Friday

When the Ex Says He Still Misses, Loves You

The conversation is going well.  Feelings are warm and before long comments about still liking or loving you begin to surface.  For some of you, you don't know what to do when an ex does this.  Others grow cold and rush to end the conversation.  Then there are others who welcome to the chat and are struggling with all sorts of emotions. 


You really didn't want to hear how an ex feels, and you think, "If he loved me so much he would have never..."  So what do you do?  Some things to think about when talking to exes who miss or still love you.


1.  Always best not to respond.  You say something it might come out wrong especially if you are in a relationship with someone else.  Keep in mind feels of nostalgia, those good ole day moments, are temporal.  Back to reality, remind yourself, "He is a liar, he cheated...he is boring, a jerk...I couldn't wait to get away from him, so why would I even think about a future with him?"


2.  He hopes you will share how you feel, don't do it.  For some men, they aren't interested in a relationship, they just want to feel wanted at least for the time-being and if they can get some sex, they will try hopefully with no strings attached.  A wounded ego drives a man that may have had a hard day with a woman he is dating or currently married to, so an exe that can make him feel good with her voice, body or kind words is a nice stroke to his self-esteem.


3.  Don't open the door and he won't be able to walk in.  If you welcome an ex or any man's charm into your life, then his body is sure to follow.  Stop caring so much about him, being inviting and desiring his affection, and offering your thoughts and body to the ex.  How are you going to move on with your life when you play mind games with yourself and him?  Many women break up with men for good reasons, but then forget when they too become lonely, sexually frustrated, or need some kind of help.  It is never too late to stop those friendly conversations, touching, and visiting with the ex.  Do it before you get hurt again!


4.  He will promise never to hurt you again if you just give him one more chance.  An ex will claim a lot of things when you are on his mind and things aren't going so well for him in his life.  Don't believe the hype!  Once the "I'm missing you" feelings fade away, it will be back to what drove you two apart in the first place.  Jog your memory again.  Think about the bad times.


Here are some things to do to stay out of a lonely, miserable ex's trap:


1.  Shut your trap!  That means your mouth and your you know what!
2.  Avoid reminiscing about those good times.
3.  Don't answer questions about feelings or respond to comments about how you make him feel.
4.  Don't provide personal details about your current life especially involving a new mate.
5.  Your ex might share some things about his life to entice you to say something.  Remember he knows some aspects about your personality and he will try to trigger emotions like: jealousy, sexual desire, need, hope, love, and more.  End the conversation, "Well, I got to go...nice talking...Take care."
6.  Shorten your time with him over the phone or in-person.  Also, keep in mind you never know who is watching or listening, so if you don't want rumors started, avoid long discussions with an ex.
7.  When children are involved, contact them not him.  Ask to speak to them.  If need be, get them a cell phone so that you can call them directly.  If he starts talking to you, remain quiet include a few "oh, huh, yes...wow...", and then go back to your request to speak to children.  If you need to know certain things about your son or daughter, stick to the topic at hand.  He knows that is what you are aiming to do so he just might say some things to anger you just to keep you on the phone longer or in his presence.  Don't fall for it!  Always have something to do.  "Well, thanks so much for letting me speak to the kids...I have a lot to do, so I'm going to have to go...bye."


As tempting as it might be to talk to an ex about mutual friends, family and other people you know and common interests, avoid the discussion.  Also, consider that one day a partner will share how he or she feels uncomfortable with how you communicate with an ex.  You can be friendly about matters related to children or business, but anything outside of that will result in future conflict.  If you still want a relationship with an ex, none of this applies.  Just remember why you two broke up and let that be the determining factor on whether you should reconnect with him or let him go for good.


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
 

Sunday

What Are You Willing to Do to Have a Healthy Relationship?

Some people claim they want better relationships, yet they want to live their lives selfishly without giving a thought about partners' feelings.  They expect mates will always agree with them.  They falsely believe they are "good" men and women.  They also deceive themselves into thinking now that they are engaged or married that partners will always be around.  Healthy relationships require effort.  One who is unwilling to do too much of anything, other than to sail along in a relationship, will end up losing.  You can't put a relationship on cruise control or set it or forget it like a kitchen gadget.  It really does take two to make things work!

1.  Stop thinking and comparing your past to a current mate.

The more you think about "I wish...I wonder if he/she is thinking about me...What went wrong with XYZ?  I sure wish things would have been different."  All of this wishful thinking will play a part in your current relationship even if a partner has no clue that is what you are thinking.  Also, be careful of the entertainment you are selecting, because that will expose you!  A musician singing about "Do I ever cross your mind..." talk shows about wanting exes back, or a movie about how to get an ex back are dead giveaways!

2.  Keep away from distractions that will only cause problems in your relationship.

We know there is always one, two or three or more that will call out of the blue, send an email or a text.  Don't let your communication disturb your intimate connection with a current partner because it will!  Alcohol and substance abuse are relationship killers.  So is cheating, lying, financial challenges, unwanted babies, and more.  If things are going well, it is always best not to add to relationship burdens. 

3.  Avoid getting your relatives and friends involved with your relationship challenges.

Male and female friends who have nothing better to do with their time, but to be in your personal business will also get you in trouble sooner or later.  Busybody relatives with negative opinions, so-called helpful advice or unhealthy teachings about all things related to relationships will eventually wear on you.  Before you know it, you are separated, divorced, and/or lonely.  Keep in mind, Misery loves company!

4.  Don't be tempted to make children so important that you forget about your partner.

One thing that many new couples overlook is just how challenging raising children can be.  A relationship is never the same once babies show up.  The mother's personality will change and so will her body.  Men don't always look or act the same either.  Parents who tend to coddle children will usually ignore one another.  They also tend to put children on pedestals while demonizing partners.  Throw in controlling grandparents into the mix and there will be problems!  Put your parenting in check and remember children will grow up and live their own lives and what will you and a partner do then if there was mistreatment going on in the relationship all those years?

5.  Jobs come and go, so why spend so much time at one that you don't see your family?

The money blinds so many workers in relationships.  Families end up breaking up because someone doesn't know when to shut down a computer, shut up at work, shut off a cell phone, and more.  Consider this, who will be there when the boss one day calls you into his office and says, "We no longer need your service...We have to lay off employees...I'm sorry to inform you..."

6.  Think about ways you can be more kind, helpful, and appreciative of your partner. 

Your loved one can leave the relationship without a moment's notice, always remember that.  No one is required to stay in a loveless relationship including those who believe in the Almighty, even God will not co-sign on foolishness! 

It might appear like a partner is okay with frequent impatience, ignoring, ugly ways, and more, but the reality is that one day, he or she will say, "Enough is enough!"  Some used and abused partners haven't considered divorcing miserable mates, but they will die one day from constant stress.  Think about those in your own family who endured much from partners and are now resting in peace.

Do what you can to make the most of your relationship, this way if it does come to an end, at least you did the best you can.  A healthy relationship is possible so why not put in the effort to maintain it like you would a house, car, and a job?

Nicholl McGuire provides spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?
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