After Finding Out She's Cheating

So she told him the other day that he wasn't affectionate enough.  He listened to her, then promised he would consider her feelings more and periodically kiss and hug her for no reason, but to say, "I love you." 

Days turned into weeks then weeks turned into months and business continued as usual.  He gave her a list of complaints.  Things like what she was and wasn't doing while never following up with anything that showed he appreciated her actions much less her existence.  He debated about frivolous matters and often ignored her.

One day he found out that he wasn't the only man in her life and that there wasn't just one, but many men in her life.  They all fulfilled a purpose, and for some strange reason, he wondered what role did he play.  The truth of the matter was right before his eyes, his role had been long revoked--he no longer played any role.  His woman had been mustering up the courage to tell him it was over weeks prior, but he found out before she was ready.

You and I have heard, personally experienced, or witness a similar scene play out with us, relatives and/or friends.  When the signs are right in front of us that something is wrong, we do one of two things:  either we try to help ourselves for the benefit of the relationship possibly holding on a little tighter to our mate or we look away usually thinking about someone else, our job and/or children.  What we may not think about is that we can help the cheater continue to do wrong by us when we choose to look away.  How will anyone become a better person if we allow them to hurt ourselves and others by doing and saying nothing?  There comes a point when one has to open his or her mouth and speak truth and take responsibility for actions or in-actions in the relationship.

It is true that we can't make a person change, but what we can do, is be accountable for ourselves.  Playing the game of "payback" is not going to render the results we want, nor is it going to make the hurt feelings go away inside of us.  Rather, we must orchestrate a plan to move on--to get past the rejection and pain.  We must allow ourselves time to heal--ALONE.  Too many hurt people walk the streets spreading their infectious disease of hurt feelings (amongst other things) when they should be at home on bed-rest.

Some of us will run into the arms of someone else in the hopes that things will get better mentally and physically for us, but unfortunately nothing really changes (but a face, a name and an address.) Even worse, sometimes we only find ourselves jumping from hot water into a frying pan.  It is best for us to just settle down and think about what we need to do to find sincere happiness--it may not be meant for some of us to ever have a partner and we must learn to accept that--not everyone was meant to be in a relationship (read books about people who are happy being single.) 

Whatever we discover about ourselves after such a hurtful experience like being cheated on, we should remember not to repeat the same behavior on someone else.

Nicholl McGuire