He is Never There for Me When I Need Him Most

Have you ever felt like your husband or partner just doesn’t seem to understand what his role in your life is supposed to be? You have explained to him many times how you feel about him and how you want him to be pro-active in your life, but even with the long speeches, the cries, and the anger outbursts, he still proceeds in the relationship as if he doesn’t care about you or the things that matter to you most like your family and friends.

Every woman in this situation has a choice and the obvious one is you either put up with his nonchalant, insensitive attitude or you tell him goodbye. Why is it that some men behave in this way? The answer is quite simple they don’t understand women and aren’t interested in learning more about them either. A man who truly respects , admires, and most importantly loves his woman is going to do what it takes to make a relationship work. Sometimes he needs her to guide him to the self-improvement book, drive him to the relationship counselor, or walk him to the bedroom -- wherever the problem is in the relationship, it is up to her to give him the resources to help him along, but when you have done this repeatedly and he still doesn’t seem to want to make an effort to make things work, this is when you will have to do your part for your own sanity and redirect your focus from him to you. Whether it means start dating others, move out of the home you two share, find a hobby or interest, take a class, or spend more time with your family – whatever you choose to do he has to be shown that he is no longer the center of your world.

Sometimes women are caught in relationships hoping that if something really bad happens to them that somehow this man who never really acted like he cared, would suddenly care. That is the furthest thing from the truth. He may be attentive to you for a little while if he stands to lose or gain something, but sooner or later he will go back to his old ways again leaving you feeling alone.

I think of the time in my own life when I was in a financial bind and I think it was $20 I needed from my man to help me until payday. I had never asked him for anything during almost a year of dating; yet when he was in a bind that cost me over $800.00,I thought he wouldn’t hesitate to help me. Boy was I wrong! He had an instant attitude. Needless to say, I couldn’t help but think this man was not going to be beneficial to my life when I needed him the most, despite all of his claims that if I needed anything just ask.

I now look at every problem that comes up in a relationship as a test. It’s a great way to determine whether this person is a keeper. If he or she can be there for you when you are in a financial bind, diagnosed with an illness, your child is going through the motions or a relative passes away, then they are a keeper. I shouldn’t have to call a man all day or night, wait up for him, or talk myself into believing that he cares for me, he just forgot to call. Yet, there are those men that will demonstrate the upmost support until you are well and then they are expecting an immediate handout, they will bring up everything they did for you and expect you to do far more than they ever did. “Remember when I helped you,” he says. “Yes and I can’t help you right now but if you wait until…” you say. He doesn’t want to hear about waiting for you to do anything for him, like a pimp he wants his money, sex, or both now!

What good is a man if you can’t rely on him to help you when you need him the most? Why should you have to walk on egg shells hoping that he doesn’t ask you to pay him back with interest? I was told long ago that you never accept anything from a man unless you are willing to give something in return and usually what that something is falls somewhere between your stomach and your thighs!

There are women who are reading this thinking of the times when they thought the love of their lives would come through for them when they were in a bind, but failed them. Remember how your stomach dropped in shock, the ache settled in your chest, and you just cried! How could someone be so cold? You may have been like me at one time seated at work bent over with menstrual cramps hitting your stomach every few seconds and all you wanted was for him to come pick you up from work? You may have wished for him to be the one seated in the audience admiring you after one of your great performances. Wherever you were and whatever you had hoped from him, the bottom line he wasn’t there! He wasn’t there when your relative died, when money was short, when your child needed to be watched, when the rent was due, when you needed a car --- simply put he took more from you then you ever asked of him!

So how do you get a man to be there for you when you need him most? You start taking yourself seriously. You set boundaries. You allow him to wallow in his challenges without bailing him out. In time you turn your back on him and find someone who can demonstrate what it sincerely means to be your better half that is what you do!

By Nicholl McGuire