Why Your Boyfriend Talks To Everyone But You

When it comes to the things that matter in his life, you notice he is talking to everyone but you.  When exactly you noticed his behavior doesn’t matter, he could have suddenly acted this way or he could have gradually became distant.  All you know is that he is different and you need some help analyzing why, so that you can put your plan B into motion, that is if you have one.  So review the signs that follow then create a plan for yourself and/ or relationship that will bring you love and peace.

In the beginning of the relationship he was “all smiles” with you.  He shared stories of his daily events, how you made him feel, and future plans of how he hoped to spend life with you.  Nowadays he isn’t saying much more than a “hello” and a “goodbye.”  Here’s what may have happened.  Use this list of possibilities to start a conversation with your boyfriend.

He doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you.  There may have been moments where he said or did something that upset you in the past.  He may worry that you will “blow up” or say something that will hurt his feelings, so he rather keep to himself.

Someone started advising him about his life choices.  He could have met you at the bar, found a minimum wage job, failed to pay a relative back, got someone pregnant and didn’t care for the child, or did something else that someone felt they had to confront him about.  Don’t think for one minute men don’t share how they feel about their girlfriends or wives with other people.  A man always has at least one person, maybe as many as four or more people he consults with for advice on the things that matter to him the most: his girl, money, health and sports.  Whoever this person(s) is they have told him some things that have motivated him to do or not do something about the choices he has made in his life or made him feel guilty.  Whatever he has done, he is trying to figure out a way to fix it and he doesn’t feel comfortable talking with you about it, because it may involve you.

An ex came back on the scene.  She made a significant impact on his heart and mind in the past.  She may come back just to see how happy he really is and to shake things up a bit with questions such as “Do you still love me?  What if we would have never broken up?  I realize the mistakes I made, do you want to try again?  How about meeting me for lunch?”

He had disagreements with you that he couldn’t get over.  Some men will keep everything inside for fear of being viewed as “the bad guy.”  How people see them is more important to them, then sharing what they feel.  Rather than explaining to you what it is that made him change toward you, he will wait for you to pull it out of him.  Then later become more upset that “you made him angry.”  If he could have shared what was bothering him, then you wouldn’t have had to use extreme measures to extract information like yell your head off!

His friends have made him the butt of some of their jokes.  Single men are jealous of their married friends.  They will talk about all the benefits of being single in front of their friends, but at night when they are all alone, they will wish for a steady mate.  Your boyfriend may have been criticized for being smitten with you.  They may have accused him of “changing” or “not coming around as much” since you have come into his life.

He took out the calculator one day and saw you as an expense.  Business minded men with goals have a way of looking at the big picture.  When he decided to include some additional goals in his life plan, he figured that the money he was spending on you, he could be saving hence the change of attitude and heart.

He has a health issue that he isn’t ready to talk to you about.  His last doctor’s appointment may have included some news he didn’t want to hear.  Depending on his age, he may be going through a mid life crisis.  If he is in denial, then he can’t talk about it and if he isn’t then for some men, they won’t.

He cheated and now he feels guilty.  Struggling with trying to find the words to say and trying to make sense of those lustful feelings, he won’t be very talkative or maybe too talkative about everything but what is on his mind.

He has new interests, hobbies, and goals that are occupying his thoughts.  Taking up a new hobby or job is exciting and if he thinks that you aren’t that excited about his new venture, he’s not going to share any information about it.

His job or schooling has become increasingly more stressful.  No one likes to share feelings when they are stressed.  It takes time to unwind, process new feelings, and then talk about them.  In time, when he is ready he will share what he may be going through at work or school.  Be supportive.

He has learned something about you that he doesn’t like.  Hopefully you were honest about your life to him.  No one should have to tell your life’s story for you, but if they have then you may want to find out what he knows.

He either isn’t in love with you or doesn’t love you anymore.  To this all you can do is look out for yourself.  When you have created the opportunity for him to tell you how he feels and he doesn’t come clean, spends time blaming you, accuses you of “not allowing him to speak” or “that’s why I can’t talk to you,” and using other phrases to digress from the topic at hand, leave him be.  He isn’t worth wasting any more time.  Move on with your life and next time pay better attention in the beginning of the relationship to the following warning signs:  dishonesty about his past life, avoidance of topics that he would have to share how he feels, covers up who he is talking to or where he is going, protective of personal documents, and suddenly or gradually becomes distant (meaning not being intimate, conversing with you, buying gifts or doing anything to make the relationship better even after being told about the problems.)

The only way that you can get to the bottom of why your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you is to communicate.  Start off by sharing information with him about what you have noticed.  Tell him how it makes you feel.  Wait for a response.  If you don’t agree with what he is telling you, then say so.  Some men will say things just to pacify you or keep you from finding out what really bothers them.  Don’t allow him to make you feel like a trouble- maker.  When some men don’t want to talk, they make accusations and place blame just to upset you and get you off their back.  If things become too heated, retreat and come back another time.  However, if you have made many attempts to extract information and he still chooses to keep what really is bothering him to himself, then you will have to resort to giving ultimatums at the risk of ending the relationship.  Do what makes you feel at peace and don’t give up until you get what you want.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.


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