6 Signs You Don’t Want to Move-In With Someone

Apartment Shopping, Leasing, Rental Tips: 6 Signs You Don’t Want to Move-In With Someone: Sometimes we agree to move in with people out of desperation, emotional commitment, and other reasons.   However, we are making a bad mis...

Relocating After Living Together: How to Move On Once You Know He Doesn’t Love You in Six Steps

After all of the crying, fussing, screaming, and adult talk, you have finally awakened to a reality that is hard to swallow, he doesn’t love you. So what steps do you take to move on with your life while still living with him? Further, what if you have no support system or the one you do have lives over 3000 miles away? Those questions are answered in the following plan that is created to help you make it on your own without him.

So what is the first step you take? Think of where you want to go and who might live in the city you choose that could possibly help you. From a MySpace acquaintance to a long lost cousin, if you can have at least one person who could possibly help you get your foot in a door or two, that may be hard for you to do on your own, would eliminate some of your stress. If you still can’t think of anyone, then conduct research using the words “human service agencies” in the city you are thinking of moving to, these organizations can be very helpful to people in similar situations as yourself. You will also need to know approximately when you plan on moving out. If you follow this plan, depending on how much money you have already saved, you will be out within weeks. However, if you have no money it may be months. If you find that you are pressed for time to move out and nowhere to go, then those human service agencies I mentioned earlier will direct you to a shelter if need be.

Money

Evaluate what money you already have available to you including credit cards. Be sure to look around your apartment to find any items that you no longer use or want that can be sold. In addition, you will not want to rely on your current job or business venture as your sole source of income, but you may have to post some fliers around the neighborhood letting people know of a service you may be able to offer them on a part-time basis. For instance, let's say you are capable of watching children, why not offer to babysit a few hours during the week? You may have a degree from college that you haven't put to good use, put your name on the flyer along with your educational background and tell people what you may be able to do to help them. If you have time to consult people on a problem for say, $50 or more an hour—do it. Maybe you can spare 30 minutes each day to write until you have a complete report that you can sell on Clickbank or an auction site like EBay; however, keep in mind that it has to be a physical product if you sell it on EBay, they no longer accept digital downloads. Visit links attached to the resource section of this article, check out videos people have made on this site as well as YouTube on making money from home, conduct an Internet search for more money making ideas by using search terms such as virtual income, home income, freelance, telecommuting, etc. and visit your local library. Try to find the opportunities that you don’t have to pay anything to join and who will pay you through PayPal. You won’t want any paper money being sent to you while you are trying to move.

The second step is to save money. Total up all of the money on a weekly basis that you are able to save. Don't buy anything you don't need and put generosity on hold during this time in your life. This is the time to start harvesting the seeds you have sown when others had problems and nonprofit organizations and schools asked you for a donation, now it's time for you to collect. If you have participated in any program or did anything in the past that you have yet to see any promised money for then get on the phone and start asking about your money (this includes family and friends who borrowed from you.) Let them know briefly what changes you will be making in your personal life, but whatever you do, try not to stay on the phone talking negatively about the one who broke your heart. When you spend more time bad-mouthing and less time working toward your goals you end up procrastinating. People who sincerely care for you will offer to help you in any way they can, so don't be prideful and tell them, "No thank you." Then they will say, "Are you sure?" Meanwhile, you will be thinking, "I really do need some help." This is a time to put your so-called loving family and friends to the test, so test them!

Third, you now have an idea of how much money you have and you have estimated about how much more you need. If you haven't figured out the cost of all of the expenses, surf the net for transportation costs such as the plane ride, an apartment, new clothes for a job interview, and any money your family or friend might request for you to stay with them or contribute to gas (you can eliminate the gas expense by calculating how much a monthly bus pass will cost) until you get on your feet. Now it's time to start packing. Since you are relocating out of the state, you will want to visit the post office and find out approximately how much it will cost to ship your boxes to your family or friend's home (that is if they say it's okay for your items to be stored in their home, if not maybe you can make arrangements to take them to a storage location as soon as they arrive. This way your boxes won't inconvenience them. You will need to send them out a day or two before you leave the state that way they will be in transit and won't have to stay at your family or friend's house for long.) The smaller the box the cheaper it is to mail. Add the estimated cost to your total of expenses. Be sure you know where you will be going, so that you put the new address in the return address section too. You don't want any of your packages going back to your old address giving your former partner and excuse to continue communicating with you or worse yet taking your belongings.

Job Search

Fourth, you should be updating your resume with the address you are moving to and include the new phone number, preparing cover letters including your new contact information, and sending them out to companies in your industry at your new location. You should also inform whoever you are living with of this so that they will take your phone calls and pass them on to you. Further, ask them to help you look for a job as well. Send them copies of your cover letters and resumes along with a list of additional companies that may still need to be contacted via mail or fax. Add postage and any money you may be willing to pay them to your list of expenses. Once you know that a company is interested in interviewing you, you will need to obtain money from your savings to get to the interview. Some companies will want to interview you a second time. If so, you may want to try to get around the second interview because it will cost you additional money if you haven't left the old residence yet and have left your belongings behind or you can always stay longer between visits. Wait for an offer letter before you book a moving truck, reserve plane tickets, or sign a lease. Being over anxious will cost you money every time, so be wise!

Apartment Search

Fifth, if you don't want to overstay your welcome with family, then start looking for an apartment now. You can do this by visiting sites that will give you a walking tour of vacant apartments online and floor plans. To be sure that you won't be disappointed with the apartment you may be moving into soon after you have relocated, have a family member or friend visit these apartments for you. Once you have decided on one, take the money you have saved and put money down on the apartment to hold it. Most property management companies will hold an apartment with money on it for as little as 48 hours while some private owners will hold an apartment, if you have agreed upon a payment plan, as long as you keep paying on it until you are ready to move in which is no longer than 30 days. Some will expect you to move in with the security deposit, first and second month's rent within 15 days or less, so ask in advance before you pay for application fees or put money down, "How long will your company hold an apartment with or without money? How much will I need to put down?" There are many who will not return your money once you have given them a move-in date and signed an agreement.

Lease, Utilities & other paperwork

Sixth, be sure to remove your name and his name off of every legal binding document. From the insurance papers to the lease, leave no stone unturned. Make phone calls, send emails, and write notes to confirm. The last things you want to do is leave the relationship and find later a letter in the mail requesting your court appearance. Whatever you can’t complete by the time you leave, document, take a photograph, or have some type of proof even if you have to give him a letter with your finger print on it at the last minute promising to complete, fix, pay for whatever has been left unresolved. However, remember if you don’t keep your word that letter will come back and bite you. Be sure you are specific on what you paid already with copies of the check and money orders and include anything you gave him before you left (food, furniture, TV, etc.) Ask him for his signature which proves he agreed to the details of the letter.

Complete All Tasks

Lastly, set a deadline for yourself to complete all tasks including: when you will return any items that don't belong to you but to your partner, when to pay your portion of any bills you agreed to pay, and most of all doing any cleaning or repairs you may need to make. At this stage of the break up, the only information you should be sharing with your former partner is when "I will be moving..." and where "I will be leaving the key..." Avoid being tempted to give them details about your new job, new residence, new phone number and any other information that he can use to keep in touch with you. Now if you have children you should give them contact information if you or children are not at risk of being harmed, but you should avoid giving them any personal details about yourself. Let's say you tell yourself, "Well I should let him know where I will be staying in case a bill shows up at the house, or maybe I might forget something, then he could send it to me." Most likely he won’t care to remember, because he isn't interested in you anymore. Rely on the post office change of address form to send your mail to you. If you fill out the card at least two weeks prior to your move, you will be able to see that your mail stops being delivered. As for the thing you might have forgotten, most couples who no longer like one another will toss personal items in the trash, give them away, or sell them. They reason, "He won't need this." They may even use those items to try to lure you back in during their time of loneliness, don't fall for it. Most heart-breakers are just lonely, not in love. They usually start back to their old ways soon after make-up sex while still not being interested in you.

So what happens after your partner sees you are taking all of these steps to move? If he sincerely doesn’t love you and feels like you provide no added benefit to the relationship, he won’t be difficult. However, if there is still some feeling he has for you, he may act negatively about your actions and will bring up the past. Notice some key phrases like, “I still care about you. I want what’s best for you. Do you need help with that? I can drive…Would you like me to mail that…?” Remember he may be trying to avoid conflict by being cooperative, so don’t misunderstand his actions by thinking “he still loves me.” If he sincerely did, you wouldn’t be moving you would be planning your wedding.

By Nicholl McGuire

Thinking About Living with Someone? Consider these 7 Tips Before You Do

You may be considering on living with someone, but you don’t quite know everything you want to ask this person before you move in with him or her. There are some very important things you may want to discuss with your future roommate to avoid possible problems.

One. Money.

If you were told that the rent would be split in half each month upon move in or some other arrangement had been made, then you may want to get anything said in writing. You can do this simply by texting or sending an email asking that your roommate just confirm the agreement. For example, you may say something like, “So when we spoke last time about rent, I wanted to be sure you said that you would be paying me… or I would be paying you…” This is an informal way to get your arrangement in writing, but it would be best to get a formal agreement with both parties’ signatures present on the document. You will also include other things that you are expected to pay as well. Some people will even have their documents notarized by a third party.

Two. Work schedule.

Some people work late while others leave before the birds awake. This is important to know because you may be a late night owl or early riser and the last thing you want to do is annoy your roommate.

Three. Habits.

Everyone has those things they do that are fun for them, but boring for others. Sometimes these habits may be noisy. Whatever the habits, find out from your roommate what he or she enjoys and try to work something out in your schedules that won’t cause a disturbance to the other.

Four. Family and friends.

A roommate may want them to come over to the place that the two of you share. If this is the case, you will want to define what rooms are off limits and if you both share the grocery bill and other items, be sure that your roommate advises his or her guests not to help themselves to what’s in the kitchen, on a desk, a countertop or in a drawer.

Five. Cleanliness.

Not everyone believes that cleanliness is the next thing to godliness, so if you or your roommate isn’t big on cleaning, then you will need to know how might chores be shared and when are you expected to do your part.

Six. Unexpected pregnancy, illness or family emergency.

These things may happen especially if your roommate is also your lover. What if the girlfriend becomes pregnant? What might happen if your roommate becomes ill? What if a family emergency causes a relative to show up at your doorstep? What if your roommate has to tend to family emergency and doesn’t have the rent money? Be sure that you have a savings plan for those unexpected, unanticipated occurrences.

Seven. Exs and children of previous relationships.

Some people don’t know what kind of problems they are inheriting when they decide to live with someone. Unresolved conflicts from the past creep up out of nowhere! There is the exs that come over without calling first or phone calls from children wanting “to see my daddy…where is my mommy?” In addition to this, your roommate may be short of cash because he or she continues to help out an ex financially and also pays child support. Know what kind of challenges your roommate is up against and whether he or she has those issues under control before you move in.

Now that you have some things to think about, take the time to discuss each issue with your roommate. Whatever you can get in writing, do it. You may also need to take photos of anything that was damaged, before you moved in as well. It’s unfortunate, but if you should ever have to go to court, you will have some proof of the agreed upon household contribution.

To save yourself from future credit problems, avoid sharing a bank account or opening one for your roommate. Avoid the temptation to let your roommate use your credit or debit cards. Change your pin numbers in case he or she has used your cards in the past. Do not put utilities or cable in your name unless you can afford to pay them. Also, refrain from co-signing on loans of any kind. Keep your tax information, savings and investment statements, and family financial business to yourself. All of this information may be used against you one day or if this person becomes angry with you may try to use it against you and/or your family.

You may trust your future roommate with your first born, love this person immensely, and may even die for him or her, but love can blind the most good-hearted of people. Guard your heart while keeping your eyes wide open.

By Nicholl McGuire

Marriage Or Cohabitation - How Are Children Affected?

Recently on the Today Show, Brad Pitt briefly discussed his family, including long-time girlfriend Angelina Jolie and their six adoptive children. When asked if he planned to marry Angie, he said if they determine it would benefit their children, they would do so. Following is some evidence that could change the mind of people wondering if long-term cohabitation is as good a choice as marriage for families with children.

Hopefully, most Americans aren't modeling their lives after Hollywood celebrities, but cohabitation is becoming more common, so the issue is worth discussing. Marriage is not just a financial decision; it is not just a decision of the heart. It involves these things of course, but when children are involved, they should also be considered. So, today's post is dedicated to studies showing how children are affected by marriage-emotionally, behaviorally, sexually, mentally, and physically.

Research shows that in the U.S. cohabitators resemble singles more than they resemble married couples. Their unions are much less stable. One study showed that half of the children born to a cohabitating couple saw their parents split by the time they were five. The number was even higher for Latino or African-Americans. For married couples, 15% split in the same time period. Another study found that even after controlling for socioeconomic and parenting factors, teenagers who lived in cohabiting households experienced more behavioral and emotional difficulties than those in intact, married families.

A fourth study found married parents devote more of their financial resources to childrearing and education than do cohabiting parents, whereas cohabiting parents spent a larger percentage of their income on alcohol and tobacco. In the study, cohabiting couples had lower incomes and education levels. They also reported more conflict and violence and lower satisfaction levels.

Marriage has not only social effects on children, but also biosocial consequences. For example, girls appear to have their sexual development affected by male pheromones, which either accelerate or decelerate their development, depending on their family situation. Studies have shown that adolescent girls who do not grow up in an intact married home are more likely to menstruate early. On the other hand, girls "who have close, engaged relationships with their fathers" begin menstruation at a later age. Girls who live with an unrelated male menstruate even earlier than those living with single mothers. Researchers believe the father's pheromones appear to inhibit sexual development, while an unrelated male accelerates her development. When a girl has earlier sexual development, she is more likely to become sexually active earlier and is at higher risk of teen pregnancies.

Boys also benefit from married parents. Boys in unmarried families carry out more delinquent acts. Boys in single-parent homes are about twice as likely, and boys in stepfamilies are 2.5 times more likely, to commit a crime leading to jail time by their 30s. Boys in cohabiting families have been found to be more likely to be involved in delinquent behavior, cheating, and have more school suspensions. When a boy lives with his mother and her boyfriend, the boyfriend is more likely to be abusive than his own father. This leads to additional problems.

Additional research has suggested children with two married parents have better health and a longer life expectancy than other children. This benefit starts in infancy, and remains a lifelong benefit.

It is tempting to suggest the difference is due to socioeconomic status or education levels. But many studies account for these factors. One such study followed academically gifted, middle-class children for 70 years. Researchers controlled for family background and childhood health status, and even personality characteristics. They found children of divorce had life expectancy reduced by four years. They also found that 40-year-old men whose parents had divorced were three times more likely to die in the next 40 years than were 40-year-old men whose parents remained married.

Even babies have a lower risk of mortality when born to married parents than if they are born to unmarried parents. The average increase in infant mortality is 50% for unmarried women. After controlling for age, race and education, infants with unwed mothers still have a higher mortality rate, even through early childhood years.

Sweden has a national health care system for all its citizens. But a study of the entire Swedish population showed boys who lived in single-parent homes were more than 50% more likely to die of various causes (i.e. suicide, accidents, addiction) than those in a married, two-parent home. Boys and girls in single-parent families were more than twice as likely to have problems with drug or alcohol abuse, psychiatric diseases, suicide attempts. They were also more likely to experience poisonings, traffic injuries or falls than teens in two-parent families.

Yet another study shows teens who live with their married parents are less likely to experiment to drugs alcohol or tobacco than other teens-even after controlling for age, race, gender, and family income.

Mental health of children was also affected when parents split up. Children of divorce have double the risk of serious psychological problems later in life than children with parents who stay married. They are more likely to suffer from depression, drug and alcohol abuse, or suicidal thoughts. The exception is when there is a marriage has "high and sustained" conflict levels, children benefit psychologically if the parents divorce.

I could write many more examples, but I imagine you get the picture that marriage has been shown in lots of research to protect children in myriad ways. Let me just share the most shocking statistics for those of you still with me. It is hard to imagine for parents who love their children (and stepchildren), but children who do not live with their own two parents are at much higher risk of child abuse. Living with a stepparent is the most significant factor in severe child abuse. Children are more than 50 times more likely to be murdered by a stepparent (usually a stepfather) than by a biological parent. A different study showed children were 40 times more likely to be sexually abused than one living with both of his biological parents. A national study found that 7% of children who lived with one parent had been sexually abused, compared to 4% of children who live with both parents.

With this research in mind, do you believe marriage has a social benefit for children?

Information on these studies can be found in "Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition" by Institute for American Values.

Lori Lowe is a writer and communications consultant from Indianapolis. Her blog http://www.lorilowe.wordpress.com encourages couples in their marriages and family relationships. Subscribe today to read a positive voice in your inbox.