Children Can Be a Distraction From an Incompatible Relationship
"He's good with the kids, but me, well we don't see eye-to-eye on many things. I guess that's just how relationships are. I mean I thought we would do more things together, but the kids, they are always around. We don't really have much money for babysitters..." the disappointed girlfriend says.
Daters just don't think much about how compatible they really are or aren't at times esepcially when they see one great attribute in someone and then before long, they are off to the races! They are singing, that new person in their lives, praises. Claiming that a special someone is their match made in heaven until small grievances grow in size. It is the children's smiles and excitement about going here and there that takes precedence over the couple really and truly getting to know one another. Red alert signs are often ignored between the pair because, "She is good with the kids...He is a great dad."
If one needs a babysitter that is what he or she should focus on, but what tends to happen is the search for a compatible mate turns into seeking someone who is "good with the kids...someone who will love my kids...watch my kids, help me with my kids." There are plenty of people who enjoy children, but you don't have to commit to any of them, sleep with them, or feel obligated to do anything more for them but pay them for their services.
Distractions, like kid activities, keep couples from really looking deeply at one another. Are you really the one or just the one right now? Do you really love the person you are with or are you in love with the dream of being a family? Some people are rebounding from past relationships that ended badly because someone or both didn't appreciate the family unit, so now the divorced and broken-hearted are hoping and praying to get something back that was long ago lost. Instead of taking much needed time to develop one's self into a successful individual with as little baggage as possible, the desperate single looks out for a person who will be a temporary or possibly permanent sex partner under the umbrella of "family." He or she sees help with finances, a place to stay, a car to borrow, an opportunity to help with children. But love? It doesn't apply with all daters.
With a down economy, poor wages, and other societal challenges, one must be careful making on and offline connections with people who are more concerned about everything else, but honestly and truly loving someone in both good and bad times.
If you have children and are dating, put off what you want for your children for a moment and zero in on that person who may or may not be as compatible as you think.
Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry and blogger at http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com and http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com