Relationship Communication Problems - The Crisis in Male-Female Conversation Crying Out For Attention

Relationship communication problems are very common. There are a number of ways we can look at what these basic relationship problems are all about.

One of the first things to say is it seems men are primarily responsible for the issues associated with marital and relationship problems to do with communication.

I imagine a lot of men reading the last sentence would become very defensive about that statement and think it is another example of male bashing.

On the other hand there is every chance many women reading it would identify with what is said and wholeheartedly agree with the statement.

Adele Horin, a columnist in the Sydney Morning Herald, writes about relationship communication problems. She says there is a "..shortage of men that women can relate to. The crisis in male-female conversation cries out for more attention. Relationships are being destroyed, or aborted at first date..."

She goes on "Say a woman has found a man... Before long she has detected the fatal flaw. 'He just doesn't listen. He won't talk to me.' She thinks it is an individual problem, and that a more sympathetic conversational mate can be found..But this conversational crisis is bigger than any individual. It is gender-wide. And it starts young."

Boys imitate the modeling of other men and she says, "..boys - with exceptions of course - soon develop the minimalist style mothers, girlfriends and wives despair of."

A male reader responded to Adele's column in the letters page of the "Herald". He wrote, "..The fact is women are terrible communicators."

He added, "Women arrogantly take the stance that their way is superior, against all the evidence, and refuse to be rational, constructive and inclusive. Instead of trying to change male behavior to suit themselves - a tactic that seems to be failing - perhaps it would be better to accept their own shortcomings and work on modifying them."

Can you imagine the relationship communication problems experienced with someone like this man. I think he is so extreme and when I first read it I thought he might have been saying all this with his tongue in his cheek, but I don't think so. I think he is serious.

Horin asks the question about how men are like this when she says, "Who knows how these patterns are established?"

I have some idea how it has happened and I will explain this and show how it has created relationship communication problems.

There has been a widespread belief in the world that men are superior to women. This was the accepted view for thousands of years. Some think this is no longer the case, yet there is ample evidence to suggest it is still firmly in place.

It is not my intention to expand on this here, but simply to state it as a fact. I am now going to show how this has impacted males to bring about the conversational crisis.

If, as males, we see ourselves as superior, this places us on a higher level and women on a lower level. On the whole, men seem unable to feel equal to women: they must be superior or they are inferior.

It's like a competition, it is win/lose. If I'm not in charge or on a higher level, then she will be, and I'll be on a lower level and she'll be in charge, and it's not supposed to be like that.

So when it comes to relationship communication problems, it is paramount men demonstrate how the proper structure is in place. What better way of doing this than not listening or taking any notice of women.

It is like men might as well be saying, "who do you think you are, you are not on my level, I don't have to listen to you, or acknowledge you. You don't count anyway, so what you have to say is not important."

When we listen to others, we are acknowledging they are on the same level, and are equally important to us.

Other aspects of this are, when it comes to feelings, if we see ourselves as being superior, it follows we are above all that. It's okay for you inferior lot to get caught up in that rubbish, as that is the stuff of weaklings, but we are not like that.

The other matter related to this that creates relationship communication problems, is the issue of the ability to understand and share the feelings of another - in other words empathy.

Men are notorious for their lack of empathy. It is just like the listening question. Given women are inferior and therefore don't count, why should men be concerned about how they feel, because women don't matter.

This is the only way I have been able to make sense of these relationship communication problems. I'm sure many women can identify with my explanation, and I hope I have given men some things to think about, and how they can make changes.

Author Bio: Leo Ryan is a counselor with over twenty years experience in the field dealing primarily with relationships. He has given many talks, seminars and workshops on the subject, as well as being interviewed by all sectors of the media about his work. He is passionate about people having great relationships, and his website is dedicated to that purpose.He is the author of the ebook "How to Have An Extraordinary Relationship".


Why Relationship Problems Just Don't Seem to Go Away?

I am learning this as I write, we simply want to make someone do what we want them to do whether we are right or wrong. From a woman's perspective, I have spent years meeting men and then seeing something about them that I don't like and then I tell them about it and hope they would change. The problem is they don't want to change when I want them to and I don't have the patience to stick it out, so we break up.

Listen, I don't want to be any man's mother, but sometimes as women we become just that! We expect them to do as we say and when they don't we get angry. All men have flaws, because if they didn't the woman that came before you would have never let the relationship die without a fight, but evidently she was like you, she couldn't change him either! So here's a simple lesson when it comes to relating to men, if you want to make your relationship work then you will have to say, "I accept...flaw...he is unwilling to change and I can't make him." Who knows, one day he might, but don't count on it. Instead, it's up to you to make a decision, "Do I want to stay with this man or not?" If you want to stay with him then you will have to accept his flaws, but if you can't bear to deal with another one of his flaws then leave!

When a woman stays with a man that she knows is unwilling to change no matter how much he hurts himself, her and the family, then she becomes a fool for love! Then when she becomes a fool, she starts acting like one! She nags him, checks up on him, follows him, uses the children to get information on him, threatens him, belittles him, abuses him, etc. And what will the man do when he sees her behaving this way, that's right...he shuts her out, cheats on her, abuses her, belittles her, lies to her, threatens her, and so on...

So the advice in this blog is simple, when you can no longer accept the flaws in your partner, so do yourself and him a favor and end the relationship for good! You say, "Easier said than done..." An attempt is all you need. From a phone call to a formal document signed and dated, once your mind is made up, you will do it. But if you find yourself making excuses, then you aren't ready (those in abusive relationships Click Here,) so stay there until you are ready to leave.

Written by Nicholl McGuire

How Do I End A Relationship?

If you are in a relationship that has run its course - meaning the relationship seems to have fizzled out how are you going to end it? One of you has to. Often times relationships will continue long after the "magic" is gone because ending a relationship can be difficult. Does breaking up have to be hard? If you've been wondering "how do I end a relationship" so that neither person gets hurt here is some helpful advice.

1. First you need to be crystal clear as to why you want the relationship to end. The "easiest" reason that jumps into your head may not be the real reason at all. Dig deep and be sure you have a clear understanding of why you want the relationship to end.

2. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Now is not the time to beat around the bush or fabricate lies. In most cases people deserve the truth. In the end each of you will be better off if you are truthful regarding the break up.

3. Whenever possible, end the relationship in person. Avoid breaking up over the phone. If you and your soon to be ex live far from each other then it is better to break up over the phone vs. waiting for a time when you can be together. Do it sooner than later.

4. Be compassionate. The break up shouldn't be mean or angry, especially if you want to stay friends afterwards. Be sympathetic to their feelings as well as your own.

5. When considering "how do I end a relationship" remember not to put your partner on the defensive. Don't throw out accusation after accusation. Talk about the good times and the memories that you will embrace. Try to respond to their needs during the break up if possible.

6. Although difficult - don't make it (or take it personally). This is an emotional time and things may be said that are hurtful. Let them go.

7. Try to be there for your partner. They may need to discuss the break up more than once before they can come to terms with it. On the flip side of that they may need space and distance from you. Give them what they need to get through this difficult time.

8. Avoid feeling guilty about the break up. Your partner may try to make you feel guilty for ending the relationship. This is normal but it should not stop you from moving on. If you are breaking up for the right reasons then there is no reason that you should feel guilty.

9. Is this break up final? Only you can decide this. You may just need some space from each other and time to work through whatever is bothering you. Most relationships can be saved.

How do I end a relationship? If you are determined to walk away it's best to just do it and move on.

Ending a relationship is difficult most of the times. If you are wondering "how do I end a relationship" without hurting someone of course there are no guarantees. We can't predict how another person will react or how emotional they will get. But if you follow this advice breaking up can be made a little easier for both parties involved.

About the Author:

Are you wondering "how do I end a relationship" to minimize hurt feelings? See ebook "Understanding Why Men Leave A Relationship" (link no longer active). Peter Harris is a health care professional with a specialty interest in promoting healthy relationships.


Top Five Things To Do Instead of Nagging

Ladies, here is a news flash for you. You know this already, but I am officially confirming that men do not respond well, if at all, to nagging. If you want something from a man and you have been reduced to nagging him to get it, you stand a better change of a winning a snow ball fight in hell.
A reader of mine, who we will call Julie emailed me recently saying she was simply exhausted with trying to get her husband to help out with the housework. She admitted she was constantly nagging him, however, no matter how, or how many times she pleaded with him, nothing. He simply did not respond. Julie, who works full time and takes care of two children and the house has come to a breaking point. Although she isn't actually considering leaving, she is actually considering threatening him with a separation. Should she resort to threats??? NO!!! First of all, threatening to leave a marriage when you simply don't mean it is a huge mistake. Secondly, her husband probably wouldn't even hear her threat. He tuned her out long ago...

So, what's a frustrated woman to do if nagging isn't working, (and it never does)? Here are some other, hopefully more constructive and effective methods for getting through to your man.

1. Put your "honey do" list in writing. A short note or even an email will be better received. Men like lists of tasks. They like to check things off. They like to see they are making progress. Most importantly, they like having something to refer back to. Stick to the facts. Make a simple no frills to do list. Email it, or leave it for him where he will find it. Do not hand deliver it, as you will be tempted to explain to him why you are resorting to a written list. Simply leave it on the bathroom counter, sit back, and wait for results.

2. Ask him to work on something with you. "Honey, can you help me with the dishes? I want to hear about your day." Sure, it's not as effective as getting him to do it all himself. However, it's much more effective then you doing it alone, fuming and lonely.

3. Ask him once to do something, then don't ask again. The key to success is this. You don't do it either. After a week of no dishes getting done, your man is likely to respond to the visual Que of stacks of dishes piling up on the counter. Men are visual. He will get this. He will do the dishes. In the mean time, you may get some meals out.

4. Have a discussion about hiring help. "Honey, I'm feeling overwhelmed with all the housework. It's clear to me you are too. I don't want to nag or fight with you about it, so I have scheduled a few interviews with house help. The first one is next Wednesday. I would love for you to be here so you can help me decide who to hire..."

5. Stop nagging. Stop talking at all. Men respond to a woman's absence or silence much more then they do her talking. Eventually he will notice the absence of your voice, wonder what's up, and come looking for you. This will open a brief window for a conversation about whatever is bothering you.

Written by LISA HAYES

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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