Dating Advice, Relationship Problems

Some young women make their lives complicated by dating men that they are clearly not compatible with, but due to money, fame, power, daddy issues, or something else they will remain in unhealthy unions.  Make this new year a start in the right direction, choose your dates wisely! When one feels like she is just not connecting with an older date, she will want to consider that the age gap relationship just might not be something she is still interested in continuing.  People don't get any younger and unfortunately the older we get, the more issues we have.  If you are a young woman who wants more out of life, you might want to reconsider dating a mature man with issues such as, being tired and lazy often.  Many older men have low-T or testosterone challenges.  However, lucky for some of you readers, you may not be in too deep with your mature partner; therefore take notice of signs early on that a tired, lazy older man just might be pretending to be something that he is really n

A relationship that has some light at the end of the tunnel just might survive.  But how do you know if there is any light/hope/better days?  1.  You and your partner will finally make up in your minds to stop the foolishness.  Anything or anyone who keeps bringing trouble to your relationship will be cut off, cut out, or cut back. 2.  When you look in the mirror and recognize the error of your ways, you come to the understanding that you must do something.  The self-reflection haunts you like a bad memory and you can't seem to shake it until you start doing something. 3.  You or your partner will start seeking out counsel in media and elsewhere for whatever is upsetting the relationship.  You will actually start implementing the advice given to you. 4.  When you make necessary adjustments that have been hindering progress based on what your partner has told you about yourself, you are well on your way to a better relationship. 5.  When your partner comes to the realizat

Some women don't want to hear the truth.  They rather falsely believe they are "good" women and the men who walked out on them, divorced, found someone else, or did other things were all bad.  They take no responsibility for driving men away, to the bottle, to the dating website, and elsewhere.  They refuse to correct destructive attitudes, bad habits, and more.  When you think of some of the most educated, prideful, articulate speaking, and argumentative women in your family, what do you see? In the past, I saw my share of hen-pecked men, those who weren't as educated as their partners and didn't make nearly as much as them, sit quietly in the foreground and do as they were told when called upon.  The women berated, threatened, and even hit them behind closed doors.  These were men who cheated on these women in the past, got laid off temporarily, lost jobs, had part-time hustles, or simply made less money then their women. On the other hand, there were those m

As much as many of us in current relationships would not want to admit how the past has affected our present and possibly our future, it did.  Whether the past was a bad break up, financial loss, death, or something else, upon careful reflection, we learned that much of our issues to date in a relationship have to do with past decision-making. You might have made a choice that is now costing you much year after year.  You may have assumed that a current partner would be all-too-understanding about an ex-partner and your children, but really isn't, or was okay about how many hours you work daily, but now shows signs he or she is a hindrance to progress.  Whatever the issue, it is a disappointment once you discover that if you don't change certain habits, make necessary adjustments, or do whatever it takes to maintain peace in a relationship that it most likely will come to an end. Sometimes a selection in a mate is detrimental to one's future, because we saw something i

So a lover brought a smile on your face when he or she bought a nice gift and planned a romantic evening.  Flattery makes one feel good and so does a warm meal, but it doesn't mean that a problematic partner is worth staying with just because he or she does a few thoughtful things. Tired of yelling, fighting, and ignoring a mate, a person might choose to take a temporary break from all the madness.  However, this doesn't mean that a dead-end relationship is suddenly headed somewhere.  Some couples deceive themselves into staying long past the expiration date just because they had a short-term honeymoon period. If he was ugly a month ago, chances are he is still that ugly guy just taking a break from acting ugly.  If she had been treating her guy wrongly for a long time, a couple of weeks of being nice to him doesn't mean that things are getting better, especially when she is still talking badly about the guy behind his back.  Temporal happiness is deceitful.  It make

Some husbands are just not very good guys although they work real hard at deceiving family and friends.  They trick some into thinking that they love, care and respect their wives, but from the disappointment displayed in their partners' eyes, relatives know different.  The observant see through the smoke and mirrors.  No eye contact, not the slightest touch (or way too much touch), distance between the couple, and the disrespect displayed when a husband is talking to a woman that is not his wife, are obvious signs, the man would have been better off staying at home.  So what might those irritating things he does that make his ride home with his wife a quiet one? 1.  He smiles and talks too much to the attractive women at the family event.  He manages to find some subject to talk about with them, but at home, he doesn't say much to his wife. 2.  He will pretend as if he is madly in love with his wife when he sees her talking with a handsome man who is not a family member

Days of not having a good night sleep, moments where something didn't smell right under covers, and daily late night Internet surfing and TV watching can not only affect sex, but set a relationship back!  1.  Snoring Loud noises throughout the day, chatty co-workers, nerve-racking toys, and other irritating things can overwhelm anyone.  The only peace one might have is when he or she lies on a nice, comfy bed and closes eyes at night.  However, if one is sleeping with a partner who snores loudly, how much rest are you really getting?  Think of the mood swings, the tiredness during the day, and overall how you feel, most likely you are not getting a quality night sleep due to snoring.  Those who have struggled with snoring for years need medical help, over-counter medicines simply don't work for some.  If a partner often complains about snoring and not being able to rest, don't wonder why he or she is more interested in sleeping and less interested in having sex.  If yo

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Another Weekend of Sports, Attitude and Blame - Ab... : They gather around television screens and will boldly tell all females in the household or elsewhere, "Don't interrupt, find somet...

Anyone who has ever loved or been loved, may have wished to do some things differently in their lives when it comes to dating.  One day I thought of some things I had wished I knew about dating before I started meeting people. 1.  Some memories never go away. It would have been wiser to think longer about things before I did them.  Now when certain things are said or done, my mind goes back to memories that should have never been created in the first place. 2.  Being selective about who you date really does make a difference in how you view relationships in the future. Going out with just anyone doesn't help with building a healthy view on how to create a quality relationship.  Taking the time to think about why you like or settle with certain individuals will help you discover more about what you do and don't like about yourself and others.  The more troubled people you date, the more you start thinking negatively about relationships in general. 3.  Appreciate lonel

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Most people who could get out of spending the holidays with boring, troublesome, or downright crazy in-laws would.  As much as one loves his or her mate, the idea of sitting with people who are not necessarily a likeable bunch can be nerve-racking.  If one's partner really loves you, he or she would be understanding. Over the years, I have sat out from spending time with boyfriends', lovers' and partner's families simply by stating, "I won't be attending this year.  I prefer some quiet time at home."  Sure, a partner was disappointed at times, but when the time came to visit my relatives, did I even bother to ask?  Nope.  I know what it feels like to be pressured into going somewhere with a mate or a friend to see their people, their events, their whatever they are doing and you really have no interest.  How long will one keep up the act?  So I don't bother to pressure or place a guilt trip on any loved one or friend to be anywhere I will be.  Besid

A woman leaves her man then returns to him in the hopes that things will get better, but they don't.  A man breaks up with his girlfriend only to wish to be with her again, so he goes back to her and hates it.  In both situations, they broke up times before, but this time something tells them, "This is it." When you have reached that point in your own relationship, when there is no turning back and it is all forward from here, you are giving up your last bit of energy to make it work.  You know deep within that if it goes bad this go around, there is no getting back together.  You may have felt this way times before, but there is just something different that happens inside when you know a relationship is coming to an end for good.  Exs who have been through something like this have talked about the last break up being worse than others before.  Its as if you are grieving the death of the relationship long before it actually happens.  Remember when a loved one was

If you were in a physical fight with someone, would you attempt to walk away from the match while fighting with your back turned?  Of course not.  You don't know what that person might pick up and use against you.  You wouldn't want to be blind-sided; therefore you would keep your eyes on your opponent.  Well, when it comes to heated relationship disagreements which might include threats, pushing, punching or throwing things, some couples won't always fight fair.  A jealous, hot-tempered, and often irritated partner just might be after blood if you aren't too careful.  As much as many couples would like to think they could just say whatever is on their minds, then go to bed at night, think again! A hormonal woman, a man having a mid-life crisis, or two people with personality disorders, substance abuse issues or health problems in a relationship is nothing to sleep on!  Trouble is always right around the corner.  There are many stories both on and off the internet wh

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I am taking this time just to thank those of you who faithfully come to this site seeking a bit of advice to use or pass on to family and friends.  I have been contributing to this blog for years and have spent many hours selecting relevant material for an eclectic mix of people in a variety of relationships who visit this blog. I find that the more we date or remain in serious relationships, the more we learn about ourselves.  We find that we won't tolerate certain people, places and things and we also communicate better with partners about our wants and needs.  Although we all fail sometimes, we still get right back up and try anyway while hoping that our partners will be receptive. I sincerely wish nothing but the best for all of you who are seeking partners and are in relationships.  Please do keep reading and don't hesitate to comment. Nicholl

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Love Two People? Cheating? What to Do?

Partners aren't always to blame for relationship issues.  Most often, what you do with your time and the attitude that goes along with it is to blame! - Nicholl McGuire Gone are the days when you and your partner were head over heels in love with one another.  As much as you tried to avoid the boring routines that tend to affect so many relationships, before you knew it, you fell into the trap.  You don't find him or her that interesting, you don't bother to create some time together, and you have little, if anything, to say about your partner that is positive. Three seemingly harmless issues that later become big problems in the relationship are often argued about, ignored sometimes, and wreck havoc on romance. 1.  Job The job is the all-too-important god in the relationship.  Everyone who lives with the one who is making the most money must adhere to the unspoken rules related to the job.  A few of those rules include:  One doesn't ask to do much during the

When you are tired of the dating scene, often frustrated with the guys or gals who take interest in you because they are just not your type, and have little patience to talk to anyone new, you are experiencing a time of "dating blues" or dating burnout  I use the term "dating blues," because years ago, before meeting my current husband, I had a mix of sadness, anger and tiredness when it came to dating.  You know you are going through something when you have more bad stories then good ones about dates and you could practically write a rhythm and blues song about your emotions concerning them.  There is just not enough positive energy going on when it comes to meeting, dating, and sleeping with these people.  It's either a hum, drum world or a "what did I just get myself into" kind of world with these dates and the more you do it, the more you get more of the same. When dating burnout/blues shows up and shows out, here's what you do: 1.  You

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Praying on his knees one night with the hope to find a wife one day, his prayer is answered (at least so he thinks).  He eventually meets that special someone that appeared to be right for him during the early stages of the courtship.  But as he learns more about her, he remembers why he remained single for so long. A woman with children and no man to complete her happy home is disappointed after months of dating a man who has far too much baggage than she can handle.  She recalls why she didn't want to start dating especially with young children still at home. In both scenarios, the individuals are unhappy and wish for their single, uncomplicated lives prior to welcoming others into their worlds.  Although many singles desire to be in an intimate relationship with someone, there are those who know that its just not right for them now or never.  If you are single and frustrated with finding a match, be reminded of those little things you might have forgotten about when it

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What's the rush to hop in a bed with a new friend or a lover?  You just might regret your decision soon after.  Dates can become increasingly controlling once they have had a taste of a good bedroom experience.  They can also be demanding too!  "So I was thinking about marriage...I was wondering about us living together...What do you think about quitting your job and relocating to...?"  What!?  You might be thinking, but when couples move fast, it won't be long before talk of marriage and a baby in a carriage is soon to follow.  So when is the best time to take a relationship beyond the dating experience?  When you have been through a series of challenging and controversial situations with your date. If you have yet to observe your date under pressure and haven't had a serious enough argument where your palms are sweaty and your voice is loud, then why bother promising anything?  From a gift to sex, hold off on all those things that say, "We are a couple,&

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It usually takes weeks, even months later, to find out about that elephant in the room that many Internet daters have.  "He wasn't really divorced, he was thinking about it.  She claimed that she was a virgin, but the reality was she was the town's prostitute.  He said he was a Christian and attended church sometimes, but the truth was he hadn't set foot in God's house in years and never got baptized."  The scandalous things some daters learn later after marriage and children (sigh). Let's be honest, many singles flock to the Internet in search of a sex partner, not a husband or wife.  However, there are those who really want a life-long companion but are hood-winked buy selfish and manipulative people who enjoy creating an emotional bond.  Then later, one finds out about all that other stuff that comes with the supposedly "single, care-free, or good-hearted" him or her. Many people who are quick to create profiles on dating websites are liv

Wink, whisper, touch, and a flattering statement, the player with a lot of love to give is never satisfied with just one woman.  "But he wants to be with me, he told me so..." the gullible, young lady yells at all those who doubt her new boyfriend's commitment.  "See, he gave me a ring.  He told me that I am the one for him.  I trust him, you don't know what you are talking about!" Those of us who have been on this planet far longer than we want to reveal and have had many relationships in our lifetime start to see the same types of women and men.  There are those who are all-too trusting paired up with the pimp, player, and hustler who use their charm to convince all, "That girl is my world, I love her..." Sure you do and all the other women who come in your direction too! *                                                                                 *                                                                    * He was a charming

Have you been in contact with someone online that you are doubtful about meeting in person?  Could it be that you picked up on some things about this person that make you doubt whether he or she is really a match for you?  With so many people being knowledgeable when it comes to using the computer and navigating the Internet, you never know what you might find on an online dating website.  More and more people with low IQs, unattractive looks, mental and physical illnesses, and unresolved issues from the past are flocking to the web in search of love too.  So for those who are very particular about who they want to enter their lives, be on the look out for people who have all sorts of mental and physical challenges hiding their issues amongst doctored up photos, flattery, and impressive dating profiles. How do you know your online date has some hidden mental issues they don't want you to know about? 1. This person expects you to keep him or her entertained in conversation, whi

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So you have been disagreeing with one another more frequently lately, did you really think you would always have a peaceful, loving, sweet, and agreeable partner?  Just because disputes have increased between the two of you lately, doesn't mean that your relationship is coming to an end.  If anything, it is a good sign that you both are maturing, learning more about one another, and feel more confident to speak your mind.  In new relationships, many couples put on a good act, but once the newness wears off, now lies become truths and the realization of whether or not a lover is indeed right for them comes to the surface. While you read this, there are couples all over the world having screaming matches, fist wars, and rages about personal property.  Thank God, your relationship woes aren't as bad as others or are they?  Disputes are inevitable and how you manage them will determine whether you really want to be in a relationship with that man or woman who keeps giving you th

A lot is said in a simple statement backed up with an action or inaction when it comes to relationships.  Many singles can save themselves much time and stress if they would just pay attention to the little things their dates say and do early on in the relationship!  Some women are so desperate for a man that they suppress all red alert signs that tell them, "Keep away, this guy is a loser!"  Don't be the next fool for love in a deceptive, single man's game, listen and learn. 1. "I can cook." Really?  Challenge him.  Go to the grocery store with him, watch him take the food out the wrapping, season it, and cook it.  If you see all of that, he can cook.  If not, he's a liar and what else might he lie about?  Hmm. 2.  "She's just a friend." Is he sure about that?  The way he looks at her, talks about her, and how often he corresponds with her on the phone should be enough for you to tell him, "Goodbye." 3.  "I would

They will justify their wrongs from using flawed statements to evil looks, manipulators, psychopaths, narcissists and the like hate those who expose their lies.  What you say is wrong and what they do is right.  They don't care that what they did hurt you.  You scream, yell, threaten, and may even shake them up a bit, and their reaction is unapologetic. You can't trust cold-hearted men and women, they lie.  They will try to reason why it's okay to join a dating profile site while still in a relationship, it's okay to be married while seeking to be with someone else, and they will distort all things they know to be righteous for selfish gain.  They pretend to love, but they lust.  Why is "I love you" so difficult for them?  Because they know they don't mean it.  Why is showing appreciation of a partner and his or her endeavors such a challenge for them? Because they feel far more comfortable wallowing in negative emotions like jealousy.  For some manipul

Are you showing appreciation to your partner when he or she gets in the car, walks in the door, or when you see him or her in public?  Appreciation goes a long way in relationships especially when the couple has recently experienced much negativity from outsiders.  "Is there anyone who loves/likes me?" a partner might secretly think.  "I just wish that someone would just show me that he or she cares?"  If you haven't been showing love lately, you just might. What harm is it to say, "Thank you."  Does it take much effort to say, "Good morning, Good evening, Good night?"  For some troubled relationships, not only is a simple greeting to one another too much to handle, but even touching can be a bit difficult.  A couple who has resolved in hearts and minds that they just simply aren't compatible, don't like one another, and would rather be anywhere but with one each other is at a point of possibly no return unless they change their mi

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If you have ever selected the relationship status choice of "It's complicated" on Facebook or something similar on another website, you must know you are telling the world you have issues--lots of them and most likely you are responsible for at least 50% of them.  Let's be honest, you aren't in love--that's not complicated.  You most likely never was especially if the female or male was nothing more than a rebound during a down moment in your life--possibly in like, but in love?  Yet, we all have fallen for that new person (notice I didn't say love) who seems to show up and show out in our lives when we least expect it.  Knowing full well, the "okay" guy or "alright girl" should have been nothing more than an acquaintance at the time, yet we agreed to a relationship built on one maybe two great dates (sigh).  Before long, that supposedly temporary distraction is coming over your home sticking his or her personal items in your bathroo

When we start dating or committing to one person, we sometimes fail at allowing ourselves to see the not-so appealing qualities in our special mate. We don't want to see that there is something wrong with him or her since it may have taken so long to finally find a partner. I can tell you from personal experience, that when we allow ourselves to focus only on the good while turning a blind eye on the bad for fear that we might disrupt that warm and fuzzy feeling inside our gut, we are headed for some trouble early on in the relationship! The reality is that we must connect with a mate not so much for his or her great qualities, but for this person's not so great ones too! The following is a list of things you may want to consider when dating or remaining in a relationship with someone. You should be asking yourself this question, which personality challenges can I live with and which ones can I not? You see every person in the world has some, if not all, of these char

Repeated arguing, fussing, fighting, and using the silent treatment because one is going through difficult financial times will disrupt some of the best relationships.  There is never enough money to date, to pay baby-sitters, or to finance a trip.  As long as the money is coming in, some partners are happy.  But when money is limited or is all tapped out, the negative attitude shows up and stress levels rise. "Sorry honey, I can't help you with that...I really wish I could but...well you know we spent quite a bit of money last time...and well you know I really don't have much...I'm sure you understand."  But the eye-rolling, deep sighing partner with a chip on his or her shoulder doesn't.  This person might cover disappointment up with a smile, but a loved one or friend will know the truth, "Why did I get myself involved with yet another broke guy/gal?" When it isn't your money being spent, you have no choice, but to grin and bear it when a