Premature Breakups: Nothing More Than Break Up to Make Up Drama
A healthy break up doesn’t begin once bags are packed and you are walking out the door; rather, it starts while you are still in it. Gradually you notice that this person is not who you thought he or she is. You begin awaking each day hoping you don’t hear from him or her. You begin living a life separate from this person and you actually feel good about it.
The early signs of separation may look something like this, he is in a room and she is in another for reasons that were never there before. He drives his car and she drives hers to events that they may or may not attend together. He used to want her to go to family functions, now he hopes she doesn’t ask. She leaves the house without telling him where she is going and when she comes back she says nothing. These are all signs that this relationship is nearing the finish line and there are so many more signs to look out for like how money is spent, what kind of time is being spent with friends versus partner, and how much communicating is really going on in the relationship. When things like this are happening in the relationship, the couple will be ready to break free once and for all. However, those “other” relationships, you know, the ones where people are still fussing over the bottle of ketchup being left out, who took money out of the joint account, and whether we should go to mom’s for Christmas, while talking about, “I can’t stand her! I wish I never met him!” Well those relationships are headed for break up to make up cycles. The kind that say, “I hate you” today and “I love you” tomorrow. If you are single, you don’t want to trust anyone who says, “My relationship is complicated. We are having problems.” All that means is the person has yet to get over his or her partner. You don’t need nor want that kind of drama!
Some people may prematurely break up with a partner soon after an argument only to find out that isn’t what they really wanted to do, so before long they are back in bed humping and bumping only to be mad at one another again. It is so sad that this sort of thing keeps happening especially to those couples who everyone says, “They are soooo meant to be! I wish I had that in my life!” But it happens. You don’t want to find yourself breaking up, only to meet someone else, still have feelings for an ex, and then back in his or her arms you go while still dating someone. Now you have gotten an innocent bystander caught up in your game! When you have come to that realization that your relationship simply isn’t working anymore, keep others out until you have your paperwork processed, signed and dated with the current partner. That means a divorce, a joint account is no longer joint, a door key is no longer able to unlock your apartment or house anymore, a car is no longer shared between the both of you, your partner is no longer a beneficiary on your insurance policy, and on and on. Until all those things are handled, don’t promise any new person in your life the sun, moon or stars. I guarantee you that false promises will back fire, that scorned ex partners will show their ugly face for awhile in your new life trying to make things difficult, and unwanted babies might be born amidst all of the premature break up drama.
A man or woman who truly doesn’t want to be with someone (or doesn’t want to keep his, her or “we” things) will do everything it takes to rid him or herself from the past. But people who are selfish, vindictive, or inherently evil will keep things going long past love’s expiration date. Think about all the people who have psychological issues as a result of being with someone who couldn’t, or wouldn’t love them back.
Now if the current relationship isn’t that bad in your eyes and you honestly love the person, then you seriously have to figure out what is keeping you from peace in the relationship. However, ending a relationship without the answer to this question as well as others might put you on the path of break up to make up drama. Stay in the relationship until you know that you know it’s over. But never stay in an abusive one.
By Nicholl McGuire