Saying "I Love You" on the Internet to Strangers
What is it about the Internet that makes Internet surfers say things like, "I love you" without knowing, better yet, even meeting the one reading the note on the other end? He or she may have sent email back and forth for awhile and even promised to meet a love interest in person, but is such a relationship truly about love or is it more a lust for adventure? One whose life is routine, mundane and in need of a spark is tempted by the world wide web of possibilities even if they really don't love him or her.
There is something exciting about getting to know someone in a way that is still very new to our society still. You may have seen romantic movies in the past that made Internet love look and feel so romantic. But is it really? Let's face it, when you really think about it, it is quite strange, even a little scary, to frequently chat with a stranger online only to allow one's emotions to get the best of him or her, and before long sit in the presence of the stranger only to realize you really don't know that guy or gal on the picture you used as wall paper for your computer screen.
"I love you..." sure. Some people use this phrase to get a person to pay more attention to them online. The chatting keeps going, some will even continue to send money and gifts to the stranger, while making plans to meet yet again. "I think you are great...I really love your smile...You are special...I hope to make you my wife/my husband one day xoxoxo" These phrases look good on your computer screen don't they? But do you really know whether the one writing them really is into you as much as he or she claims.
People allow an invention that is quick with information and used to help many escape reality to guide them in their personal lives. They treat their relationships like they do the Internet, input information and expect results. Buy a product, expect it to be shipped. Tell someone you love them, and expect him or her to show up one's doorstep ready to please. There is just far too much expected from the Internet, but where does one draw the line?
As much as it is tempting to spill one's guts online, keep some things to yourself until you meet a loved one or friend in person. Quality relationships will always be in need of those special moments where you can sit comfortably next to the person and truly tell him or her how you feel--something that the Internet can never give you!
Nicholl McGuire
There is something exciting about getting to know someone in a way that is still very new to our society still. You may have seen romantic movies in the past that made Internet love look and feel so romantic. But is it really? Let's face it, when you really think about it, it is quite strange, even a little scary, to frequently chat with a stranger online only to allow one's emotions to get the best of him or her, and before long sit in the presence of the stranger only to realize you really don't know that guy or gal on the picture you used as wall paper for your computer screen.
"I love you..." sure. Some people use this phrase to get a person to pay more attention to them online. The chatting keeps going, some will even continue to send money and gifts to the stranger, while making plans to meet yet again. "I think you are great...I really love your smile...You are special...I hope to make you my wife/my husband one day xoxoxo" These phrases look good on your computer screen don't they? But do you really know whether the one writing them really is into you as much as he or she claims.
People allow an invention that is quick with information and used to help many escape reality to guide them in their personal lives. They treat their relationships like they do the Internet, input information and expect results. Buy a product, expect it to be shipped. Tell someone you love them, and expect him or her to show up one's doorstep ready to please. There is just far too much expected from the Internet, but where does one draw the line?
As much as it is tempting to spill one's guts online, keep some things to yourself until you meet a loved one or friend in person. Quality relationships will always be in need of those special moments where you can sit comfortably next to the person and truly tell him or her how you feel--something that the Internet can never give you!
Nicholl McGuire
How Much Do You Weigh? And Other Questions You Shouldn't Ask Your Date So Soon
Some people are always getting caught with their foot in their mouth on the first few dates. Why bother dating, if one feels like he or she should say whatever is on his or her mind. It isn't any wonder why some people remain single. Know when to talk and also when to shut up! Maybe just maybe some will stay committed long enough to get married.
How much do you weigh?
Does it even matter? The date might be planning to lift you up one day or buy you clothes or maybe he or she is letting you know in a nice guy way, "You are too fat or too skinny for me, not interested." Who knows?
What is your faith?
Then the date follows up with a question that goes something like this, "So why do 'fill in the blank' act like that...do you visit...? My mom (dad or whoever) use to be..." Should I care? Meanwhile, the person has no plans of supporting one's faith much less anything religious unless one has vested interest in the person.
Why are you eating that, I don't eat it, ugh!?
So the date doesn't eat it, does he or she have to reinforce how disgusting one's food choice is with the tone of voice and turned up face?
Wow, so you got that from your parents? Where do your parents work?
Why does one want to know? It isn't like they are going to help you, do I even know you that well, yet?
So how did you get that mark on your face, on your arm...?
I would have told you, but I am still steaming about your turned up face while I was eating my food.
How much money do you make?
I don't recall saying that we were moving in together.
Why did you dye your hair that color?
Because it hides my grays better than yours, next question.
I think you get the point, just watch what you ask of your date. Not everyone takes what may appear like innocent questions so lightly.
Nicholl McGuire
How much do you weigh?
Does it even matter? The date might be planning to lift you up one day or buy you clothes or maybe he or she is letting you know in a nice guy way, "You are too fat or too skinny for me, not interested." Who knows?
What is your faith?
Then the date follows up with a question that goes something like this, "So why do 'fill in the blank' act like that...do you visit...? My mom (dad or whoever) use to be..." Should I care? Meanwhile, the person has no plans of supporting one's faith much less anything religious unless one has vested interest in the person.
Why are you eating that, I don't eat it, ugh!?
So the date doesn't eat it, does he or she have to reinforce how disgusting one's food choice is with the tone of voice and turned up face?
Wow, so you got that from your parents? Where do your parents work?
Why does one want to know? It isn't like they are going to help you, do I even know you that well, yet?
So how did you get that mark on your face, on your arm...?
I would have told you, but I am still steaming about your turned up face while I was eating my food.
How much money do you make?
I don't recall saying that we were moving in together.
Why did you dye your hair that color?
Because it hides my grays better than yours, next question.
I think you get the point, just watch what you ask of your date. Not everyone takes what may appear like innocent questions so lightly.
Nicholl McGuire
Make Your Partner Feel Secure in the Relationship
She rolls her eyes, takes a deep sigh, acts irritated every time her partner speaks to anyone female including his own mother, what’s wrong with her? A boyfriend seated near his girlfriend overhears her talking and laughing on the phone with the father of her children, he breathes heavily and murmurs something about, “getting off the phone.” Two examples of insecure partners in relationships, but why?
Lack of communication and understanding.
You can talk until your blue in the face about your love for a mate, why you only want to be with him or her and so on, but are your actions sincerely demonstrating what you say? Maybe you haven’t communicated as well as you think to your insecure, and at times, jealous partner. Does he or she really know how much you love him or her or does the subject only come up when he or she notices that your attention is on someone else other than him or her? What about affection, sex, being helpful, and other factors in the relationship? Are issues being addressed and changes made? A mate needs to understand what part he or she plays in one’s life. Roles must be clearly established. You want your partner to feel as if he or she is really in your world and not of it. No established boundaries that make a mate feel comfortable.
When it comes to the opposite sex, do you have boundaries that will not be crossed or does anything go? From a hug to a gentle kiss on the lips, is that okay with you and your mate? Most likely, it isn’t even if he or she says that “It’s cool.” Be sure that relatives and friends know how far to go with you. There are many people who do strange things with others in and outside of the relationship, family or not. If your partner is showing signs that he or she is no longer on board with the way you do things, respect his or her wishes if you want peace; otherwise, end the relationship.
An attraction for an ex.
New partners aren’t all blind to love. Some can see a mile away when his or her “Baby, Sweetie, Honey” is liking another man or woman, has an intimate history, or the person is very interested in having a future relationship. Don’t try to convince your mate that what he or she is seeing is “okay, alright, nothing to worry about” when you know deep inside there is more to meets the eye. Make every effort to create distance from those who would love to have more with you than friendship.
If you take up some time with your mate, show you really care, and are doing the best you can to ensure a quality relationship, some of the insecurity and jealousy just might die down. However, if you continue to do questionable things such as: hide mail, click off a computer screen when your partner comes into a room, stop talking when your mate sees you with the opposite sex, react negatively every time your partner embraces you publicly, and other similar things then expect issues and lots of them depending on whether you have previously violated trust. Some ways that you can make your mate feel more secure are: share positive messages, return phone calls as soon as possible, avoid the exes unless you have children, if so, limit your phone conversation and try not to do too much laughing and smiling when he or she is around, don’t lie when you can speak truth, and above everything else, if you have a faith, use it! Pray for your partner.
Nicholl McGuire also contributes and maintains another relationship blog: http://tipsdatingoldermen.blogspot.com
Are You Able to Withstand a Challenging Relationship?
It seems, many obstacles come up after one decides to commit to a relationship for better or for worse. Exes call, arguments increase, job losses, unanticipated pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, toxic relatives and friends--you name it, trouble seems to come out of nowhere! But can you deal with all that comes with you and someone who claims to love you? When is enough, enough!?
Your lengthy relationship or marriage might get the occasional, "Congratulations..." but couples who have been together for awhile, know that relationship challenges don't go away just because you have been together for what seems like forever and it doesn't mean that one is sincerely happy with the other either.
For those of you who are seriously in need of a prayer, prenup, separation, or divorce, rather than wish for a miserable relationship to end through mayhem, death or something else, find the time to reflect, manage what you can in the relationship, and if need be, take necessary action to remove yourself from it without talking yourself into staying until you can think more rationally. It is never wise to stay in a relationship that is causing you much pain.
God bless.
Nicholl McGuire
- When you are exploding on everyone, but the one who is causing you the most issues.
- When relatives and friends are warning you almost daily to stop being with the person you are with and start planning an exit.
- When there is a firestorm of concerns and complaints coming from strangers who can't get to your partner, but they can get to you.
- When you can't seem to go on and feel like you are going to jump a bridge.
- When your world is falling a part. For instance, bills aren't getting paid, an increase in personal health issues, and the needs of yourself or loved ones aren't getting met.
- When you know you can't take one more hit, slap, choke, kick, threat, or curse word coming from the lips who claim, "I love you." When do you stop believing that?
Your lengthy relationship or marriage might get the occasional, "Congratulations..." but couples who have been together for awhile, know that relationship challenges don't go away just because you have been together for what seems like forever and it doesn't mean that one is sincerely happy with the other either.
For those of you who are seriously in need of a prayer, prenup, separation, or divorce, rather than wish for a miserable relationship to end through mayhem, death or something else, find the time to reflect, manage what you can in the relationship, and if need be, take necessary action to remove yourself from it without talking yourself into staying until you can think more rationally. It is never wise to stay in a relationship that is causing you much pain.
God bless.
Nicholl McGuire
How to Remain Dedicated to a Sexual Fast
People have their reasons as to why they need to stop having sex for a certain time period. Health issues, relationship challenges, work/education focus, children, and more are reasons as to why some people just need to take time out from having sex.
One. Abstain from watching music videos, movies, television shows, and other media that discusses, shows or encourages sexual activity.
When you are being inundated with media that has sexual content, you will begin to desire to have sex from viewing sexual advertising to watching music videos. With problems mounting in one’s life, it can be very frustrating trying to stay dedicated to a sexual fast. Don’t entice your self or others with sexual images.
Two. Avoid dating and/or being along with someone you are romantically attracted to.
The more time you spend with someone who isn’t interested in having sex or vice versa, the more tension increases. Premature sex only causes more problems. Stick to the plan, if you can’t have sex for some reason, you just can’t have sex, find something else to do to occupy your time with your friend in a setting that isn’t so private.
Three. Don’t stare or make eye contact with someone who is revealing one’s sexual anatomy whether discreetly or boldly.
The more you look, the more you will want to touch. So it’s just best to look away and find other images that aren’t sexy, like looking at a church building, the Holy Bible and pointing your eyes on the cross while praying, “God give me the strength…keep me from temptation.”
Four. When tempted to react to sexual advances, remove yourself from the situation, or politely ask the person to cover-up or leave your presence.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But when you find yourself making excuses to do something you know you shouldn’t at this time, leave the situation. Don’t keep contacting the one who is tempting you and don’t be a distraction to the one who just can’t have sex right now.
Five. Don’t encourage sexual activity with flirting.
It can be so fun to flirt, but it can also cause unnecessary drama especially when you are in a relationship with someone else. There are plenty of ways to be nice to people without complimenting the way they look, using a sexy voice, winking, holding their hand, staring, or hugging them real tight. Keep yourself out of trouble!
Six. Watch how you dress.
There are just some people who refuse to admit that their attire is nothing more than a magnet to charm a man or woman into the bed. But appearance can be used to entrap an unavailable man or woman. Before anything gets started between two attractive people, they pretty much know what they want just by what they see. So if you are on a sexual fast, then dress like it!
Seven. Avoid joking or ridiculing others about sex.
The jokes, sex stories, and other comments related to sex can cause you to think things or feel in ways you shouldn’t. Change the topic when you notice someone who is spending time talking to you about another person’s appearance, thoughts, actions etc. or cut the conversation short. Being on a sexual fast is abstaining from all forms of sex including conversation.
Note how you feel while on your sexual fast. Think about the status of your present relationship with someone and whether or not you are happy with the way things are. Find it in your heart to forgive the person who you once were sexually active with without going back to the way things use to be. Think about what you need to do to feel better about sexual activity in the future with your potential marriage partner. If you can’t see yourself being committed to this person, then you definitely want to refrain from having any future sex with him or her. Make a doctor’s appointment, to be sure you are disease free while you are on your sexual fast. If you do have an illness, focus on treatment rather than having sex in the future. Most likely, there are some challenging things going on in or around your relationship that is causing stress on your mind, body and spirit. If you are not ill, protect yourself from an unwanted pregnancy and illness by looking at all that is positive about not having sex, rather than wishing to have sex. Don’t discuss your sexual fast with anyone who can’t pray or encourage you to stay focused; however you will have to discuss with your sexual partner so that he or she doesn‘t think you are cheating. There are many people who would love to do something like this, but are fearful, nervous, and are enslaved to their flesh; therefore, they can’t come up higher spiritually. When possible, keep your sexual fast between you and your God. Don’t feel like you need to defend your actions if someone should realize what you are doing.
May you experience focus, wisdom, and peace in your mind, body and spirit while you embark on a new journey in your life!
Note: Get ideas on things you can do to avoid sex for awhile here.
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual enlightment based on real life experiences and provides personal advice at http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7.
Don't have a study bible? Get one...Study with Nicholl http://bit.ly/J0wyop
Nicholl is the author of the following books:
Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/904839
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3113926
When a Woman Cheats
Cheating on anyone or anything is wrong. Most of us learned very young that to go behind a friend’s back and wrong that person might cause a fight or worse one might lose a potential friend. But just because people know things, doesn’t mean that they will always adhere to a certain code of honor. Such is the case with a woman scorned. One who is unwilling to compromise any further in a miserable relationship will be tempted to cheat. However, before some cheating partners make their exit (or get booted), they have to go out with a bang of sorts usually finding someone they feel more compatible with, possibly better looking than their current mate, while still receiving sex, money, and other things from their present partner. Some things women do that lead up to cheating could have been prevented had their mates picked up on the signs.
1. She often thinks and communicates her concerns about the relationship.
A woman who is on that path toward cheating on her man is going to talk to him, relatives, and friends about what bothers her. If her intimate partner is too busy, emotionally wounded or has other issues, and doesn’t recognize or acknowledge his negative contribution to their relationship woes, then she is going to start contemplating whether the grass is indeed greener on the other side.
One of the worse things a man who still loves his partner can do is to start taking back every nice thing he has ever said or done especially during an angry fit. A woman who reasons that “cheating is okay because he is probably doing it too” will replay every wrong thing her man has ever done to validate her accusation even if it proves to be untrue. Those that usually have some idea that something is going on with the woman and doesn’t see her mate in a good light usually will withdraw or ignore her man because they don’t want to get involved in her relationship dramas. Some will enable the woman because they too are in unhappy relationships. When the woman attempts to discuss her woes with her mate, typically a man busy with work and other responsibilities, cheating, or doing other things that cause him to pay less attention to his partner will not view her needs as important. Therefore, he misses the clues that his mate his thinking about stepping out on him.
2. She becomes more particular about her appearance.
When a man doesn’t bother to express his appreciation for his woman and overlooks the things she does to improve self, she will feel slighted. As a result, she will have just one more reason to want to cheat on him.
If the way she looks wasn’t important in the past, it most likely will be when a new man comes into her life. Now one can’t assume that a woman alters her appearance for a man if there is no proof. But if her partner isn’t complimenting her and others are, watch how she reacts and pay close attention to a certain man’s name that keeps popping up in conversation.
3. She is no longer interested in spending as much time with partner and family.
When opportunities come to vacation with family, visit with relatives, and others, she is often declining invites, not staying home, but out and about. Her mate has no idea where she might be. She is often texting, emailing, or calling someone out of view. A partner might notice that his cheating mate is often bored, argumentative or short with the family and leaves the family home without saying much.
4. She finds the time to do the things she wants while often forgetting or ignoring the needs of her family.
How many times is she going to forget picking up the children from grandma’s house? When does she plan on sitting down and talking with her mate or even having sex with him? Why is she talking so much about her male friend/co-worker and can remember what he likes and what time he needs for her to be somewhere? Why is she always late coming home? When you put everything together, don’t just pick out one or two things to ponder, consider patterns.
5. If she is spiritual, she begins to stray away from God and things related to Him.
Pray for your partner if you have a faith. It is obvious that she is no longer respecting the Holy teachings, and isn’t interested in spiritual things like she did at one time when she use to go to church but stopped going. Sometimes cheaters will go to church more and stay home less. Could it be guilt or is the one she is cheating with at the church? This is why husbands should be going to churches and other spiritual events with their partners. The temptation can be greater in the House of God then anywhere else!
6. She often finds fault with her man.
From how he looks to what he says, it appears that every time her partner says or does something she becomes visibly irritated with him. Sometimes she complains to others about him in such a way that it sounds like she is ready to leave him. She may not have found someone yet or slept with a love interest, but she is preparing herself for the future.
7. She may realize that her lover(s) are not what she really wants and proceeds to stop seeing or talking to them.
When all else fails, she might stop going out with them, conversing over the phone or Internet with them, and doing other things. But most women once they start cheating, need some good reasons to want to stay in a relationship that is unsatisfying, most likely someone or something has changed for her to want to continue being with her partner.
A disgruntled wife or girlfriend who has repeatedly shared her concerns with her partner about things that are bothering her, will look the other way. Some women will cheat with minds and eventually bodies, while others might play with the idea of being with anyone but with their current mate. Women are similar to men when they aren’t happy at home, they will be tempted to go elsewhere.
Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry
1. She often thinks and communicates her concerns about the relationship.
A woman who is on that path toward cheating on her man is going to talk to him, relatives, and friends about what bothers her. If her intimate partner is too busy, emotionally wounded or has other issues, and doesn’t recognize or acknowledge his negative contribution to their relationship woes, then she is going to start contemplating whether the grass is indeed greener on the other side.
One of the worse things a man who still loves his partner can do is to start taking back every nice thing he has ever said or done especially during an angry fit. A woman who reasons that “cheating is okay because he is probably doing it too” will replay every wrong thing her man has ever done to validate her accusation even if it proves to be untrue. Those that usually have some idea that something is going on with the woman and doesn’t see her mate in a good light usually will withdraw or ignore her man because they don’t want to get involved in her relationship dramas. Some will enable the woman because they too are in unhappy relationships. When the woman attempts to discuss her woes with her mate, typically a man busy with work and other responsibilities, cheating, or doing other things that cause him to pay less attention to his partner will not view her needs as important. Therefore, he misses the clues that his mate his thinking about stepping out on him.
2. She becomes more particular about her appearance.
When a man doesn’t bother to express his appreciation for his woman and overlooks the things she does to improve self, she will feel slighted. As a result, she will have just one more reason to want to cheat on him.
If the way she looks wasn’t important in the past, it most likely will be when a new man comes into her life. Now one can’t assume that a woman alters her appearance for a man if there is no proof. But if her partner isn’t complimenting her and others are, watch how she reacts and pay close attention to a certain man’s name that keeps popping up in conversation.
3. She is no longer interested in spending as much time with partner and family.
When opportunities come to vacation with family, visit with relatives, and others, she is often declining invites, not staying home, but out and about. Her mate has no idea where she might be. She is often texting, emailing, or calling someone out of view. A partner might notice that his cheating mate is often bored, argumentative or short with the family and leaves the family home without saying much.4. She finds the time to do the things she wants while often forgetting or ignoring the needs of her family.
How many times is she going to forget picking up the children from grandma’s house? When does she plan on sitting down and talking with her mate or even having sex with him? Why is she talking so much about her male friend/co-worker and can remember what he likes and what time he needs for her to be somewhere? Why is she always late coming home? When you put everything together, don’t just pick out one or two things to ponder, consider patterns.
5. If she is spiritual, she begins to stray away from God and things related to Him.
Pray for your partner if you have a faith. It is obvious that she is no longer respecting the Holy teachings, and isn’t interested in spiritual things like she did at one time when she use to go to church but stopped going. Sometimes cheaters will go to church more and stay home less. Could it be guilt or is the one she is cheating with at the church? This is why husbands should be going to churches and other spiritual events with their partners. The temptation can be greater in the House of God then anywhere else!
6. She often finds fault with her man.
From how he looks to what he says, it appears that every time her partner says or does something she becomes visibly irritated with him. Sometimes she complains to others about him in such a way that it sounds like she is ready to leave him. She may not have found someone yet or slept with a love interest, but she is preparing herself for the future.
7. She may realize that her lover(s) are not what she really wants and proceeds to stop seeing or talking to them.
When all else fails, she might stop going out with them, conversing over the phone or Internet with them, and doing other things. But most women once they start cheating, need some good reasons to want to stay in a relationship that is unsatisfying, most likely someone or something has changed for her to want to continue being with her partner.
A disgruntled wife or girlfriend who has repeatedly shared her concerns with her partner about things that are bothering her, will look the other way. Some women will cheat with minds and eventually bodies, while others might play with the idea of being with anyone but with their current mate. Women are similar to men when they aren’t happy at home, they will be tempted to go elsewhere.
Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry
Right Now is Right Back: Premature Relationship Endings
One who prematurely leaves any relationship without resolving in his or her mind that, “This is it. I am not going back…” will be back! Most likely, he or she will assist the partner, have sex, and be a friend to that person until the next argument. When one leaves a relationship before mind and body are both in agreement, he or she will find memories begin to flood his or her mind, a desire to work on the relationship will start to take over, jealous emotions will arise when the opposite sex gets too close to the ex and a whole host of other issues will manifest.
Leaving a relationship prematurely right now, means “I will be right back.” But a gradual process to end a love affair will often lead to a permanent break up—there is simply no going back. Consider the following:
1. The break up must begin in one’s mind first.
2. Cease physical contact.
3. Personal conversations should lessen between one another.
Before long, thoughts of how much one dislikes the former mate and the things he or she did in the relationship will increase which makes it easier to disconnect. If you are not officially broken up just yet, don’t make any steps toward leaving your soon-to-be ex until you are sure. If you do this, you will be less likely to come back to him or her.
Nicholl is the author of the following books:
Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/904839
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3113926
How Do You Tell Your Date/Partner What You Don't Like About Them?
Any criticism that brings out one's flaws is not going to be well-received no matter how nice you state what is bothering you. Sure, he or she will smile and say, "Thanks for telling me," but if this person is the sensitive type, vindictive, typically rude, or thinks more highly of his or her self than he or she ought, they are going to feel bad about what you said.
So he has smelly feet, she has stinky breath, and the both of you could use a bath, how might we communicate those things about the other in a way that hopefully won't come back to haunt us later?
1. Get to the point.
Mention the flaw in a way that you aren't saying, "You need to...You should...You ought to...You might want to..." Notice all the Yous? Starting "you" off when talking to someone is like taking your finger and pointing it in the person's face depending on your facial expression and tone of voice. Instead of beginning with a you statement say, "What is that smell? It is really bothering my nose." or "I keep having to put these things away and it really annoys me having to do it." Then you follow up with the rest of your statement if your date/partner isn't catching on.
2. Remain brief.
As much as you would like to tell a long story about how long the issue has been bothering you, don't. I repeat, don't. Unless you enjoy a good argument, it is best just to leave all the details out.
3. Don't bring up the past.
Maybe this has been the third time, the fourth time and the umpteenth time that your date's breath smells and he keeps showing up wearing the same ugly jacket. Don't mention the past and how when you first laid eyes on it you thought, "WTF?!" Just take your date to the store and let him or her pick out something appealing with your coaxing of course. Then stop by the grocery store and take him or her to the toothpaste aisle or give him a business card from your dentist's office. Why work yourself up or your date with stories of your past boyfriend or girlfriend's smelly breath and stinky feet?
4. Explain (without being mean and yelling) why what your date is or isn't doing is bothering you.
Some people just refuse to take a clue, so for them you have got to make it plain. "I have talked about this issue in the past with you and it seems to me that you either forgot what I said or overlooked how much this relationship means to me...some things just make me feel...I really need for you to work with me. I love you and I just want to get along with you." Pray (that is if you have a faith) that he or she will respect your feelings and do what is best for the relationship, if not for you, for the environment and others who probably think your date's selection in clothes are an eyesore too and his or her breath is awful as well.
5. Gently remind your date when he or she isn't doing what you ask.
Sometimes you just have to remind people over and over again until it sinks in, but don't act like a fool about it such as: calling everyone up complaining about your date, using sex as a treat, or acting manipulative in an effort to make him or her listen to you and do as you say--you don't want to be accused of being a control freak. Start getting signs, notes, videos, books, and other things together to let this person know that he or she is slipping.
If all else fails, you may have to settle with your date's shortcomings or move on--no sense in badgering him or her to death about this person's issues, you have enough of your own.
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
So he has smelly feet, she has stinky breath, and the both of you could use a bath, how might we communicate those things about the other in a way that hopefully won't come back to haunt us later?
1. Get to the point.
Mention the flaw in a way that you aren't saying, "You need to...You should...You ought to...You might want to..." Notice all the Yous? Starting "you" off when talking to someone is like taking your finger and pointing it in the person's face depending on your facial expression and tone of voice. Instead of beginning with a you statement say, "What is that smell? It is really bothering my nose." or "I keep having to put these things away and it really annoys me having to do it." Then you follow up with the rest of your statement if your date/partner isn't catching on.
2. Remain brief.
As much as you would like to tell a long story about how long the issue has been bothering you, don't. I repeat, don't. Unless you enjoy a good argument, it is best just to leave all the details out.
3. Don't bring up the past.
Maybe this has been the third time, the fourth time and the umpteenth time that your date's breath smells and he keeps showing up wearing the same ugly jacket. Don't mention the past and how when you first laid eyes on it you thought, "WTF?!" Just take your date to the store and let him or her pick out something appealing with your coaxing of course. Then stop by the grocery store and take him or her to the toothpaste aisle or give him a business card from your dentist's office. Why work yourself up or your date with stories of your past boyfriend or girlfriend's smelly breath and stinky feet?
4. Explain (without being mean and yelling) why what your date is or isn't doing is bothering you.
Some people just refuse to take a clue, so for them you have got to make it plain. "I have talked about this issue in the past with you and it seems to me that you either forgot what I said or overlooked how much this relationship means to me...some things just make me feel...I really need for you to work with me. I love you and I just want to get along with you." Pray (that is if you have a faith) that he or she will respect your feelings and do what is best for the relationship, if not for you, for the environment and others who probably think your date's selection in clothes are an eyesore too and his or her breath is awful as well.
5. Gently remind your date when he or she isn't doing what you ask.
Sometimes you just have to remind people over and over again until it sinks in, but don't act like a fool about it such as: calling everyone up complaining about your date, using sex as a treat, or acting manipulative in an effort to make him or her listen to you and do as you say--you don't want to be accused of being a control freak. Start getting signs, notes, videos, books, and other things together to let this person know that he or she is slipping.
If all else fails, you may have to settle with your date's shortcomings or move on--no sense in badgering him or her to death about this person's issues, you have enough of your own.
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Is Your Date/Boyfriend/Husband Driving You Crazy? ...
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Is Your Date/Boyfriend/Husband Driving You Crazy? ...: Most women who meet men are seeking to be loved, respected, and protected. The last thing they want is a man that is troubled or mentally c...
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She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire
Dating or married to an angry woman?