What to Do When You Catch Him Cheating

The phone call that Justine just received feels like the equivalent of a tornado. The words that a woman from her book club just said to her have shaken her-- both inside and out.

The woman said, "I saw your husband with another woman. He is having an affair."

Justine can't believe that her husband-- who appears so trustworthy and loyal-- has been caught cheating.

There are a multitude of ways that you might catch your man cheating, if that's what's going on.

You might overhear him talking to someone on the phone. You may read an e-mail exchange. You could put together many of his out-of-character behaviors.

And you might walk into your home, his workplace or somewhere else and literally catch him cheating.

Assess the reliable facts.
With a few stark exceptions, what you might be hearing or seeing could mean something completely different than what you assume it to mean. This can go either way.

It's vital that you learn how to assess the RELIABLE facts that are available to you.

For instance, while the woman who told Justine that her husband is having an affair is in her book club, this woman is new to the group. Justine doesn't really know much about her.

This doesn't necessarily mean that Justine should discount the woman's words. It does mean that Justine probably wants to gather more information to make sure.

Make a choice you can live with 5 (or more) years from now.
Remember that you have choice. Once you know for sure that your man is, indeed, cheating (or not), you need to make a decision about what's next for you.

While it is understandable that you might be compelled to yell and scream at your husband or to confront the other woman, give yourself some time to calm down and get clear.

Will your lashing out point you toward the future that you want for yourself? Of course, it's healthy to express your feelings; but don't do so in a way that you'll later regret.

You may not know exactly where you'll be (and with whom) in 5 years. But make sure that the choices you make after finding out about the affair are ones that you can live with.

If your man is (or may be) cheating and lying and you need help deciding your next step, check out this free report.

Relationship coaches and authors Susie and Otto Collins, have written many books and programs including: Should You Stay or Should You Go? and No More Jealousy.
If you suspect that your partner is lying and cheating and are looking for help determining the truth, check out Susie and Otto's newest program Where There's Smoke There's Fire, How To Tell If Your Man's A Cheating Liar


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He Hates Me I Know It - The strange things we think about as women

You have a great relationship with your man normally, but sometimes he doesn't call you or come around during the day. Meanwhile, you are busily going about your day until someone says or does something to trigger a negative thought in you about your man, you think, "I wonder if he hates me...what if he still has feelings for his ex...he only bought me that gift the other day because he has something to hide." Now where did those thoughts come from? Remember you have a great relationship with your guy? Can we say paranoia, insecurity, or maybe even a mild case of schizophrenia has begun to set in all because you are listening to others or making a mountain out of a mole hill because he doesn't always call or come around you? Why do we do this? Take something so nice and mess it up with ridiculous, negative thoughts?

Most men just don't think like we do, and if they do, well you can put two and two together and he probably was around a lot more women than men and if so, he maybe just as crazy as you (LOL.) So he didn't call or come around, does he do it often? If you suspect something is going on with him, you need more than sporadic moments of him not calling or coming around you. Some women play head games with themselves and their men hoping they can find a logical explanation or an answer they can live with in the midst of game-playing. Adults don't play games, children do. The simplest piece of advice for any woman who is going through the "wonder what he meant by..." or "why is he acting this way" is to talk to him. Find a good time, when his favorite sports team isn't playing on television, and just talk to him.

We think we know so much as women, but the truth is we only know what someone or something tells us. If his signals say, "I hate you." Then most likely your gut feeling is correct if you have some proof to back it up. However, if a man has given you no indication that he hates you (maybe tired of you, but not hate you) why worry? A lot of our worry, as women, comes from things we have gone through in the past. There is a little woman inside of us who is still hurt. She won't allow any man to get away with what the last one put her through. So she is always talking, asking questions. "What did he mean by that? You know your ex told you the same thing." We start comparing what our new guy did with what the last guy did and so on. Now we have worked ourselves up and we are ready to give him a peace of our mind all because he said or did something that was out of the norm. Before long, your feeling of "he hates me I know it" does come to pass. As women, we can make things come to pass just by setting up the scenario we fear just by what we say and do. Telling the man what we really think of him when it would be better to take control of our emotions and be silent is one way. Meanwhile we could be waiting to see if our man will do or say anything that will make us feel better especially if he says he loves us.

When you feel out of control and those voices in your mind are talking a mile a minute, try telling yourself, "I will not put myself through this today. If there is anything I need to know I will simply ask."

Nicholl McGuire, creator of this blog. Feel free to follow @datingdramas on Twitter.

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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