12 Things You Just Don't Deeply Think About Before You Date People
When dating, most singles enjoy the rush they feel when meeting someone new. It feels great, and in some cases, you feel even more alive. However, those wonderful feelings come crashing down real soon when you start to realize that there are many differences and not as many similarities you share with a date. For some, they have already talked about marriage, children, moving in together, and more.
1. Location
Do you bother to think how long it takes to drive from Point A to Point B and whether you are willing to keep it up or pay plane fare to see someone? At some point, you or someone you like will want some assistance with the transportation fees. Will you or he/she consider moving if things get serious? Is saving money more important than whether or not you and this person is sincerely compatible?
2. Ethnicity related issues
Face it, not every ethnicity (no matter how much you think you know about it) is easy to get along with when you factor things in like: economics, culture, background, customs, etc. Ethnicity issues will arise, so one best be prepared. How will your family and your date's kin treat you during the relationship process (we aren't talking first meetings, people fake support)? The personal, professional and societal issues related to interracial dating will grow and love just might not conquer all.
3. The parent of your date's children and his/her extended relatives you might one day meet over and over again
The idea that you might have to deal with the parent of your date's children should make you feel uncomfortable at first. No parent is going to feel completely okay with a stranger being around his or her children if that person sincerely cares about them. Also, there is the possibility that grandparents will want to see their grandchildren which means you will meet your date's ex and his or her family and possibly close mutual friends.
4. You will be helping your date care for children financially and physically sooner or later.
When you date someone with children you have to embrace everything that comes with them. If you are up for the task or think you can manipulate situations to keep children at a distance, think again! Strategies will be exposed and one day there will be no relationship.
5. Possible controlling or crazy in-laws
If a date complains of abusive parents and/or relatives. There is a good possibility that he or she has been significantly impacted negatively. If you have no patience for the damsel in distress or the abused little boy, then don't continue to date. People who can deal with survivors are usually very compassionate, patient, understanding, and caring individuals. You might think you can, but until you are repeatedly tested, you really don't know. He or she might still be connected with abusers and you might end up in a protector role having to verbally or physically battle with controlling and/or crazy in-laws.
6. Significant differences in one's religious faith
There will be those times when you might connect with someone who claims to be a believer in a higher power. Now you may or may not be a believer. Consider the following: if you are insincere when it comes to spirituality/religion, have many personal hang-ups with spiritual teachings, are unwilling to compromise, and more (or vice versa), do you really want to deal with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable inside everytime a spiritual topic about something very important or unimportant to you comes up?
7. Job responsibilities
Jobs can be demanding, so if you know you are the attention seeking type, you don't need to settle for someone who simply puts his or her job above everyone and everything else. The cell phone rings, "I got to take this..." There is an emergency at work, off they go. In addition, if you know you can't tolerate the work they do due to smells, frequent tiredness, appearance, and more, once again don't settle.
8. Rumors could be true
You heard some eye-opening things about a date and you might have dismissed them, don't. Find out what more is going on with them and are the rumors indeed true. Some folks don't take rejection very well, so protect yourself. Get as much information as you can about him or her before you cut them off. Take photos and video. Visit their home, workplace and other places. Record and keep crazy or strange messages. Go to police before things go from bad to worse. If need be, move, change phone numbers, etc. Don't reveal any vital information about yourself during the early stages and don't show your driver's license or tell them where your family members stay. If they already know a lot about you, they will reveal it subtly or boldly when you converse with them. This may or may not be a red flag unless he or she has a history of stalking exs. See if you can get this person to use an exs full name, location and more then look this person up. Find out what high school they went to and seek out old classmates. Chances are you will learn more about a possibly crazy date through an ex or former friends.
9. Their bad habits
If you don't like certain things about your date now, those little annoyances will turn into big issues later. Wait until that first argument. Know what you can tolerate.
10. Their lack of money
A person with money issues will expect assistance one day. Broke people are more needy than someone without money woes. Pay attention to those "I need" "Let me borrow" or "Could you pay for..." signs. You will be assisting with bills, helping with entertainment, buying gifts, and more for the needy fellow or gal with regret unfortunately.
11. Trust issues
When someone says they have "trust issues," believe it! They won't trust you much either. Be prepared for frequent questions about your daily activities, who you know, where you go, and he or she will check through your things when you aren't looking.
12. Revealing information about the past
Were you listening closely to the sense of humor about what a date said or did during a break up? Did you read between the lines when he or she told a story about something that happened to her? Had you noticed the pauses, lies, exaggerations, cover-ups, minimizing, denying, and blaming when you asked your date direct questions? What does all that mean for your future with him or her? Trouble.
Put aside the sweet, cozy feelings for a moment and get real with yourself. Don't play games with what you know to be true. When the writing is on the wall, read it! You can save yourself future heartache, an unwanted pregnancy, moving in together, money, time, and other things. Be wise!
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
Family and Friends: Just How Important are They to a Date?
Some will talk of how much they love
and appreciate their family and friends, while others will express
little, if any, emotion about their so-called loved ones. The truth
is not everyone likes or loves their kin. Therefore, if you’re
single and dating, expect it.
When dating someone, who mentions one
or a few relatives quite often in negative ways. Think about just how
much influence the loved ones has over this person and how much time
he or she spends listening and doing what these people say. There is
a good possibility that the date is quite close to his or her
relatives even if this person might be angry at times when talking
about them. Now if a date doesn’t tell you too much about his or
her family, then most likely they don’t find much worth telling,
because they may be boring, busy, or bad. You will need to listen
and learn just how strong or weak is one's family connection.
Not everyone who claims something is
wrong with their family is as bad as they would want you to believe.
Some daters are liars, exaggerators, look for pity, and have a
variety of personality disorders. You won’t know the severity of
the family issues until you get the other side’s version. Compare
what you know from a partner with what you learned from them and you
will find the following: whether or not your date is a manipulator, if he or she is really such a nice, outgoing or friendly person, and if you
can tolerate the date and relatives if they are quite negative with
one another.
Too much talking about family and
friends isn't good particularly when one is not that close to his or her family--the conversations can be quite overwhelming, emotional, redundant, boring, and crazy. If you should correct, warn, or say something unflattering about a date's relatives, you just might find yourself in a verbal battle. In addition, it is usually a bad sign the date has not
matured yet emotionally and still very much needs his or her family’s
support on many things.
If you should notice the cell phone is often
buzzing, an email inbox is flooded with mail from relatives, and
every time there is a family gathering your date is expected to
attend, you will have to determine whether you can endure so much
family involvement. You might be able to handle it if your family is
equally involved in your life. But if you are not use to this sort
of thing, it will begin to grate on your nerves. You will think,
“Does he/she ever do anything without his or her family?” The
longer you stay in the relationship with the date, the more tempted
you will be to want to keep this person away from his or her family
on most occasions. This will cause arguments.
Establishing family boundaries is one
good way of keeping one’s intimate business private. You never
want to share so much about your date and what you like or don’t
like about him or her as well as activities you do together with
family members. There will be those who will not like your date or
you.
Family can be bias and don’t always have your best interests
in mind. If you notice a date is often defending the relationship,
it would be a good idea to communicate your concerns and establish some boundaries. Look for ways to problem
solve while protecting what might turn into a future marriage.
The more you and your date discover about
family members early on, the less likely you will argue about them
later as your partnership matures.
Nicholl McGuire
Twitter @nicholl mcguire
email nichollmcguire@gmail.com
What Does a Date Who says I Love You Expect?
Some single men and women are quite
serious when it comes to dating they desire very much to find
partners who are willing to settle down with them. These zealous
daters are quick to be all things to their potential love interests.
Most of all, they are very forward about their feelings and will say
this important three letter word statement usually before their
significant others even think about saying it, “I love you.”
Once these emotionally charged singles
express their love, depending on how mentally and physically stable
these people are, they will expect much or nothing at all. People
with mental illness can love just like those who have no personality
disorders. They might not think nothing more about what they have
said or act as if the relationship has just received a steroid boost.
You will know whether the “love” is indeed genuine and healthy
by what your lover expects from you. Those with personality
disorders usually operate in extremes sometimes followed by a period
of mood swings like, “Today I love you, but tomorrow I will hate
you.” Observe how your mate behaves and pay attention to whether
he or she is emotionally balanced on most days.
- Commitment.
Someone who has
either told you boldly or in a roundabout way that he or she wants a
committed relationship will assume you are in agreement when it comes
to dating exclusively. If you don’t ask this person to share his
or her view of the relationship’s status, you just might find
yourself caught in a confusing trap.
- Sex.
For most women who
say, “I love you.” They are hoping that men get the point, there
is no having sex with other people. But just like discussing
commitment, if these women don’t say what they really want, the
bachelors will continue to be open about having sex with others.
- Discussions about the future.
Marriage, family
and financial planning, home and car purchases, relocation, and other
topics about the future will begin to increase. The power of “I
love you” will show up in what this person wants from you, what you
both will work together to build, and what he or she will do for you.
Sounds like some intense discussions coming up? They are and
usually these topics will make or break the relationship.
- Meeting family and friends.
Whether you have
met the loved ones or not, you will find yourself at a sit down
meeting with these people one day selling yourself on why you are a
good choice for their beloved daughter or son. Chances are the one
who said, “I love you” told his or her inner circle how he or she
felt about you that prompted talk of meeting the family members and
friends or reconnecting with them again.
When you think of
a simple phrase like, “I love you,” you just don’t realize the
magnitude of it. For the mentally stable or unstable, it could mean
much or nothing at all. You will need to be sure that you are able
to reciprocate those emotions too in order for your relationship to
be a success.
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
7 Common Signs Your Relationship is Doomed to Fail
When you start dating someone, you
don’t anticipate bad things will happen that might cause a
relationship’s demise. You look forward to a bright and happy
future. But as you learn more about a date, you begin to discover
what appears to be right with he or she is really wrong for you.
Small issues grow into bigger ones, and you start to think, “Why
did I even bother dating this person, much less consider marriage? I
don’t think I want to be with him/her anymore.”
1. Cheating
If a date can’t be honest early on in
the relationship about dating others, there is a good possibility the
individual won’t be when the newness wears off.
2. Incompatibility
From expressing your personal opinion
about a matter to not having similar interests, if there is no
agreeing on anything during the dating phase, there is no peace later
on either.
3. Alcohol and Drug Use
Some people just don’t know when to
slow it down when it comes to partying. Alcohol and drug use never
mixes well in a relationship especially when someone has had his or
her share of bad experiences with them.
4. Personality Issues
Some people are often calm, pleasant to
be around, and generally content. Others are silly, wild and lazy.
Then there are mean-spirited people who are uncaring. Some will lie,
steal and destroy others without losing a night of sleep. When there
are major differences in character traits, not every couple is able
to cope.
5. Lack of Communication
A date might be a poor communicator.
He or she doesn’t like sharing preferences, workday events, money
talk, or nothing else. A person who has demonstrated this sort of
behavior rarely changes. Communication issues will follow you
throughout your relationship.
6. Physical and Mental Abuse
If he or she can’t take control of
one’s temper during the courtship, imagine what it might be like
talking with a police officer one day or sitting in court testifying
against the abuser.
7. Employment Problems
The warning signs are there when a date
often shares work related issues and talks about leaving a job. Then
the individual obtains another and has problems with that one and so
on. Inconsistent employment will lead to financial problems.
All of these issues will result in a
couple breaking up. Avoid the temptation to talk about marriage and
children when these problems are evident in your courtship. Family
planning does nothing more than further complicate matters.
Nicholl McGuire provides content on various websites. Learn more about her business here.
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