The Stress of Dating Someone Who is Stressed - family, tragedy, money woes, life

It can be quite stressful dating someone who is stressed about any number of things on any given day. Whether it is family concerns, a money problem, unruly children, or a crazy ex, your date's troubles can rub off on you!

No matter what the issue someone else is facing, you don't need to let their problems consume you.  You are empathetic, but you have a life.  You are sorry that they are going through much and offer assistance, but you know you can't afford to lose it too or go broke.  Life goes on, there are highs and lows and hopefully your date will rise above his or her blues, but maybe not.

Now if your date is using the time you spend together to vent, allow him or her to do just that, but also provide suggestions that will help your date calm down a bit.  From a favorite drink to a nice massage, think of ways to help him or her relax.  You will discover what type of person you are connecting with by the way he or she responds or doesn't to your efforts.  A moody, troubled, or difficult personality will draw you into some kind of crazy-making battle that makes no logical sense, distance yourself from that type--it only gets worse!

You might change the subject after listening to your date's long rant in a gentle way and ask what might uplift his or her mood a bit if you have no clue what else to say or do.  If all else fails, give your date some space.  Let him or her know that you care, but the time might be better spent in peace and quiet.  Excuse yourself and spend the needed time alone unwinding.  Remember you have a life!

The more you learn about a date, the more you can determine whether he or she will be a good partner even during tough times.  Can he or she mentally keep it together?  If not, well there is always more fish in the sea if you know you can't deal with all the baggage that comes with someone.  Choose your partner wisely.

Nicholl McGuire author of She's Crazy, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.

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