How to Know Whether He is Serious about Marriage

He may have officially proposed to you or gave you a promise ring. You may have talked to him about marriage and he may have seemed very interested until you had a first, second, third or more argument. Then things changed, they changed so much that you are now considering a break up. What did you fail to see during those “I’m so in love” days? What promises did he tell you that made you want to stay with him despite having second-thoughts? What promises did he break to make you want to leave?

 

Men will typically make promises early in the relationship because that is their sale pitch to keep you interested. “If I say and do all the right things,” he thinks. “Then maybe she won’t be interested in anyone else but me.” So he does everything right and wins you over. In time, things gradually go downhill for no particular reason it just happens in many relationships, but it does pick back up again when you are working at it. Now you may still be interested in him, but he doesn’t seem interested in you at all. What was it that you could have paid closer attention to early on during the dating phase that would have kept you from feeling this way now? The following are signs that don’t get noticed by some women, at least early on in the relationship, concerning his promise to get married, buy a house, travel, have children, etc.

 

Promise Ring not Engagement Ring

 

He promised to marry you, but he couldn’t answer any specific questions such as “When would you like to get married? Who do you think we should tell?” He couldn’t answer those questions at the time, because he wasn’t serious about marriage just serious about seeing you exclusively for a time.

 

Faults

 

When you approach him with the promises he made to you from wanting to take you places to buying a house on the east coast, he becomes aggravated suddenly it’s your fault. He then turns the conversation on you “if you didn’t do this or say that maybe I would marry you, but with you acting this way, you think I would?” He makes up excuses about not having enough money, enough time, enough this or that. Meanwhile, you are left feeling like you should have never said anything to him.

One mistake women make when a man tries to make them feel guilty for reacting negatively to his lack of initiative is to try to be the good little girl who should be on her best behavior. If she is very good, “Whoopee I get married!” Remember marriage is not as beneficial to you as it is to him. Think of all your mother or some other woman in your family did as compared to the contributions the men made. Nowadays, many women have good jobs, a car, and her own house. They are doing well without a man.

 

Blame

 

The time may have come that you brought up some relationship issues followed by the promises that he made to you during the phase of dating. Rather than him saying, “I know what I said and I will be doing this on such and such date,” he argues telling you that “You want too much too fast!” He blames you for not giving him enough time to handle his affairs. He accuses you of pressuring him.

The problem with this issue of blame is that he is the one who made promises to you and he doesn’t want to be held accountable. He will try to talk around the issues and hope that you will retreat back into your happy self again, but it will be more and more difficult with each passing day. The reason he just isn’t doing what he said he would do and you are growing weary of a man who doesn’t stand by his words.

 

His family

 

You know that he is behaving differently toward you and others around him mainly his family know too. They may act distant or he may act distant toward them because he knows what he told them about you. He may have said that he was going to marry you and help you toward your goals or said some other wonderful things to them about you. But the truth of the matter is he has cold feet and doesn’t know if he wants to keep you around so he creates distance between you and the family.

 

Your family

 

You told your family what he said about marriage, wanting to buy a house, traveling, having children or whatever else that would make you happy. Your family thought that was great, but now they too, notice that he isn’t doing anything that he said he was going to do. You don’t have to tell them too much about your relationship, because they have, if not already, asked you, “What is his intention? How long are you two going to be living together? When do you plan on marrying? How is he helping you mentally, spiritually and financially?” You will either cover up what is really going on, ask the same questions yourself, or cry from all of the stress of not knowing what exactly is going on with him.

 

Sex

 

Generally, men will have sex with you whether they love you or not, so don’t take his sexual interest in you as a sign that he is still in love. Most likely, he may still find you attractive, but that isn’t a sign that he is still interested in marriage. If you are struggling with your own feelings concerning him, then keep your legs closed, your heart protected, and your mind intact by doing other things that will distract you from having sex with him. If he is battling with whether or not he wants to stay in a relationship with you let alone marry you, the sex may decline, but it doesn’t mean it will stop completely on his end.

 

Exs

 

Those former partners can spell trouble if he or his family has not cut them off. They may say something about the ex to you while the ex will bring the old memories they shared together to your man. The ex will apologize profusely for the things they may have said and done in the past hoping to win your man back or restart a sexual relationship with him. If he is still emotionally and physically attached to you he will not succumb to the temptation, but if he has drifted apart he just might in a moment of weakness.

 

Finances

 

Suddenly you notice all sorts of issues come up about money regarding him, chances are he is making a lot of foolish decisions because he is still thinking in terms of self and not thinking family. Notice the car he drives, the new purchases, the way he maintains house, how guarded he is about his possessions, bills, and other personal documents, if he can’t talk to you about any of these things, then he isn’t interested in marriage. To him marriage may mean making sacrifices and giving up things that he is not ready to do. Not only that, he may not like the idea of having to share or spend any more money than necessary, to be single means you don’t have to spend any money on anyone but you. To be married means you have to be generous at times and look out for others, something that may be a challenge for him.

 

Friends

 

He may spend more time with them than you because they remind him of how great single life can be. These friends whisper in his ear, “Don’t get married…don’t get married you will regret it. Look at the men in your family, are they happy?” He may have bought into their negative statements and now he has second thoughts. Why would they want him happy anyway, they aren’t?

 

Employment

 

This is a great strategy for men to use to avoid talking about or acting on their promises. “I’m too tired…I have to work…sorry I can’t do that my job needs me…” The all-important job that he can’t take off days from, that he doesn’t want you to show up at, that is conflicting with any plans to go out on a date is a sure indication that he rather focus on it than on you.

Some men may have lost their job and will definitely use the excuse of not having a job as a reason not to get married. That is a valid reason, but as soon as he is doing well again, acting out on those promises he made to you should be his first priority. There is nothing wrong with a gentle reminder when things are going well for him, but if he overreacts, because you mentioned what he promised you, then take that as a sign that there is no future with him. A man who loves a woman should not be overreacting about marrying her and wanting to share a life with her. Some men get an exciting opportunity in life and will bite the hand that put them there, run, before he leaves or cheats on you!

 

So now that you see he is not behaving like a man who loves you and wants to be with you for the rest of his life, you will have to make a decision to leave him for your own sanity. To stay in a relationship that is full of promises, but no steps are made to fulfill those promises is an added stress and can sometimes cause one to fall into a nervous breakdown. He may continue to tell you that he loves you, but his actions may say otherwise. If you are tired of the wishing, hoping, waiting, and “I don’t know what’s going on” relationship roller coaster ride, then get off and learn from this relationship that you are a woman of action and you need a man of action to complete you.

 

You will find that in your next relationship you won’t have to worry over the foundation that you and your new man have created together, because from the very start he will tell you he wants to marry you and then surprise, out comes an engagement ring! Next, he will not object about a marriage date or make excuses about not being ready, he will just do it. Third, he will not stop you from planning the marriage; instead, he will be proactive asking you, “Now how much money do you need for the wedding?” Lastly, his family will react to you positively because he will have conversed with them about how much you mean to him and they will respect you. If you don’t have any support from him (and he is the one that made the promises) and none from those around him, then you know that this guy is not for you.

 

So be careful and observe these men who throw around words like, “Promise Ring,” “Engagement Ring,” “Marriage,” “I want to marry you one day,” “Let’s look at rings.” Let their actions speak louder than their words.

 

By Nicholl McGuire

Are you making vows to God?

 

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