them, and give them sex whenever he or she wants, and none of those things or others will make anyone share their deepest, darkest secrets.

When you know someone is hiding something from you, be on your guard.  Stop being so open about everything you do and say especially when you know you are with someone who is hot-tempered, emotionally abusive, or has a mental disorder or addiction.  Learn to pay close attention to your environment when he or she comes around and when he or she leaves.  Interview those who know that person well.  Protect your finances.  Don't leave valuable information or items in view. Teach children not to be so forthcoming with details about you like who you talk to and where you go.  Also, talk to them about not keeping secrets from you.  Set up recording devices in your home, on phones, or enlist the help of others to trap the individual in his or her lies if necessary.

Nicholl McGuire provides spiritual insight on YouTube channel:  nmenterprise7.

Negative Chatter about Your Mate in Front of Others? It Might Cost You Your Relationship

Keep talking negative about your partner behind is or her back long enough and then in time, how you really feel starts to show.  Some couples don' know how to behave in front of others when their partners are around.  They start teasing, making disrespectful comments, and pretending as if everything is a joke.  Those of us, who are discerning, can see through the front, the person making the hurtful comments about his or her partner is obviously not happy in the relationship and his or her partner trying to brush off the negativity is being nice for a time, but just wait until we leave from here!

We can avoid a lot of disputes if we just learned how to be on our best behavior with our partners.  The tongue is nothing more than a big problem for many of us.  It blesses and curses.  It yells and it pleasures.  It provides peace, but it also starts wars.  With all the highs and lows, it's any wonder any of us can keep a relationship.

Check out my poetry on intimate relationship challenges here.

How to Communicate Concerns to Your Partner

He didn’t want to tell her the truth for fear she might not want to be in his life anymore. She didn’t want to tell him the truth for fear he might tell someone in his family about her secret. People seem to reason that not telling something that has happened to them or that they witnessed is the only right way and it’s just better that no one finds out. The problem is people do find out! Whether it is through a casual conversation or a little detective work, someone seems to either find out or come real close to finding out. Why should we be open with those closest to us with our secrets? Why not keep them in the dark? We don’t want to be ridiculed, abused, or beat over the head with what we finally confess? Of course not, that is why we don’t tell, cover up, or blatantly lie. However, when we do too much of this it begins to affect what could have been a happy relationship, what could have been a long term career opportunity, and what could have been a blessing in disguise.


We need to consider the weight of what we know. How many people will it impact if we spill the beans? Will we benefit in some way such as having peace of mind now that we have confessed? Is it worth telling and hearing the person’s reaction to what we have just told them? It all depends on the following: how you explain your secret such as what details you provide, the time and location you decide to tell the secret, and whether you have the courage to handle the situation if it gets out of hand. When people who reveal secrets tend to get in trouble it’s usually because they have left out important facts, decided not to volunteer information, and fudged the truth to avoid putting themselves in more hot water. Sometimes people who reveal secrets also have a habit of talking too much and providing far too many details than the hearer can handle. So how does one balance the details out? He or she must first take time to interview the person before he or she reveals the truth. The person who wants to come clean must think about how their loved one or friend has reacted in the past when others may have told him or her some bad news.

To help you expose your hidden secret or just share some simple facts about your day, here’s what you need to do. Answer the following: who, what, when, where, why, and how? (The five Ws and the H.) If you provide the information on the subject matter before you are asked, you may come out smelling like roses because of four things: you took the time to tell the truth, you shared a part of you, you put your partner at ease, and you apologized for wrongdoing. Will the person be emotional it all depends, but you can’t control how they feel about what you have told them. All you can do is put the information out there and let them deal with it in their own way even if it means that they may not want you to be in their presence. However, if someone has to sit back and wait for you to say something, interrogate you, set traps, and orchestrate other plans to get you to talk, then most likely they will become angry and if this occurs with a person in authority such as a boss you might be written up or lose your job because he or she had to work too hard to get to the truth which would make any one mentally exhausted!

We have been learning right from wrong since we were children. For men, who may want to reveal a secret to their partner involving another woman, you know that your girlfriend or wife didn’t just become insecure overnight it was a process that you helped create. Think of all the times you came home knowing that you saw an ex, had a conversation with her over the phone, through text or email, even had lunch or dinner with a female without your partner knowing and never said one word unless she asked you and even then some of you lied. You may have acted innocently, but because you said nothing you are guilty in your partner’s eyes. You may reason, “Well I didn’t want to say anything because she would have been talking about it all night and then she would have brought up the past and I didn’t want to hear it.” Consider this, which do you want one night of tension or days, weeks, or even months of a woman walking around suspecting you of cheating? As I have told many of my male readers in the past, “The best way to make a woman feel secure is to tell her everything before she asks you anything.”

So should everything be said? No. You shouldn’t be sharing anything but the facts. You will most often get in trouble if you start sharing personal opinions and feelings. For instance, if you say, “I need to talk to you about an incident that happened at work with a woman.” Don’t add details like “she had long brown hair, a nice waistline, and eyes like yours.” Information like that will only heighten a women’s instinct to want to fight not listen. Share what happened and how you dealt with it. The most important thing she needs to know in any story you give her is “What did you do?” A man who sincerely loves and respects his woman will not encourage another woman to “Call me anytime. If you need anything you know I will help you.” When you say things like that, you are letting a woman know she can count on you and in time she will be back to test you! And when that happens, what will you do behave quietly, lie, or avoid talking to your partner? Do what you can to keep yourself out of trouble with your partner, so that you won’t have any more secrets to reveal.

Women when you are talking to your man about something that happened in the past, avoid the temptation to compare him to an ex. He doesn’t want to hear how he reminds you of Bill, and he looks a little like Peter. What he wants to know is the bottom line, “What did you do?” Based on what you say will determine whether he considers the event that important. However, keep in mind you can make what he considers “not that important” as extremely important if you start telling him details about how the guy made you feel and what you think about his family and the plans you both had for the future. A man doesn’t want to hear all of that!

There are things that you may want to reveal to your partner, relative, friend, or boss that have nothing to do with relationship topics, but have everything to do with money, business, children, and other similar issues. When you choose to share what happened, be sure you are not jumping around and being confusing when giving information. If you need to write out what you are going to say before you say it, do it. The last thing you want to do is share your personal story in a way that makes the listener come away feeling that you are a crazy, delusional, and a confused individual.

When the time comes to share a story that you know your partner will find interesting and may affect your relationship, be sure that you are answering the five Ws and the H as mentioned earlier. Remember to leave the visual imagery out of the story, your opinion, and your feelings. Your partner may bring the story back up again, if so, be a good listener and try not to encourage the conversation if you don’t feel like talking about it.

Husband Threatens To Leave To Avoid Communication With Wife - 5 Tips for the Wife

For the majority of couples, a new marriage starts off fairly smoothly. Sure, there are some hiccups here and there, but for the most part things are good. The couple finds pleasure in doing the simple things together, like setting up a household, spending time together, and maybe even making plans for having kids of their own one day.

In almost every marriage, there will naturally come times when things do not go quite so smoothly. These rough patches may start after a few months or a few years, but they will most likely start at some point for every married couple. This is just part of married life.

In the healthiest of marriages, the couple learns to find ways to work things out between themselves. Even a good argument now and then is a sign that things are going well. It is a sign of health when a couple can discuss, debate and even argue once in a while as a way to settle their differences.

In fact, it is precisely when a couple fails to communicate that the problems really get serious. If you are married to a man who shuns any type of healthy communication about anything that matters in your marriage, you are no doubt experiencing a lot of anxiety and frustration regarding the situation.

When a husband threatens to leave in order to avoid communication with his wife, here are 5 tips for the wife:

1. Recognize that your husband is dealing with some serious personal issues:

For a man to threaten to leave whenever the prospect of communicating with his wife raises its head, that is a sign that he has some very serious personal (or interpersonal) issues that he needs to address. This is just unhealthy behavior, plain and simple. Understand that this is mainly his problem, not yours.

2. Write out for yourself your feelings about your husband and your marriage:

Still, since his failure to communicate with you causes you unhappiness, his problem has become your problem, too. The healthiest thing for you to do is to keep a journal of how his actions and (lack of) communication makes you feel. Don't hold back as you write; this is your own, personal journal meant for your eyes only.

3. Decide how committed you are to staying in the marriage:

It can be a scary thought to even consider the idea of separating from or divorcing your husband. But, it is healthy for you to consider all of your options. Do you still love your husband deep down - and do you want to stay in the marriage with him?

4. Set up a special time to talk with him:

Now that you have explored and processed some of your own feelings about his behavior and what you want out of life, it is time to have a special talk with your husband. Do not just bring it up to him at what seems like the right moment - or you risk him having his usual negative reaction. Instead, set aside a special time like a date night or special dinner at home. Let him know you have something important to talk about with him.

5. Work on a plan to get your marriage back on track:

If you can at least get your husband to understand that his reluctance to have meaningful communication is a serious issue that deserves attention, you are on the right track. If not, you may have to seriously consider whether it makes sense to stay in the marriage.

Consider these 5 tips as you figure out what to do next when your husband threatens to leave to avoid communication with you. Then, if the marriage is worth saving, you need to put together a plan to make things better between the two of you.

Get your troubled marriage back on track with expert relationship advice from someone who has saved thousands of marriages at: Help Us Communicate Better.

Lack of Communication in a Relationship

One of the most important aspects of a successful relationship is effective communication between both parties. Lack of communication in a relationship can result in hasty decisions that can even lead to separation. We need to understand the reasons behind communication breakdown and how they can be avoided to ensure a fulfilling relationship.
Sometimes stress of work makes a person withdrawn, reserved and easily irritated. They don't like to discuss anything with their partners. Financial problems can also be the cause of communication breakdown between two people. When they try to resolve issues, their arguments result in more problems and eventually they stop discussing things. Many couples start hiding their personal problems from each other. They are afraid that if they opened up they will irritate their partner even more and therefore they choose to keep quiet. Remember that lack of communication is the first step towards a failed marriage.
Sometimes mistrust and doubts about your partner's loyalty result in communication breakdown. You silently start observing their actions and don't make any effort of discussing your doubts with them. Sometimes when some third party gets involved in two people's personal matters they make it a point to open up only in front of that third person instead of discussing things between themselves. Always try to resolve your problems yourself.
When you don't live together for a long time it also results in lack of communication and eventually total breakdown. If your partner has to live somewhere else, make sure you two talk on a regular basis and never let distance come in the way of your love. It's true that these kinds of relationships are hard to manage but once you have a made a decision you have to stick with it no matter what happens or how physically distant you are.
Birth of the first baby is also sometimes a cause of communication lapse between the partners. The mother has to give more and ore time to the baby and the father has to spend more and more time in the office. As a result they get a chance to talk after a long pause and when that happens there are complaints and disagreements over trivial issues. Sometimes they argue over what the baby needs and how it should be handled and cared for. When things get out of control they stop their communication altogether and become withdrawn.
Reasons behind lack of communication vary from couple to couple, but the important thing is you shouldn't let these problems come in the way of your relationship. Always talk things out between yourselves before they get worse and never let lack of communication lead to misunderstandings and distrust in any relationship.

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Relationship Communication Problems - The Crisis in Male-Female Conversation Crying Out For Attention

Relationship communication problems are very common. There are a number of ways we can look at what these basic relationship problems are all about.

One of the first things to say is it seems men are primarily responsible for the issues associated with marital and relationship problems to do with communication.

I imagine a lot of men reading the last sentence would become very defensive about that statement and think it is another example of male bashing.

On the other hand there is every chance many women reading it would identify with what is said and wholeheartedly agree with the statement.

Adele Horin, a columnist in the Sydney Morning Herald, writes about relationship communication problems. She says there is a "..shortage of men that women can relate to. The crisis in male-female conversation cries out for more attention. Relationships are being destroyed, or aborted at first date..."

She goes on "Say a woman has found a man... Before long she has detected the fatal flaw. 'He just doesn't listen. He won't talk to me.' She thinks it is an individual problem, and that a more sympathetic conversational mate can be found..But this conversational crisis is bigger than any individual. It is gender-wide. And it starts young."

Boys imitate the modeling of other men and she says, "..boys - with exceptions of course - soon develop the minimalist style mothers, girlfriends and wives despair of."

A male reader responded to Adele's column in the letters page of the "Herald". He wrote, "..The fact is women are terrible communicators."

He added, "Women arrogantly take the stance that their way is superior, against all the evidence, and refuse to be rational, constructive and inclusive. Instead of trying to change male behavior to suit themselves - a tactic that seems to be failing - perhaps it would be better to accept their own shortcomings and work on modifying them."

Can you imagine the relationship communication problems experienced with someone like this man. I think he is so extreme and when I first read it I thought he might have been saying all this with his tongue in his cheek, but I don't think so. I think he is serious.

Horin asks the question about how men are like this when she says, "Who knows how these patterns are established?"

I have some idea how it has happened and I will explain this and show how it has created relationship communication problems.

There has been a widespread belief in the world that men are superior to women. This was the accepted view for thousands of years. Some think this is no longer the case, yet there is ample evidence to suggest it is still firmly in place.

It is not my intention to expand on this here, but simply to state it as a fact. I am now going to show how this has impacted males to bring about the conversational crisis.

If, as males, we see ourselves as superior, this places us on a higher level and women on a lower level. On the whole, men seem unable to feel equal to women: they must be superior or they are inferior.

It's like a competition, it is win/lose. If I'm not in charge or on a higher level, then she will be, and I'll be on a lower level and she'll be in charge, and it's not supposed to be like that.

So when it comes to relationship communication problems, it is paramount men demonstrate how the proper structure is in place. What better way of doing this than not listening or taking any notice of women.

It is like men might as well be saying, "who do you think you are, you are not on my level, I don't have to listen to you, or acknowledge you. You don't count anyway, so what you have to say is not important."

When we listen to others, we are acknowledging they are on the same level, and are equally important to us.

Other aspects of this are, when it comes to feelings, if we see ourselves as being superior, it follows we are above all that. It's okay for you inferior lot to get caught up in that rubbish, as that is the stuff of weaklings, but we are not like that.

The other matter related to this that creates relationship communication problems, is the issue of the ability to understand and share the feelings of another - in other words empathy.

Men are notorious for their lack of empathy. It is just like the listening question. Given women are inferior and therefore don't count, why should men be concerned about how they feel, because women don't matter.

This is the only way I have been able to make sense of these relationship communication problems. I'm sure many women can identify with my explanation, and I hope I have given men some things to think about, and how they can make changes.

Author Bio: Leo Ryan is a counselor with over twenty years experience in the field dealing primarily with relationships. He has given many talks, seminars and workshops on the subject, as well as being interviewed by all sectors of the media about his work. He is passionate about people having great relationships, and his website is dedicated to that purpose.He is the author of the ebook "How to Have An Extraordinary Relationship". http://www.relationship-tips-for-you.com