Communication is Always the Key to Good Relationships
Learning to communicate is not easy and even people who have been married for decades will sometimes need to enlist the help of a marriage therapist to help them learn how to better communicate with each other. There is no shame in hiring a counselor to help you. After all, communication is always the key to good relationships.
Many people have been taught that the best way to deal with a problem is to simply wait for the problem to go away or to ignore it. Both men and women will admit that they sometimes deal with conflicts by pushing down their emotions instead of confronting them.
While conflict might seem like something best avoided, the truth is that conflict must be dealt with. If conflict is left unresolved, it will simply fester and grow. The key to dealing with conflict, as any trained counselor will tell you, is knowing how to properly communicate with each other to work through a problem. Here are some hints:
1. Use "I" statements. Instead of telling your husband or wife all of the things that they are doing that make you angry or upset, tell your husband or wife how you are feeling. For example, say "I feel taken for granted when the cleaning is left for me," instead of "you never throw away your trash!" The first way tells your partner how you are feeling. The second way blames your partner for your feelings. Nobody likes to be blamed for things.
2. Ask clarifying questions. If your husband or wife says something that you do not understand, ask them to clarify their statements. Instead of saying "that doesn't make any sense at all!" try "I don't understand what you mean by that. Could you give me an example" or say "so are you saying that..." and insert your interpretation of his or her words.
3. Don't automatically assume that you understand exactly what is going on inside your partner's brain. Your marriage therapist will work with you to keep you from telling the other person what they are thinking or feeling "you always think that" or "you always feel" are not good examples of good communication. Instead ask "do you feel" or "do you think that" and allow your partner to answer the question!
4. Open ended questions are vital to good communication. If you ask a question that can be answered in a yes or a no, you give your spouse the opportunity to shut down and shut you out. Asking questions that need real answers will help you get the conversational ball rolling.
A marriage therapist will help you work on non confrontational communication that will help you resolve conflicts faster and in ways that make both of you feel better about the problems that you have been facing.
Many people have been taught that the best way to deal with a problem is to simply wait for the problem to go away or to ignore it. Both men and women will admit that they sometimes deal with conflicts by pushing down their emotions instead of confronting them.
While conflict might seem like something best avoided, the truth is that conflict must be dealt with. If conflict is left unresolved, it will simply fester and grow. The key to dealing with conflict, as any trained counselor will tell you, is knowing how to properly communicate with each other to work through a problem. Here are some hints:
1. Use "I" statements. Instead of telling your husband or wife all of the things that they are doing that make you angry or upset, tell your husband or wife how you are feeling. For example, say "I feel taken for granted when the cleaning is left for me," instead of "you never throw away your trash!" The first way tells your partner how you are feeling. The second way blames your partner for your feelings. Nobody likes to be blamed for things.
2. Ask clarifying questions. If your husband or wife says something that you do not understand, ask them to clarify their statements. Instead of saying "that doesn't make any sense at all!" try "I don't understand what you mean by that. Could you give me an example" or say "so are you saying that..." and insert your interpretation of his or her words.
3. Don't automatically assume that you understand exactly what is going on inside your partner's brain. Your marriage therapist will work with you to keep you from telling the other person what they are thinking or feeling "you always think that" or "you always feel" are not good examples of good communication. Instead ask "do you feel" or "do you think that" and allow your partner to answer the question!
4. Open ended questions are vital to good communication. If you ask a question that can be answered in a yes or a no, you give your spouse the opportunity to shut down and shut you out. Asking questions that need real answers will help you get the conversational ball rolling.
A marriage therapist will help you work on non confrontational communication that will help you resolve conflicts faster and in ways that make both of you feel better about the problems that you have been facing.
By Anna Woodward
By seeking the help of a marriage therapist, you can address the various problems and concerns of your marital life and ensure that you find marital bliss soon.
By seeking the help of a marriage therapist, you can address the various problems and concerns of your marital life and ensure that you find marital bliss soon.
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