Friday

Just Had an Argument? What's One Thing You Love About Your Mate?

After an argument, a cold shoulder, or an eye roll, it's hard to think about that one thing you love about someone who has done these things to you.  But try anyway, let's think.

1.  The way he/she smiles.

2.  How nice he/she smells.

3.  The thoughtful ways he/she shows care ie.) gas in the car, back rub, brings me snacks, gifts, etc.

4.  How great love-making feels.

5.  He/she cleaning up messes around the home.

6.  Comforting me when I am angry at others.

7.  Calling me to say, "I was thinking about you...love you...I'm sorry."

8.  Giving me time and space to cool down.

9.  His/her good cooking.

10.  How he/she cares for children.

11.  Paying bills.

12.  Compliments the way I look.

If most of these things and more make you feel good when you think about them concerning your mate, then chances are, this person is a keeper.  Appreciate what you have while you still have this person in your life!  There are so many widows in this world and people in dead relationships.  Whatever your dispute, it happened, take into consideration what you have learned, and do better next time.  It's just that simple!

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

6 Tips on How to Stop Sleeping with Friends

For some people it is hard to maintain friendships, because so many want to be lovers first and friends later!  If you have done this many times, you may have some personal issues that you have yet to deal with that might repeatedly move you to sleep with your so-called friends.  So what do you do to stop sleeping with your friends?

1.  Establish boundaries that let these people know, "Just friends, nothing more, nothing less!"  If you don't make up in your mind that you aren't going to sleep with every person who says they like you, then how are they supposed to respect the boundaries that you set?  For some lovers, you will have to let them go because they will do nothing more than keep tempting you especially when they can't seem to stop thinking about past episodes with you doing XYZ.

2.  Make love not war outside of the bedroom.  Simply put, you will need to deal with your disputes with friends apart from the place you lay your head.  The after affects of war has a way of making one take his or her clothes off even when you really don't want to.  So keep arguments away from your private quarters.

3.  Permit those you have been trying to impress or lure back to bed to see you when you aren't attractive or in the best moods.  Sometimes people just need a reality check.  You may have been guilty of drawing people to you because you purposely dress a certain way, perfume yourself, spend money on them, and do other things that make them think, "Romance" instead of "friends only."  Make yourself unattractive to certain people you know who are superficial and they will distance themselves, but for some they might grow fonder of you.  Whatever the reaction, you have to be the one to take control of your emotions and don't allow them to get the best of you.

4.  Be responsible with your body.  Unfortunately, far too many people act in ways with their bodies that advertise sex, rather than 'nice person to get to know.'  Start paying attention to how you hold your head, the way you walk, and the tone of your voice when conversing.  Are you expressing yourself in ways that say, "I'm good for only one thing..?"  Notice how people react to you.  Take control of your actions and tone down the sex appeal if you sincerely want to stop attracting lovers.

5. Interview those who you haven't had sex with and ask them what they think of you and how you behave with your so-called friends.  Their comments might hurt, but you need to know what more you can do to stop creating lovers out of your friends.  Find out if they notice any positive or negative patterns when you select friends.  Take what you have learned and start making some changes where needed.

6.  Learn more about relationships and what you really want for yourself.  Sometimes people act reckless with friendships because they really don't know how to be a friend.  Find more information about your personality type, what you hope to achieve in your professional life, and what interests you personally. Doing these things will put you on a path that is less focused on sex with friends and more about what truly matters in life and that is building quality relationships void of selfish intentions.

Remember, quality friendships are built not on what you can get from others, but what you can do for others.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and When Mothers Cry.

Sunday

Relationships Evolve, Romantic Feelings Die Down

Isn't it odd how you can be so in love with a certain someone one minute and then the next want to be with anyone, but this person?

It happens.  Those infatuating, frustrating, and often fluctuating emotions can make or break your relationship with that special someone.  So what do you do when you feel like you love your partner today, but hate him or her tomorrow?

One.  You don't lose your cool and say something you might regret.  But if you do, you have to find a way to make up.

Now you might get angry about an issue every now and then, but when you do, watch your mouth!  Too often people say things that they know will cause others to hurt, due to selfishness, vengeful thoughts, jealousy, immaturity, or simply listening to the wrong advisers, and out comes something mean.  If you should hurt your lover's feelings, go to him or her with a sincere apology and plan to do something thoughtful.  Also, remnind yourself via a note or alert to get a solution to whatever has caused your partner concern in the relationship.  Notice your behavior next time and take control over your emotions even if you must leave the area.

Two.  Give your partner some space.

You could have received the best gift from your sweetheart and felt like being in his or her presence everyday, but resist the temptation.  Sooner or later your partner will grow weary of you.  Too much of anything isn't good, so even if you have plenty of time available to be snuggled up in bed with your lover, put a cap on it!  Allow time and space to permit those "I'm missing you" feelings.  They actually help you appreciate your special someone more so and drag out those romantic emotions a little while longer.

Three. Stop chatting about your mate with everyone you know.

Sure, he makes your toes tingle and yes, she makes your stomach do flips, but the more you talk about him or her, the faster you will get to those feelings of burnout.  Save some of the niceties and great stories for those times when he or she doesn't make you feel so great.

Four.  Face it, your relationship will change when death, sickness, pregnancy, lies, secrets, exes, and more show up.

As much as you want to have the kind of relationship that makes you feel like you and your significant are on top of the world all the time, the reality is things will change.  She may say sweet things today, but when health issues show up once in awhile or every month, that lovely lady in red is going to start seeing red.  Try your hardest not to be the one that contributes to her pain.  When he tells you, "I don't feel like it right now...I'm not in the mood to talk..." the sky isn't falling, but personal issues are taking it's toll.  If you have a faith, use it!  The relationship might survive the storms, take a leap backward, or die--that's reality.  It is up to you to go along for the ride or ask to be put out at the next stop.

Five. When romantic feelings die down, find a way to pick them back up.

From changing one's appearance to planning a vacation, whatever it takes to show that you are still very much interested in your partner, just do it!  Don't contemplate or procrastinate.  You do too much thinking or excuse-making and the longer it will take to grow those romantic feelings.  You also don't want to overwhelm or stress your partner with demands or threats to increase your love life such as saying things like, "If you don't go here with me, then I won't...you never act like you care, so I will just..."  Rarely does a relationship rebound to the way it once was with negativity often looming.  Share your thoughts with love, kindness and gentleness.

Keep in mind these are just some tips, but find others related to your situation and use them.  Know that it is quite possible for your mate to be with you for the rest of your life if he or she feels comfortable with you, trusts that you aren't going anywhere, and puts his or her needs at times above your own.  The strongest relationships last because couples have learned how to communicate good, bad and ugly news while still choosing to remain committed through it all!

Be blessed! 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself and other books.  Check out Blurb.com and Amazon.com for more information.

Thursday

Holiday Celebrations Don't Cure Your Relationship Ills

From Valentines Day to birthdays, buying your mate things will not help your relationship blues that only go into hiding temporarily only to come out worse after all the half-hearted smiles and laughs dissipate. By spring, you will notice how strange it seems that so many couples will be announcing breakups on and off television.  "But they seemed so happy around Christmas and then when I saw them after Valentines Day..."  looks can be deceiving.  But enough about them, what about you?

Don't make the same mistakes, putting a band-aid on a bleeding heart just because it is a holiday.  Avoid the temptation to fix things in your relationship by putting a ring on them (this goes for women too who think they are getting a ring because Beyonce subliminally programmed you during Superbowl 45) or ignoring them like some of you do when your mate criticizes you about what you are and aren't doing in the relationship.  And definitely don't say, "I do" to anything from making a baby to freaky sex when you really mean, "I don't..." just because you think you can keep your man or woman interested in you awhile longer.  Instead, he or she will start to resent you and might leave you with the baby and the freaky costume next year. 

So many couples just settle in relationships knowing full well they aren't even a least bit interested in their mates outside of the bedroom.  Why?  Because the ideas of being alone or starting over with someone else leaves them feeling miserable, so they just throw in the towel. 

Using holidays such as Christmas, New Years and Valentines Day to start over work well for those couples who are getting back together and 100% committed to building a lasting relationship.  However, these events will do nothing for those who do the following:  frequently argue, rarely celebrate holidays, have a McDonald's income but have caviar taste, and don't believe in their relationships any longer and often wish to be with anyone else but the person in front of them. 

Opting out of the holiday celebrations, saving money, and focusing your attention on your relationship ills and whether or not you can tolerate them any longer is what works best in both the short and long term.  Then you create an action plan to execute for any time of the year rather than centered around what the government tells you is a holiday. 

Maybe you don't know how you really feel about a date, revisit that topic next month and create your own holiday.  But whatever you do, be sure you explain why you feel the way you do if you are the one who just doesn't "feel" the holiday celebrating with one who does. 

If you are too late, already bought the ring, the roses, the candies, the gifts, etc., then down-play what you did or don't show the person anything right now.  Moving forward, you might want to be clear that you don't celebrate holidays if you are tired of feeling pressured by everyone and everything, yet have no serious relationship concerns.  However, if you do have some major problems, then address those and leave the holiday celebrating out of them.

FYI: Christians, check out articles, videos and blogs on all the pagan holidays and seek God on what you should and shouldn't be doing.

Tuesday

Christian Dating Advice for New Believers



Never too late to start over.  Cut your losses.  Confess sin, repent and do better next time.  If you are already in a relationship, seek God.  He will guide you to make the right decisions.  Trust in Him, not your emotions.

Monday

Throwback R&B Music on Valentine's Day for Your Sweetheart

The music selected for this blog entry is not only selected to get you in the mood to plan something nice for your sweetheart, but they all contain lyrics that give you something to think about when it comes to taking your relationship from dating status to serious commitment. Enjoy!

Joe lays you back, relaxes, he gives you some serious "chill" music.  This song puts your mind back in that time when you first met your date.  You are beginning to learn some fun, sweet, and sexy things about him or her.



You know you are still in love when you reach the point in the relationship where you say, "You will always be my baby..."  Throw the towel in-- love wins!  Mariah Carey has far too many love songs to pass up, be sure you add her to your "get in the mood" collection--lol!


The late Teena Marie and Gerald Levert move on all of us to value love, respect it, appreciate it--"A Rose by Any Other Name."  We all uniquely give and receive love. 



Robin Thicke is "Lost Without You."  Just imagine your lover telling you just how much he or she means to you when he or she isn't around.



J-Lo, Jenny from the Block, and now Jennifer tells us in "Love Don't Cost a Thing" your gifts will only go so far.  If you don't have love, affection, commitment, and attention to follow up with all your thoughtfulness, you got nothing! 



Mary J. Blige has been sharing her soul with the public for decades.  She reminds us in "Be Without You" just how much love drives you to stay with someone!



This special throwback is for those of you who wonder why some grandparents marriages lasted so long--they started with a good foundation. The man and woman humbled themselves and said, "It's me and you baby against the world!" Imagine giving love to someone who you feel safe, complete, and trust! No worries, no stress, just two people trying to do their best!--Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

Is It a Relationship or Not? When You Want Something More

For some men and women who like one another a lot, they really don't know what to call their partnerships, relationships or friendships.  They date, attend events together periodically, and may even date other people, but emotions between the two are signaling something that says, "He might be the one...I want something serious...I don't want to let her go.  I can't stand when he goes out with other women."

Jealous emotions tend to rise within you when you desire something more from someone that you just aren't getting.  That special someone seems to be having a good time a part from you, appearing to like another more than you, and may have some great things happening to him or her.  You want to be a part of your friend's world, but your position has yet to be defined. 

If you are in that space of not knowing who or what you are to this person, then you will want to have a serious conversation that will make your date begin to think about you from a different perspective.  Chances are he or she doesn't see you as nothing more than a friend one day and a lover the next.  You might not be carrying yourself in a way that says, "I am serious about you."  You may not be ready to be in a committed relationship if you are still carrying around the baggage from the past, talking on the phone to other singles, having sex with others, and more.

Know what you want and what it takes to get your needs met.  Do you seriously want this person in your life for always or was your last encounter just a nice date or great sex? 

From talking to spending more time together, state how this person makes you feel then give this person the space he or she needs to take in everything you have said.  When your friend seems to be drawing near to you and sharing what kind of relationship he or she wants, talk about the future, but don't say too much like "I want you to be my wife/husband..." or else you might scare this person away. 

Now if he or she doesn't seem interested in a committed relationship and is actually drawing away from you, then you should know where you stand in this person's life.  Therefore, create a safe distance emotionally from him or her so that your feelings don't get in the way of logic.

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others including: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Work Place Problems

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
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