How to Obtain Personal Time While Dating Someone Who is Moving Fast

You don’t want to break up with your partner and you don’t necessarily want to be away from him or her like in a separation, you just want some time alone.  Free time could be weekends to yourself or certain weeknights. Your partner may not know this and you are having trouble communicating it.

You have noticed how you tend to get irritated more often by what he or she says. Your partner on the other hand wants to visit and call you often not realizing that he or she is also becoming a bit weary of you too. Yet, your lover thinks the only way to fix things is to do more together. So what do you do when you need some breathing room, but you don’t want your partner to think you are considering on breaking up with him or her?
First, tell your partner how you feel about he or she if you haven’t in awhile. Stay positive.  Remind this person about how supportive he or she has been about your career and hobbies you enjoy and would like additional support by allowing you the free time to get some things accomplished. Give your partner a specific time when you plan on getting more serious about getting some things done. For instance say, “I want you to know that I love you and appreciate the things you have been doing for me which has made me realize I need to start working harder on XYZ task, so I will need to come home from work each night starting next week and focus on those tasks. Basically, you are communicating with your partner your needs while expecting he or she to be respectful about them.  This will be a test whether this person is really as understanding as he or she portrays his or herself to be.  You are requesting free time like you would ask your boss for vacation time in a polite manner. Of course, you would assure your partner that you will make some time during the weekend or some other time for he or she and by all means keep your word!  Otherwise, you will be faced with additional problems.

Watch during your free time if your lover is emotionally stable. You see some people have a great need to be with someone 24 hours a day 7 days a week. They also have controlling temperaments. You will not always be able to tell if your partner is secretly crazy if you are fulfilling his or her every need. What do you think might happen if you step away a little bit? Now is the time to find out.

Second, take notice of the things your partner says or does that bother you. Having a conversation about your relationship woes after wanting some free time to fulfill your interests is the wrong thing to do. Instead, after you both have settled in your routines again of seeing one another would be a good time to casually mention certain things about the relationship, but whatever you do don’t tell your partner that is why you needed to get away from him or her. Most likely, you will be sending this person the message you would like to break up with him or her when you really don't.

Third, do what you want to do. Value the time you have alone. Don’t worry over what he or she is doing. If you have no history of doing disrespectful things to your partner and vice versa, then you shouldn't be concerned about being accused of cheating. However, if you do, you may want to just call your partner in case he or she is thinking something negative; reassure him or her that you are behaving yourself.

Next, assure your partner that you treasure him or her and the relationship.  Buy something nice, write a note or buy a card sharing your feelings. Talk with your mate about some of your ideas and accomplishments so that he or she knows that you are serious about your “me time.” It will also make her or him feel more secure in the relationship. Whenever the topic does come up about your seeing someone else, assure this person that you are focused on your tasks and the things that interest you and not to be concerned about you seeing someone else.

However, what if you enjoy this new found time to yourself so much in fact that you realize a serious relationship is not what you want? Then tell your partner. Don’t do like so many people who try not to hurt one another’s feelings by lying or covering the truth. No matter what you say or do, your partner will be hurt. But it is best that you tell him or her the truth then string this person along thinking you really want to be with her or him.

When you do decide to break up, do it at a public park or place where other people are close enough yet far enough away.  Always start with something positive to say about him or her, before you get into how you feel about the relationship. Make arrangements to give your partner any personal items (if you haven’t bought them already), then say goodbye if this is what you seriously want and don't go back.  You may have heard from someone you know, "It's never the same once you break up then go back."  So true.

Lastly, if after you have spent enough time away from your lover, or worked out the free time in your schedule while maintaining a relationship with him or her, start thinking about the future. The conversation of marriage will come up, so you best be ready and start saving for a ring if this person is who you really want to be with.  Think starting now, "Is this someone I would want to spend the rest of my life?"

Nicholl McGuire

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