What Scares a Man Away! - Dating Advice for Women - Single in Stilettos

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Sometimes we professionals are so busy with our online activities that we simply forget to say, "Thank you!" to those who appreciate our work. 

It has been a long road personally and professionally and on some days, the road appears to get even longer!  Looking for love, maintaining existing relationships, or starting new ones isn't easy.  As my grandmother once told me, "You have to take the bitter with the sweet."  So true.  As much as we would like to be the perfect fit for someone and vice versa, the truth of the matter is we are flawed human beings who will not always live and look our best now.

It is my hope that those of you who come across this blog will be encouraged, know your truth, and always believe in love.  There is nothing greater than to experience sincere, unmerited love!

Stay blessed,

YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
Nicholl McGuire Media


Open and Honest - When a Date Knows More About You than You Know About Him

So many women fall into the "open and honest" trap that some manipulative men use to get them to share secrets, future plans, and more.  Meanwhile, they are not nearly as transparent as their lovers/friends/partners.  Some things will never be said because a man, with a plan, is not the least bit interested in spilling his guts.

What would make some women feel like they needed to tell so much about themselves to someone from the start of a relationship?  For some ladies, they have such a strong desire to connect with dates while hopefully knocking out the possible competition.  They believe the more they share with their dates, the closer they are to them.  Others are naturally open and honest and think that because they are that way, the men they meet will be the same.

The open door policy, secret spilling, and confessions work great when you know the individual you are with has learned many painful lessons in life and no longer want to lie, cover up, or keep his or her mate in the dark.  However, those who could care less about what anyone thinks, and chooses to live a life in a way that pleases him or her despite how others might feel is simply not going to tell his or her business.

Naive, gullible, insecure, and jealous partners will argue, defend, treat others wrongly, and do much evil because they don't want to face the truth they are with a handsome manipulator or sexy deceiver.  Any truth that passes before their eyes is wrong, incorrect, inaccurate, and so on.

Those with a bad past, still bitter about life decisions, and carry many secrets, are not going to be forthcoming with information no matter how open and honest a partner claims to be in the relationship.  You can take the person to church, put them in a courtroom, spend money on them, and give them sex whenever he or she wants, and none of those things or others will make anyone share their deepest, darkest secrets.

When you know someone is hiding something from you, be on your guard.  Stop being so open about everything you do and say especially when you know you are with someone who is hot-tempered, emotionally abusive, or has a mental disorder or addiction.  Learn to pay close attention to your environment when he or she comes around and when he or she leaves.  Interview those who know that person well.  Protect your finances.  Don't leave valuable information or items in view. Teach children not to be so forthcoming with details about you like who you talk to and where you go.  Also, talk to them about not keeping secrets from you.  Set up recording devices in your home, on phones, or enlist the help of others to trap the individual in his or her lies if necessary.

Nicholl McGuire provides spiritual insight on YouTube channel:  nmenterprise7.


5 Signs You're Dating A Toxic Person

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On Dating a Christian: Are You Sincerely a Believer?

Some people visit Christian dating websites and are not active believers. They might have a reverence for the faith, but are not studying the word of God or living their lives accordingly. This can be quite frustrating for those who sincerely take God at his word and hope to connect with a like-minded believer.

If one is serious about a committed relationship with someone, he or she must be equally focused on his or her personal relationship with Christ. During the dating phase with a believer, there will be spiritual tests that won’t be anything like the worldly dater is used to. He or she will find at times that it is much harder to date a believer than an unbeliever. This is because Christian singles pray much, may attend fellowship services, and follow the precepts in the Holy Bible. If one is not reading the word of God, then he or she has no clue what to expect when dating a Christian.

It is always best to bypass dating someone who is a Christian if you are unwilling to do the things that he or she does. The Christian is warned in his or her Bible not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. So if one doesn't believe in a Holy God, he or she should avoid deceiving the Christian.

Too often faithless people have wandered on Christian single dating sites in the hopes of meeting someone because they agree with the character traits that a Christian is supposed to possess. However, they themselves are not interested. Rather, they desire to capitalize off the Christian’s blessings.

For some people, they have learned the hard way why it is much better to be one’s self and visit dating websites that cater to one’s own kind.

How do you know if someone who claims to be Christian really is?

  1. He or she will mention God, prayer, Bible and other things in his or her conversation.
  2. You will feel something different with this person that you have never felt with others.
  3. You might be curious about spiritually growing.
  4. There will be a fellowship invite where you will meet the Christian’s friends.
  5. You will most likely meet relatives and they might ask about your plans to marry.
  6. There will be a discussion about marriage and children.
  7. You may be tested in many ways so that the Christian can access whether the connection is indeed divinely inspired or a trick from Satan. (If you don’t believe in an evil archenemy of the people of God, you will have some challenges dating a Christian).
Nicholl McGuire authored Know Your Enemy: The Christians Critic, When Mothers Cry and Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street


Why Marriage Isn’t for Everyone

For years, a companion might talk of marriage, but when it comes down to actually doing it, they are put off by the idea. Visions of a wedding don’t go over too well with some people. They know the significance of marriage vows. They worry over not being able to stay true to them. They are also concerned about things like: not being a good parent, not being able to take care of family due to a shortage of finances, divorce, death, and other issues. With so much on their minds when it comes to marriage, those with commitment phobias talk themselves out of getting married.

Marriage is such a touchy subject for some, that they break out in sweats, argue, break up, disregard the topic, or become silent. They reason that being in a relationship without getting married is good enough. In addition, these fearful individuals will convince any partner willing to go along with their plan to stay without the contract. Yet, if the intimate partner should desire marriage, the worried lover might fake interest and promise commitment, meanwhile knowing full well he or she will not marry.

The thought of commitment scares some.

Whatever may have happened in the past or what might have been witnessed over the years was so negative, that the individual who avoids marriage like a plague, doesn't find anything about it attractive. Thus, he or she will do almost anything to avoid it including orchestrating a break up if the topic comes up too often.

A single man or woman feels like he or she is giving up her freedom.

Marriage has been described as an institution, the old ball and chain, and other words that don’t give anyone a good feeling about it. No one wants to feel like his or her freedom is being taken away just because he or she chooses to marry. But an individual, who resents the idea, will not even bother to reason anything positive about it. One’s freedom is far more important than marriage.

Some people love work more than they could ever love being in an intimate relationship.

A man or woman who feels like a marital relationship is a dream crusher will not think of it as being a good thing. So if there are high hopes for job success or plans to make a major career move, marriage is not anything he or she would want.

Too many outside activities.

When one is already inundated with things to do, thinking of meeting a husband or wife’s needs is yet another burden that the already busy person doesn't want. Life is complicated enough for some, and having to obligate one’s self to yet another is a turn-off.

No desire to remain faithful to a single person.

A man or woman who immensely enjoys dating a variety of people will not commit. For some, they may desire a committed relationship, but then find themselves cheating. Past relationship drama has taught them marriage just isn't for them.

When one notices the unenthusiastic attitude concerning marriage and the pessimistic statements about it coming from the mouth of a date, know that this is a person who most likely will not change his or her view for a long time if ever. Too many people enter into relationships hoping to get married only to have hopes deferred for years because partners just don’t want to commit.

Nicholl McGuire authored Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself, When Mothers Cry and other books.


When You Don’t Love a Date, You Pity Him or Her by Nicholl McGuire

So a date is not the type of person you had in mind?  Yet, you give a date the chance to prove his or herself. Even with some quality time spent getting to know the individual, you don’t see a future with this date. But you have a weakness for people with problems, and this date has more than a few.

Money issues, problems with relatives, no family in town, or personal struggles, you believe that if you stick around and help a date with his or her life challenges maybe you might love this person one day. The damsel in distress or the desperate man has softened your heart with “I love you” or “I want to be with you.” You feel connected to this person.

But love is not what is happening here, it is pity and lust between you two. One is dependent on the other. The one doing the most in the relationship is acting like the rescuer. In time, if there is no love shared between the two the relationship becomes dysfunctional. The savior becomes controlling while the needy type behaves like a puppet, doing what is asked of his or her master.

You might pity this person, because he or she is going through a tough time. Further, you enjoy the rush you get when you help a person in need. However, being a good friend to someone is not the same as building one’s life with him or her. If a date has mentioned commitment, he or she most likely expects that one day you will want the same. Yet, if that is not what you have in mind, you might want to think about ending the relationship sooner rather than later. One can remain friendly without being sexual. Having sex with a needy person creates a strong bond and if you are not into him or her your attitude will show.

The date who believes that what he or she is experiencing is love is most likely in lust. It feels good when someone is doing nice things for another. But nice deeds don’t mean that a person who is doing them is in love. If you should find a date seems to be quick about expressing feelings and planning a future, know that this person is more concerned about getting out of a troublesome situation above everything else. Notice what might be happening in his or her life that is pushing him or her into your arms.

Sometimes a date will mention things about a costly expense like a current living arrangement, transportation, childcare, and utilities in the hopes that you will help. Couples have been known to rush cohabitation only to regret it. They have assumed they loved one another when later they learn what they were experiencing was a lust for one another. They conversed with one another about much, but failed to discuss how their decision might affect others such as children.

When one discovers that pity is driving a relationship and not feelings of love, step back and start making adjustments. Never lead a person into thinking that you could one day fall in love with him or her when you know that is the furthest thing from the truth!

Nicholl McGuire shares more tips for women and men in turbulent relationships, see here.


How to Include God in Relationship

Seeking a soul mate in the hopes that this person is going to bring light to your life, but having trouble finding him or her? Do you desire someone who is going to uplift you spiritually, emotionally and physically? If so, there is no one that will ever be a perfect fit, but at least for a time you just might land someone whose spirit might stand out among the rest.

What makes some dates a bit unique, special or very kind is their personal faith in someone or something bigger than their selves. Those who believe in a supernatural power recognize this fact; this is why they look to a heavenly Creator. This “God” that many speak of, who heals, loves, punishes, excites, and more, is welcomed into the believer’s personal as well as professional relationship. Couples in agreement about personal beliefs are happy with their God’s interference in their intimate relationship.

Seek God

In order for one to have a relationship with God, he or she must pray, believe, and trust in Him to supply needs before asking him to intervene in one’s quest to find a compatible match. Those that call themselves, Christians, believers or other names, will ask for Him to bless them with a partner who they hope to spend the rest of their lives. They will take much time watching as well as praying for signs that a potential date is indeed “The One.” Those that do this tend to know themselves very well and have specific criteria for selecting a partner.

Equally Yoked

The problem for many with a faith in a supernatural being is that they tend to attract people who don’t believe as they do. Some will compromise their faith in an effort to remain in a relationship while others will not. This is because they are not advised in their Holy Bible, a wise book of spiritual teachings with life lessons, to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe as they do. This can be disheartening for those who really enjoy the believer’s company and would very much like to be in his or her life long-term.


God’s involvement in the relationship comes when the couple decides that they would like to start doing the following: begin reading the Bible as a pair and/or individually, meditating on what they have read, participate in spiritual fasting, listening to spiritual music, attending church services, connecting with other like-minded couples, and more. As they grow to love their spiritual relationship with their Lord, the relationship appears to grow stronger as well. Much of what they spiritually experience is based on how committed they are to God and their relationship. Those that love deeply will say things like, “It is because of Jesus…I thank God for finding her…If it wasn't for Him I don’t know if I would have ever met my husband.”

A spiritual relationship is not for everyone, but for those who do include God in their dating or marriage, find it enlightening and enjoyable.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube: nmenterprise7 and she also provides informative tips about online dating here.

She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire

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