How to End a Relationship Without Being the One Ending It
You want to get out of an emotionally or physically hazardous relationship without having the confrontational meeting, what do you do? Well what you don’t want to do is stick it out with someone who is obviously bad for you and you don’t want to be anywhere with this psycho that could possibly put you or your soon-to-be ex in jail. Here are tips that will send a loud and clear message to this person that your relationship with them is over!
Stop calling and visiting.
Who is going to accept being in a relationship with someone that doesn’t call them? Why would anyone stay committed to someone who isn’t available for a midnight rendezvous also known as a booty call? When you start forgetting to call, not returning messages, and avoiding their address, he or she will get suspicious and do one of two things: accuse you of cheating or wonder why while calling you a few chose names. Take it in stride, your purpose was to break up with this person and save yourself the emotional confrontation.
Be overprotective about your stuff ie.) cell phone, purse, gym bag, clothing etc.
You may have normally let her wear some clothing of yours. He may be use to getting something out of your purse without asking. Now you start defining what he is and she is not supposed to touch by telling him or her that you will get the item or asking them could you not wear my clothes anymore? This is an immediate turn off no matter how nice you say it! You may not want to behave in this way while driving especially with a cell phone (for example, the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation), but you do want to convey the message that you are so busy with your social life that you just don’t have the time anymore to be in a relationship. Now if you make a big deal about the cell phone like trying to turn it in such a wy so he or she can’t see what you are looking at, your soon-to-be ex might grab it from your hands and either throw it or hit you with it. Remember your acting overprotective about your stuff in a way that makes them think. You see at one time you didn’t mind them answering your cell phone, using your items and doing other things, now you have a problem with it. Another way to send this message, is to politely ask for the items they have borrowed back and not allow them to borrow anything else. Don’t be impolite about your request or you might not get anything back.
When you see them in person or talk to them over the phone don’t have much to say and don’t be affectionate.
People can pick up on a person who isn’t interested in them by their body language and what they say or not say. If you typically hug or kiss your partner when you greet them stop. If you are normally talkative, tone it way down. If you usually ask about this person’s family, friends, or what he or she is up to, don’t. If you act like this with him or her enough times your former partner will want to know what is wrong with you and then you can use that as an opportunity to tell them vaguely about how you feel about the relationship. He or she will then say, “So what you are telling me you want to break up?” You can either agree or disagree. If you disagree you will drag the relationship out, but if you agree he or she may blame you for the break up, go ahead and take the blame. Don’t use any reverse psychology tactics at this point; otherwise you will be going around and around in circles with him or her.
Use a third party.
Yes, you will look like a coward, but if you are content with having a couple of family members or friends do your dirty work, let them. They can put a bug in his or her ear that you confided in them about no longer wanting to be in a relationship because you are juggling too many things in your life. Of course, he or she will want to talk with you about it. Converse with them over the phone and downplay it by saying, “You were just thinking about it at the time, but after this phone discussion, you made up your mind.” So that he or she will want to feel like they are breaking up with you, they most likely will become angry and end it while calling you a few choice names for confiding in someone other than them about your relationship hang-ups. This is what you wanted so don’t feel guilty, move on.
Write a letter that lists all your problems you have with this person.
No one likes a report that breaks down everything that is wrong with him or her. In the letter you never mention ending the relationship directly; instead you want him or her to comment about it. They most likely will and when they do let them list everything that is wrong about you. You will then say, “Well do you want to break up?” He or she may beat around the bush if so help this person out by ending the phone call or walking away from him or her (of course not turning your back on this person.) This is sending your former partner a direct message that you aren’t interested in speaking to him or her anymore about it. They will want to discuss these issues further, tell them you were under the impression that you broke up and then walk away from them again (don’t turn your back on him or her) or if you prefer not to meet with them in-person hang up the phone.
In closing, it is understandable that due to certain personality types, you don’t feel comfortable just telling a person you want to break up with him or her. However, if you know you are dealing with someone who is mentally unstable, always have conversations around other people, this way you can get help if you need to. Don’t expect them to behave maturely. If you are at a restaurant, wait to leave the location before you start bringing up relationship issues – no one should have to get indigestion watching someone throw a drink on you or yelling and cursing at you. Once you breakup with someone, realize it is not your responsibility what they do after you have broken up with this person. If he or she kills his or herself, does something crazy to someone or something, attempts to fight you, or causes other problems, know your rights and consult with an attorney and file a police report. Relationships don’t work for a variety of reasons and the longer one stays in a relationship that isn’t good for them, the worse things can end up for all parties involved.
By Nicholl McGuire