So Blind She Can't See that The Other Woman is Taking Him Away

Why would any woman want to give her man away to another woman? Well, so many do and how they do it might surprise you! "No woman can take your man away, but you can give them away," I heard often as a young wife from relatives. "Be in tuned to your man. Know everything about him." There was much wisdom behind those statements, but I wouldn't grasp it until after my own divorce, dating other men and then beginning a new relationship with someone else. How might a woman give her husband away?

The "I Don't Care" Attitude

When relatives and friends have noticed some oddities about her partner, the attitude of the "my man can do no wrong" woman is usually, "I don't care what they say...I don't care what he does..." rather than taking into consideration what "they say" might have some truth to it.

A woman with thinly veiled boundaries and/or morals doesn't care that her man does the following: drinks hard liquor, smokes illegal drugs, cusses in front of their children, fusses at her, plays gaming systems when more important tasks need to be tended to, watches sports more than watches her (or the children,) etc. She just doesn't care! She's a free-spirit who goes along just to get along!

The working woman or career mother goes off to her job each day, participates in extracurricular activities, tends to the children, visits relatives, shops and does many other things without her man and it's always okay with her that he goes anywhere but hang out with immediate and/or extended family. When asked, "Where's your man? Haven't see him in awhile," by observers. She always has an excuse. For all anyone knows, he could be having: a melt-down about a job loss, mid-life crisis, drug issue, or something major he is grappling with, but she isn't concerned as long as the bills are paid, she is able to buy what she wants when she wants it, and of course, he isn't cheating (at least not yet.)

Meanwhile, he knows that she is often "busy" so when the cat is away a man who also has thinly veiled boundaries and/or morals will play. Does it have to be with another someone? Not necessarily. It could be someone in a magazine or in a pornographic video or something wrapped up in a paper designed to get one higher than the moon, or an addiction that leaves one financially broke. Eventually what is in darkness will come to light usually in the worse way especially if he is a family man. But the immoral man knows she doesn't care, so he will keep right on tickling his fantasies until he is ready for the real thing with someone more interesting than his partner.

When Trust Goes Too Far

Her "boy" friend or "boy" man frequently makes plans with his "boys," travels alone out of state in search of some "me" time, finds a new place to hang out (that she doesn't know about,) participates in lunch dates with female co-workers, and receives phone calls after hours from those same females and all she can say is, "I trust my man."

The writing has been on the wall sometime now in this relationship, but she refuses to read it. There are those unexplained phone calls she answers and someone hangs up on the other end, there is the lipstick (that isn't hers) found in the car and the gifts from "friends." He can't seem to explain his whereabouts when she asks him something like, "Where were you on Tuesday?" and it's only Wednesday. Then there are those "I need to get something at the store I'll be back in about 20 minutes" errands that her man comes up with out of nowhere (usually after handling his cell phone.) Her man usually shows up hours later carrying a small bag with nothing the family really needs for the household. If she dare questions him, he either has a long story, a short one without details or he gets defensive, "What's with all the questions?" She only asked one.

Her man doesn't know how to handle a woman who at one time never questioned him, but is now concerned about the dirt he keeps bringing into their home from the street (especially if there are scratches in places on his body that she hasn't touched recently.)

Too Busy with Life, Too Blind to See the Light

With all her activities, she frequently ignores what he does, because she doesn't want to rock the boat. She remembers what happened last time she questioned him. Lying, yelling, and slamming doors, they were on a roll back then so much in fact the police were almost called.

The busy woman who couldn't care less, doesn't have the energy to stand her ground with her man, so she just accepts whatever he gives her including an STD which came with an excuse attached, "What had happened was..." her cheating man says. The naive woman sees a doctor without thinking twice, gets on with her job and caring for the children and life goes on. On the other hand, her man notices that she believes his story (like all the others) and no consequences were suffered as a result. Therefore, he continues to take those cell phone calls from other women outside the home, ride women in their car (the one they both saved up for), and enjoy both his legal and illegal recreational habits with everyone but her (and their children.)

The Break Up

Crying, the newly engaged woman finally awakes from the deception of "I don't care, I trust my man." She comes to the realization that she gave her man an inch and he took a mile! Where did she go wrong? What did she do to cause the break up? Why did he do this to her? She wasn't possessive, crazy, a nag, or a b*tch, she was just there for her man. That's right, she was just there! Her first mistake, she allowed him to treat her in whatever way he wanted. Next, she gave of herself without resistance. Third, he never had to pay a consequence for misdeeds. Fourth, she didn't bother with boundaries. Last, but not least, she thought she was above wisdom. Wisdom comes in many forms not only from one's voice, but from signs as well.

The other woman was always in the midst of the relationship—waiting. She had made her presence known when he said, "My woman is busy...my woman is doing...my woman doesn't like..." The other woman was taking notes in her mind like a student listening to a professor in a college classroom. She was there to listen to this wayward man and ask him the hard questions that his busy wife should have asked, "What's wrong today? Why are you drinking so much lately? Is there anything you want to talk about? How is the family? You need anything." The other woman had made herself available to the committed man when she often hugged him during their lunch dates then again at other events like a company Christmas party, after relatives died and many more times after that. The wife saw sometimes, but said nothing. She reasoned, "I trust him."

The wife may have felt like the woman was more than fond of her husband, but never sounded the alarm. The other woman enjoyed her husband's companionship and so did his other women friends. "He's so friendly...I can tell him anything...I love your husband." They all say. Yet, his wife, who was always busy both outside and inside of the home, made no time to sit and just talk to her man, ask questions and make her presence be known in his life. Her excuse, "I just wanted a clean home! I just wanted to make sure the children did well in school! I just wanted to make good meals for us...I just wanted to give him his space..."

This is why the cup just ran away with the spoon.