How to Free Yourself from a Dead End Relationship

When you first met your partner you didn’t see him or her as being flawed. Rather, you have seen a human that fulfilled your needs at the moment. For some of you reading this, you had a need for a companion, financial issues to contend with, a bad relationship previously and other circumstances that gave you the motivation to want to start over again in a new relationship. Notice there is no mention of love. Because love usually is not the driving force in relationships that start off in this way. You most likely came to the realization already that love was never what you felt, but an excitement, lust, and just an overall feeling of temporal peace because you now have someone who will lay beside you at night and go to events with you periodically. This may have worked in the past, but now you know it is no good for you.

You tried repeatedly to make things work and he or she gave you the cold shoulder, cursed you, or even worse cheated on you. You forgave them for their misdeeds, but still you have no peace in the relationship. You realize you need to move on, but how do you when this person is still a big part of your mind, body and spirit?  Here are some things you will want to try to get out of a dead end relationship.

First, you must get the passion back for the things you either use to do, currently do, or hope to do. This means that if you always wanted to go to college, switch careers, relocate, or do some other major thing in your life, now is the time. Once you have allowed yourself to begin to pursue your goals, you will find yourself overwhelmed with what you need to get done that you will find yourself forgetting about your partner.

Second, as you partake in your new activities, thoughts about your partner will come and distract you from your plans. There is nothing wrong with that and don’t beat yourself up about it. But if you can see the good and bad in all that you think about concerning him or her, your fight to move on will become less difficult. The reason why many people struggle with trying to get over their exs is because they are too busy trying to get over their exs. Why fight the thoughts? Allow them to come and then allow them to go. Now if you act on those thoughts like rekindle the relationship knowing that you don’t want it or expressing how you feel to your partner when you know that those feelings came as a result of past memories then you have a problem on your hand. You will be putting yourself fin a position to stay in the dead end relationship all over again.

Now, that you have focused on your new activities and have thoughts about the partner but haven’t acted on them, it is time to garner up some support. There are those around you that will always be optimistic about the relationship no matter what. They are actually your worse advisers and listening to them will keep you confused. When you know that your relationship is not working anymore, you don’t need anyone providing you with a false hope. This is the best time to start leaning on those friends that tell you, “Go date…hang out with us…have some fun!” You see in the past they may have not been good for the relationship, because they were doing things that could actually cause problems for you and your partner. However, things have changed and you are not in a relationship anymore.

Lastly, you will want to make any and all changes in your life that do not include your former partner. That means that if you have a bank account together, a membership at the same organization, a house in both your names, whatever your issue, it is now time to cut it off! If you skip this step and reason that you will get a divorce later, handle business matters another time, or put off taking their name off of certain business documents, you will run into some serious trouble down the line! You may meet someone who you may fall in love with and the last thing they will want to hear from you is, “I can’t marry you because…I can’t buy this because…my ex did this…my ex did that…” Allowing your unresolved issues of the past to creep into your future will make things worse, so leave your dead end relationship right where it needs to be in the past so that you can move on into your future--guilt free, debt free, and pain free.

By Nicholl McGuire


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