Dating Blues - Why Bother with Dating at this Time?

Over and over again a single woman is let down by a date. She swipes, scrolls, and taps looking for her next encounter that will make her forget about her last unsuccessful meeting. But to no avail, he seems to be more problematic than the previous male that caught her eye.

A single man finally decides to make arrangements to date again only to find out the dating scene hasn’t changed much. He is often disappointed with what appears to look good on a dating profile but falls flat once seen in person.

What is the problem with these two as well as many other hopeful singles? There is no single answer and with every online or offline exchange with a fellow single, you just can’t avoid the things you simply don’t like about people. It goes back to what I mentioned in a previous blog entry some years back, you have to accept the bitter with the sweet, the cons with the pros, if you are determined to make things work with someone.

I recall setting my standards both high and low and the outcome was the same, I still couldn’t connect with guys in the way that I wanted. When I found more strengths than weaknesses with a couple guys, those encounters led to marriages. As I learned more about myself and heard others’ dating experiences, I realized that many folks I talked to were either looking at all that was right or all that was wrong with their partners. You don’t get anywhere you want to go in a relationship when there is no balance on emotions, work, money, or anything else. Throw in the “all or nothing” concept when in a relationship with someone and that doesn’t seem to go over too well either. It starts to feel more like an ultimatum, a concrete rule that no one can live up to. 

“Now you want me to give you something that I’m not quite ready to give. Rather than ease into a relationship, you want me to be all things to you based on a list you conjured up in your mind, right?” says the one who feels like he or she has been backed up against a wall by a needy single.

If you know that you are just not doing good dating others on or offline, try giving yourself a long break.  Not the kind of break that lasts days, but how about months or yes, even years. There is nothing wrong with not looking for someone. It is usually when you are not seeking a partner that a good friend shows up in your life when you least expect it.

As much as some of you would love to meet Mr. Right or Ms. Right like right now, you will get out of the connection only what you are willing to put in and for many singles they are not finding anything more than sex. In time the sexual encounters lead to burnout and boredom, think about this, you meet the guy or gal of your dreams and you can’t deliver emotionally or physically in a way that they deserve. Take the long break and learn more about you and what you need rather than what you want as well as what weaknesses you are willing to tolerate in others.

Nicholl McGuire is the owner and manager of this blog.