When a Relationship is Coming to an End

A woman leaves her man then returns to him in the hopes that things will get better, but they don't.  A man breaks up with his girlfriend only to wish to be with her again, so he goes back to her and hates it.  In both situations, they broke up times before, but this time something tells them, "This is it."


When you have reached that point in your own relationship, when there is no turning back and it is all forward from here, you are giving up your last bit of energy to make it work.  You know deep within that if it goes bad this go around, there is no getting back together.  You may have felt this way times before, but there is just something different that happens inside when you know a relationship is coming to an end for good.  Exs who have been through something like this have talked about the last break up being worse than others before.  Its as if you are grieving the death of the relationship long before it actually happens. 


Remember when a loved one was dying, how you needed to process the news and then begin to live your life in such a way that you didn't think so much about him or her without being deeply saddened?  Well, when going through the relationship grief process there are things that happen that are similar.  You know the person you once loved is no longer impactful to your life, you know that one day soon he or she will not have any place in your personal world.  So you start to live your life without being dependent on him or her.  You find ways to stop thinking about "we" and more about "I."  The soon-to-be ex becomes someone you use to know.  You might even find yourself talking about the person in the past tense before you have even broke up with him or her.


The last attempt at getting back together and staying for sake of love, children, business, etc. starts off good.  Both of you are loving toward one another, act a bit nicer, and really want to make the other happy.  But routine starts to take root, life disappointments, annoying habits, death of loved ones, parenting challenges, health issues, and more, before long you are wishing you hadn't agreed to get back together. 


What many troubled couples fail to understand is that the process of breaking up never ended after repeated break ups and getting back together.  If it had stopped, you wouldn't think twice about wanting to break up yet again!  The last try is actually helping you break free once and for all from the person who you thought was The One.  Unlike other break ups before, you didn't pay that close attention to what went wrong, why, and what you and the person you are with could have done differently.  Now you are studying what is happening, thinking deeply about things.  Possibly planning a future court hearing regarding custody of a child or children.  There is much analyzing a partner during this last attempt at trying to make things work.  You will come to the realization why things just aren't going to work the more the relationship is challenged.  You  find yourself holding on to every negative thing said and did, forgiveness becomes more difficult.  Your mind will not let you forget the many offenses that an ex has done, the next time when you do exit for good.


Once single, those past as well as current bad experiences with an ex will be your motivation for not returning to misery once again.  Miserable people enjoy the company of one another as long as there is something to talk about, but the day they don't have any misery to contribute, the relationship will come to an end.  One or both of you will grow weary of disputes, jealous feelings, worries about what the other is or isn't doing, the bad habits, and other things that compromise relationships.  Misery loves bad company, but it doesn't love peace and joyful times.


When a relationship is coming to an official end, it just might have a history of repeated break ups. When two people don't smile at one another or care too much about what the other is doing this is a sure sign the relationship is headed nowhere.  Also, when you find that almost anyone is better to be around then the person you claim is your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, this too is a definite sign.


Others will notice your unhappiness and will attempt to comfort you by bad-mouthing your partner, rather than defend the person, you will find yourself going right along with the critics and saying mean things about him or her too.  In addition, you won't do much for your lover and will start doing things a part from him or her while never bothering to say much about your personal thoughts, daily activities and things you hope to accomplish in the future. 


The relationship is burning out and when you are fed up, you find yourself looking to move into a place of your own and you see the future without your current partner.  No matter what he or she does at this point, you have tunnel vision, all you can think of is, "When do I tell this person I want out?"


Nicholl McGuire shares more relationship insight at http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com 

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