Job, Money, and Television Dictating the Relationship?

Partners aren't always to blame for relationship issues.  Most often, what you do with your time and the attitude that goes along with it is to blame! - Nicholl McGuire

Gone are the days when you and your partner were head over heels in love with one another.  As much as you tried to avoid the boring routines that tend to affect so many relationships, before you knew it, you fell into the trap.  You don't find him or her that interesting, you don't bother to create some time together, and you have little, if anything, to say about your partner that is positive.

Three seemingly harmless issues that later become big problems in the relationship are often argued about, ignored sometimes, and wreck havoc on romance.

1.  Job

The job is the all-too-important god in the relationship.  Everyone who lives with the one who is making the most money must adhere to the unspoken rules related to the job.  A few of those rules include:  One doesn't ask to do much during the work week, because those who have a job are often tired coming home from work.  This means that family activities, school events, and other related things are often ignored or cancelled.  Next, even though one has already put in a full day of work, he or she is not to be interrupted when one is texting, emailing, or calling the job.  One must have a good reason why a vacation or personal day must be used.  Spending quality time with family is not a good excuse.  Sad, but true that these unspoken rules do apply in many households.

2.  Money

If money is available the family goes out, if money is not available everyone is cooped up in a residence.  When ideas for free or cheap activities are mentioned they fall on deaf ears, because one's mind is on his or her money.  The attitudes, mood swings, and arguments show up when someone is not getting his or her way, didn't financially plan responsibly, over-drafted one's bank account, can't buy what he or she wants immediately, or does things that cost too much.

3.  Television (or any other favorite electronic device like:  IPads, IPhones, gaming consoles, etc.)

Anything that is done outside or inside the home is typically put off so that hours can be spent seated in front of a screen.  It doesn't matter that there are people in the home in need of attention or more pressing needs and chores should be tended to.  The television/electronic god has claimed the household and everyone must wait until a favorite show or activity ceases.  Meanwhile, marriages suffer, children fall behind in school, once intelligent minds turn into mush, and residences go sometimes for years unmanaged.

Harmless activities that turn into time stealers, relationship killers, and dream destroyers.  Think about these issues the next time you start to open up your mouth and blame a partner or children for not having any personal peace.  Change the way you view your job, money and pleasures and who knows, you and your family just might be happier.

Nicholl McGuire

 Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic
When Mothers Cry
Laboring to Love Myself
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl


Dating Burnout, Blues: Do You Have It?

When you are tired of the dating scene, often frustrated with the guys or gals who take interest in you because they are just not your type, and have little patience to talk to anyone new, you are experiencing a time of "dating blues" or dating burnout  I use the term "dating blues," because years ago, before meeting my current husband, I had a mix of sadness, anger and tiredness when it came to dating. 

You know you are going through something when you have more bad stories then good ones about dates and you could practically write a rhythm and blues song about your emotions concerning them.  There is just not enough positive energy going on when it comes to meeting, dating, and sleeping with these people.  It's either a hum, drum world or a "what did I just get myself into" kind of world with these dates and the more you do it, the more you get more of the same.

When dating burnout/blues shows up and shows out, here's what you do:

1.  You avoid talking to anyone who you had hoped to be intimate with or had sex with.  Why bother reconnecting with someone you know you aren't the least bit interested in having a serious relationship with?

2.  Check your desires to have sex.  From taking a cold shower to talking to a counselor, avoid the people and things that stir your sexual drive.  You aren't feeling so good right now, so why complicate matters or give someone false hope that you will be back around for more?

3.  Visit places that don't cater to couples.  The images can make you feel bad especially when you aren't happy with your past decisions.

4.  Avoid romantic movies.  Why create a fantasy world in your mind that doesn't exist?  In the real world, we all know that couples aren't always happy, patient, kind, and understanding with one another much less others.

5.  Stop reading and listening to sexually explicit material.  Why tease yourself when you are simply burned out with dating? 

6.  Spend quality time alone, not just for a day or two, but for as long as it takes so that you can reclaim your energy without the need of someone else and replenish that bank account.

7.  Catch up with tasks you have been putting off.  Chances are you have been ignoring other people, places and things because you have been too busy thinking about meaningless distractions.

Dating blues is a temporary emotion that comes and goes.  But when it goes, you feel so much lighter, focused, and you are in better spirits! 

Nicholl McGuire, check out my YouTube channel: nmenterprise7


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Singles: Some Things You Forgot About Being in a Relationship

Praying on his knees one night with the hope to find a wife one day, his prayer is answered (at least so he thinks).  He eventually meets that special someone that appeared to be right for him during the early stages of the courtship.  But as he learns more about her, he remembers why he remained single for so long.

A woman with children and no man to complete her happy home is disappointed after months of dating a man who has far too much baggage than she can handle.  She recalls why she didn't want to start dating especially with young children still at home.

In both scenarios, the individuals are unhappy and wish for their single, uncomplicated lives prior to welcoming others into their worlds.  Although many singles desire to be in an intimate relationship with someone, there are those who know that its just not right for them now or never. 

If you are single and frustrated with finding a match, be reminded of those little things you might have forgotten about when it comes to relationships and just maybe you will slow down and smell the flowers alone for awhile longer.

1.  In-laws and other family members.

Do you need to be reminded of those days of having to meet the parents and extended relatives?  What about a partner's children?  The opinions they have of you.  The things an ex said about you.  The fussing and fighting of children.  The efforts you make trying to win everyone's approval.  It was all so draining.  Do you still feel the need to be with someone right now?

2.  Annoying routines.

You do recall those days having to put up with an ex's chalkboard screeching routines.  Well, when you meet someone new the annoying routines slowly, but surely come out.  Those irritations just take on a new form and you still have to put up with stuff you don't like. From boring weekends to neat freak behavior, remember those days of having to compromise?

3.  Unsightly appearances and body odors.

Singles are often so nice-looking and smell good at least in the beginning of a dating relationship.  However, in time things change.  You recall those times you saw what an ex looked and smelled like at home compared to what you saw in the public, right?  Did looks and smell matter somewhat in the break-up?  Be honest.

4.  Snoring and other things that make noise at night.

This point might seem petty, but is a big deal when you are so content with falling asleep at night without the distractions.  Sometimes there are those people who keep televisions on all night, others who have a sudden burst of energy in the wee hours of the a.m., and still others who are often walking through the night making noises in almost every room.  Oh, how you had wished to send an ex back home after sex! 

5.  Being on your best behavior more often than you care to be.

You might have forgotten that some of the best relationships survive due to kindness and generosity and if you lack one or both of these things, you might want to keep your grumpy and cheap attitude to yourself.  But maybe that wasn't you, but your ex.  Remember those fights about what you did and didn't do in the last relationship?  Have you bothered to make any changes to your unkind and cheap ways or are you still blaming the ex?  Would you like a repeat performance with someone new?

6.  Your stuff and his/her stuff.

Whether too much or too little stuff, if you aren't one for the following:  sharing space, don't like when others touch your stuff, and can't stand when someone uses up items and doesn't replace them, you might want to hold off on the hope of cohabitating with someone one day soon.

7.  Financial woes.

You have enough of your own, so why take on someone else's?  But you say, "I'm not helping her/him with his bills, he/she has a job..."  Not so fast!  Your future partner's financial issues/desires/gains/losses will affect you sooner or later, job then no job, holidays then no holidays, debt and more debt, get the picture?  So one must be prepared to share the financial load.

Of course, there are many other things to consider when thinking about "settling down, meeting someone special, needing a girlfriend/boyfriend."  Is it really the relationship that you want and all that comes with it (good, bad and otherwise) or the feeling?  You can get that feel-good moment watching an entertaining romance movie or reading a good book.  But the long-term feeling of being in love is not-so easy to come by and when it does, will you be ready--marriage, babies, home, cars, investments...

Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
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