After a Heated Argument...Sleep with One Eye Open

If you were in a physical fight with someone, would you attempt to walk away from the match while fighting with your back turned?  Of course not.  You don't know what that person might pick up and use against you.  You wouldn't want to be blind-sided; therefore you would keep your eyes on your opponent.  Well, when it comes to heated relationship disagreements which might include threats, pushing, punching or throwing things, some couples won't always fight fair.  A jealous, hot-tempered, and often irritated partner just might be after blood if you aren't too careful.  As much as many couples would like to think they could just say whatever is on their minds, then go to bed at night, think again!

A hormonal woman, a man having a mid-life crisis, or two people with personality disorders, substance abuse issues or health problems in a relationship is nothing to sleep on!  Trouble is always right around the corner.  There are many stories both on and off the internet where men and women mistakenly thought a disagreement was over only to later find out a partner was plotting revenge.  There are ways to see if your the partner turned victim.  You will also want to know if that man or woman you are living with is still carrying a grievance about what you said the other day, last week, or last year.  However, don't believe that your detective work is full-proof and that a mate isn't still harboring feelings of resentment.  You will need to play it safe when dealing with a scary, crazy, or violent partner.

1. Bring up a similar issue that you both argued about not that long ago by using someone else as an example and watch his or her reaction.  If he or she still acts angrily about it or brings what you two disagreed about back up again, then he or she isn't over it and may never get over it depending on the personality type.

2.  If a partner has threatened you with violence or acted violently in the past, it would make sense to get out of the relationship.  However, if you can't at this time, then protect yourself in the meantime.  File a police report and fill out a Protection From Abuse (PFA) form.  Also, contact a support system that deals with domestic violence, housing, food, and more--ask for help!  By doing these things, you  are doing your part just in case the emotionally or physically abusive person does anything to attack you in the future for any number of reasons including: disrespect, cheating, lying, and leaving him or her and taking children away.  When children are involved, you will have to work with law enforcement and family court to be sure you get out of the household safely with your children.  Domestic violence support centers in your local area may be of assistance as well as churches and hospitals.

3.  Don't fall asleep before an angry partner goes to bed.  But if you must, lock the door or sleep elsewhere in or outside of the residence.  Set traps so that you can hear when he or she enters the room.  For instance, lie something up against the door, so when it is opened, there will be a loud crashing sound.  If you are a believer, pray before you go to bed.  Unfortunately, not every issue will be dealt with before the sun goes down.

4.  Talk to a trusted relative or friend before you go to bed and share some details as to what happened between you and your partner that day or night.  This way if something should occur, there will be someone who knows what caused your partner to go into a possible rage.

5.  Avoid arguing any further because the longer a dispute goes on, the more attention it will attract.  However, if that is your intent, be sure to scream, "Help" or "Fire" many times so that a neighbor or witness will call the police.

6.  Before you go to bed, be sure to check the house, look at your partner and take notice of what he or she is doing before you retire, and also be sure that any weapons in the house haven't suddenly went missing.  Check your own.

It's unfortunate that some have to take heed to this kind of advice, but this is what happens when you take a chance and get into relationships with people who have angry temperaments, a history of violence or who have unresolved issues related to past abuse.

Nicholl McGuire, survivor of domestic violence and writer about these issues and others, see more work here:


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