Discover Your Faults First Before Dating Someone

You desire a partner. Someone who isn’t perfect, but has qualities you admire, respects your opinions, appreciates your lifestyle and is interested in commitment. Lately, you haven’t been able to meet your special someone. So like most singles, you continue to date hoping by chance you will find someone—anyone—to complete you. Yet, your efforts seem to be done in vain. These people are just not compatible with you. What could you be doing wrong? Let’s examine some of those past mistakes you have made when selecting partners.

Compromising on your key preferences.

You told your date that you enjoy a certain hobby and/or interest. In turn this person told you that he or she preferred something else. So what did you do? Tailor your interests in such a way to appease your date. You basically denied or changed parts of self to accommodate someone else so as to make you two compatible when you both are not.

Creating false images of your dates.

You discovered that your date enjoys partying like a rock star not only on weekends, but some days through the week. You explain away his or her negative behaviors as being “cool, great, wonderful” to others. However, you know deep inside this person is really a loose goose and the likelihood he or she will change their ways for you (especially for a lifetime) is slim to none.

Looking the other way when the writing is on the wall.

He says he makes good money, yet he overdrafts his bank account more than he changes his underwear! She says, “He is just a friend,” but you find that they go out more than you two. So you reason to self, “I will stick around a little longer. We aren’t perfect—everyone has problems. We all have friends we like more than others…” Ignore the smoke signs and you will get burned!

Avoiding the work you must put in to be a better person.

It’s very easy to blame everyone else when you are at fault. Maybe you are the one who is anal about things that most people aren’t. Maybe you have past issues you have yet to get over and just maybe you aren’t really ready for a relationship like you think. A shift of focus from the dating scene back to yourself will help you re-evaluate what you want from a future partner now that you have been out in the field awhile.

Arguing when there is no argument.

The truth sits right before your eyes. You have five senses and you find yourself frequently closing off four of them, so that you can make your point and get the last word. Arguing, debating, yelling even the silent argument may have worked to a certain extent with relatives and past relationships for a time; but if you are seeking a good match, you will have to rethink your strategies when communicating your dislike of someone or something and/or trying to get someone to act on your needs or see your point of view.

Settling with dates you don’t find very attractive.

No amount of money or consistent niceties will drive away those hidden feelings you have about someone’s appearance, smell or something else. When you just don’t find the person attractive, you must not force yourself to be with them just because they bought you something nice or made a promise to take you on a trip. It’s not fair to the person to deceive them in to thinking you find them attractive and it’s not fair to you.

In closing, when dating, be true to yourself! The key to selecting the right partner is being honest in all things you want for yourself. You don’t like a certain a look, don’t settle. You can’t accept odd behaviors, interests, or lifestyles, avoid being around them. You have little patience for certain types of attitudes, figure out what kind of attitudes you can tolerate. You don’t like pets or children, don’t pretend like you do.

You can respectfully tell a person that you had something else in mind without boldly saying something to hurt their feelings. Tell your dates, you prefer doing something else when they suggest something you don’t like or at least take them up on an offer or two if it will help you get to know this person better. State your interests and share the things you absolutely don’t like. When you noticed the person is altering his or her actions or mood to satisfy you, don’t fall for the trick! Some people do this to take you off the dating scene when you aren’t ready to stop dating. Remind the person you don’t compromise your core qualities for anyone and you don’t expect him or her to do it for you. The person may sense you aren’t interested in him or her any longer when you aren’t willing to put up with certain things especially those that are negative, he or she may do some things different. You will need to determine whether this person honestly likes who you are and your beliefs. Ask yourself, “Is this person trying to be a better person because of my influence or is he or she only making changes to suit a specific need temporarily such as: sex, money, and/or help with a problem?”

By Nicholl McGuire

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