New Partner Plans? But Your Current Partner Doesn't Know

Some of you were with partners doing things like: watching the fireworks, saying prayers, sitting by the fire, listening to music or having sex when the new year came ringing in.  But you have a secret, you don't plan on being with your current connection for the entirety of this year.  Look your secret is safe with me!

A few times in my life, I just knew without a doubt that those jokers were not going to be around much longer.  My new year's resolution with one man, while I sat in church next to him, was to break up with him by spring.  I accomplished that task but not without six police officers showing up that sunny day in April.  They received a domestic violence call.  I had been previously abused many times and I was fed up--I fought back.

When you have grown weary of the make up to break up roller coaster, you mistreat the person without a care whether verbally or physically, and all you ever think about is ending the relationship, it's time!  This is the year that some of you will be FREE!  However, freedom doesn't come without a price especially when someone is still attached to you in some way.  This is why you have to break all connections slowly, methodically and then before long you no longer hear from him or her.

Photo by jurien huggins on Unsplash

I took my time breaking up in a violent relationship, I don't recommend you do that.  When there is a known history of violence, you get out of there as soon as possible.  Save money living somewhere else.  Look for a job from a safe location.  Pray for that person while you are far away from them.  Don't stay any longer!  However, if you aren't in a relationship that exhibits violence, but you know the person you are with is being difficult.  Stay away from the shared dwelling as much as possible.  If you don't live with him or her, you are in a great position to cut communication and dates.  For some they got a restraining order, moved out of the area, and others had to go so far as to change their names and use privacy preferences on their social media accounts.  Hey, you do what you have to do!

Plan to leave as soon as possible.  Be sure you have all ties financially, spiritually, and physically broken! 

1) Belongings are returned to the owner. 
2) Your name is removed from all shared accounts. 
3) You aren't updating mutual friends on the relationship status or your future plans. 
4) You no longer buy gifts or spend money on date nights. 
5) There is no parading a new partner overtly or covertly around your current one. 
6) Be mature through the process and try not to do anything that provokes an already angry partner. 

Sooner or later your date will catch on there is no love and no reason for the relationship to go on.  Communicate your concerns in detail only with someone who you believe you still love and you hope to make the relationship work.  Anyone else you simply speak your truth and move on.

Here's to an honest you, a person who realizes the relationship is over!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and the owner of this blog. 

What You Learn After a Breakup

Regretting Meeting the Person You Are With Solves What Issue?

From the time you first laid eyes on one another to the day that you thought, "What was I thinking?"  In between the beginning and the near end of a challenging relationship are fillers.  Like stuffing inside a soft toy there are cushy things said to make the appearance of one in a relationship look quite appealing.  He makes promises and she believes.  He says how much he cares for her and she tells him how much she loves him.  Then there are those memorable places visited together, and even children born to one another, but the truth still remains that unsettling feeling that the person seated next to you or across the table is not The One or ever was.  You may trust him or her or that may have long left.

News flash:  there is no "One," a perfect being that is going to do all and be all for any of us.  That is a story for a great fictional work.  There is that person who might be attractive (and that fades fast along with the niceties).  The individual is flawed.  Like you, he or she makes a choice to either stick it out with you and your "issues" or not. 

It is quite easy to get along in a relationship initially because two people have never hurt one another and are just getting to know what buttons not to push or else ruin something they are starting to build or have been for quite some time.  But as the relationship gets older, the pair get quite comfortable saying and doing "whatever" without too much thought or care about the damage actions might cause in the short and long term.  There really is no single reason as to why things change in a relationship, they just do whether the influence was external or internal.  You either have the energy to weather the storm or you don't. 

The one mistake many couples make is to go all the way back to the good days and say things like, "How I never should have...Why did I?  I knew he wasn't right...She was trouble from the start!"  Well you slept with that person, dined with him or her, and did other things, so if he or she is a fool then what does that make you for keeping the individual around?  What current issue is going to be solved by looking back and regretting your every move with a lover/spouse while tarnishing what good there was or still is? 

Live for today, recognize what is happening now, and work toward change within and around you. 

On a side note, sometimes the person you are disputing with is the one that is meant to help you mature personally and professionally.  He or she may not be forever and always, but you do learn a lot about you good, bad and otherwise. 

Nicholl McGuire